3: 3
3
My frozen heart quietly grew a little hope again.
Over the past few years, every time my birthday came around, my mother would sigh and shake her head.
"Who knows if Nellie's managing to take care of herself out there. Let's hold off on your birthday for now."
"We'll celebrate together once Nellie's home."
Maybe Mom and Dad were just so worried about my sister so far overseas that they'd forgotten me without meaning to.
I told myself that, and even the pouring rain seemed a little charming.
The whole way there, I couldn't calm down.
When I got home, the house was empty. Not a soul.
I ran into a neighbor. "Your family just went out to dinner together. How come you didn't go?"
Any other time, I'd have quietly ached over it.
This time I lifted my chin and answered lightly.
"Yeah, my sister's back. Everyone went out to celebrate."
I changed into clean clothes and jogged over to the seafood restaurant from the night before.
By the time I arrived, they were nearly done eating.
They glanced up at me and went right back to their own laughter.
Disappointment rose in me, but the moment I thought of my birthday three days away, I hurried to tell myself not to be so petty.
After I'd filled my stomach with plain tap water, they finally stood up.
Carter looked tenderly at Nellie beside him.
"Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan, Nellie hasn't been back in so long. I booked a photography studio just for this."
"Let's go take a family portrait. Something to remember it by."
Everyone agreed at once.
It came to me all at once. Back when Carter and I were secretly dating, he'd promised me.
"Once you finish your SATs, we'll go take a set of couple photos and announce it to the whole world."
Was he planning to make it official today, with the whole family here?
I pressed down hard on the flutter surging in my chest and followed silently behind them.
Inside the studio, Dad and Mom sat neatly in the front row.
Nellie and Carter stood shoulder to shoulder, matched enough to look like a wedding shot.
I hesitated a moment, then stepped up to Carter's other side, just as the photographer pointed at me.
"You there. Your outfit doesn't really match. It's throwing off the whole picture."
I looked down at my old school uniform, washed pale.
The rest of them had arranged in advance to wear light clothes in the same tone.
Only me. Like an outsider who'd wandered into the frame by mistake.
Mom turned and glanced at me. "You sit this one out."
I twisted my fingers. "Isn't this a family portrait?"
Dad's brows drew together. "You're told to step down, so step down. Enough with the backtalk."
Carter was bent close to Nellie, saying something, not the least bit aware of how awkward I felt.
The hurt lodged in my throat, and I could only back quietly into the shadows at the side.
It's fine. In a little while, Carter will make it official.
They finally finished the family portrait, and Mom and Dad stood up, beaming at the two of them.
"Carter, why don't you take one alone with Nellie?"
"You two are dressed so well together today. It'd be a shame not to."
Nellie's face went pink, and Carter laughed and pulled her over.
"One, then."
I stood off to the side, holding my patience, watching them take one intimate photo after another.
At last it was over, and my heart climbed into my throat.
Then he only gave me a faint glance, and the whole group walked straight past me and out.
The promise from those days, he'd forgotten it clean.
I blinked hard, forcing down the wetness in my eyes.
Maybe he wanted to wait until my birthday itself to surprise me.
I should believe in him.
Over the next two days, even though everyone stayed as cold as ever, I tried my hardest to please every one of them.
I tidied the living room on my own, washed the piled-up dishes, and carefully looked after Toffee, the little dog Nellie had brought home.
The night before my birthday, I dug out the bank card I'd been saving on for years.
I quietly worked it out. If they gave me a birthday gift tomorrow, what should I pick to give back to them.
I tossed and turned all night, and waited full of hope for morning to come.
4: 4
4
The second my summer shift ended, I rushed home.
Carter's car was already parked downstairs.
The elevator was tied up with someone hauling boxes, and I couldn't wait a second longer, so I ran up the stairs all the way to the sixth floor.
My heart pounded, and my hands were shaking from how excited I was.
I opened the door to a place blazing with light, the living room strung with colorful balloons.
"Mom, Dad, I'm ho—"
The words caught in my throat, and the smile froze on my face.
Under all that lavish decoration, my sister Nellie stood in front of a three-tier cake, holding Toffee, who had a little birthday hat on.
Mom snapped out of it first and shot me a cold glare.
"What's all the racket for? You'll scare my precious granddaughter."
Dad looked put out too.
"Gone all day, nowhere to be found. The whole house is busy setting up and you don't even think to help."
Carter didn't so much as glance at me. Smiling, he pulled a gift box out of his coat.
He drew out a glittering little star pendant and fastened it around Toffee's neck.
"Happy first birthday, little Toffee!"
That star pendant was the gift I'd bought him last year with money from my summer job.
And he'd just handed it off to the dog.
The loss and hurt crashed over me, swallowing me whole.
Nellie looked up at me. "Sis, what did you get Toffee?"
Every pair of eyes in the room turned to me.
I stood frozen, my throat aching.
I'd been so sure the whole party was for me. Who buys their own birthday present?
When I didn't answer, Nellie's eyes misted over.
"Sis, is it that you don't want me and Toffee back home?"
Then came Mom and Dad's scolding, one after another.
"Louise, how can you be so thoughtless? Nellie finally comes back, and you can't even bother to show a little kindness?"
Carter lifted his eyes to me, distant and indifferent.
"Louise, you really are in the wrong here."
I kept my head down and bit down hard on my lip.
They'd gone to all this trouble, pouring their hearts into a birthday party for my sister's pet.
And not one of them remembered that today was my birthday too.
"A day like this, and you're moping around with that face?"
"Get back to your room. Don't stand there embarrassing us."
Mom dragged me by force to the storage room and locked the door from the outside.
Before long, laughter and cheerful voices drifted in.
Tears soaked into the pillow.
I don't know how long it was before thick smoke started filling everywhere.
I jolted awake and pounded on the door with everything I had.
No one answered. Coughing on the smoke, I grabbed the hammer from the toolbox beside me and slammed it against the lock.
Just as I was about to get out, the cabinet next to me toppled over and pinned my leg.
I dropped to the floor and couldn't move.
"Help, someone help—"
The door to Mom and Dad's bedroom opened. Mom stepped right over me and shoved into my sister's room.
She carried Nellie out on her back and ran without once looking back.
The smoke kept thickening, and I coughed hard against it.
Carter appeared in my line of sight, and a thread of hope flared up in me again.
"Carter, I'm over here—"
His steps paused. Then he turned and went into my old room.
A moment later, he hurried off with Toffee in his arms.
I closed my eyes, and the tears slid down my cheeks.
At the edge of life and death, in his heart the dog's life mattered more than mine.
Something in me went cold for good.
I slowed my breathing, but the smoke still forced its way into my nose from every direction.
My breaths came faster and faster.
I clawed my way toward the door with all my strength.
Sounds came from the doorway again.
Dad had come back, and I thought he'd finally realized I was still there.
My throat couldn't manage a sound anymore, so I could only look up at him through my tears.
Instead he stepped past me and ran to Toffee's room.
When he came out, he had the dog's kennel in his arms.
"What are you lying here for? Fighting a dumb animal for attention, even faking an injury to get sympathy. Have you no shame?"
Watching Dad's back as he walked away, I couldn't help but laugh.
The smoke was blurring my mind.
In that despair, I couldn't stop the bitter laugh at myself.
Fine, then. I'll give this life back to you.
From here on the debt of raising me is settled. We owe each other nothing.
