2. Feelings bad

DIANA

It took all it had in me not to shed tears while walking back home. I have never felt the urge to walk home this much before.

I needed to calm my nerves, not after encountering the person that broke me. The only man I ever loved but got dumped by him because he saw me unworthy of being by his side.

I inhaled and exhaled deeply before entering my apartment.

"Mummy!" Ammika called with excitement laced in her tone the moment I entered the apartment.

I smiled at her before kicking my shoes off. She ran from where she sat to come to hug me and I hugged her back.

"My little princess is happy. How was school today?" I asked her inquisitively as I squat down to her height level.

"Today at school was very fun. We did a spelling bee competition today and I won," she said excitedly.

"That's so nice. That's my baby girl. You make mummy proud," I kissed her on her cheek.

"Welcome home mummy," Armani said, coming out of the kitchen with an apron on him and flours all over his body

I gasped, "Armani, what do you think you are doing?" I asked him, standing back on my feet with my hands on my waist.

He giggled, showing off his teeth stained with chocolate. "I wanted to make dinner for us," he said and I groaned mentally.

Armani won't be the death of me. Ever since he turned four, he always went to the kitchen intending to make breakfast, lunch, or dinner for us, but instead, he ends up messing up the entire kitchen and telling me that the food is almost ready.

"I am almost done cooking mummy," he told me proudly and I facepalmed myself.

I walked toward him. "Where is Kate?" I asked him.

Kate was supposed to look at my kids. I pay her to look after them, and most especially Armani, because he is always wanting to touch everything.

"She left to get something from the store some minutes ago and Armani went into the kitchen even when I reminded him that you told him not to because he couldn't cook," Ammika answered.

"I can cook," Armani retorted with a frown on his face.

I held Armani's hands. "Armani, you can't cook. I have told you to stop going into the kitchen. You end up messing everywhere up," I scolded lightly and the skin between his brows creased.

"But you haven't tasted my good yet, so how do you know that?" He replied and I shook my head in disbelief.

Armani might look nothing like his father Albert, but he was just as stubborn and persistent as him.

Albert can't cook but he would never accept that and every time he tries to make food for me, it either gets burnt or doesn't have a taste.

"Armani, listen to me and listen carefully. You do not know how to cook and stop trying to. That only makes you irresponsible and mummy hates irresponsible boys!" I chided.

Armani's face changed. I watched as tears formed in his eyes and I realized just what I had done.

I had raised my voice on him because of a little memory of his father that resurfaced in my head.

Armani began to cry. "I don't like you any more mummy," he said to me before running away from me with tears in his eyes.

I rake my hair with my fingers frustratingly, realizing what I had just done. I passed the anger I felt for his father on to him and now I feel bad for my actions.

"I'm so sorry Diana, I had to rush to get some tampons from the store."

I heard Kate's words from behind me and I turned to face her.

"What happened?" Kate asked, noticing the silence in the room.

"It's nothing. Thanks for today and you can go home. For now, I am back home," I told her and she nodded her head.

"Bye Ammika," she said.

"Bye Kate," Ammika replied.

"Where is Armani?" She asked Ammika.

"He went to his room," Ammika said.

"Okay, tell him I sent my kisses," she said before walking out of the door.

"Come on Ammika, it's time to sleep," I said to her.

After tucking Ammika into the bed, I went to Armani's room to check on him.

By the time I got to Armani's room, he was sleeping. I felt my body stiffen while staring at him. I felt bad for making him cry.

While Armani hardly does what he is told, Ammika does all that she is told. Armani reminded me a lot of Albert but I never scolded him so harshly as I did until tonight and I blamed Albert for it.

I climbed on the bed and lay beside him. "I'm sorry my baby. I am very sorry," I kissed him on his cheek with tears in my eyes.

"You have been doing fine Diana, you will be fine," I said to myself, hoping it would console me but it didn't.

The wounds that took so long to heal opened again and it hurt all over again. I felt the same pain I felt when he dumped me.

I felt the same pain all over again. I exhaled deeply, trying to not feel pain but I couldn't. Memories of the past flashed in my head and I hated it.

I hated that my past haunted me like a nightmare. For the first two years, I couldn't close my eyes without being haunted by that night. The night where all my misery started from.

"I love you so much Diana and I promise to never break your heart."

The lies that came out of his mouth resurfaced in my head and I bit my inner cheek to control myself. I didn't want to remember. I refuse to remember the lies he said to me. The promises he made to me and I refuse to remember that night.

I stared at my Armani. "You won't ever be like him. You are mummy's responsible boy. I love you with all my heart." I kissed him on his forehead.

3: A dream of the past

"Oh my goodness Albert, you startled me," I placed my palm on my chest, trying to calm my nerves.

Albert smiled, showing him a smile worthy of a million and I felt my heart skip.

He walked closer to me and placed his hands on my waist, running up and down my curves. "You missed me?" He asked and I smiled at him before wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Yes. I did," I replied.

He leaned forward and kissed me. "I missed you too. Which is why we will be spending the whole day today," he said and my smile widened.

"Are you for real?" I asked him, wanting to be sure.

"Of course. It's going to be for you and I alone and that's a promise because first, I will switch off my phone," he said.

He tucked his hands in his back pocket and took out his phone. Right in front of me, he switched it off.

"Shall we?" He said and I nodded my head with a smile on my face.

He intertwined his fingers with mine before placing a small kiss on mine.

**

I woke up to the ray of the sun reflecting on my face. The moment I opened my eyes, I realized that it was a dream

Why did I have to dream about Albert? Just why?

I touched my cheek to feel that they were wet from my tears. I cried in my sleep and I did not realize it until I woke up.

I looked at the alarm on the nightstand to realize that it was fifteen minutes to six.

"Mummy," I heard Ammika call beside me and I turned to look at her.

"Is it morning yet?" She asked me.

"Yes baby, it's morning but it's not bright outside yet," I told her and she scooted closer to me before wrapping her arms around me.

"I love you, mummy," she said and I smiled.

Ammika and Armani were my strengths. They gave me a reason to live when I wanted to die and leave this cruel world.

**

I thought my eyes must be seeing double when I arrived at work later in the evening.

Albert was seated at that same table he sat at yesterday, but this time he had no one seated beside him.

"Thank goodness you are here Diana. Kindly attend to the table over there. He is done eating and I think he wants to pay his bills or order some packed dishes," she pointed at the table Albert sat and I mentally fainted.

I feigned a smile at her. "Okay."

"Now I can go back home, I'm exhausted," I heard Rosaline say before she walked away.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and exhaled. It wasn't enough that I had to dream about him, but now he has come to haunt me in reality too.

Albert raised his head the moment I stood opposite him at the table he sat. A smile formed on his face when he looked at me and it riled me up as I felt as if he was mocking me.

I do not know why I felt that way, but I did.

"Good evening sir," I greeted politely and in a professional tone.

"You do not have to sound so formal. You can call me by my name," he said to me and I furrowed my brows in confusion.

"Do you want to pay your bills or do you want a side dish packed for you so you could take it with you, which is it?" I asked, ignoring his earlier statement.

I looked away from him, not wanting to meet his eyes, so I looked above his head but I could feel his hot gaze on me.

"I need your best side dishes packed for me so I can take them with me," he said.

"Which of the side dishes is because I can assure you that we offer the best of our side dishes," I replied politely, still refusing to look at him.

"Just get me the one you would get for yourself," I said and I felt the urge to roll my eyes at him.

"I am afraid I can't do that sir. I can not tell your preference and I can not get for you what is preferable for me," she replied in a calm tone.

"I said, just get me, anyone," he said firmly, leaving no room for discussion.

I closed my eyes, inhaled, and exhaled deeply. I refused to be angered by him. If he thought he would get a reaction from me while at work, then he was wrong.

I guess the slap yesterday must be why he is trying to infuriate me at work, so I would lose my composure and react and then get fired.

I refused to let him and so I smiled at him even when it wasn't sincere.

"I will do just that," I told him before walking away.

I returned a little later with his packed dishes. "Here you go sir," I placed the dishes on the table for him.

"Thank you," he said, but I could care less.

"My bills," he said.

I placed his bills for him on the table. "You can go to the counter over there to pay," I told him before leaving.

I heaved a sigh of deep relief when I saw Albert leave.

After I closed from work, I changed from my work clothes to my casual clothes and left.

"Diana."

I heard a familiar voice call my name.

I thought he was gone, but I was wrong. I refused to turn around to look at him because I knew it was Albert and I wasn't going to spare him a minute.

I wonder if he doesn't understand that I do not want to speak to him and I never want to see his face. I began to run when I realized that he was catching up with me.

"Diana, please wait up. Let's speak," he said from behind me, but I refused to stop.

The thunder cried loudly and aggressively, signaling that a heavy downpour was about to grace the earth and I cursed mentally when I realized that I had forgotten my umbrella at the restaurant.

I felt a hand on me and I knew it was Albert and he had caught up to me.

In anger, I removed my hands from his hold but he held my other hand with his other hand and I pulled my hands away from him again.

"Just what do you want from me!" I exclaimed in anger.

4: A glimpse of the past

From Albert: Goodnight baby girl.

I read with a smile on my face.

I typed back my reply.

TO ALBERT: Goodnight gorgeous man.

I closed my eyes and fell asleep. When I woke up the next day, I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing.

I groaned as I hated my sleep being disturbed, which is why I never turned on my alarm after graduating high school.

I stretched my hands to get my phone on the nightstand. The moment I saw the caller ID, I snapped out of it and sat down on my bed.

I cleared my throat before answering the call.

"Good morning baby girl," I heard Albert say from the other side and I blushed.

"Good morning," I replied.

"Are you just waking up?" He asked.

"No," I lied.

"Why do I not believe you?" He said and I giggled.

Albert could tell when I was lying because I always have replies faster when I lie.

"Well that's because you don't want to," I replied.

"Okay, fine. I just wanted to let you know that you are beautiful and that I love you. Do not forget our plans for today okay?" He said and I blushed.

"I love you too and I will not forget," I replied

"Okay baby girl. Take care of yourself," he said before ending the call.

****

I hugged Albert from behind with a smile on my face. I heaved a sigh of relief with my head pressed on his back and my arms around him.

"If it isn't my favorite human being, I wonder who," Albert said, holding my fingers.

He turned around to face me while holding my hands. He stares at me from head to toe before looking back at my face with a grin on his face.

"If I wasn't your boyfriend, I would be jealous of that man," he said and I blushed.

Little words from Albert were enough to make my heart race faster than normal and to make my cheek red like a tomato. He did have to do much to get my attention.

"You should be proud I am yours you know," I said with a smile on my face.

"I am very proud, trust me."

He leaned down and kissed my lips before intertwining our fingers together. We began to move in the direction of his car.

"How are you preparing for your finals?" I asked him.

"Quite well. My CGPA is still firm. It's still 4.5 but I plan on graduating with a CGPA of 4.8," he said.

"My man is brilliant. I'm proud of you," I told him sincerely.

He opened the door of his car for me and I got in. He closed the door before going to the other side to enter.

He helped me with my seatbelt and placed a kiss on my lips.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he began to drive.

"I didn't tell you this beforehand because I didn't want you to do anything. We are going for a picnic. Just you, me, the wind, and the trees. We hardly spend time together and I miss you," he expatiates.

"I missed you too. What is the situation with your dad? Is he still angry with you?" I asked him.

He sighed deeply while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"We are good. He can't be angry for too long. That's my dad for you," he said and I nodded my head.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

I couldn't help but ask. His father wasn't a fan of mine and he had not hidden his dislike for me the day he saw me at Albert's place when he visited Albert unawares.

"I am sure. It's nothing new. My dad and I hardly get along. I mean he is always demanding that I do what he wants, so it's nothing new," he said.

I decided not to ask any more questions.

We arrived at our destination. After setting the place up, he asked me to sit.

I exhaled deeply as I sat down next to him.

"So what's in the basket?" I asked him.

"Some sandwiches for us and more chocolates for you," he said and I giggled in excitement.

"I want some chocolate first, give them to me," I stretched out my hands for them.

"This was why I didn't want to tell you about chocolate first. Can we at least first eat the sandwiches?" He suggested.

"Okay," I said.

Albert fed me with his hand and sometimes he would put half of it in his mouth and make me bite the other half with mine.

"Finally, my babies," I said when we finished all the sandwiches and drinks he bought.

All of a sudden, a heavy wind blew and the bright blue sky was replaced with a sky of gray.

"Did they say it was going to rain today?" I asked Albert as I got up from where I was seated with the chocolate in my hand.

"Yes," he replied and I gasped.

"Did you come with an umbrella?" I asked him.

No," he replied, pulling me closer to him with his hands on my waist.

"We are going to play in the rain. It was one of the things you wanted to do, remember?" He said and I opened my mouth in surprise that he remembered them.

I told him about this the first night I met him in the bar. I was just rambling that night to him who was a stranger to me at that time and I couldn't believe he remembered.

"You are..." I trailed off speechless, not knowing the right words to use and describe him.

"... The best boyfriend any woman can ask for right?" He winked at me.

I stood on my tippy toes and kissed him on the lips. "Thanks so much, Albert, but if I catch a cold, that's on you," I warned.

"I promise you I have other means to keep you warm," he said, biting his lips lightly.

**

The thunder cried loudly and aggressively, signaling that a heavy downpour was about to grace the earth and I cursed mentally when I realized that I had forgotten my umbrella at the restaurant.

I felt a hand on me and I knew it was Albert and he had caught up to me.

"Just what do you want!" I exclaimed in anger.

I was now standing face to face with Albert in the middle of the night with tears in my eyes, threatening to come out anytime soon.