My younger brother, Sean, and I were both critically ill and needed kidney transplants.

When the hospital finally found two matching donors, my mother didn't hesitate for a second and gave both kidneys to Sean.

She said to me, "Ivan, Sean has been frail since he was little. Having two kidneys will make him healthier. He isn't like you. You've gone through dialysis so many times. I'm sure you're used to it."

In the end, I didn't receive the kidney transplant. Tormented by illness, I suffered unbearably until I finally closed my eyes forever.

Yet, she couldn't accept it. Her eyes turned red from crying.

I died.

Finally, I no longer need to suffer the torment of illness, bedridden and desperately waiting for death.

My soul rose up from my body.

I saw how miserably pale my face was.

Before I could process that thought, my soul was led out of my hospital room, appearing next to my younger brother, Sean Child.

His kidney transplant was a success and he could be discharged from the hospital. He was lying in bed, looking healthy, his face plump and red.

Our mother was still worried about him. She sat next to him on the bed, caressing his face dotingly.

"You suffered so much, Sean. Look at how thin you are. My heart hurts so badly."

Sean shook his head gently. "Mommy, I'm fine. See, I'm alright."

Mommy's eyes reddened and tears streamed down her face. She nodded in agreement and said, "Yes, you're my lucky star, Sean. You had just been diagnosed when we found you two kidney donors."

She smiled proudly at the mention of the kidney donors.

When I was sick, we could not find a match. I had no choice but to go through dialysis to keep the sickness at bay.

My parents were divorced. Mommy raised the two of us on her own.

It was not easy. She did not have the energy to take care of me.

I did not blame her as I understood.

Later on, Sean got sick as well. When she first found out about his illness, she rushed over to me in the hospital, looking at me maliciously.

"It's all because of you. You made your brother sick as well."

She hit me with all her might until the medical staff pulled her away. She loathed me, convinced that Sean got sick because of me.

Even if the doctor had explained to her that our illness was genetic, she refused to believe it.

Once Sean got sick, Mommy went all around the hospital asking for help.

Luckily, Sean and I finally found two matching kidney donors.

…

My thoughts were pulled back by Sean's laughter. He chuckled happily, showing his dimple.

Then, as if suddenly thinking of something, he asked softly, "I wonder how Ivan is doing."

When Mommy heard my name, her gaze darkened a little.

She said, "Why are you bringing up your brother? He can take it. He's done dialysis so many times. I'm sure he'll make it."

Her tone got icy when she talked about me. She casually brushed off the pain and suffering I had been through.

I clenched my trembling fingers.

That was not the case.

'Mommy, oh, Mommy,' I thought.

'The countless times I was in so much pain from the dialysis that I was drenched in cold sweat. The countless tears.

'It was not that it wasn't painful. I just didn't want you to worry, so every single time, I gritted my teeth and told myself to be strong, but you didn't seem to care about my suffering at all.

All you cared for was Sean'

Mommy placed a bowl of chicken soup on the table and fed Sean spoon by spoon.

"Sean, you're weak. Of course, you need two kidneys to be healthy."

That was the second time I heard such a thing from her.

When we found two matching donors, I had once lay in bed thinking about what Sean and I would do once we were completely recovered, yet Mommy would not allow me to recover.

She had given both kidneys to Sean without any hesitation.

I lay in bed, tormented by the illness, as she held my hand. She said, "Sean has been weak since he was young. He needs two kidneys to be healthy. He's not like you. You've been through so many rounds of dialysis I'm sure you're used to it."

At that, I could not help but laugh, yet my tears fell uncontrollably.

Yes, I had been through so many rounds of dialysis.

I had gotten used to it.

Mommy was still talking to Sean gently and dotingly, "Sean, you're the best boy in the world. Now, drink some soup. You need the nutrients."

She fed Sean spoon by spoon, without the slightest trace of impatience.

Mommy's eyes were filled with nothing but love as she looked at Sean.

I never once had that treatment.

After I fell ill, I was always alone in the hospital room. Every time she visited me, she would leave in a hurry.

Once, I tried making her stay. I tugged at the hem of her shirt, asking feebly and meekly if she could stay for a longer while.

However, she forcefully pried my fingers off. Her gaze had zero ounce of warmth.

"Ivan, you're a big boy. How can you still be so immature?"

Her words hurt me. I slowly retracted my hand.

However, I still could not understand. I was just a child too. I just wanted her to spend more time with me.

After she left, I struggled to open the plain porridge she had brought me.

I swallowed it bite by bite, mixed with my tears. One of the nurses felt sorry for me. She would come take care of me during her breaks.

When Mommy found out about it, she yelled at the nurse.

I lay in bed, confused, as her shrill voice pierced my eardrums. I wanted to stand up for the nurse.

She was just looking out for me.

Mommy cut me off. "She's just a nurse. Why should she only care for you but not others? Who knows what the hell she's up to? Besides, you're just in bed all day. Why do you need her care?! She's just being nosy!"

Mommy yelled at me and ended up slapping me on the face.

It hurt, but I stopped the tears from falling. I tried my best not to cry. I told myself that Mommy was just concerned about me.

However, at that moment, I could no longer lie to myself.

I was dead.

After Mommy finished feeding Sean the chicken soup, she started coaxing him to go to bed.

Her phone, placed by the side, kept ringing.

I was in a daze looking at the phone number on the caller screen. It was from the hospital.

Mommy looked at her phone and furrowed her brows.

Sean opened his eyes in confusion and asked, "Mommy, what's going on? Is there an emergency?"

Mommy silenced her phone and smiled. "It's nothing. It's just a scam call. Go to bed, Sean. Once you're up, I'll take you out to play."

Sean was my younger brother's new name. When he fell sick, Mommy went around asking for blessings. She got a fortune teller to change his name, hoping that this would bring him peace and health.

However, she had never once done that for me.

After Sean fell asleep, Mommy took her phone out of the room and gently closed the door behind her.

The hospital called her four times, but she never once answered their calls.

I hovered in mid-air, looking on.

She furrowed her brows impatiently. "Why the hell is Ivan being so immature? Sean needs care right now. Ivan has so many doctors and nurses to look after him. Why is he still calling me?"

Then, she deleted the hospital's phone number.

I was stunned to hear what she said.

So, that was what she thought of me. I was just a burden to her.

I remember once, right after Sean was discharged from the hospital, I had to go for another dialysis treatment.

Before being wheeled into the dialysis room, a heavy storm raged outside. Thunder roared, lightning splitting the sky.

I lay on the hospital bed, trembling in fear, begging the doctor to let me use a phone.

When the call finally connected, my voice broke.

"Mommy, it's raining so heavily outside. I'm scared. I'm going for another round of dialysis soon. Can you come and be with me?"

The doctor standing next to me sighed and shook his head.

Mommy replied, "Ivan, can you behave? If I go and see you, who will look after Sean?"

I covered my ears, trying to block out the thunderous booms from outside the window, yet her words stabbed into me painfully.

I asked once more, "You can bring Sean along as well. Mommy, I'm begging you."

Tears fell as I kept pleading with her.

She paused for a while before berating me.

"Ivan, are you cursing your brother? He's just been discharged. How could you ask him to return to the hospital again? How can you be so immature?

"You're really just a bringer of misfortune. I was cursed to give birth to you! Just go for your treatment. If not, you can go ahead and die."

I wanted to say something else when Mommy hung up on me.

As the storm raged on outside, I patted myself to try to calm myself down.

'How could I be so immature? How could I ask Mommy to come over to be with me in such a huge storm? It's fine. Ivan, you can do it.'

In the end, I could not hold on any longer. The illness consumed me and I closed my eyes forever.

It turned out that Mommy knew everything. She just did not like me.

Why?

…

When I was younger, Daddy and Mommy dumped me with Grandma.

Back then, Grandma told me, "Ivan, you're a great kid, but your Mommy just doesn't like you."

I did not believe her. I retorted in a huff, "You're wrong! Mommy likes me the best!"

I angrily hit Grandma with my tiny fists before shoving her aside.

She replied, "If your Mommy likes you, why did she give you to me? Your Mommy doesn't like you! She doesn't want you anymore!"

I froze on the spot because of Grandma's yelling. My face flushed red as I stammered, "N-No. S-She's just too busy."

Grandma would tell me daily how Mommy did not like me and how she no longer wanted me.

At first, I denied it with everything I had, but slowly, I started to doubt.

I looked at Grandma's wrinkly face and asked in confusion, "Why doesn't Mommy like me?"

Grandma caressed my head and explained, "When she had you, she was in pain for three days and three nights before giving birth to you. She was convinced you were born to torment her."

I believed Grandma's words.

In school, I asked my teacher, "Miss, what should I do if my Mommy doesn't like me?"

The teacher chuckled. She bent down and met my gaze, replying, "Impossible. No parents wouldn't love their children."

Later on, Mommy came and took me away.

Before leaving, I said to Grandma smugly, "You were wrong. Mommy loves me. No parents wouldn't love their children."

Only at that moment did I realize that Grandma was right. Mommy did not love me at all.

It was only two days later when Mommy received another call from the hospital. She was accompanying Sean in getting some sunlight.

When the hospital called her, she frowned and hung up.

However, that time, the hospital kept calling. Mommy finally lost her patience.

She went to the side and answered the call.

A person asked, "Hello, are you a family member of Ivan Child?"

She got infuriated when she heard my name once more.

She yelled angrily, "Can you stop being so annoying? If I'm not answering, stop calling! What, now even the hospital is helping a kid put on a pity act? I was a child once too. I know exactly what he's thinking!

"Tell Ivan that I've already spent good money treating him. His brother just recovered, so I don't have time to deal with him. If he wants treatment, then he has to cooperate. If not, he can just come back here."

Hovering next to her, I heard her words loud and clear. I finally realized how differently she treated Sean and I.

'Mommy, I'm dead. I can no longer call you.'

The next three days, the hospital called her countless times, but she refused to pick up.

So, that was how much I was worth in her heart. I could never compare to Sean, but why?

I could not understand. I was her child too.

Since the hospital could not reach her, Sean's primary doctor, Dr. Daniel Lyle, sent Mommy a message.

[Mrs. Child, I'm sorry, but your son, Ivan Child, has passed away. Please come and collect his body.]

When Mommy received the message, she rolled her eyes and cursed before sending a response.

[Dr. Lyle, are you helping Ivan to lie to me?]

Dr. Lyle was our primary doctor. Even if Mommy was mad at him, she had no choice but to be polite to him since Sean still needed future checkups.

Dr. Lyle did not argue. He merely sent her a photo and another text.