I had one done for myself too, even though I already knew what it would say.
On the day of Noah's welcome party, I rented a ballroom at an upscale hotel.
The place was packed.
Mia stood at the front holding Noah in her arms. She wore a brand-new red dress, her makeup flawless, her smile bright and polished.
"Thank you all for coming to celebrate our baby boy."
Both our families were there, along with friends and coworkers.
Marlene greeted guests with a proud smile.
Across the room, three men sat in three different corners.
Andy occupied a reserved table near the entrance, checking his phone every few seconds.
Ryan sat several rows back, his leg still wrapped in bandages.
Luke stayed near the rear corner, his hat pulled low like he didn't want anyone recognizing him.
I walked onto the stage and took the microphone from Mia.
"Today is my son's welcome party, and there are a few things I'd like to say."
The room fell silent.
I cleared my throat.
"First, I'd like to thank my wife. Carrying a baby for nine months isn't easy—"
Before I could finish, the ballroom doors swung open.
A courier in a reflective vest walked straight inside.
"Which one of you is Elroy Edelstein? I have a rush delivery."
Every head turned toward me.
I set down the microphone, signed for the package, and took the envelope.
Marlene frowned. "On a day like this, what could possibly be so urgent?"
I ignored her.
Right in front of everyone, I tore open the envelope.
A certified report slid into my hand.
Official letterhead.
Official seal.
Across the top, in bold letters:
[DNA Paternity Test Report]
The ballroom went dead silent.
I picked up the report and read into the microphone.
"Client: Elroy Edelstein. Subjects: Elroy Edelstein and Noah Edelstein, infant. Conclusion—"
I paused.
My voice stayed calm.
"Probability of biological paternity: 0%. Biological relationship excluded."
The room exploded.
Relatives stared at one another before breaking into frantic whispers.
Marlene's wine glass slipped from her hand and shattered across the floor.
Mia's smile froze.
Her lips trembled. "H-Honey... Wh-What are you talking about...?"
I didn't even look at her.
Instead, I swept my gaze across the crowd and stopped on three men.
"Andy."
Andy froze, phone still in hand.
"Ryan."
Ryan's face instantly drained of color.
"Luke."
Sweat appeared beneath Luke's hat.
"Gentlemen, please come up here."
My voice echoed through the speakers.
The ballroom erupted again.
Under the gaze of hundreds of guests, the three men reluctantly made their way onto the stage.
Andy forced a smile.
"Elroy, what are you doing? Let's not make a scene—"
I cut him off.
Reaching into my bag, I pulled out three manila envelopes and tossed them onto the table in front of them.
"One for each of you."
I smiled.
"These are your paternity test results with this child."
My smile widened.
"Since all of you seem convinced he's your son, go ahead and open them. Let's find out who the real father is."
Mia nearly collapsed.
The three men exchanged looks.
Then they lunged for the envelopes like starving dogs fighting over the last steak.
Andy finished reading first.
His face went from red to white.
Ryan was next.
His hands started shaking.
Luke finished last.
He flipped through the report three separate times.
Three reports.
Three results.
Black and white.
0%.
0%.
0%.
The three men stood frozen onstage like statues.
Meanwhile, the whispers of hundreds of guests merged into a deafening roar.
I gripped the microphone.
Staring at those three numbers.
My pupils narrowed.
Something was wrong.
All three were 0%?
Not a single match?
I'd assumed at least one of them was Noah's father.
So who the hell was?