I got an unexpected message from Gavin Haynes asking me to deliver a USB drive to him. I hadn't even had lunch, and there I was, taking two different subway lines under the scorching midday sun to reach the conference venue. When I arrived, I couldn't get in. The security guard kept explaining that only attendees with an invitation could enter. Frustrated, I paced outside the entrance, waiting for Gavin. After half an hour, I still hadn't seen him, but Helen Jacobs, his colleague, showed up instead.

"I have the files Gavin needed. I sent them to him earlier. He didn't tell you?" she asked, looking slightly annoyed.

As I glanced at the screen showing Gavin's presentation inside, I felt a bit foolish. Helen's impatient expression made it clear I wasn't needed.

"Do you have any other business here?" she asked.

"No, nothing else," I replied coolly.

I guess there won't be anything more between us after today.

***

Pittsburgh summers are notoriously hot, and after all the running around, I was drenched in sweat. The security guard, noticing my discomfort, kindly moved a fan closer to me.

"I'm not trying to keep you out, miss," he explained sympathetically. "It's just that the rules require an invitation."

I nodded, not really listening. My focus was on the live feed of the conference, where Gavin was confidently presenting his research. His achievements were impressive—studying at an Ivy League university, publishing in top journals, and securing a position as an associate professor at the University of Pittsburgh immediately upon his return.

The security guard asked, "You know that person up there?"

I hesitated. "He's a friend."

"Wow, you must be a really good friend," he remarked.

I forced a smile. He was supposed to be my fiancé, but given the circumstances, I couldn't bring myself to say it.

Skipping lunch to bring him the USB drive left me feeling light-headed and more exhausted. Sweat was pouring down my face in large beads. I couldn't tell if it was from the heat or hunger. I took the security guard's advice to sit down and take a break. When I was about to leave, the conference doors suddenly opened, and a crowd of people began to file out, Gavin among them. I tried to blend into the background, but Helen's voice cut through the noise.

"Kyra, you're still here?"

Her shout drew everyone's attention to me. My disheveled appearance—hair hastily tied up, wearing a T-shirt and shorts, and sweaty—made me feel even more out of place compared to the well-dressed crowd. Gavin's glance at me was tinged with a hint of disdain.

"I brought the files you needed," I said quietly.

After briefly greeting the people around him, Gavin pulled me aside. "Why are you here?" he asked, surprising me with his first words.

"You asked me to bring the USB drive. You said it was important and that you'd need it urgently," I replied.

He frowned slightly as he took the USB drive from my hand, which had warmed from being held tightly. "Alright, I've got it. You can go now," he said dismissively. His reaction left me so stunned that I didn't even know how to be angry. As he was called back inside by a colleague, I turned to leave.

Just then, I overheard someone teasing Gavin, "Mr. Haynes, is that your girlfriend?"

"She must be your fiancée, right? You're getting married next month!"

I paused, curious about his response. After a moment of silence, Gavin replied, "There are some research projects that exist only to fulfill a requirement, with no real significance of their own. That's what my marriage is like—just something I have to do."

I had always admired Gavin for his calm and rational demeanor. But it never occurred to me that he would be so calm and rational that he would see me as just another project he needed to complete—a project with no real significance.

After wooing him for a year and being with him for five years, including keeping him company during his studies out of the state, we had always planned that once he graduated and found a job, we would get married. With the wedding just a month away, the culmination of all my hopes turned out to be just another task he had to check off.

All my previous excitement and anticipation cooled immediately after hearing Gavin's words.

"Don't leave yet. I'll give you a ride home after I'm done."

The message from Gavin was meant to sound caring, but it couldn't hide the underlying indifference.

I came all the way here in the middle of the day to deliver the documents, and he didn't ask if I had eaten, if I was tired, or if I needed to rest. Instead, he just asked me to wait.

"Don't bother. Gavin, if you don't want to, we don't have to get married."

After sending that message, I made up my mind and blocked him.

Before meeting Gavin, I never knew I could be so passive. I was still angry when I first saw Helen, but for Gavin, I could tolerate it. I could see that she thought I was unworthy of him. She constantly showed me that she was more suited to him.

Helen was Gavin's colleague. They were mentored by the same professor, who even tried to set them up. They lost touch when Gavin went away for his PhD, but after he joined the University of Pittsburgh, they ended up in the same research department. Even those unfamiliar with their department knew they were an extremely well-matched team, often appearing together in various publications.

Though I envied them, I couldn't do anything about it. I was particularly looking forward to seeing our names together on the marriage certificate. I even told myself that no matter how well they worked together, it was only a professional relationship. Only Gavin and I would appear on the marriage certificate.

But now, I suddenly felt I couldn't deceive myself anymore. In situations like earlier, I clearly embarrassed him, and Helen seemed more suited to be by his side.

After leaving the university, I found a random restaurant to eat. While ordering, I realized it was a trendy spot I had wanted to visit with Gavin for a long time. But he had always been too busy. Even though the restaurant was right across from the university, he never had time to come with me.

Maybe I was hungry for too long because I had no appetite at all. The long-awaited dishes didn't taste good. I quickly ate a few bites and then took a cab home.

Once home, I realized I had a stomachache. I managed to have some warm milk and took some medicine before falling asleep. When I woke up, it was already evening.

I could hear Gavin showering in the bathroom. My phone's reminder popped up, reminding me to book tickets for his parents, check the menu at the hotel, and pick up the wedding favors.

Since Gavin started his job, he's been very busy. He had said from the start that I could handle all the wedding arrangements. I thought he respected my decisions and that being busy was a happy trouble.

Now I realized that Gavin simply didn't care about the wedding at all.

As I was reflecting, Gavin came out of the bathroom, towel-drying his hair.

"You should tidy yourself up before you go out next time," he said.

I was stunned. Yes, I hadn't dressed up today; I was in a rush to deliver something to him. But was he only concerned with the fact that I embarrassed him? After all the trouble I went through to bring him the documents and wait for so long, he didn't even offer an apology?

"Gavin, if you don't want to, we don't have to force ourselves to get married."

Had he not even read the message I sent him?

I had to repeat it to him.

He didn't respond to me. Instead, he skillfully took the condoms out of the closet's hidden compartment and then lay down.

"Stop making a fuss. Our families have discussed everything, and all the preparations are made. Just go to sleep."

This was the same pattern. Whenever I wanted to discuss something seriously, he always avoided the main issue. He clearly didn't intend to go to sleep. His restless hands wrapped around my waist, and he rested his head on my shoulder.

"You're the only one I want to marry."

Gavin's voice was gentle, almost like he was trying to soothe me. If it had been before, I would have likely surrendered immediately. I admit part of it was physical attraction. But now, I felt like I wasn't just drawn to his good looks.

I couldn't tell if he was being sincere now or if the real him was the one from earlier that day. I pushed him away.

"I'll sleep in another room."

Gavin looked at me with an expression that clearly said he hoped I'd come back to bed. But I didn't want to. In fact, his current behavior was somewhat repulsive to me.

Since I had planned to accompany my good friend Sonia for her gynecological check-up, I got up early the next morning. To my surprise, Gavin left before me. He had left me breakfast with a note.

"Remember to eat breakfast."

His handwriting was beautiful. Waking up to such a breakfast and note was indeed romantic. But a sudden realization made my heart sink. I realized that Gavin liked to make these gestures of superficial care. In terms of formalities, he was flawless. He was more considerate and romantic than many other men. He often left me caring notes, prepared flowers, or gave small gifts.

I used to appreciate these gestures, but now I wondered if they were just obligatory parts of his routine, like he said yesterday—just another step in a project. I felt that this breakfast was probably his way of apologizing for what happened yesterday. But I didn't feel any genuine thought behind it. His outward actions and concern seemed perfunctory. For example, the breakfast he prepared included milk and cheese bread, even though I was lactose intolerant.

After making some oatmeal for myself, I headed straight to the hospital. When I arrived, Sonia was already there, having received her number and preparing for her check-up. Sonia had recently married and received a promotion, so she was a bit anxious about getting pregnant. I comforted her while we waited for the results.

To my surprise, I ran into Gavin at the payment window. He was holding Helen Jacobs in his arms.

"Kyra, it's not what you think. I had low blood sugar, so Gavin brought me to the hospital."

It wasn't a big deal initially, but her comment made it seem more suspicious. I nodded and continued to wait in line.

Gavin, looking a bit nervous, explained, "Today, the school had an event, and Ms. Jacobs suddenly fainted. Since she was in my group, I brought her here."

I observed them. Helen was practically clinging to Gavin, and it was clear to anyone that she had feelings for him. How could Gavin possibly be unaware of this? The lack of a clear refusal or boundary-setting was problematic.

However, I was surprisingly not angry. If it were before, I might have caused a scene and made things uncomfortable. But now, I had learned to remain as calm as Gavin.