4: 4

Lillian's face went dark in an instant.

She'd been standing on the couch, but her bravado drained away bit by bit, and she stumbled down and came over to me.

Disbelieving, she picked up the acceptance letter, looked it over, then held it up and measured me against it.

"Come on, Bertie, you're joking. Someone who couldn't even pass the transfer exam, how could you possibly get into a master's program?"

"On top of that, a community college student getting into grad school? Please. Stop waving a fake acceptance letter around trying to fool everyone!"

Even Mom and Dad were looking at me with suspicion now.

Mom frowned and pressed a hand to my forehead. "No fever. So why has she lost her mind?"

Dad rested his chin on his hand and let out a helpless sigh.

"Bertie, your mom and I understand. Lily got into a bachelor's program and you can't stand it. But faking an acceptance letter to trick us, that's going too far."

"Trick you?" I laughed.

"You think all of this is me lying to you? What would I even get out of it?"

"Plenty!" Lillian looked at me, smug. "Bertie, I've got a prestigious bachelor's degree, and you're just a community college grad. Bet that's eating you alive."

"And you've always had to be one step above me since we were kids. But the gap between a bachelor's and a community college diploma is one you'll never cross in this lifetime. So? Isn't it just killing you?"

"Huh? Envy you?" I looked at the blond girl in front of me with something close to pity.

"Envy that snappy hairstyle of yours? That shade of blond went out of style ages ago."

"Or envy you for getting to go to a four-year school? Sorry, but I think you've forgotten. I had a spot at one too, back then. Mom and Dad just weren't willing to pay for me."

"Oh, right. So I should envy you for having parents who'd actually pay your way. But things I can't have, I stop wanting. And parents who never had room for me in their hearts, most of all."

Mom and Dad's faces went dark at that.

Mom clutched her chest. She'd probably never imagined I would say something like this.

After all, the way they saw it, I'd always been the good daughter.

My whole life, I'd never gone against a single thing they wanted. Even when it came to picking colleges for the SATs, I did exactly as they said.

All those years, I'd grown up along the path they laid out for me, into a child who backed down from everything, who never dared to fight, never dared to grab for anything.

I gave an indifferent little smile and looked at the three of them.

"Don't you think you look ridiculous, with those expressions, that attitude? What gives you the right not to believe me?"

Lillian burst out laughing. "Bertie, you ask what gives us the right? Someone who couldn't even pass the transfer exam, how could you possibly get into grad school!"

"Exactly, Bertie. When we're not good enough, we have to own it. You sure you didn't just get scammed?"

So this was how my own parents saw me.

"Then you don't remember why I failed my transfer exam?"

The moment I said it, the room fell silent. Mom, Dad, and Lillian traded glances.

They knew better than anyone that my transfer exam failed not because of anyone else, but because of them.

It was the night before the exam, when they took Lillian out to a restaurant and brought me back the leftovers.

It was the morning of the exam, and that glass of milk they gave me in the name of love.

But I'm lactose intolerant, and that milk was three days past its expiration date. They just didn't want to waste it on Lillian, so I got the honor instead.

It was that same morning, when they knew there'd be traffic and still sent me out to buy Lillian's breakfast, so that by the time I reached the testing center the exam had already started ten minutes earlier, and I nearly wasn't let in.

Every last piece of it was almost laughable.

These were my so-called loving parents.