Her eyes widened when his tool sprang free from constraint. He glanced down and winced, understanding her surprise. He was harder than he’d ever been in his life. His tool strained upward, so long and thick.

****************

“What on earth were you doing there tonight Sandra? Do you have any clue what Craig could have done to you? Let me tell you. He would have had you bent over while he did unpleasant things to your body. It would have been all about his own pleasure and satisfaction. What were you thinking?”

“I know exactly what I was doing, you will never understand"....

His eyes widened in confusion.....

*********

Sandra had loved her late husband with all her heart, and after 5 years of mourning and resignation, she has decided to move on with her life. She has a deep desire and an ache in her which she felt her late husband couldn't give her, no matter how much he loved her and could give her everything as a multi billionaire. Now that he's gone, she begins her search for the one thing her beloved late husband couldn't give her. What she doesn't know is that someone she had considered as a good friend of her husband for many years has a strong feeling for her, and had been waiting patiently for an opportunity to prove it to her. Little did he know that she has a deep desire, a huge void in her, which her late husband was not able to satisfy or fill. Having been in love with her for a long time now, he was determined to go the extra length, to ensure that he will be the only man to fill that void and grant those desires in her. But what if there's a competitor?

A beautiful woman was getting ready to visit her late husband's grave for the very last time. She had decided to move on with her life after a couple of years, despite her initial vow not to fall in love with anyone else after his death. She had loved him with the whole of her heart and soul, and she had clearly decided that even in death, she won't stop loving him.

He’d given her everything she could have ever wanted. His love. His respect. Everything but the one thing she needed most, and it was something she could have never asked him for. She’d loved him too much to ever demand of him something he couldn’t give her.

She shook away the heavy veil of sadness, determined to get through the day and on with her life. Her new life.

She picked up the flowers, her favorite, and brought them to her nose, closing her eyes as she inhaled. They were what he always gave her. Every birthday. Every anniversary. Or any time just because. Today she’d place them on his grave and walk away. This time for good.

She didn’t need to see the cold slab of marble that marked his life and death to remind her of her husband. That wasn’t the way she wanted to remember him. She was through torturing herself by standing over his grave, missing him with her every breath.

He’d live in her heart and soul always. That was where she’d visit him in the future. Not on the grassy knoll that covered the casket underneath.

She walked briskly to the front door, letting herself out and blinking against the sudden wash of sun. Though it was spring, the Houston weather was already warm and she was glad she’d worn the short-sleeved T-shirt instead of the black dress she always wore.

And there was Derrick, leaning against his car, waiting for her as she knew he would be. He straightened when he saw her, and she saw a brief flicker of surprise before he schooled his features and extended a hand to her.

She slid her fingers over his and he gave her hand a light squeeze. No words were necessary. They both grieved the loss of her husband and his best friend.

“You look lovely, Sandra,” he said as he walked her around to the passenger side.

She smiled, knowing she didn’t look particularly lovely today. And he was likely surprised by her casual appearance, but he didn’t remark on it. He took the flowers and carefully positioned them in the back so they wouldn’t fall over, and then closed her door after ensuring she was fully inside.

She watched him stride around the front of the car, his long legs eating up the distance in a matter of seconds. Then he slid into the driver’s seat and his scent wafted through her nostrils.

Derrick always smelled the same. Utterly masculine, though she knew he never wore cologne or aftershave. He was a no-frills kind of guy, much like Clement had been, though her husband had worn expensive clothing and even his casual wear was tailored to fit his personality.

Even Derrick’s car fitted his personality. A sleek black Jaguar. How appropriate he drove a vehicle named for a predator. He fit the part well.

They’d been partners in business, but Clement had always been the front man. The one who wined and dined clients, the polished spokesman, the one who sealed the deals, attended all the social events while Derrick worked behind the scenes. The closer. The one who always did most of the legwork and fixed the problems.

Clement had often laughed and said he was the looks and charm and Derrick was the brains of the operation. But Derrick was certainly not lacking in looks or charm. They were the complete antithesis of one another. Clement was fair-haired to Derrick’s dark brown, and while Clement’s eyes were blue, Derrick’s were a deep brown, enhanced by his darker coloring. He wasn’t any less attractive than Clement. His was just a quieter attractiveness. Silent. Brooding almost. He had made Sandra nervous back when she’d first met him when she and Clement had dated. Theirs had been a whirlwind courtship. Clement had swept her off her feet, and Sandra had known that Derrick was concerned that his friend was getting in way over his head. Moving too fast. The fact Sandra knew that had made her wary of Derrick, but over time, he’d become her rock. Especially after Clement had died.

As they drove out of Sandra’s exclusive subdivision, Derrick reached over for her hand, lacing his fingers through hers, and as he’d done before, he squeezed lightly, a gesture of reassurance.

Sandra turned and smiled at him, telling him without words that she was okay. As they stopped at a red light, Derrick studied her intently, almost as if he were trying to decipher what was different about her.

Evidently satisfied with whatever he’d seen in her eyes or expression, he smiled back, but he kept hold of her hand as he navigated through traffic on the way to the cemetery, just a few miles from where Sandra and Clement had lived.

They drove in comfortable silence, but then they’d never conversed much on the day Derrick drove her to the cemetery every year. Oh, Sandra visited at other times, but Derrick always accompanied her on the anniversary.

But that wasn’t the only time she saw Derrick. He’d stepped in from the moment Clement had passed away and he’d been her rock ever since. That first year especially, she’d needed him desperately and he never hesitated, no matter what she needed, whether it was help deciphering the paperwork and red tape after her husband’s death or simply coming over to keep her company on the days she felt herself falling apart.

She would be forever grateful for Derrick and his unwavering support over the last three years, but it was time to move on. It was time for her to stand on her own two feet and it was time for him to stop having to babysit her.

Today was not only about her letting go of Clement, but of Derrick as well. He deserved more than to be saddled with the responsibility of his best friend’s widow. He had a life of his own. She had no idea of his relationships or if he was even in a steady relationship. She realized with sudden clarity just how selfish and self-absorbed she’d been since her husband’s death. Derrick had been a steady fixture, one she’d taken for granted, but she would do it no longer. It would be a miracle if Derrick were in a steady relationship because not many women would be tolerant of him dropping everything to rush to the aid of his best friend’s widow.

When they arrived at the cemetery, Derrick parked and Sandra immediately got out, not waiting for him to come around for her. She opened the door to the backseat and leaned in to retrieve the flowers.

“I’ll get them, Sandra.”

Derrick’s low voice brushed over her ears, causing a prickle at her nape. She picked up the vase and turned with a reassuring smile.

“I’ve got it, Derrick. I’m okay.”

He gave her an inscrutable stare and she got the impression he was studying her again, trying to peel back the layers and get into her head. It was as if he knew something was different but couldn’t put his finger on it. Which was just as well, because she would die if he could read her thoughts. If he knew just what it was she’d planned and how she intended to move on with her life.

He’d be horrified, no doubt. He’d wonder if she’d finally snapped and he’d probably haul her into a shrink’s office so fast it would make her head spin. Which was why she had no intention of letting him know.

Her girlfriends were another matter. Karla would understand absolutely. She’d even be encouraging. Sophia . . . not so much.

Sophia was Sandra’s sister-in-law, Clement’s only sibling. They’d both grown up in horrific circumstances, and just as Clement could never provide what Sandra craved—needed—neither would Sophia ever understand what drove Sandra.

She might even be angry with Sandra’s choices. Might think it was a betrayal of her brother. Sandra could only hope she’d support her even if she didn’t fully understand.

But she was getting ahead of herself. First the cemetery and talking to Clement one last time. Then she’d tackle her best friends over lunch. She needed as much as possible to keep busy today, because tonight?

Tonight was when it all began.

Sandra waited for the betraying sting of tears as they neared Clement’s grave. But oddly, she felt at peace for the first time in three long years. Yes, it was time.

She knelt and gently brushed away the leaves and dust at the base of the headstone before setting the vase of flowers in the middle. Her gaze drifted upward to the inscription. The reminder of Clement’s birth and death.

Her finger slowly traced the words. Beloved husband, brother and best friend. Those words said it all. A reminder of those left behind who mourned him still. She’d insisted that Derrick be honored on the headstone, as he was every bit as much family as herself and Sophia. She only wished they’d had children so his legacy and memory would live on through them.

But as with any young couple, they’d thought they had all the time in the world. Clement was apprehensive about having children. He feared that he shared the same genetic traits that his father had possessed. No matter how many times Sandra had gently reminded him that he was nothing like his father, he still lived in fear of hurting those he loved the most.

She understood his fear. She knew how much he loved her. She also knew he’d die before ever hurting her or any children they had. But the darkness of his past still overshadowed his present. The past still haunted his dreams at night. Though Sophia his sister, hadn’t spoken of it often, she knew that Sophia had the same nightmares that Clement had. That she shared many of the same sleepless nights he experienced.

A wave of sadness overtook Sandra. Such a waste. Clement’s father had destroyed the lives of two innocent children. Worse, he lived on well into their adulthood, influencing their choices, always living in their fears even though he was dead. He still held them in his grasp from the grave, his memory and the memories of all he did torturing them still.

“Sandra?”

Derrick softly called her name, breaking through her thoughts, and she realized just how long she’d knelt there at the base of the monument, tracing the inscription with her fingers.

He sounded worried and a little uncertain, and he was never nothing if not sure of himself.

She turned, tilting her head up so her gaze connected with his.

“Give me a moment, please. Wait for me at the car if you don’t mind. I’ll only take a few minutes and then I’ll be ready to go.”

Again, surprise flickered in Derrick’s eyes. Never before had she asked to be left alone at Clement’s grave. It had been too difficult, too emotional. Derrick had always remained at her side, steady and strong, her rock to lean on. He’d stayed with her as long as she wanted to remain and then he’d take her back to the car and back home, where he’d spend the rest of the afternoon sitting with her as she cried on his shoulder.

Not today. Not anymore.

“If you’re sure,” he said hesitantly.

She nodded firmly, making sure no tears threatened. She wasn’t going to unravel in front of him. She’d been doing that far too long.

“All right,” he conceded. “Take your time, honey. I’ve arranged to take the entire day off.”

She smiled. Of course he would have. But she didn’t intend for him to spend it with her as he’d done in the past. There was too much to get done before tonight. And she didn’t want to chance breaking her resolve and confiding in him. Not only was it not appropriate, but he would most certainly not approve. He’d think she’d lost her damn mind.

And maybe she had. Or perhaps she was just getting it back.

She turned back as Derrick headed toward the car and then pushed herself upward to stand over the grave. She stared down, her jaw tight, locking down her emotions for the conversation she intended to have with her husband.

“I love you, you know,” she said, almost as if he were standing there in front of her. “I’ll always love you, Clement. But I want you to know I’m going to move on. Try to move on,” she amended. “Starting tonight. I know there were . . . things . . . you couldn’t give me. And I want you to know I never resented you for that. God, I loved you far too much to ever expect you to give me something it was impossible for you to give.

“But you’re gone now.”

Her voice cracked as she said the last, and she swallowed back the surge of tears.

“I’m lonely, Clement. I miss you so much. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you. You were so good to me. The love of my life. I know I’ll never find that again. Finding perfection once in a lifetime is incredible. But twice? No, I know there’ll never be another for me like you. But there are things I . . . need,” she whispered. “Things you couldn’t give me. Things I’d never ask you for. And I wanted to come here today to tell you. To say that I wouldn’t be back. Not because I don’t love you or that I’m going to forget you. But this isn’t what I want my memory of you to be. I want to remember you in life. And us in love. And it’s too painful for me to come here and talk to you, knowing that I’ll never get you back.”

She took a deep breath and forged ahead.

“I’ve found a place that specializes in . . . dominance. I need to know if it’s what I’m missing. If it’s always been what I’m missing. Maybe I’ll find the answer. Maybe I won’t. But I have to try. I have to know. And I couldn’t go without telling you. Without explaining that I never lacked for anything when we were married. I never doubted even for a moment that you loved me, and you would have given me the moon if I asked. But this . . . This I couldn’t ask you for. And right now I need something to fill the void. There’s a hole in my soul, Clement. One that I may never fill again. But right now I’d take even a bandage. Temporary solace, if you will. I just wanted you to know. I’ll be okay. I’m not going into a dangerous situation. I’ve made certain that I’ll be safe. And as painful as it is for me to say this, I’m finally letting you go. I’ve held on to you for too long now. I can’t do it anymore. Life is happening around me. Life goes on. That sounds so trite, doesn’t it? But it’s true. Karla and Ken worry for me. Sophia worries. And Derrick. God, I’m surprised he hasn’t washed his hands off me yet. I’ve been such a burden to him—to them all—these last three years and I don’t want to be that woman any longer.

“You gave me the confidence and independence to fly. I want that back again, Clement. You taught me so much. You gave me the world. The problem is when you left, you took my world with you. And I want it back again. I want to live and not be this hollow shell of myself that I’ve been since you died.”

She drew in a steadying breath, knowing what she said next was dumb. But she had to get it off her chest. Say it and then let go of the nagging emotion.

“I also want to tell you that I forgive you. I know that sounds so stupid. You don’t need my forgiveness. But I was so angry with you for so long for leaving me. I was so selfish. I’ve spent three years being angry and resentful, and starting today, I’m not going to be that person anymore.”

She let her hand drift down to glide across the sun-warmed marble of the headstone.

“I love you. I miss you. I’ll always love you. But good-bye, Clement. Wherever you are, I hope you’re at peace and I hope you know how very much I loved you. Thank you for loving me.”

She closed her eyes as tears gathered and she didn’t reopen them until she was certain she could return to the car where Derrick waited without looking like she’d fallen apart.

With one last glance at the grave and the flowers that had already lost a few petals to the wind, she turned, squared her shoulders and walked away. The wind picked up and the sun broke further through the clouds, shining down on her face. She turned her face upward, soaking in the warmth as peace enveloped her in its gentle embrace. It was as if Clement were sending her a message, or perhaps she only imagined him blessing her decision.

Derrick held the door open for her, his gaze fixed on her face as if he were trying to ascertain her mood. She was careful to keep herself from showing any outward emotion. Because what she would say next she was certain he would object to, and if he thought she was upset, he’d never leave her alone the rest of the day.

She waited until he was behind the wheel and they were driving away before she turned to him.

“I have lunch plans today, so you don’t have to stay with me. And I have plans for tonight as well,” she murmured, letting him make of that what he would.

Derrick’s brow furrowed, and he made no effort to hide his concern. He reached for her hand as they stopped at a light.

“What’s going on with you, honey?”

His tone was worried and his eyes were boring intently into hers.

She gave him a half smile. “I’m having lunch with Sophia and Karla. It’s time I stop with the grieving widow act every year on the same day. It’s been three years, Derrick. He’s gone and he’s not coming back.”

She halted a moment, the pain of her statement momentarily stealing her breath. But it had to be said. To be acknowledged. And perhaps saying it aloud made it that much more real.

She could swear she saw relief flash in his deep brown eyes, but it was gone so quickly she was sure she imagined it.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come over after you have lunch with the girls?”

She shook her head. “No. It’s not necessary, Derrick. You’ve babysat me for long enough. It’s time for me to stand on my own two feet. I’m sure it has to come as a relief to you that you don’t have to hover over me for fear I’ll lose it. I’m just sorry I’ve been such a burden to you for so long.”

This time a glint of anger flashed in those dark eyes. “You’re not a burden, damn it. Clement was my best friend, Sandra. He—and you—mean a hell of a lot to me.”

She squeezed his hand as he accelerated after a car behind them honked angrily when Derrick didn’t immediately go when the light turned green.

“And I appreciate that. I appreciate all you’ve done for me. But it’s time, Derrick. I have to do this. He’s gone. I have to accept that.”

Derrick didn’t respond. He directed his gaze forward, tension thick in the interior of the car. Had she angered him? She’d only been honest, and she’d sincerely thought he would be glad that he no longer had to treat her like a fragile piece of glass. That he could resume his own life without making her a priority in his.

When they arrived back at her house, she got out, as did him. He walked her to the door and she went in, turning back to tell him thank you and good-bye.

“This isn’t good-bye,” he said tightly. “Just because you think you no longer need me doesn’t mean I’m going to just disappear. Prepare yourself for that, Sandra.”

With that, he spun on his heel and strode back down the sidewalk, leaving her staring open-mouthed as he drove away.

Sandra zipped into the parking lot of the Lux Café on Westheimer and parked her BMW roadster next to Sophia’s silver Mercedes coupe. The car had been a gift to Sophia from Clement on her twenty-first birthday, just one year before he’d been in the fatal car accident that had taken him from both his wife and his sister.

Clement and Sophia had gone to Las Vegas frequently. He loved to gamble and he’d taught Sophia how to play all manner of casino games. He’d even sharpened her poker skills enough that she’d become a formidable opponent at the tables. Clement had always chuckled when her winnings topped his own, though she refused to play at the same table as him because his competitive streak was such that he didn’t like to lose. Even to his wife.

Their favorite place to stay was the Venetian, where Sandra had discovered the Lux Café and all the wonderful food on the menu. She’d been delighted when one had opened in Houston, and it had quickly become a favorite place for them and their friends to eat.

She hurried to the entrance, checking her watch with a grimace. Clement had always teased her about her lack of punctuality, and she was fifteen minutes late for her lunch date with Sophia and Karla.

The two women were waiting inside when Sandra rushed in. Her gaze immediately settled on her sister-in-law. The anniversary of Clement’s death was as hard for her as it was for Sandra because Clement was her only family. Sandra had made the effort to make sure she and Sophia remained close after his passing. They’d clung to one another, both grief stricken over their loss.

Shadows were evident in Sophia’s eyes, but they brightened when she saw Sandra and immediately went to hug her.

“How are you?” Sophia whispered.

Sandra squeezed her and pulled away with a smile. “I’m okay.” And she meant it.

Then she turned to Karla and pulled her into a hug.

“You doing okay today?” Karla asked quietly.

“Let’s sit and then we’ll talk. I’m starving,” Sandra said with a grin.

The other two women looked delighted over Sandra’s mood. It shamed her that she’d been a burden not only to Derrick over the last three years but to her closest friends as well. But no more. Today . . . Well, today was the first day in reestablishing her life. Of getting back on track and filling the void left by the death of her husband.

They were seated in a spacious booth—Sandra hated the long rows of tables that were practically on top of one another. Even if her conversation was casual, she hated to be overheard by others. And today of all days, she wanted to be afforded complete privacy.

“You look . . . different,” Karla mused, as they opened their menus.

Sandra left hers closed because she knew what she wanted. The others made fun of her because with all the wonderful selections on the huge menu, she usually got the same exact thing and today was no different. Shaking Beef. Her absolute favorite thing the Lux Café served.

“I am different,” Sandra said in a low tone.

Sophia’s eyes widened. “What’s happened?”

“It’s not what has happened. It’s what’s going to happen,” Sandra said firmly.

“Uh-oh. Do we even want to hear this?” Karla asked.

Silence fell over the table when the waiter appeared to take their orders. Only after he’d departed did Sophia prompt Sandra to explain what she’d meant.

Sandra sighed and then glanced up at Karla. “I wanted to ask you . . . I mean I know this is a personal question, but you’ve talked about it before and if it’s too personal, feel free to tell me to mind my own business, but I’d really like to ask you some questions about you and Ken.”

A dark shadow crossed over Karla’s face and sadness entered her eyes for a brief moment before she shook it away. But the look hadn’t gone unnoticed by either Sandra or Sophia, who exchanged quick puzzled looks.

“You know you can ask me anything,” Karla said lightly, though the lightness of her tone seemed forced to Sandra..

Deciding to try to figure out later what was behind that, Sandra plunged ahead.

“You’ve said that you and Ken have a dominant, submissive relationship. That he calls the shots in and out of bed. I just wanted to know . . . I mean this sounds stupid because of course you’re happy. Anyone who sees the two of you can see how in love you are, but I wanted to know more about how it works.”

Sophia paled and Sandra hated bringing up the subject in front of her, but she didn’t want to hide something this important from her sister-in-law. Not just a sister-in-law but her best friend. Sophia and Karla were her two best friends in the world. She couldn’t share this with them because it was huge. A monumental leap forward from the life she’d led the last three years.

“Sandra? Why are you asking?” Karla asked in a puzzled voice. One laced with concern.

Sandra took another deep breath and closed her eyes. She reached for Sophia’s hand because she knew this would be hard for her sister-in-law.

“You both know I loved Clement with all my heart. He gave me everything. But I’ve always had this . . . need. Craving. Desire. I don’t know what to call it. But I’ve always craved . . . dominance. And everything that goes with it. And it’s the one thing I knew he couldn’t, wouldn’t give me. I loved him too much to ever demand it of him. We spoke of it once. Early in our relationship. Before I knew about his childhood. He was always so afraid he’d turn out like his father. The idea of doing anything that might hurt me or that may be construed as abuse appalled him. And I think in the beginning he feared losing me because he couldn’t provide me with that kind of relationship.”

Sophia’s gaze had dropped, but Sandra could see the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. Sandra tightened her hold on Sophia’s hand, lending her strength that she hadn’t had until now.

“And you want it now?” Karla asked, her brow furrowed.

“Slowly” Sandra nodded.

Sophia’s head came up, a protest already forming on her lips, but Sandra silenced her with another squeeze to her hand.

“I don’t want a relationship. I mean not a permanent one. I found perfection once. I know I’ll never find that kind of love again. But I need something to fill the void. A void that’s always existed, but while I was with Clement it wasn’t so aching. I wasn’t lonely. He provided me what I needed, even if a tiny part of me always wanted and needed more. I know that sounds terrible. I loved him with all my heart and soul, and I would have never done anything to hurt him. But he’s gone. I’ve had to come to grips with the fact that no matter how hard I wish it, he’s not coming back.”

Emotion knotted her throat and she blinked as hot moisture clouded her eyes. She wiped hastily at her cheeks, not wanting to make a scene in public. Sophia’s head lowered again, a tear sliding down her pale cheek.

“I’m lonely,” Sandra whispered. “And I need something, someone to fill that void that he left behind. It’s time for me to let go and try to move on. I’ve found a place . . .”

“What kind of place?” Karla asked bluntly.

“It’s called The House.”

Karla’s expression eased. “Yes, I know it. Ken and I have a membership there. He is friends with the owner, Damon Roche. Damon is married and has a child now, so he isn’t quite as active as he was before, but he still runs it.”

“He’s who I talked to,” Sandra admitted. “He vetted my membership. He was very kind to me. He wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting into.”

“And do you?” Sophia blurted, lifting her head again. “Sandra, this is serious. What if you get hurt? What if you hook up with the wrong man? You know what kind of monsters exist out there. God knows, my father was one of them. How can you even think about going blindly into a situation like this?”

“I’m not going blindly,” Sandra said gently. “It’s something I’ve given a lot of thought to. I’ve researched endlessly, which was what brought me to The House. I’ve toured the premises. I’ve been there during its busiest times. I know what to expect. And Damon has assured me that, especially for my first visit, I will be very carefully monitored.”

They were interrupted when the waiter brought their entrées, but food was the last thing on the women’s minds now. Their plates sat in front of them untouched as their conversation continued.

“I just wanted to know what it was like for you and Ken,” Sandra said softly.

Again, pain glittered in Karla’s green eyes. She pushed her dark hair behind her ear in an effort to disguise her hesitation, but Sandra didn’t miss it and she wondered what the hell was going on with her friend. She seemed . . . unhappy. And maybe it had been there for a while now, but Sandra had been so self-absorbed that she hadn’t paid attention to the people around her.

“Is there something you aren’t telling us, Karla?” Sandra demanded.

Karla looked at once guilty and then surprised. “No, of course not. And to answer your question, when it’s right, it’s the most wonderful thing in the world. I never regretted giving Ken my complete submission. He always took such wonderful care of me. Cherished me. Protected me with his every breath. I was always his priority. And he was so demanding.”

Sandra frowned because every example had been said in the past tense.

“Is that not the case now?” Sandra asked.

Karla smiled brightly. Too brightly. “Of course it is. I was just saying. And well, perhaps it’s not as perfect as it used to be, but that’s to be expected. Ken has been so busy making his business a success, and when the newness wears off any relationship, it’s easy to fall into a routine. Don’t worry. We’re not divorcing or anything,” she said with a laugh.

But the forced gaiety bothered Sandra. She shoved aside her sense of foreboding to focus on the matter at hand.

“Again, if this is too personal a matter to discuss,” Sandra said. But Karla waved her off and motioned for her to continue. “What kinds of things do you and Ken do? I mean are you into bondage? Pain? Floggings? Or is it a simple matter of you obeying his commands and him calling the shots?”

Sophia looked as though she’d be ill, and she fiddled with her food as if she were trying to block out the conversation. Her face had grown pale, and Sandra began to have second thoughts about bringing this up in front of her. But she hadn’t wanted Sophia not to know. She owed her sister-in-law that much. To let her know she was going to at least try to move on and perhaps become involved, even if temporarily, with another man. It certainly wasn’t something she wanted Sophia to find out by chance. She wanted her to hear it from her.

“I think it’s a matter of what you want,” Karla said quietly. “Yes, we practice all of those things and much more. I am his to do with as he wishes. He knows how far he can go. We’ve been together long enough that he well knows my boundaries. Perhaps better than I know myself. But it’s important in the beginning that you’re very honest with your partner and that you set boundaries. He needs to know exactly what you are and aren’t comfortable with. And you’ll need a safe word until your relationship evolves enough that he knows just how far he can push.”

“I feel like a kid in a toy store,” Sandra said ruefully. “I want to try everything. At least once. I don’t know my boundaries. I won’t know until they’re crossed.”

“Then it’s even more important that you pick the right guy. One who understands that you’re new to the scene. That you want to experiment but that you reserve the right to pull the plug at any moment. And for God’s sake, Sandra don’t agree to go home with a guy until you know him very well. Stay at the club. Do all your experimenting there in a public facility where there’s plenty of security.”

Sandra nodded. She’d already considered that, and no way was she bringing a guy home. To the place she and Clement had lived and loved. It would be the height of disrespect to practice what would have appalled her husband under his own roof. And neither would she agree to go off with some stranger where God only knew what could happen once he had her alone and at his mercy.

It wasn’t that she hadn’t considered all the risks. She had! She’d visited The House more than once. She’d questioned Damon Roche endlessly, and the man had exhibited a huge amount of patience and understanding. But now she was having second thoughts listening to Karla’s warnings.

But no. She’d thought this through. It was all she’d thought about over the last months. And while moving forward with her new life on the three-year anniversary of her husband’s death may seem tacky, for her it was symbolic. She wasn’t backing out now.

She’d positively shivered when Karla had stated that she was her husband’s. That she belonged to him and he could do as he wished. Sandra wanted that. She craved it with a dark need she didn’t even fully understand. It wasn’t that she hadn’t belonged heart and soul to Clement. She had. She’d held no part of herself back from him.

But this need for dominance went deeper than just belonging. She wanted to be . . . owned. Cherished. Utterly adored. All the things her husband had given her but . . . more. She wanted to cross that gray line. Wanted to shatter her boundaries. She wanted to discover what they were and just how far she was willing and wanted to go. How would she know if she never tried?

“You’re going to do it, aren’t you?” Sophia asked quietly. “I can see it in your eyes, Sandra. I know that look. You’re actually going to do this.”

Sandra nodded, feeling a sense of relief at affirming it.

Karla reached across the table to catch Sandra’s other hand and squeezed it until she was holding on to both her friends’ hands.

“Then I wish you luck,” Karla said.

“Hey, don’t you have to go?” Sandra asked, suddenly remembering that Karla had mentioned several days earlier that she and Ken were spending the afternoon together. “Isn’t Ken expecting you? I don’t want to keep you. I just wanted to ask you those questions.”

Again that barely discernible flicker in Karla’s eyes before she dropped her gaze and her hold on Sandra’s hand.

“No,” Karla said lightly. “He had to cancel. An important matter came up at work.”

Sandra grimaced. “Sorry. I know you were looking forward to it. Unfortunately, I do have to run. I need time to prepare for tonight. Though I’ve made up my mind about it, I’m still nervous enough to need time to get ready and talk myself into going through with it.”

Karla smiled. “I’ll expect a report first thing tomorrow, and if I don’t get it, I’m coming over. And if you aren’t home, I’m calling the police!”

Sandra smiled. “Of course I will.”

She rose after placing several bills on the table to cover lunch. Sophia stood too.

“I’ll walk you out,” Sophia said.

Karla shot Sandra a raised brow look and then glanced pointedly at Sophia. Sandra sighed. She knew what was coming. With a wave to Karla, Sandra walked out of the restaurant, Sophia at her side.

When they got to the cars, Sophia put a hand out to Sandra’s arm.

“Sandra, have you really thought this through?” she asked in a pleading tone. “I’m really worried about you. This isn’t like you at all. What would Clement think? Sandra, he’d die if he knew!”

“Sophia, Clement is dead,” Sandra said gently. “We can’t bring him back. God, if I could, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’d forget everything about my wants or needs if I could have him back. But he’s gone.”

Tears clogged her throat. Tears she’d refused to allow herself to shed today. She’d been determined that this year would be different. That she wouldn’t spend the anniversary of her husband’s death listless and grieving.

Sophia’s eyes were grief stricken. Tears welled up and slid soundlessly down her cheeks. “I miss him so much, Sandra. He was my only family. I still can’t believe he’s gone.”

Sandra enfolded her in a hug, holding her tightly as Sophia’s shoulders shook. “You’re wrong. You have family. You have me. I’m not going anywhere. This doesn’t change things between us. I swear it. But Sophia, I have to pick up and move on with my life. This is killing me. My grief has been slowly killing me, and Clement would hate that. He’d never want me to spend the rest of my life mourning him. He’d be the first person to want me to be happy even if it wasn’t with him.”

Sophia pulled away, wiping hastily at her tears. “I know that. I do. And I want you to be happy, Sandra. But does it have to be this way? You don’t understand what it’s like to be at the mercy of the wrong man. You can’t possibly want to put yourself in a position where you’re helpless under a man’s power. He could hurt you. Abuse you. Believe me, you don’t want that. You could never understand how degrading and powerless that feeling is and I do. And I don’t want that for you. Clement would never want that for you.”

Sandra gently wiped away the rest of Sophia’s tears. “Not all men are like that, Sophia. I know your concerns. I’m not negating what you and Clement went through. I’d never allow that for myself. And look at Karla and Ken. You know what kind of relationship they have. Do you honestly believe Ken would ever harm a hair on her head? He loves her. He adores her. He absolutely respects the gift of her submission. And that’s what I want.”

“But he is hurting her,” Sophia said fiercely. “You had to have seen what I saw today. What we’ve seen for the last while. She’s not happy, Sandra, and I’m worried about her. What if he’s abusing her?”

Sandra blinked, utterly shocked by Sophia’s assertion. Yes, she’d noticed that Karla wasn’t her usual cheerful, sunny self. She’d sensed that something was off about her best friend, but never had she entertained, even for a moment, that Ken was hurting her physically.

“I don’t know exactly what’s going on with Karla and Ken,” Sandra said carefully. “But I do know that there is no way he’s abusing her. Karla would never stand for it. She’s too strong and independent, despite the fact that she gave Ken her submission. Not to mention she’d tell us if he was hurting her. We’re too close of friends. We’d know, Sophia. We’d know.”

“No one ever knew the hell that Clement and I endured,” Sophia said painfully. “We hid it from the world. Our father appeared to others as a doting parent incapable of ever doing us harm. But behind closed doors he was a terrible man.”

“Please don’t worry about me,” Sandra said. “And don’t worry about Karla. I’ll talk to her if it makes you feel better. I know Ken. We all know him. We’ve all been friends for years. There is no way he is abusing her And sweetie, I know you’re not happy with my choice. I don’t expect you to accept it, but I’d like for you to respect it at least.”

“I love you,” Sophia said brokenly. “And I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t at least try to steer you away from the path you seem so determined to take. But if this is really what you want, if it’s what you need and it will make you happy, then I’ll try to respect your choices. I just don’t want to lose you too.”

Sandra hugged her again. “You’re not going to lose me. You’re my sister and my best friend. Clement was not my only tie to you and now that he’s gone it doesn’t mean that our tie is severed. You’re my family, Sophia. I love you.”

Sophia pulled away, a watery smile quivering on her lips. “I’ll expect a report tomorrow just like Karla. I won’t sleep tonight for worrying about you. I just hope you know what it is you’re getting into.”

“So do I,” Sandra murmured. “So do I.”

Derrick parked his car outside The House and sat for a moment, wondering again why he was here tonight. Normally on the anniversary of Clement’s death, he would spend the day—and evening—with Sandra. Not that he didn’t spend plenty of other days with her, but for the first two anniversaries of Clement’s passing, he’d spent the entire day with her. Holding her. Comforting her. Supporting her.

And it was his own personal hell.

It felt wrong to be in love with his best friend’s wife. He’d lived with guilt for the entirety of Clement’s marriage to Sandra. Clement had known. He’d guessed, though Derrick had done his best never to allow his feelings to show. But his best friend was perceptive. He knew him better than anyone else ever had. They weren’t just business partners. They were as close as brothers, though Derrick hadn’t existed in the hell that Clement and Sophia had endured growing up.

No, Derrick’s family was the complete antithesis of Clement’s. If you could call the piece-of-shit bastard who’d fathered Clement's family. Derrick’s parents were still as solidly in love now as they were forty years ago when they’d married. Derrick was one of five siblings, the middle child. Two older brothers. Two younger sisters who were spoiled and protected by their older brothers.

Clement had been befuddled by Derrick’s close-knit family from the moment he’d first met them. He hadn’t known how to react to a normal, well-adjusted family setting. But Derrick’s family had embraced Clement—and Sandra, when Clement had married her. And even Sophia, though she was more reserved and more wary of his large family than Clement was.