“Look at me, Sandra. This is important.”

She lifted her gaze to his, all the turmoil boiling in her gorgeous blue eyes.

“I want you to take as long as you need to think about it—us. But I want you to promise me that you won’t go back to The House. Not without me. Not for any reason. Not until this is decided between you and me, and I hope that, even if you don’t choose me, that you won’t go there on your own. I don’t want to imagine you under another man’s hands. Him touching you everywhere I want to be touching you. Do this for me at least.”

“You’re issuing me an ultimatum,” she said in a low voice. “You want me to promise that if I don’t choose you, I’ll deny what my heart wants. What I need. How is that fair?”

“Love isn’t fair,” he said bluntly, watching the flash of surprise in her eyes, how they widened at his statement.

He didn’t follow up on it. It was certainly too soon to lay that on her, on top of everything else the evening had wrought. She needed time to ponder other matters without him spouting declarations of love that she wouldn’t believe were sincere.

“What I’m asking you for is a chance, Sandra. Choose me. Let me initiate you into the world you want so badly. Give me that at least. If it’s not what you want, if it turns out this isn’t what you need, then we’ll step back and reevaluate. What I want is the opportunity—the exclusive opportunity, if you will. Because I’ve already said that I would have suppressed my need to dominate if that’s the only way I could have you. You knocked me for six when I saw you walk through the door into the common room and my world has been spinning ever since. All I want is a chance, honey. A chance. And I don’t want you going back there. Not without me. Not with anyone else until I’ve had the chance to prove to you that I’m all you need. Is that so wrong of me to ask?”

She stared at him for a long moment before finally and slowly shaking her head.

He leaned forward, brushing a peck across her furrowed brow, trying to relax the lines that had formed under the force of her concentration.

“I’ll give you time, Sandra. All the time you need. But don’t wait too long. You’ve waited this long to act. There’s no need to waste further time when this is something you’ve obviously given a lot of thought to. You know you can trust me. I hope you already do. And that’s a huge step over any other man you would have chosen and a step up from the guy you came into the common room with. Because, honey? I care about you and your pleasure. Craig doesn’t and he wouldn’t. Given the opportunity, I’ll lay the world at your feet. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to have you, to possess you. I just need the chance to prove it to you.”

The longing in her eyes was nearly his undoing. His impassioned speech had spoken to the heart of her. Of that he was certain.

“I won’t take long,” she said huskily. “I just need time to think. This is a lot. I mean I had no idea, Derrick. Today was going to be me letting go. Not only of Clement, but of you as well. I felt like I’d been a burden to you for far too long and that it was time for me to stop leaning on you. Time to let you get on with your life. I can’t imagine you’ve had any long-term relationships. Most women wouldn’t appreciate you dropping everything to comfort your best friend’s widow. I thought I was doing you—and myself—a favor by picking up the pieces and standing on my own two feet. And now you want that even more. I can’t wrap my head around it, and as I said, I don’t want to make a snap decision that we’ll both regret. I care about you, Derrick. Very much so. I don’t think I’ve ever properly thanked you for all you’ve done for me.”

“I don’t want your thanks, Sandra. I want you. Simple. Just you. And your submission. But as I said, if it turns out that this isn’t what you want, then it doesn’t have to be that way between us. I’d sacrifice a lot to have you any way I can have you.”

Sorrow filled her eyes. “I don’t want that for you, Derrick. I don’t want you to change for me. I don’t want you to be someone you aren’t. That’s as bad as if I’d expected—demanded—something from Clement I knew he wasn’t willing or able to give. I would have never asked him for that. So I can’t ask you to deny who you are for me.”

He pulled her forward into his arms, his lips finding hers, silencing her. She melted so sweetly into his body that it was all he could do not to sweep her into his arms and carry her to his bed. But he’d waited this long. He’d wait for as long as it took for her to be ready.

“How about you let me decide the sacrifices I make. Didn’t you make sacrifices for Clement? That’s what love is, honey. You wanted and needed something he couldn’t give you, but it didn’t make you love him any less.”

She went still against him and then nestled even farther into his embrace, tucking her head underneath his chin. God, they fit. Like two puzzle pieces. He wrapped both arms around her, anchoring her there, simply enjoying the feel of her in his arms in a way he’d never been able to enjoy before. Because now she knew where he stood, and she was allowing it. She damn well knew he was holding and touching her not out of friendship, but as a man who very much wanted her heart and soul.

“Now about that promise?”

She slowly drew away and looked him in the eye. “I promise, Derrick. Just give me a little time to sort through all of this. It’s been a difficult day for me, and everything I thought was going to be, didn’t turn out the way I expected at all. I need to process this.”

He nodded and started to speak, but she continued on in a rush.

“I don’t want to use you, Derrick. And maybe I was okay with using a stranger. Someone who didn’t mean anything to me. But I won’t use you. Not you. I won’t use you as a crutch or some experiment. You mean too much to me. Your friendship means too much to me.”

He smiled and tenderly stroked a piece of hair from her cheek to behind her ear. “But honey, I don’t mind if you use me. As long as the end result is having you. I’ve used all manner of women over the past few years. I’m not proud of that fact, but it is what it is. They were all a poor substitute for what I couldn’t have at the time. You.”

“You pretended they were me?” she whispered in an astonished tone.

He nodded. “Again, I’m not proud of it. But there it is. I couldn’t have you, so I slaked my hunger and desire for you with other women. And maybe it changes the way you’ll look at me. It’s a chance I have to take. But I won’t lie to you. There have certainly been other women. I thought I was in a position to never have what I most wanted, so I dealt with it.”

“I don’t fault you for being with other women, Derrick. God, how could I? I was married. I would have never expected you to be faithful to a woman who wasn’t even yours!”

“I’m glad,” he said simply. “Because, honey? Once I have you, there’ll never be another woman. And you can take that to the bank.”

Her eyes widened in surprise again. It was as if it had all just sunk in at once. Her eyes dulled and went hazy with shock. Her body trembled and she balled her fingers together to try to hide the fact that they were shaking.

“I want you to stay here tonight, Sandra.”

He held up his hand when the protest formed on her lips. And then he cupped her chin, stroking his thumb down her jawline.

“You’ve been thrown one hell of a curveball. I get that. And I’m not asking you to go to bed with me. Not yet. Not tonight. But stay here in the guest room. I’d feel better if you weren’t alone. I’ll make us breakfast in the morning and then I’ll take you home. And then I’ll give you time. In the morning we’ll set a date. Dinner. Dancing. Whatever pleases you. Then you can give me your answer, and depending on the answer, we’ll go from there.”

She swallowed visibly and he could see the indecision in her eyes. Her weighing her options and trying to absorb the events of the day.

“Stay,” he whispered, angling his head to kiss her again.

She emitted a sweet sigh as his tongue pushed in to taste her all over again. Her lips were addictive. Now that he’d done it for the first time, he knew it would never be enough. He wanted to taste her everywhere. Her mammary glands. He wanted to get between her legs and savor every inch of her feminine flesh. And then he wanted to brand her. Possess her in every conceivable fashion there was to possess a woman. Until she had no doubt as to his ownership. No doubt that he was the last man who’d ever make love to her.

“Stay,” he said again, as he reluctantly ended the kiss and drew away.

She sucked in a breath and then exhaled it in a long wave, her shoulders slumping downward with the action.

“All right,” she conceded. “I’ll stay.”

When she walked into Derrick’s kitchen the next morning, he knew she hadn’t slept well, if at all. But then neither had he. How could he when he was imagining her in the next bedroom? So close and yet a world away. Out of reach. He’d lain in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, alternately thanking and cursing fate.

He was so close. This close to having his heart’s desire, and he kept wondering if this was all some sick joke fate was playing on him. Dangling the proverbial carrot in front of his nose only to cruelly yank it away. What if Sandra backed out? What if she’d acted on impulse and after careful consideration chose to change her mind?

He couldn’t handle it. It had been bad enough before when he’d known he had no chance with her. But now? Now that he’d tasted her lips, had held her in his arms? He couldn’t bear it if he lost her now. Before he even had her once.

Not that once would ever be enough. Not with her. Other women? Once had been all he’d ever wanted. He hadn’t wanted to form relationships even though not doing so was torture in itself. He saw Sandra and Clement. Was tortured by what they had and by knowing he’d never have the same.

Most of the time he sucked it up and dealt. But the nights when he couldn’t, when he was lonely and aching for what could never be, he’d gone to The House. Sated his needs and then went back to his self-induced purgatory.

He hoped that was over. For good. He could only hope. If willing it made it happen, then she’d have already been in his bed. Tied to it so she’d never leave.

Desperate? That didn’t even cover it. Not by a long shot.

He had no pride when it came to Sandra. And he didn’t give one damn.

He poured a cup of her favorite coffee and slid it along the bar as she sat down. She was wearing one of his T-shirts, a fact that made him absurdly happy, and a pair of pajama bottoms she’d had to cinch tight to keep from falling down her hips. Not that he would have minded . . .

“You didn’t sleep, baby,” he said in a gentle tone.

She flinched and closed her eyes, but not before he saw a surge of grief swamp them.

“Please don’t call me that,” she whispered.

“Of course. I didn’t think. I’m sorry,” he said softly.

It was what Clement had always called her.

“There are plenty of other endearments I’ll use for you, honey.”

She opened her eyes and a smile flirted with the corners of her mouth.

“Now, that’s better. Surely it wasn’t that bad of a night?”

But even as he said it, he knew it likely had been. It had been hell for him, and he wasn’t the one who’d been handed a huge shock. And on the anniversary of Clement’s death. He inwardly winced, but then timing wasn’t always his friend. He wasn’t going to not act just because it was the date of his best friend’s death. Fate—and Sandra—had forced his hand.

“It was a lot to take in,” she admitted, bringing the cup to her lips.

She took a sip and then closed her eyes as pleasure washed away the lines of fatigue on her face.

“You spoil me,” she said, lowering the cup.

“No, but I intend to.”

“So last night wasn’t a dream then.”

He leaned over the counter so they were face-to-face, their gazes locked. “It was a dream. My dream. Now all we have to do is make it reality.”

“You make it sound so simple,” she murmured.

“It is. Or it isn’t. It’s what we choose to make it. Me? I’m a straightforward guy, but then you know that already. I’ve waited long enough, so you’ll have to excuse my impatience now that what I want is within reach.”

“How is this supposed to work, Derrick? I spent all night thinking—wondering—what this all means. Before it was surreal. It was in the abstract. Not real and in my face. I fantasized. I wondered. I even conjured up various scenarios. But now that it’s here, right in front of me, I don’t know what to do. What to expect.”

“Why don’t we both eat. We’ll talk over breakfast and I’ll answer any question you want the answer to. But as I warned you last night, if you’re unprepared for the answer, it’s best you don’t ask.”

She nodded. “No, I want the truth. I want the reality. I need to know what this means. What me being with you means.”

He reached over to squeeze her hand. “Head over to the breakfast nook. I’ll grab our plates and meet you there.”

He watched as she shuffled the short distance, holding the mug of coffee between her palms as if trying to infuse her entire body with its warmth. He’d much rather wrap himself around her. He’d give her all the warmth she needed and so much more.

Patience, Derrick. Don’t blow this, man. Not when you’re so close. You’ve waited too long for this.

He tempered his eagerness and took his time gathering the plates and bringing them to the table where Sandra sat. She just looked . . . right. In his house, wearing his clothes, still slightly rumpled from just coming from bed, even with her hair blow-dried from her shower. The only thing that would make it better is if she’d just come from his bed.

Soon enough.

He slid the plate in front of her, watching her eyes widen, a broad smile curving her lips.

“My favorite,” she said huskily.

He smiled back at her. “Of course. Did you think I’d serve you anything else? Waffles with lots of butter and even more syrup. Dig in and enjoy. I’ll bring back milk and the bacon.”

She sighed. “I do love them but I can’t indulge often. Too many calories!”

He shook his head as he returned again with their drinks and the plate of bacon. “There isn’t a thing wrong with the way you look, Sandra. Utter perfection from the top of your pretty head to the tip of those pretty pink toes you sport.”

She flushed, her cheeks going a shade of pink that nearly matched those toes.

“I don’t know how to take this . . . this change in our relationship. I’m off balance. Just yesterday I was planning to let go of you much the way I had to let go of Clement. And now . . .”

She lifted her hand in bewilderment and let it fall back to her lap.

“That wasn’t happening,” he said mildly. “You may have thought you were getting rid of me, honey, but I’m not going anywhere. I would have waited for as long as it took, but there was never a question of me making a move. You just happened to make it first.”

He watched her process his declaration, the brief furrow of her brows as they knitted in consternation. As though she was still trying to understand everything he’d dumped on her in the last twenty-four hours. And then she lowered her gaze, effectively putting an end to her silent contemplation.

She dug into her waffles and he watched, savoring her enjoyment over the breakfast he’d prepared for her. She ate as she did everything else. Artlessly. No self-consciousness. She was a woman unafraid to show her pleasure over even the simplest things. And he intended to bring her a lot more pleasure than waffles for breakfast. He had in mind a hundred ways he wanted to spoil her.

“Now, you wanted to know how this works. What exactly do you mean?” he asked.

Her fork stilled in midair on its way to her mouth. Then she lowered it, licking her lips in agitation.

“You have to know, I mean you do know now, that I’m completely new to this. I told you the things I wanted, but you haven’t told me what you want. How you expect this to work. What you’ll want of me. What you’ll do to me.”

She shivered as she said the last, and he hoped she was imagining all those things he’d do to her. And that those images intrigued and aroused her as much as they did him.

“I think the question is, what do you want me to do to—with—you.”

Impatience flared in her eyes, an emotion he was well acquainted with.

“Derrick, please. Don’t play games with me. This is important.”

At that his expression became utterly serious. He leaned forward, his gaze boring into her.

“This is no game, Sandra. Don’t think that even for a minute. What I feel for you, what I want to do to you, is no game. Not by a long shot.”

“Then help me out here,” she said in a pleading tone. “I’m lost without a road map. I need your honesty. I need to know what you’re thinking. I need to know how you see this playing out.”

“I think,” he said carefully, “that if we are to get into the particulars of our relationship, I’d prefer to do it in the living room where I can at least be touching you when I tell you my expectations and you outline your own.”

“And what if I don’t know what it is I want?”

He could sense her frayed nerves. He knew she was precariously close to cracking. No matter his impatience, no matter his urgency to claim what he wanted and had wanted for a damn long time, she needed delicate handling and all the reassurance he could grant her while still remaining firm. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—allow her to slip through his fingers when he finally had her exactly where he wanted her.

“You know, honey,” he said gently. “You were clear enough last night. Just because you’re no longer dealing with a stranger doesn’t mean that things change. If anything, you should be much freer and without inhibitions with me. I want to know every single thing that’s going on in that pretty head of yours. And you’ll get everything in mine as well. That I can guarantee.”

She rose, simmering with impatience—and nervousness. “Then let’s do it. I want to know. I need to know before I make any decisions.”

He caught her hand, pulling her into his side, wanting simply to touch her as he’d wanted to from the moment she’d entered his kitchen. He caressed her cheek and watched her eyes go warm with pleasure. It was a look he’d savor the rest of his life. Because she saw him. Finally, she saw him.

He guided her into the living room and sat down first on the leather couch before pulling her down and into his arms. She stiffened for a moment and he simply waited. Then she relaxed and melted into his arms, laying her head on his shoulder.

He could smell the scent of his shampoo, could feel a slight dampness that hadn’t been removed when she’d blow-dried her hair after her shower. He liked his scent on her. If he had his way, she’d smell like him all the time. His. He closed his eyes, savoring the moment—and the thought—that finally, she would be his. No, she hadn’t yet voiced her decision but he wondered if she knew he could see acceptance in her eyes already.

She was nervous, yes, but he also saw the agreement simmering in those gorgeous blue eyes. Anticipation licked up his spine. Spread out from his groin until his balls ached with it.

She tilted her head up so she could see him and then to his surprise, she touched him. Grazed her fingertip over his jaw. It was as soft as a butterfly’s wing and yet he felt it all the way to his soul. It scorched a path over his skin, his entire body alive with pleasure at her touch.

“Tell me, Derrick. Be honest with me. What will it mean to belong to you? What do you expect of me? I need to know these things. I need to know what I’m supposed to do. What you want me to do.”

“It will mean . . . everything,” he breathed out. “To me and I hope to you as well. You’ll be mine, Sandra. In every sense of the word. Mine and no other’s. I will take care of your every need. Provide whatever you could possibly want. In return for your submissiveness, I’ll give you the world on a platter. I’ll cherish you, protect you, spoil and pamper you endlessly.”

“That sounds like a pretty awesome deal for me. But what about you, Derrick? What do you get?”

“You,” he said simply. “Just you, Sandra. And believe me when I say that’s enough. It’s all I want. It’s all I need. Just you.”

The yearning in her eyes took his breath away. She hadn’t exaggerated. She’d been as lonely and as aching as he had been the last three years.

“And what will you do to me?” she whispered. “How will you exert your dominance? And do you want my submissiveness only in bed or will it extend out of the bedroom as well?”

“What would you prefer?” he asked, turning the question back on her.

She shook her head, her lips forming a tight, determined line. “I already told you what I wanted. It’s time for you to give me an idea of what you have in mind. I want it all, Derrick. No sugarcoating. I want to know exactly what you want.”

“I want everything, Sandra. And by that I mean I want your complete obedience in and out of the bedroom. I’ll call the shots. You might think I’m caging you, but honey, it will be the most gilded cage in the world and there won’t be a woman on earth who is more cherished or spoiled than you.”

She drew in her breath, her eyes widening.

“Now, I think what you’re asking and what you want to know relates to the more physical aspects of our relationship. Am I right?”

She nodded, her cheeks turning that delightful shade of pink again.

“I like complete submission, but surrender is more than just physical surrender. It’s complete emotional surrender as well. And in some ways, emotional surrender is much more powerful and a much more precious thing to be given. It’s an honor, and I don’t say that lightly. A woman can give her body and never share her heart, her mind, her very soul. But a woman who gives freely of both body and mind is the most precious of gifts to receive. I don’t fool myself into thinking that at any time the women I’ve been with—have dominated—have given me anything but their body. And I was okay with that, because they didn’t have my heart either. We shared our bodies and nothing more.”

He paused a moment, allowing her to absorb his heartfelt words. Watched as she processed them, her eyes reflecting a myriad of emotions. Then he touched her, much like she’d touched him, running his fingertip lovingly down the line of her jaw and finally to brush across the softness of her lips.

“With you, Sandra, it will be so much different. So much better. So much more. Physically? I’ll want complete and unfettered access to your body. It will be mine to do with as I please. Bondage, spankings, there are no limits. I like to inflict pain, pleasurable pain. Pain can be the sweetest of pleasures if given in the right manner. There is nothing more that I wish than to see my marks on you. The blush of red after I’ve flogged your sweet behind. I want to tie you up so that you are completely helpless and at my mercy, but honey, I’ll have the most tender of mercies with you.”

Her eyes had glazed, going dark and swirling with desire. He knew he was speaking to the heart of her. Every single thing she’d fantasized about, she’d dreamed about and ached for, he was going to give her. And he’d enjoy every damn minute of making all her fantasies reality.

He dropped his hand down the curve of her neck until it rested just over the beat of her heart.

“Emotionally? I want your heart. Your soul. Your complete and absolute trust and your surrender. I want your gift of submission and I’ll cherish it as I cherish you. I’ll respect it and never give you cause to regret your decision. That’s the promise I make you.”

She stared at him in bewilderment, her eyes flashing, shadows lurking in the hollows. “How did you know? How could you know, Derrick? How can you see what I’ve only been able to see myself lately? How could you possibly reach into my head and know?”

He smiled and kissed her brow, running his hand around and then up and down her back, reveling in the feel of her in his arms. Finally in his arms.

“Because it’s what I want most too, honey. It’s what I’ve wanted for so very long. And I’ll make you another promise. I won’t rush you. I won’t overwhelm you. We have all the time in the world. Yours will be a gentle initiation into my world. Now that I know you can finally be mine, I intend to savor every moment.”

“You act as though I’ve already made my decision,” she murmured.

“Haven’t you? Perhaps you need time to justify it, but you’ve already made your choice, Sandra. I saw it in your eyes when you walked into my kitchen this morning, and it was all I could do not to do a fist pump or something equally adolescent. You make me that way. Like a kid just gifted with his fondest desire. Birthday and Christmas all rolled into one.”

“I want—I need—to talk with Karla and Sophia. Especially Sophia. She’ll be hurt by this. She won’t understand.”

Then her eyes widened in alarm and she glanced frantically at the clock above the fireplace.

“Oh my God, Derrick! I have to call them! I completely forgot. I promised I’d call them. They were worried. Karla said if she didn’t hear from me she was calling the police. I hope she hasn’t already!”

Derrick chuckled. “Go call the girls. Tell them you’re in good hands. There’s plenty of time to explain to them later. But for now put them at ease. I’m glad you have such loyal, devoted friends. Our friends,” he amended. “And Sandra, they will understand. If they love you—and they do—they’ll only want you to be happy.”

She surprised him again, this time framing his face in her hands and placing her lips on his, full on the mouth. Liquid pleasure rushed through his veins unlike anything he’d ever known. He allowed her free rein, held himself back and let her do it, the exploring. And when she pulled away, her eyes were glazed with passion, surely a mirror of his own.

Oh yes, she saw him. He was filled with triumph and intense satisfaction. The blinders had come off, and she saw him, not as a friend, not as support, but as a man who wanted her with everything he had.

And she wanted him.

There would be many wonderful days ahead, but he’d always remember this one. Not that he harbored any idea that it would be easy and that they wouldn’t have obstacles to face and overcome. But they would get there. He’d make damn sure of it.

“I’ll be right back,” she said in a husky voice. “I just need to tell them I’m okay. And yes, I’ll explain everything to them later. They’ll want to know. For now I’ll just tell them that I backed out of The House. Sophia will be glad. She didn’t want me to go.”

“She worries about you,” he said.

“Yes, and she has good reason to fear the monsters of the world,” Sandra said painfully. “She didn’t want for me what she had to endure for all those years. She fears dominance, control, abuse and being powerless.”

“Yes, that’s understandable,” Derrick said quietly. “But you don’t fear that from me, do you, Sandra?”

The shock in her eyes filled him with fierce satisfaction.

“No, Derrick! Never!”

He kissed her again before pushing her upward from the couch. “Go and make your calls before the police get involved. If I know Karla, she was absolutely serious about calling the police. It wouldn’t surprise me if she hasn’t hauled Ken over to your house already. You call the girls. I’ll call Ken and let him know you’re okay.”

Sandra leaned back on her couch with a deep sigh and flopped her head backward to stare up at the ceiling. She felt emotionally wrung out, and for the first time she couldn’t blame it on Clement’s death or the anniversary of it.

It was a different kind of turmoil, one she’d never imagined when she’d bravely—or rather thought she was bravely—taking control of her future. Now that future was one huge question mark.

She sighed again and closed her eyes, weariness assailing her. She would have drifted off, despite the chaos her mind was in, if the doorbell hadn’t rung. And rung again. Insistently.

She knew without confirming that it was likely Karla or Sophia or even both. They wouldn’t have been put off by her phone call simply telling them she’d backed out. They’d want to hear the entire story themselves.

With a resigned groan, she pushed herself up from the couch and shuffled towards the door.

Derrick had dropped her off barely half an hour earlier after all the necessary phone calls had been made. She shivered as she remembered the raw desire she’d seen in his eyes. Felt the heat of his mouth on hers. Remembered his fingertips sliding down her face to her neck as he’d said good-bye and that he’d see her soon.

The promise in his voice had given her much to think about. Now that she was back on her own turf, so to speak, she had a lot to contemplate and process.

As soon as she opened the door she wanted to groan again. Karla and Sophia both stood staring back at her. Karla’s gaze was sharp and discerning, looking over Sandra as if she could peel back the layers of Sandra’s thoughts. Sophia looked more uncertain—and worried.

Karla pushed by her, Sophia following behind in her wake.

“Okay, spill it, girlfriend. We don’t buy that bullshit you said about simply deciding to opt out of The House and spending the evening with Derrick instead.”

Sandra followed Karla and Sophia into her living room and flopped back on the couch she’d just vacated.

“And don’t think you’re going to leave a single detail out,” Karla continued. “I’ll sic Ken on Derrick if I have to. One way or another, I’ll get the dirt, so you may as well cough it up now.”

“Are you all right?” Sophia asked anxiously. “Did something happen last night, Sandra? Did someone hurt you or frighten you?”

Sandra smiled ruefully. What to say to those questions? Yes, no and yes?

“I’m fine,” she reassured. “Honestly. It’s complicated.”

Karla’s lips tightened and she got that “aha” look on her face that suggested she’d known something was up.

“What happened then?” Sophia asked.

“What really happened, Sandra?” Karla pushed. “I saw you yesterday. I heard you. And whether you had any apprehensiveness, I know you, and you were bound and determined to go to The House and see it through. And then I get a phone call saying oh never mind, I didn’t go and I’m at home?”

She snorted in disbelief.

“I went,” Sandra hedged.

Sophia’s forehead furrowed. “But you said you didn’t.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t go,” Sandra corrected. “I merely said I changed my mind.”

“And?” Karla asked quietly. “What happened, Sandra?”

Sandra sighed. “Derrick happened.”

Karla’s mouth rounded into an O about the time realization sparked in her eyes. “Oh shit. Derrick was there, wasn’t he? Oh my God, did he freak?”

Sophia looked absolutely confused as she jerked her head back and forth between Sandra and Karla, trying to keep up with what was going on.

Before Sandra could answer, Karla pushed forward.

“I’m so sorry, Sandra. I should have warned you, Derrick is hardly in there. I mean I know he’s a member, but it didn’t even occur to me to tell you that, because what were the odds that he’d show up on the night you went?”

Sophia shook her head in bewilderment. “Derrick—our Derrick—goes to The House? Why?”

Sandra’s cheeks warmed and she and Karla exchanged looks of understanding.

“He’s a Dominant,” Karla said gently. “Like Ken.”

Sophia went silent, processing the revelation. Tension vibrated from her, and it made Sandra uneasy for what she’d have to tell both her friends. But especially Sophia.

Sophia was . . . Well, she was very black-and-white. Her worldview was very narrow and she didn’t often venture outside the parameters she’d set. She had good reason to be as she was, but it didn’t always make things easy. Sophia was rigid, and this would likely throw her for a loop.

“He was there when I walked in with another man,” Sandra said in a low voice. “It didn’t go well.”

Karla winced. “I don’t imagine it did.”

“He hauled me out and took me back to his house intending to lecture me after he scraped an inch of skin off my hide. He didn’t think I had any clue what I was getting into.”

“And did you inform him differently?” Karla asked.

Sandra nodded. “That’s when it got . . . interesting.”

Sophia’s perplexed look deepened and Karla’s eyes widened. Both of her friends sat forward, picking up on Sandra’s tone.

Sandra drew in her breath, knowing her friends would know sooner or later and she’d rather it come from her.

“Derrick said . . .”

She struggled with just how to put it. This was much harder than she imagined because she still hadn’t come to terms with it herself!

“What did he say?” Karla prompted.

“He said that if that was what I wanted—what I needed—then he was going to be the only man who gave those things to me.”

“Whoa,” Karla breathed.

Sophia’s reaction was a bit more explosive. “What? I don’t understand. He what?”

“He wants me,” Sandra said in a low voice. “Has wanted me a long time. I didn’t know. I feel so stupid, but I had no idea!”

“Wow,” Karla said. “I mean I used to think, a long time ago, the way he looked at you sometimes . . . I thought there was something there. But then you and Clement were so happy and Derrick remained friends with you both, and he never made a move after Clement died, so I thought I imagined it.”

Sophia’s face flushed with anger. “He had a thing for you when you were married to my brother?”

“It’s not like he ever acted on it,” Karla gently chided. “You can’t control who you’re attracted to.”

“Clement knew,” Sandra murmured. “Derrick told me that Clement knew and that it didn’t affect their friendship.”

“I would certainly prefer him to some stranger you pick up at The House,” Sophia said, an edge still to her voice. “But I’m worried about this. You and him. I never imagined Derrick to be that kind of person. I worry that he could hurt you physically and emotionally, and I worry about the strain it might put on all our friendships.”

Karla’s features tightened. “That kind of person? What’s that supposed to mean? Ken’s that kind of person, Sophia, and he’d never hurt me.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” Sophia said wearily. “I’m worried about Sandra, okay? It seems like lately she’s making a lot of impulsive decisions, and I don’t want her to get hurt. And I worry about this thing with Derrick. I’m not sure how I feel about the fact he was attracted to his best friend’s wife.”

Impatience and frustration warred with Sandra. “I’ve considered all of those things,” she snapped out. “I’ve taken into account how it would affect our circle of friends, especially if it didn’t work out.”

She drew in a breath before continuing.

“I’ve never looked at him as anything but a friend until now, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I hate feeling like I’m betraying my dead husband for even considering this. I would have never been unfaithful to Clement, even if I’d known that Derrick had feelings for me. And I don’t like you questioning his integrity because he had feelings for me that he never acted on until now.”

Sophia grimaced and looked away. Karla leaned farther forward, taking Sandra’s hand in hers.

“Yes, it could change things,” Karla said in a calm voice. “But you can’t live your life without taking risks. If this is something you want to go for, you at least need to try. It’s worse to live with the what-ifs than it is to take the plunge and fail. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.”

“I have everything to lose,” Sandra said in a raw voice. “I lost Clement and it would devastate me to ever lose Derrick’s friendship. It would devastate me to lose yours or Sophia’s. I don’t want to lose anyone else I love.”

Karla’s face filled with love and understanding. It made Sandra’s eyes go watery, and damn it, enough with the tears. It was time to move beyond all that. To stop being such an emotionally fragile person.

“Sweetie, life is all about risk and there are no guarantees, as you well know,” Karla said gently. “Let me ask you something. If you knew back when you and Clement got married that you’d only have a few short years with him, if you knew he’d die, would you have done anything differently? Would you have walked away from him then to spare yourself the pain of losing him later?”

The question shook Sandra to her core. Without even thinking about it, her response was immediate.

“No, of course I wouldn’t have walked away! I’d do it all over again, and I wouldn’t change a thing, even knowing I’d lose him. Because what time we did have together was wonderful. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world,” she said painfully.

“Then why aren’t you willing to take a chance with Derrick?” Karla asked. “What if it works out? What if he makes you happy? What if he gives you what you want and need? What if you find love again? What if you have one wonderful year with him, and he gives you what you need and then you split up? Wouldn’t you rather have that year and not live with regret over not ever giving it a chance? You can’t stop taking risks just because you lost someone already. It’s no way to live, in fear of living in case of pain.”

“She has a point,” Sophia said grudgingly. “And I do want you to be happy, Sandra. Even if it’s not with Clement. I’ll support you no matter what happens with Derrick. As you told me, we’re sisters, and we’re best friends.”

“Thank you,” Sandra said sincerely. “Thank you both. I don’t know what I’d do without such wonderful friends—sisters. You’ve both given me a lot to think about. And I do have to give this careful consideration.”

Karla squeezed her hand. “We’ll leave you to it then. Just know that I’m only a phone call away. And I also want you to know, that no matter what, I love you. Ken and I both love you. And he’ll personally kick Derrick’s ass if he ever hurts you.”

Sandra smiled, but sadness tugged at her heart. She didn’t want to cause a rift between her friends. She didn’t want Ken to ever become angry with Derrick over her.

Sophia rose and then leaned down to hug Sandra fiercely. Sandra returned the hug and then pushed herself up to go walk her friends out.

“Keep in touch, hon, okay?” Karla said. “And if you ever need to talk, just pick up the phone. Night or day. It doesn’t matter.”

“I will,” Sandra said truthfully. “And thank you both again for caring about me. I’m not going to do anything to cause anyone hurt. I hope you both know that.”

“We do,” Sophia assured. “And I’m sorry if I hurt you with the things I said. I do love you, Sandra. And I do want you to be happy. I know that Clement would want you to be happy. It takes a pretty special guy to remain friends with a man who had feelings for his wife. If Clement could and did live with that, then so can I.”

Sandra hugged them both and then watched as they walked down the paved sidewalk to where they were parked out front. She stood there as they drove away and then she went back inside to get her purse and her keys.

It was automatic to get in her car and drive towards the cemetery. She wasn’t even aware of what she was doing until she neared the gates leading inside. She braked and came to a stop at the entryway, staring ahead at all the headstones that dotted the landscape.

She’d been coming to talk to Clement. To explain about Derrick and ask Clement’s blessing. When she’d sworn she was moving on, letting go, and wouldn’t return here. Not again.

With a shake of her head, she backed up enough to execute a U-turn and then drove away, aiming her car in the direction of Derrick’s subdivision.

HE shouldn’t have brought her home. He shouldn’t have left her alone after dropping such a bomb on her. He should have kept her here with him, within touching distance. Not giving her time and space for her to change her mind or talk herself out of what he knew she was agreeing to.