In the fifth year of our marriage, I died saving Neil Butler.

The only thing I left him was our four-year-old son.

After that, Neil raised our boy alone, living day by day on nothing but memories of me.

Until he met Lucy Simmons, who pursued him relentlessly.

No matter how many times Lucy confessed her feelings, Neil turned her down gently.

"I promised Rachel Armstrong I'd love her forever. She's the only wife I'll ever have."

I watched from the side.

Praying silently that he meant every word.

But it wasn't long before everything changed.

Lucy threw herself into a burning building to save our son, and fell into a coma.

Neil forgot everything else. He knelt at her bedside, begging her to wake up.

Lucy didn't wake.

But somehow, against my will, I found myself pulled into her body. I opened her eyes for her, and the first thing I saw was Neil.

He didn't recognize me.

He just choked back tears and confessed.

"Lucy, I love you."

——

For a second, I thought I'd misheard.

Then Neil said it again.

"Lucy, I love you."

"I already told my parents. Once you're out of danger and fully awake, we'll start planning the wedding."

"Thank God you're okay..."

He pressed my hand against his cheek, gazing at me with something close to reverence.

I didn't know how to tell him I wasn't Lucy.

I was his wife. Rachel.

And I had no idea how to face the fact that he had truly fallen in love with Lucy Simmons.

When I didn't respond, panic flickered across his face, and he started apologizing.

"I'm sorry, Lucy. I was wrong before. I'd already fallen for you but I was too afraid to admit it."

"I swear, from now on, I'll love you with everything I have. Okay?"

Those words were identical to the ones he'd said when he proposed to me.

Back then, I'd clung to his arm, laughing, teasing him:

"Then it's a deal! If you ever have a change of heart, I won't forgive you even after I'm dead!"

And now, that moment had actually come.

All I could do was dig my nails into my palms, swallow my tears, and force the words out.

"But I'm not Lu—"

Before I could finish, someone burst through the door.

"Mom! You're finally awake!"

My whole body went rigid.

I watched as my son's small frame crashed into me, his eyes swollen and red from crying.

His warmth seeped through me, and the sheer force of the joy was so overwhelming that my voice shook.

"What... what did you call me?"

"Say it again. Please?"

It had been so long since Kent Butler had called me Mom.

But before he could say it again, Neil covered his mouth and corrected him gently.

"Kent, you can't call her that. Miss Lucy hasn't agreed to marry Daddy yet."

"She's not your mom right now."

Those words hit me like ice water. Reality snapped back into focus.

Right now, I was "Lucy Simmons."

Even Neil hadn't noticed anything was off.

How could a child possibly know that I was his real mother?

My nose stung without warning.

I lowered my head and tried once more to explain.

"The truth is, I really am Kent's mo—"

Neil misunderstood. He seized my hand, eyes bright with excitement.

"So you're saying yes? You'll marry me?"

I froze, about to shake my head.

But Kent threw his arms around me first.

"Yay! Does that mean Miss Lucy is gonna be my mom now?"

I looked at the joy shining in both their faces.

The truth sitting on the tip of my tongue dissolved into nothing.

In the three full years since my death, this was the first time the two of them had been this happy.

They truly loved Lucy.

As for me...

A woman who'd been dead for three years, no matter how unwilling, how could she take away the happiness they wanted?

My eyes burned. I turned my face away before they could see and nodded.

"Okay."

I didn't know when I would disappear.

Since the only person they wanted to see was Lucy,

then I would give them exactly that.

When they heard my answer, father and son threw their arms around me at the same time.

Neil's voice cracked again.

"Lucy, thank you..."

"Thank you for forgiving me. And thank you for being willing to be Kent's mom."

Kent was still so little. All he knew was to burrow deeper into my arms, echoing his father's thank-yous.

I caught their scent, and the world tilted.

After all these years, they still smelled like gardenia.

It used to be my favorite scent.

I'd always bought that same gardenia detergent to wash their clothes.

Kent would cling to my legs whenever I hung the laundry out to dry, nuzzling against me:

"Mommy smells so good! So, so good!"

And Neil would always tell me:

"Every time I catch that gardenia on you, it makes me feel like everything's going to be all right."

It was a scent that belonged to the three of us alone.

Now they carried that same scent while holding another woman's body.

The revulsion rose in me, sharp and wordless.

I pushed them away and held my breath.

"What's that smell on you two? It's way too strong."

Neil lifted his sleeve and sniffed, then went rigid.

Kent answered for him.

"It's gardenia! Daddy said it was Mommy's fav—"

Before he could finish, Neil clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Just regular detergent. If you don't like it, we'll switch to something else tomorrow."

Neil explained it away, careful, measured, watching my face the whole time.

By the next day, the scent was gone.

Replaced by a fruity fragrance. The kind I used to hate.

And Kent kept tugging at my sleeve, asking if I liked it.

I looked at that small, eager face.

I lied and nodded, and told myself one more time to let go of the past.

I wasn't Rachel anymore.

I had to play the part of Lucy, and play it well, until the day she came back.

Slip in quietly. Slip out the same way.

That way, I could still fool myself.

At least in my memories, our little family would stay perfect, untouched.

For Neil and Kent now,

"Lucy's" feelings mattered most.

Because they thought "Lucy" wouldn't like it,

Neil took off his wedding ring on his own. A pale band of skin remained where the gold had been.

Because they thought Lucy wouldn't want to see anything connected to Rachel,

Kent tucked the keepsake locket I'd made with my own hands inside a drawer and never wore it again.

Slowly, methodically, father and son erased every trace of me from their lives.

And all I could do was watch.

A few days before I was discharged, my period came. I lay curled on the hospital bed, shaking from the cramps.

Kent climbed up and wrapped himself around me, pressing his warm little body against my stomach to ease the pain.

Neil called in to work and drove home to make me a pot of warm lotus seed porridge, the same recipe he'd always made.

Everything was exactly the way it used to be.

But I knew they still hadn't recognized me.

Neil lifted the spoon to my lips.

"Come on, drink it while it's hot. You'll feel better once it's in you."

It was only sweet, warm porridge. But somehow it stung my eyes until I couldn't see.

I turned my face away. "I don't want it."

Neil's hand froze around the spoon. His voice went tight.

"Isn't this your favorite? Why don't you want it all of a sudden?"

"Is your stomach bothering you?"

He was already turning to call for a doctor.

My words stopped him cold.

"Neil, I'm allergic to lotus seeds. I've never touched this stuff."

"The person you're thinking of... who is she?"

The dead hope inside me flickered back to life.

God, I wanted him to see the truth so badly.

I wanted him to piece together the clues and realize he still loved me.

But his lips trembled for a long time, and in the end, he said nothing.

I wasn't allergic to lotus seeds.

But in my memory, Lucy was. She'd told Neil about it more than once.

And he'd forgotten.

Did that mean some part of his heart still belonged to me?

Kent looked back and forth between us, then tugged on Neil's sleeve and whispered.

"Daddy, the one who likes warm lotus seed porridge is Mommy."

Heat rushed behind my eyes. I bit down hard on my lip and turned away.

I couldn't name what I was feeling.

Neil set the bowl down and pulled me into his arms, apologizing over and over.

"I'm sorry, Lucy... I forgot."

"Rachel used to love this. Every time she was on her period, I'd make it for her and she'd be happy for the rest of the day."

"I just haven't adjusted yet. I'm really sorry."

"Give me a little more time. I promise I'll memorize everything you like and forget Rachel completely. Okay?"

I bit through my lip and let the taste of blood sink all the way down to my heart.

Fine. Let it go.

Stop hoping. Stop torturing yourself over Neil Butler.

I leaned against his shoulder and nodded. "Don't let it happen again."

Kent wriggled over too, his little voice soft and earnest. "I'll keep an eye on Daddy from now on. I'll make sure he remembers everything about Mommy."

The two of them kept their word.

They never got "Lucy's" preferences wrong again.

After I was discharged, Neil brought me home.

In the years since my death, I'd stayed by their side as a spirit, watching over them.

I knew Neil couldn't bear to throw away anything I'd left behind. He'd kept the house exactly the way it was and refused to let anyone change a thing.

Once, Lucy had the nerve to come over uninvited and toss out the bead art project I'd been halfway through making with Kent. Neil lost his temper completely.

Afterward, he went digging through the trash himself, not caring how it looked, and sat down with Kent to piece every bead back together before returning it to its spot.

But now...

I looked around the living room.

The bead art on the entryway shelf was gone.

The vase I'd bought for the coffee table had vanished.

And the family portrait that should have been hanging on the living room wall, the one of the three of us, had been taken down.

Only a few nails remained, marking where something had once hung.

Every trace of me had been erased. Completely.

The hollowness in my chest was unbearable.

The words left my mouth before I realized I was speaking. "This house... a lot of things are missing."

Neil wrapped his arms around me from behind and said softly,

"You're right."

"This house is missing a woman to call it home."

"Lucy Simmons, will you marry me?"

A diamond ring appeared before my eyes.

Even though I'd known this day would come, I couldn't stop the trembling deep inside.

Should I say yes?

If the real Lucy were here, she would say yes without hesitation. Wouldn't she?

My thoughts were still tangled in knots.

Neil held up the ring, walked to me, and lowered himself to one knee.