Dean Harrison's office smelled like old books and furniture polish. The kind of smell that was supposed to make you feel like you were in a place that mattered. I sat in the chair across from his desk and watched him not look at me.

He had a letter in front of him. He kept his hand on it like it might blow away.

"Elora," he said. He cleared his throat. "This is a difficult conversation."

I waited.

"The Distinguished Educator nomination has been withdrawn." He said it to the window. "Given the current... reputational concerns... the committee felt it was best to... reassess."

Reputational. The word sat in the air like smoke.

"I've taught here for twenty-two years," I said.

He nodded. Still looking at the window. "Yes. And your contributions have been... significant. But the university has to consider its reputational standing. The forum post has generated considerable... reputational impact. Until we can assess the full reputational—"

"You've said that word four times," I said.

He stopped. His hand moved to straighten a pen on his desk. Two inches to the left.

"We're placing you on indefinite administrative leave," he said. "Effective immediately. While we assess the situation."

I looked at him. This man had written, in a letter three years ago, that I was the finest lecturer he had hired in thirty years. I had the letter in a drawer at home. I'd read it once and then put it away because I didn't know what to do with praise.

"I see," I said.

He finally looked at me. Just for a second. Then away again.

"I'm sorry, Elora," he said. "This isn't personal."

I picked up my bag. "Thank you for your time."

The meeting had lasted nine minutes.

I walked through the hallway past my office. The door was still open. My books were still on the shelves. A student's paper sat on my desk with red pen marks in the margin. I didn't go in. I kept walking.

Outside, the air was cold. I walked to the Tube station and stood on the platform and watched the trains come and go. I got on the third one.

At home, I made tea. I didn't drink it. I sat at the kitchen table and watched it go cold.

Three days later, I went to the bodega on the corner. I needed milk. The kind of thing you don't think about until you open the refrigerator and it's not there.

The bodega was small and bright and smelled like coffee and newsprint. I picked up the milk and paid for it and walked back out onto the street.

Two men were standing near the corner. One of them looked at me. Then looked again.

"Hey," he said.

I kept walking.

They followed.

I heard their footsteps. Fast. Getting closer. I turned down the side street toward my building. Faster now. The milk carton was cold in my hand.

"Hey," the man said again. Louder. "I know you."

I didn't turn around.

They caught up at the alley. One of them grabbed my arm and shoved me against the brick wall. The milk fell. I heard it hit the pavement and split open.

"You're that woman," he said. "From the post. The one who—"

He didn't finish. He hit me.

I went down. My head hit the pavement and something warm ran down the side of my face. I tasted copper.

The second man kicked me in the ribs. Once. Twice. He called me the names from Chelsea's post. The ones Damon had confirmed when he sent that reply from my phone.

I tried to get up. I couldn't.

They left.

I lay there on wet pavement with my face against the concrete. The alley smelled like garbage and rain. My phone was in my coat pocket. I reached for it. My hand was shaking now. Shaking bad.

I pulled up his number. The only number I'd called for thirty years when something went wrong.

It rang.

Across the city, in the penthouse we'd bought together twenty years ago with money I'd helped him earn, Damon Carter looked at his phone.

*Elora.*

Chelsea was beside him on the sofa. She leaned over and looked at the screen. Her hand rested on his shoulder. Light. Gentle.

"She does this," Chelsea said softly. "It's a pattern. She calls when she wants attention."

Damon's thumb hovered over the screen.

I lay in the alley and listened to it ring. Four times. Five. My vision was blurring. The blood was in my eye now.

Six rings.

His thumb moved.

*Decline.*

The ringing stopped.

I held the phone against my chest and closed my eyes. The pavement was cold. The sky above the alley was grey and flat and empty.

I lay there for forty minutes.

A woman walking her dog found me. She knelt down and said my name, or maybe she didn't. Maybe she just said *oh god* over and over. She called 911.

I heard the sirens. I felt hands lifting me. I felt the ambulance doors close.

Somewhere in the noise and the lights and the pain, I thought about the locked box in my closet. The one with the divorce papers Damon signed ten years ago and told me to throw away.

I hadn't thrown them away.

I was going to need them now.