Training that evening felt different and not the good kind. It was off. The energy on the rink had shifted, even if no one else could fully place why. Lukas was sharper than usual, his instructions more clipped, his patience thinner.

"Focus," he snapped at one player.

"You're dragging."

"Again!"

He made no room for mistakes or just no room for anything and Viktor noticed...He always did. When it was finally just the two of them left, the silence felt heavier than it ever had before.

Lukas didn't look at him and didn't speak even when it was necessary. He didn't even stand close...Like he had built a wall overnight and decided to stay behind it.

Viktor pushed off the barrier slowly, skating toward him.

"Are we really doing this?" he asked, his voice quieter now, less teasing than usual.

No response. Lukas kept adjusting his gloves like he didn't hear him. Viktor let out a small breath, stopping in front of him. "Lukas."

Still nothing and that... annoyed him more than it should have.

"Wow," Viktor muttered, shaking his head slightly. "So you can throw me on a bed and destroy me, but now you can't even look at me?"

That did it. Lukas paused just slightly...but it was enough.

Viktor stepped closer.

"You're really going to act like last night didn't happen?" he asked, softer now.

Lukas finally looked at him and there was nothing there. No warmth or hesitation...just plain distance.

"You said it yourself," Lukas replied calmly. "We forget it."

The words landed harder than they should have.

Viktor's jaw tightened slightly. "I didn't think you'd actually-"

"That is your problem."

Lukas moved past him. Like that was the end of it...no further conversation was needed, at least...he was done replying. Something in Viktor snapped. He reached out, grabbing Lukas's wrist and pulling him back just slightly-not rough, just enough to stop him.

"Wait."

Lukas turned, eyes red and sharp. Like he was doing everything in his power to fight back tears.

"What?"

For a second, Viktor didn't speak...he didn't know what to say. Then, like he was acting on impulse, he leaned in and tried to kiss him but Lukas turned his head. Clean and direct.

The kiss missed.

Silence was heavy and awkward.

Viktor froze for a second, still close, still holding onto him-but Lukas didn't move or react.

"Don't do that again," Lukas said quietly.

He didn't sound angry or loud...he was just... done. He pulled his hand free and walked off the ice without looking back.

And this time Viktor didn't follow. The rink stayed quiet long after Lukas left and for the first time since he arrived Viktor felt it.

That distance they warned him about, that emptiness... He thought it was something he could control but it was slipping.

Lukas didn't stop walking until he was out of the rink. The cold followed him out, clinging to his skin, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to calm the storm building in his chest, wasn't enough to quiet the noise in his head.

"You said it yourself... we forget it."

His own voice echoed in his head, and this time...It didn't sound strong, it sounded stupid. He pushed the door open harder than necessary, stepping into the hallway, his pace quick, uneven. His vision blurred as he blinked hard, trying to force it back.

It couldn't happen here or now. He swallowed, jaw tightening as he kept moving, ignoring the few students who passed by him, ignoring the looks, the concern...Everything.

"Don't do that again."

His chest tightened. Why did that hurt more?

Why did that feel worse than everything Viktor had already done?

"...damn it," he muttered under his breath, his voice cracking just slightly.

And that was it. The moment he stepped into the open-

It broke. The tears came fast...like they had been waiting.

Lukas stopped walking, his breath catching as he dragged a hand over his face, but it didn't help. It didn't stop anything. If anything, it made it worse.

"Shit!"

His voice shook. He looked around quickly, like someone might see, as someone might notice but he didn't even wait long enough to check. He just moved quickly up the stairs, past the corridors and straight to the balcony.

The moment he got there, he grabbed onto the railing, his head dropping forward as his shoulders tensed and then he let it all out. The weight, the pain, the tears...all out in a very loud, ugly manner. The kind that came from somewhere deep and refused to stay buried.

His grip tightened against the metal as his body shook slightly, breath uneven, broken...mucus dripping down his face as the cold breeze slapped him harshly.

"...why?" he whispered, though there was no one there to answer.

"You show up out of nowhere" he sniffled. "Come back, hold me, change me, use me and then leave?!" He let out a shaky laugh that didn't sound like a laugh at all.

"I hate you..." He said under his breath, but even he didn't sound convinced.

Because if he really hated him...why did it hurt this much?

Time had passed and Lukas didn't know how long.

The wind brushed against his face, cool and quiet, but it didn't do much to ground him. He wiped at his face roughly, trying to pull himself together, but the tears kept coming in waves, slower now...but still there and right in the middle of it all, a thought slipped in...a very stupid and weak one. He laughed softly, shaking his head.

"...just come," he murmured, barely audible. "Just once..." his eyes produced fresh tears, "for once...come for me...just come after me"

Lukas froze. He heard footsteps. His breath caught instantly, heart jumping in his chest as he turned slightly-

Hope hitting him before he could stop it...it was Viktor...It had to be.

He didn't move or call out. He stepped back slightly instead, instinctively, moving behind the pillar near the corner of the balcony. Not hiding completely...just enough that he wasn't in direct view.

Viktor stepped out onto the balcony. His gaze swept across the space slowly. Left, right...empty.

"...figures," he sniffed and cleaned his eyes as he muttered under his breath.

He leaned against the railing for a second, exhaling softly, his expression unreadable but there was something there. He stayed like that for a moment... then shook his head lightly and cleaned his eyes.

"Whatever."

And then he left. The door clicked shut and silence grabbed Lukas by the neck. He didn't move...not immediately.

He just stood there, staring at the space Viktor had been seconds ago, his chest tightening all over again but this time, it felt different.

He stepped out slowly from behind the pillar, eyes still slightly red, still glassy.

"...you didn't come," he whispered.

But he had...Lukas just didn't see him.

Lukas didn't remember getting up and walking back; he only remembered the cruelty of the cold and the quiet that followed every step, as well as how loud everything in his head felt compared to it.

By the time he reached the door leading to the balcony, his hands were still shaking slightly. He didn't bother turning on the flashlight, he just stepped inside and shut the door behind him, leaning against it for a second like his body needed something to support his very existence. His chest still felt tight.

"...get it together," he muttered under his breath.

But even his voice didn't sound convincing... not even to himself. He pushed off the door and tried moving slowly, grabbing his bag by the hand. His clothes were scattered, his shirt half inside-out, his laces still loose but he didn't care. He wiped his face with the back of his hand, but it didn't do much. He didn't move far before he stopped.

His eyes still burned and his chest still hurt. "You didn't come..."

The words slipped out before he could stop them. He swallowed hard, shaking his head as he could physically push the thought away, but it didn't work.

"Of course, he didn't come. Why would he?" Lukas laughed at his own thoughts 

He let out a small, empty laugh, before properly slinging his bag over his shoulder. His fingers tightened around the strap as he walked away from the door, his head lowered, his steps slower than usual. He couldn't trust his face or his voice anymore. He couldn't trust anything right now so he just kept walking.

The stairs leading down the balcony blurred slightly as he descended them, his vision not fully steady yet. He wiped his face again, sniffing lightly, trying to at least look normal before he stepped outside and it didn't work but he tried anyway.

One step, two and three-

"You're still just a lost kid, aren't you?"

Lukas froze. His heart stopped first...then slammed back to life so hard it almost hurt. Slowly, he looked up and there he was.

Viktor.

Standing right there like he hadn't just torn him apart minutes ago. Like he hadn't just walked away... as he came back but his arms were wide open and a stupid, soft smile on his face and for a second, Lukas forgot everything.

The anger, the pride, the hurt.

All of it. Because his body moved before his mind could catch up.

"Viktor-"

He rushed forward, crashing into him without hesitation, arms wrapping around him tightly like he was afraid he'd disappear again. The force of it made Viktor laugh, slightly stumbling back as Lukas pulled him close.

"You're-" Viktor started, his voice shaking, but he didn't finish. Instead, Lukas kissed him for the first time. It was messy, desperate and relieved. Everything hit at once.

Viktor laughed softly against his lips, his hands coming up instinctively to hold him, fingers tangling slightly in his hair.

"Hey. Hey..m" he murmured, breath uneven. "Easy-"

Lukas didn't listen. He lifted him again, like it had become a hobby, holding him close like he weighed nothing, like letting go wasn't an option anymore.

"I thought you-" Lukas tried again, but his voice cracked.

Viktor reached up, brushing his hair back lightly, his expression softer now.

"I was right there," he said.

Lukas blinked, his grip tightening slightly.

"What?"

"I came up," Viktor added, quieter now. "You just... hid."

There was no accusation in it...Just the truth and that somehow made it worse. Lukas looked at him, really looked at him this time, and for a moment, he didn't know what to say. So he didn't and instead-

"You cried," Lukas muttered, his voice still a little rough.

Viktor blinked once... then huffed out a small laugh.

"I can say the same about you."

Lukas sniffed lightly, trying to look annoyed, but it didn't land.

"You did," he insisted.

"and I didn't deny it."

That caught him off guard... Lukas stared at him for a second too long... then laughed. Soft at first... then a little more and Viktor joined in, shaking his head slightly as he leaned his forehead against Lukas's.

Both of them are still very emotional and still a little wrecked but lighter now in that space. There was a small pause after that.

Not awkward, just... quiet.

Lukas didn't put him down immediately or pull away.

He just stayed there, holding him, like he needed to make sure this was real. That Viktor was actually here.

That he didn't leave again.

"...my place or yours?" Lukas asked finally, his voice lower now, but steadier.

Viktor smiled.

"Yours this time."

Lukas kicked his door open, Viktor in hand as they laughed and walked in. The lights are off but Lukas knows his room through and through. Their giggles echoed through the hall.

"That taxi driver will be scarred" Viktor laughed, planting a kiss on Lukas's forehead.

"He just kept looking through the mirror." he laughed harder. "I had no idea how to avoid eye contact."

Lukas dropped him gently on the bed, trailing kisses down his neck, biting him softly.

"I just want to kiss your neck down to your back," Lukas grinned and Viktor giggled.

"You can," he wrapped his legs around his neck "... just be gentle."

He giggled and replied "I won't"

And Viktor's smile faded. His eyes widened in fear as he was flipped over. Lukas's laugh echoed through the room, ending the initial peace.

"Should I help you take off your clothes or...?" Lukas towered over him, his eyes undressing him already.

"I'll take it off myself..." Viktor laughed nervously. He hadn't felt this tension in a while. Lukas sat on the edge of the bed, bare and ripped, his eyes focused tightly on Viktor as he struggled to take off his pants. Lukas walked over to him and held his pants,

"Jeez! Lukas! Wear pants!" He yelled and Viktor flinched. "I'm sorry... I feel tense," he calmed.

"We've had sex already, Viktor." He wrapped his hand around his waist. "You're beautiful so... take it off."

Viktor giggled and pulled his pants down. The air was cold. He hadn't even had time to admire the room yet. It was massive, white and stainless... unlike his. It was perfect, just like the owner.

"Your room is so... neat." 

"Enough stalling. Come" Lukas gestured, his hand hitting the bed softly.

Viktor laughed nervously, a trail of tears dripping down his face. "Remember, be gentle."

"I won't promise." He laughed.

He wasn't gentle. Each thrust came with some complaint. 

"You wanted to leave us.." another thrust

"Leave this!" He thrusted even harder, holding Viktor's neck to look at the ceiling. 

"I'm...sorry" Viktor struggled to place his words. If he wasn't apologizing, he was begging. But soon after, Viktor's waist began to move like it had a mind of its own.

"Oh, Viktor! I thought I was to be gentle!" Lukas spoke, reducing his pace.

"Don't...stop" 

Lukas bit his lip and leaned in, filling him up to the brim. A smile slid across his face.

"You're going to regret saying that." He said, barely above a breath and the night came alive.

Their moans, grunts, trusts and tears filled the night but the night didn't stay loud forever... it couldn't.

At some point, the room fell quiet again except for the sound of uneven breathing and the faint hum of the night outside. The tension that had filled the air slowly dissolved, leaving behind something softer... but heavier.

Lukas stilled.

Not suddenly, not sharply...just gradually, like something in him had finally run out. For a moment, he didn't move at all then he exhaled and reality started creeping back in.

Viktor lay beneath him, completely spent, his chest rising and falling slowly, eyes half-lidded. His fingers twitched slightly against the sheets, like he was trying to hold onto something... or steady himself.

"Lukas... please" he murmured, his voice barely there.

Not accusing, not upset... just tired and that was what got to him-not his words but the tone.

Lukas pulled back slightly, his expression shifting for the first time that night. The intensity in his eyes didn't disappear completely, but it cracked just enough to let something else through.

He ran a hand through his hair, breathing out slowly as he looked away for a second.

"...you should've stopped me," he muttered.

It wasn't a joke...It wasn't even really directed at Viktor.

It sounded more like something he was saying to himself.

Viktor let out a weak laugh, turning his head slightly.

"You don't listen," he said softly.

That almost sounded like before...in the rink, like the teasing and somehow, that made Lukas's chest tighten. There was a pause before Lukas shifted, moving off him and sitting at the edge of the bed, his back turned slightly. The room felt different now...less chaotic, but more exposed.

"Did you mean it?" Viktor asked after a while.

Lukas didn't turn.

"Mean what?"

"That... you hated me."

The question sat between them and Lukas's fingers tightened slightly against his knee.

"I don't know," he said finally.

And for once, that was the truth. Another silence followed, but this one wasn't uncomfortable. It was just... honest.

Viktor shifted slightly, wincing a bit before letting out a quiet breath.

"You're still mad," he said.

"Yeah."

"You're still here."

Lukas didn't respond immediately.

Then-

"...so are you."

That earned a small laugh. Tired and soft before Viktor coughed and stretched his hands, "let's sleep...together."

Lukas didn't argue, he just dug his head into Viktor's body and sighed.

"You won't leave me, yeah?" He said without looking up. His voice was shaky and his grip was tightening around Viktor's waist.

"I won't. I promise. Now let's just sleep" he patted his hair.

"Okay...I'll believe you." And the night pulled them both aggressively. They both slept in each other's arms. The air rushed in and the weather changed slowly. Rain drizzled softly and Lukas opened his eyes to look around.

"So it wasn't a dream? I'm actually here...wow" he whispered and he turned into Viktor even more.

"No it's not," Viktor replied...his voice raspy from sleep. "We're here together, after all these years" his hand tightened around him. "Let's enjoy this moment, okay?"

"Okay," but he didn't say it out...he just slept.