"I'm sorry, father!" His little voice cried "I'll do better...I'll be a better child!" Lukas screamed. It was the same nightmare. The same routine. His father beat him to a pulp, wishing he were dead instead of his mother. It was the exact dream until–

"Stop!" A small familiar voice screamed, "Don't hit him anymore!" And before Lukas could look at who was fighting for him. His eyes shut wide open.

"Are you done resting?" Viktor mumbled, poking his cheeks. Lukas didn't respond. He just lay there, staring at the ceiling. The night was too wrong... He didn't understand what was happening, he lay there asking himself if it was that easy for it to move on after all the trauma Viktor had put him through.

"Earth to Lukas" Viktor said, louder...waving his hand across Lukas' face "Anything the problem?"

Lukas turned to him slowly and spoke, his voice almost a whisper "What do you want?"

"For someone in my bed, under my sheets...you do have nerves" Viktor said, as he claimed into him again... looking down on him this time.

"For someone who begged and cried out my name..." Lukas sat up and grabbed him by the waist "... you're being very cocky"

"Tch. You can't tell anyone about this though." Viktor said as he trailed a finger down his back. "You wouldn't want people looking at us differently... would you?"

Lukas stood up slowly with Viktor still wrapped around him, his hair a mess and the wind from the rain exposed his tired eyes.

"You look so tired... do you not sleep?" Viktor picked a strand and toyed with his hair...

"This is the best I've slept in years." He replied. He wasn't lying. He did have a dream, the typical routine... but younger Viktor was there and it made no sense to Lukas.

Victor kept looking at him, wondering what he was so engrossed in and then he said it.

"We can't let anyone know this happened, it'll be best if we forget," Viktor said, voice stern. He was still in Lukas's arms when he was speaking, both in underwear as the cold air rushed in from the opened windows. The whole world seemed to pause after that sentence.

"I don't understand you Viktor." Lukas finally spoke "You want us to behave like none of this ever happened?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because–" Lukas cut him off before he could finish.

"It's fine" he said as he gently put him back on the bed. "Don't talk to me in school." He put on his jacket and walked out.

Viktor sat there in silence as his whole world crumbled. Lukas was supposed to ask why, he was supposed to care or be worried... but instead, he accepted and left like he meant nothing.

The door clicked shut and just like thathis life felt empty again. Viktor let out a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair as he stared at the spot Lukas had just been standing in. His chest felt tight in a way he didn't like.

"That's... what I wanted," he muttered to himself.

But it didn't feel like it, not even close.

He fell back against the bed, staring up at the ceiling, the faint sound of rain still tapping against the window. Everything from last night replayed in fragments-Lukas's voice, the way he looked at him, the way he held him like he actually... Viktor shut his eyes.

"...this is better," he said again, quieter this time.

But even he didn't sound convinced.

Morning came too quickly. Lukas was already dressed by the time he stepped onto campus, his expression back to what everyone knew... cold, composed, unreadable. It was like the night before had never happened, as he had already buried it.

Students greeted him as usual, whispers trailing behind him as he walked through the halls, but he didn't pay attention. His mind was clear, like he had made a decision and locked it in. No hesitation and no second thoughts.

Viktor, on the other hand, noticed him immediately and of course, he did. The moment Lukas stepped into view, something in him shifted, like his body reacted before his mind could catch up. For a second, he hesitated... then he walked forward anyway.

"Hey-"

His voice came out lighter than he expected.

"Hiii, Luka-"

Lukas didn't even slow down. He didn't even glance at him or react. He just walked past, like Viktor wasn't there...like he didn't exist. The words died in Viktor's throat.

He turned slightly, watching Lukas's back as he kept walking, steady and unbothered, disappearing into the crowd without a second thought.

"...wow," Viktor let out under his breath, a humorless smile tugging at his lips.

"So that's how it is."

Training that evening felt different and not the good kind. It was off. The energy on the rink had shifted, even if no one else could fully place why. Lukas was sharper than usual, his instructions more clipped, his patience thinner.

"Focus," he snapped at one player.

"You're dragging."

"Again!"

He made no room for mistakes or just no room for anything and Viktor noticed...He always did. When it was finally just the two of them left, the silence felt heavier than it ever had before.

Lukas didn't look at him and didn't speak even when it was necessary. He didn't even stand close...Like he had built a wall overnight and decided to stay behind it.

Viktor pushed off the barrier slowly, skating toward him.

"Are we really doing this?" he asked, his voice quieter now, less teasing than usual.

No response. Lukas kept adjusting his gloves like he didn't hear him. Viktor let out a small breath, stopping in front of him. "Lukas."

Still nothing and that... annoyed him more than it should have.

"Wow," Viktor muttered, shaking his head slightly. "So you can throw me on a bed and destroy me, but now you can't even look at me?"

That did it. Lukas paused just slightly...but it was enough.

Viktor stepped closer.

"You're really going to act like last night didn't happen?" he asked, softer now.

Lukas finally looked at him and there was nothing there. No warmth or hesitation...just plain distance.

"You said it yourself," Lukas replied calmly. "We forget it."

The words landed harder than they should have.

Viktor's jaw tightened slightly. "I didn't think you'd actually-"

"That is your problem."

Lukas moved past him. Like that was the end of it...no further conversation was needed, at least...he was done replying. Something in Viktor snapped. He reached out, grabbing Lukas's wrist and pulling him back just slightly-not rough, just enough to stop him.

"Wait."

Lukas turned, eyes red and sharp. Like he was doing everything in his power to fight back tears.

"What?"

For a second, Viktor didn't speak...he didn't know what to say. Then, like he was acting on impulse, he leaned in and tried to kiss him but Lukas turned his head. Clean and direct.

The kiss missed.

Silence was heavy and awkward.

Viktor froze for a second, still close, still holding onto him-but Lukas didn't move or react.

"Don't do that again," Lukas said quietly.

He didn't sound angry or loud...he was just... done. He pulled his hand free and walked off the ice without looking back.

And this time Viktor didn't follow. The rink stayed quiet long after Lukas left and for the first time since he arrived Viktor felt it.

That distance they warned him about, that emptiness... He thought it was something he could control but it was slipping.

Lukas didn't stop walking until he was out of the rink. The cold followed him out, clinging to his skin, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to calm the storm building in his chest, wasn't enough to quiet the noise in his head.

"You said it yourself... we forget it."

His own voice echoed in his head, and this time...It didn't sound strong, it sounded stupid. He pushed the door open harder than necessary, stepping into the hallway, his pace quick, uneven. His vision blurred as he blinked hard, trying to force it back.

It couldn't happen here or now. He swallowed, jaw tightening as he kept moving, ignoring the few students who passed by him, ignoring the looks, the concern...Everything.

"Don't do that again."

His chest tightened. Why did that hurt more?

Why did that feel worse than everything Viktor had already done?

"...damn it," he muttered under his breath, his voice cracking just slightly.

And that was it. The moment he stepped into the open-

It broke. The tears came fast...like they had been waiting.

Lukas stopped walking, his breath catching as he dragged a hand over his face, but it didn't help. It didn't stop anything. If anything, it made it worse.

"Shit!"

His voice shook. He looked around quickly, like someone might see, as someone might notice but he didn't even wait long enough to check. He just moved quickly up the stairs, past the corridors and straight to the balcony.

The moment he got there, he grabbed onto the railing, his head dropping forward as his shoulders tensed and then he let it all out. The weight, the pain, the tears...all out in a very loud, ugly manner. The kind that came from somewhere deep and refused to stay buried.

His grip tightened against the metal as his body shook slightly, breath uneven, broken...mucus dripping down his face as the cold breeze slapped him harshly.

"...why?" he whispered, though there was no one there to answer.

"You show up out of nowhere" he sniffled. "Come back, hold me, change me, use me and then leave?!" He let out a shaky laugh that didn't sound like a laugh at all.

"I hate you..." He said under his breath, but even he didn't sound convinced.

Because if he really hated him...why did it hurt this much?

Time had passed and Lukas didn't know how long.

The wind brushed against his face, cool and quiet, but it didn't do much to ground him. He wiped at his face roughly, trying to pull himself together, but the tears kept coming in waves, slower now...but still there and right in the middle of it all, a thought slipped in...a very stupid and weak one. He laughed softly, shaking his head.

"...just come," he murmured, barely audible. "Just once..." his eyes produced fresh tears, "for once...come for me...just come after me"

Lukas froze. He heard footsteps. His breath caught instantly, heart jumping in his chest as he turned slightly-

Hope hitting him before he could stop it...it was Viktor...It had to be.

He didn't move or call out. He stepped back slightly instead, instinctively, moving behind the pillar near the corner of the balcony. Not hiding completely...just enough that he wasn't in direct view.

Viktor stepped out onto the balcony. His gaze swept across the space slowly. Left, right...empty.

"...figures," he sniffed and cleaned his eyes as he muttered under his breath.

He leaned against the railing for a second, exhaling softly, his expression unreadable but there was something there. He stayed like that for a moment... then shook his head lightly and cleaned his eyes.

"Whatever."

And then he left. The door clicked shut and silence grabbed Lukas by the neck. He didn't move...not immediately.

He just stood there, staring at the space Viktor had been seconds ago, his chest tightening all over again but this time, it felt different.

He stepped out slowly from behind the pillar, eyes still slightly red, still glassy.

"...you didn't come," he whispered.

But he had...Lukas just didn't see him.

Lukas didn't remember getting up and walking back; he only remembered the cruelty of the cold and the quiet that followed every step, as well as how loud everything in his head felt compared to it.

By the time he reached the door leading to the balcony, his hands were still shaking slightly. He didn't bother turning on the flashlight, he just stepped inside and shut the door behind him, leaning against it for a second like his body needed something to support his very existence. His chest still felt tight.

"...get it together," he muttered under his breath.

But even his voice didn't sound convincing... not even to himself. He pushed off the door and tried moving slowly, grabbing his bag by the hand. His clothes were scattered, his shirt half inside-out, his laces still loose but he didn't care. He wiped his face with the back of his hand, but it didn't do much. He didn't move far before he stopped.

His eyes still burned and his chest still hurt. "You didn't come..."

The words slipped out before he could stop them. He swallowed hard, shaking his head as he could physically push the thought away, but it didn't work.

"Of course, he didn't come. Why would he?" Lukas laughed at his own thoughts 

He let out a small, empty laugh, before properly slinging his bag over his shoulder. His fingers tightened around the strap as he walked away from the door, his head lowered, his steps slower than usual. He couldn't trust his face or his voice anymore. He couldn't trust anything right now so he just kept walking.

The stairs leading down the balcony blurred slightly as he descended them, his vision not fully steady yet. He wiped his face again, sniffing lightly, trying to at least look normal before he stepped outside and it didn't work but he tried anyway.

One step, two and three-

"You're still just a lost kid, aren't you?"

Lukas froze. His heart stopped first...then slammed back to life so hard it almost hurt. Slowly, he looked up and there he was.

Viktor.

Standing right there like he hadn't just torn him apart minutes ago. Like he hadn't just walked away... as he came back but his arms were wide open and a stupid, soft smile on his face and for a second, Lukas forgot everything.

The anger, the pride, the hurt.

All of it. Because his body moved before his mind could catch up.

"Viktor-"

He rushed forward, crashing into him without hesitation, arms wrapping around him tightly like he was afraid he'd disappear again. The force of it made Viktor laugh, slightly stumbling back as Lukas pulled him close.

"You're-" Viktor started, his voice shaking, but he didn't finish. Instead, Lukas kissed him for the first time. It was messy, desperate and relieved. Everything hit at once.

Viktor laughed softly against his lips, his hands coming up instinctively to hold him, fingers tangling slightly in his hair.

"Hey. Hey..m" he murmured, breath uneven. "Easy-"

Lukas didn't listen. He lifted him again, like it had become a hobby, holding him close like he weighed nothing, like letting go wasn't an option anymore.

"I thought you-" Lukas tried again, but his voice cracked.

Viktor reached up, brushing his hair back lightly, his expression softer now.

"I was right there," he said.

Lukas blinked, his grip tightening slightly.

"What?"

"I came up," Viktor added, quieter now. "You just... hid."

There was no accusation in it...Just the truth and that somehow made it worse. Lukas looked at him, really looked at him this time, and for a moment, he didn't know what to say. So he didn't and instead-

"You cried," Lukas muttered, his voice still a little rough.

Viktor blinked once... then huffed out a small laugh.

"I can say the same about you."

Lukas sniffed lightly, trying to look annoyed, but it didn't land.

"You did," he insisted.

"and I didn't deny it."

That caught him off guard... Lukas stared at him for a second too long... then laughed. Soft at first... then a little more and Viktor joined in, shaking his head slightly as he leaned his forehead against Lukas's.

Both of them are still very emotional and still a little wrecked but lighter now in that space. There was a small pause after that.

Not awkward, just... quiet.

Lukas didn't put him down immediately or pull away.

He just stayed there, holding him, like he needed to make sure this was real. That Viktor was actually here.

That he didn't leave again.

"...my place or yours?" Lukas asked finally, his voice lower now, but steadier.

Viktor smiled.

"Yours this time."