3: 3

3

Neil looked at my face and froze. His mouth opened, then closed again.

He let out a long sigh, lifted me back into the front passenger seat, and buckled my seat belt for me.

We drove the rest of the way in silence. I never once looked at the back seat again.

The scenery outside the window rushed past.

I raised a hand to my cheek. It was wet.

After I'd calmed down a little, I unlocked my phone.

I deleted Neil's name and number, and changed the hotel booking so it was under my name alone.

The car pulled up in front of the hotel. Karen took his arm and walked into the lobby with him.

He tossed a line in my direction. "Don't forget the suitcase."

It didn't take long to check in at the front desk.

I took the key card and my ID from the clerk with both hands, turned, and headed for the elevators.

The moment Neil saw that, he pulled Karen along and hurried after me, only to have a security guard step out and block their way.

"I'm sorry, the two of you haven't checked in yet. You can't go up."

Neil's brows drew tight. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, I stared at them and let the elevator doors close.

Faintly, from inside the elevator, I could still hear Neil and Karen's voices.

A moment later, Neil's call came through. I pressed answer.

A wave of fury poured through the receiver and burned against my ear.

"Felicity! What's the meaning of walking off on your own without a single word?"

I answered flatly.

"Oh, I forgot to mention. Book your own hotel room. My company isn't reimbursing it."

Maybe it was my cold tone that set him off, or maybe it was losing face in front of Karen, but Neil wouldn't let it go.

"I'm counting to three. Get down here right now and book another room."

"Otherwise, don't even think about me forgiving you."

Karen's aggrieved little voice leaked out of the receiver.

"Felicity, I know you can't stand me, and I can leave. But Neil is your boyfriend..."

When I didn't react, Neil's face went red.

"Felicity, I'm giving you one more chance. Otherwise I really will be angry and ignore you."

Beep, beep, beep... I hung up and switched to airplane mode.

Neil listened to the busy tone in his receiver, his face full of disbelief.

Early the next morning, sunlight poured over the snow-capped mountains outside the window, a sheet of pure gold.

A post from Karen popped up on my social media feed.

Inside a hotel room, Neil lay at the edge of the bed, the faint trace of lipstick showing on his shirt.

The caption read: "It feels so good to have someone who loves you."

I put my phone down. My stomach turned.

I hunched over the toilet, dry-heaving for a long while before it eased.

Once it settled, I picked up a pen and crossed Neil's name off the family-member line of the prize voucher.

The guide tagged me in the group chat: "When are we heading out?"

After a while, I typed a few words but hadn't sent them yet.

Neil tagged me: "About yesterday, I won't hold it against you."

"Get down here already. There's a limit to acting out. Today's schedule is tight, and everyone's waiting on you."

"Ha ha~"

I stared at my phone screen and laughed out loud.

So it turned out that when a person is truly speechless, they can actually laugh.

The whole way there, the air inside the car dropped below freezing.

The van ran west along the interstate highway, from Denver to the alpine lake.

More than three hundred miles, the road cutting through desert and scrubland, over stretches of red rock badlands.

Every view along the way could have been a phone wallpaper with a single careless shot.

At noon, when we stopped to eat, Neil ordered lamb skewers and lamb rib pilaf.

"Karen, if there's anything else you want, just order it."

Karen hooked her arm through Neil's and pouted.

"Thanks, Neil. How did you know these are all my favorites?"

Then she jerked her chin toward me. "Felicity's still sulking. Go on, cheer her up."

Neil shot me a glance. "Boss, three more of the cream-topped yogurt."

A little while later his message popped up on my phone.

"Take a lesson from Karen. You're a grown woman and still this childish."

"Making a sick person look after you instead. Aren't you ashamed?"

I closed the chat and laid my phone face down on the table.

The food came out fast, and Karen snapped photo after photo of the dishes.

Neil was amused by her.

"This is that thing you girls always say, the phone eats first, right?"

Karen nodded, saying she'd never had carrots before, that they were so sweet.

Then that the lamb ribs smelled amazing, the best she'd ever eaten.

Seeing I hadn't touched my chopsticks in ages, she picked up a piece of lamb rib and set it in my bowl.

I lowered my eyes and, the next second, passed it to Neil.

Neil took a bite of the lamb rib. "Let her go hungry. If she doesn't want to eat, don't make her."

"She can eat once she's come to her senses."

"I've been spoiling her too much lately. Her temper just keeps getting worse."

But he'd forgotten. I never eat lamb. The gaminess.

Stomach acid rose up my throat, and I bit into a piece of flatbread to force it back down.

Farther on we passed the canyon bridge, and Karen waved excitedly for the guide to stop the car.

The slope below the overlook was thick with soft green grass.

But half a step farther, the turf simply ended and dropped away into a canyon with no bottom in sight.

Karen leaned in close to Neil, opened the video on her phone, and pointed at the slope. "Neil, look!"

"I saw a ton of people online filming check-in videos out there. It looks so cool."

Neil raised his phone, his voice gentle. "Then stand carefully. I'll film it for you."

Karen wheedled. "No, I want Felicity to film me. You straight guys don't have a clue."

Neil hesitated for only an instant before he pushed me toward the slope.

My legs went weak and I dropped into a crouch, leaning back, gripping the grass on the ground for dear life.

Neil's brows drew tight. "It's just a video, a few seconds. She's sick. Bear with it."

I'm afraid of heights. Even looking down from a second-floor balcony makes my legs go soft.

Neil knew that.

Before, he always kept me on the inside, away from the edge, his big hand locked tight around mine.

Telling me he was there, not to be afraid.

But whenever Karen was around, everything about me stopped mattering to him.

Seeing me sit there frozen on the ground, face white, Karen burst out laughing.

Then turned around and let Neil, the clueless straight guy, film her after all.

He crouched, then half-lay on the ground, all to get her a better shot.

Karen clutched his hand, watching the video he'd just taken, bouncing on her heels.

"Not bad at all. I honestly didn't think you'd be this good at filming, Neil."

"God, I'm so jealous of you, Felicity."

I looked at this man in front of me, dazed.

Before, every time I pulled out my phone at a meal, he thought I was embarrassing.

Every time I wanted him to film something to remember, his whole face turned to distaste.

"I really don't get you girls. What's there to film? Such a hassle."

Watching the two of them, the longer I looked, the tighter my chest closed.

So I just shut my eyes and pulled on my sleep mask.

When the car started moving again, I no longer knew.

At three in the afternoon I woke to find we'd already reached the alpine lake.

The moment the car stopped, Neil got up and pulled open the door beside me.

A wave of cold poured into the car, and I shivered, clutching my collar, shaking all over from it.

The alpine lake sits over six thousand feet up, and on the climb the temperature had dropped ten degrees in an instant.

I stood, took the down jacket I'd packed out of the trunk.

But Neil snatched it away and draped it over Karen's shoulders.

"Karen's frail. She left in a hurry and didn't bring a coat."

"You're healthy. You can tough it out."

"The wind will do you good, clear your head."

I froze, staring at Neil, shaking with rage.

My fists clenched, nails biting into my palms.

Every fraction harder I pressed, the sharper the pain grew.

In that moment, it hit me that these six years of love had meant nothing at all.