It was Mamie.
Barnaby didn't push her away. He let her press close, and the look he gave me was as flat as ever.
“Mamie invited me over for dinner. Want to come?”
“No thanks.”
I shook my head.
No wonder he hadn't touched his food at the party. He'd been saving his appetite for a cozy dinner for two.
Mamie put on a show of surprise.
“Oh, sorry, Felicia! I didn't even see you there.”
Then she turned those big pleading eyes on Barnaby. “Team Leader Dickerson, it's pouring. Maybe we should do dinner another day so you can walk Felicia home first.”
“I'll just wait till the rain stops.”
“Don't worry about me, really. I'll be fine.”
She looked so considerate, so sensible. Barnaby's face softened with concern.
“No way. I can't let you do that.”
“I keep my word. If I promised someone something, I follow through.”
Barnaby said.
“But……what about Felicia?”
Mamie snuck a glance at me, wearing the perfect expression of someone afraid I'd be angry.
“Then just make a run for it!”
Barnaby tossed the umbrella toward me, grabbed Mamie's hand, and charged into the rain.
Laughter and shrieking.
Louder than the downpour.
It pulled up a memory. Another rainy day, years ago, when Barnaby had said the same thing to me.
When he'd grabbed my hand and we'd run through the rain together, laughing just like that.
I picked up the umbrella and walked home with my head down.
I couldn't explain why my fingers were trembling.
Before, whenever I went home early, rain or shine, Barnaby would always text to check in.
This time, I showered, picked up my phone, and found nothing from him.
What I found instead was Mamie's social media post.
【When two people like each other, a little wind and rain can't scare them.】
Someone had commented below:“Ooh, you're dating someone? Who?? Give us a hint!”
Mamie replied:“Hehe, B ”
B. Barnaby?
I turned it over in my head, and something sour and bitter rose in my chest.
Willing to run through the rain together.
How could that not be love?
Since we'd moved in together, Barnaby and I had a rule: home before ten.
Tonight, he didn't walk through the door until eleven.
He was wearing a completely different set of clothes that fit him perfectly, carrying the clean scent of someone else's detergent.
For a split second I didn't recognize him. I took a deep breath, picked up the application form, and held it out to him. :“Professor Lawrence said to think it over. An opportunity like this doesn't come around often.”
He took the form. And tore it to shreds.
I stood frozen.
I didn't understand why his reaction was this extreme.
“You know how hard Mamie's been working. Why do you keep going after her? Talking behind her back to the professor?”
Barnaby looked up, glaring at me, and pressed harder:“Does bullying a younger girl really make you feel good about yourself?”
None of it made the slightest bit of sense.
“Barnaby!”
“You're saying I went after her? Badmouthed her? What proof do you have? I've never done any of that!”
“Do I need proof?”
He let out a scornful laugh and said coldly:“Mamie's lab report got kicked back by the professor. She got chewed out!”
“You were the only one with the professor at the time. If you didn't sabotage it, who did?”
I almost laughed at how absurd it was.
“Ha. I'm the one who guided her through writing that report. How could it get rejected? And you still have the nerve to say it wasn't you?”
“Go to the professor tomorrow. Clear it up. Get the report approved.”
Barnaby added.
This time it was practically an order.
I took a deep breath and finally spoke:“We've been together four years. Do you really not know what kind of person I am?”
Everyone around us knew I'd never gone running to anyone with gossip—that I was the one who stayed late covering for people on the team, cleaning up after younger students' mistakes. And he was standing here accusing me.
As for the lab report, who hadn't been sent back to revise by their advisor? Even Barnaby himself had to resubmit seven times before his passed. There was nothing unusual about it.
And yet he'd turned all that rage on me.
Barnaby was quiet for a moment, but still refused to back down:“People change.”
“So you have too, is that it?”
I narrowed my eyes and looked again at the clothes he was wearing.
“Felicia!”
He snapped like I'd stepped on a nerve, instantly furious.
“Have I been too gentle with you? Too indulgent? Is that why you've turned so unreasonable?”
And with that,
he turned and walked into the study.
I still remembered the fall semester of junior year. Barnaby got careless in the heat of the moment, didn't use protection, and I got pregnant.
I wanted to keep the baby.
He said our studies had to come first, that it would look bad, and pressured me into the abortion. He held my hands the whole time, making promise after promise.
“I'm sorry. This is my fault. I'm the one making you suffer.”
“There will never be a next time!”
“From now on, I won't let you go through any hardship, any grievance. No matter what happens, your feelings come first. I will never let you be sad or hurt again!”
And now, in the span of a single day, he'd hurt me over and over.
Those promises were a joke. And I was the fool who believed them.
I was still lost in thought when a message came in from Professor Lawrence:【Departure date is set. Day after tomorrow, evening flight. Doesn't conflict with your courthouse visit that morning.】
【What did Barnaby say? Is he willing to go?】
I stared at the pile of torn paper on the floor and hesitated before replying:【Let me talk to him again.】
The next morning, Barnaby left without eating breakfast.
A few minutes later, Mamie posted on social media.
【The happiest thing about early mornings? Feeding a spoonful of cake to the person you like.】
She'd attached a photo.
I recognized the birthmark on the right side of the man's neck immediately. It was Barnaby.
This was the so-called “strong” sense of boundaries he'd sworn he had.
Noon.
I dropped off the application with Professor Lawrence and walked past the lab on my way back. Through the crack in the door, I saw Barnaby standing behind Mamie, his arms around her, patiently guiding her through the experiment.
When I'd heard he was teaching her hands-on, I'd assumed they were facing each other.
I never imagined it looked like this.
Evening.
I was packing my bags when Mamie posted again.
【The moonlight is beautiful tonight.】
【I have someone with me. Do you?】
The photo showed two silhouettes making a heart shape with their hands.
There was no question.
This was Mamie provoking me.
I didn't confront anyone. I just quietly liked the post and went back to packing. By the time I finished, the post had already been deleted.
But messages from classmates and friends were already coming in.
【Someone saw the person making the heart with Mamie. It was Barnaby.】
【Felicia, you should keep an eye out. Barnaby and Mamie seem to be getting closer and closer lately.】
I sent the same reply to all of them:【His legs are his own. Where he runs off to play hero isn't my problem.】
That night.
Barnaby didn't come home until midnight. The moment he got into bed, he pulled me into his arms. The smell of alcohol on him was laced with the familiar scent of our laundry detergent.
My stomach turned.
I tried to pull away.
He only held on tighter.
“Felicia.”
“Make me egg fried rice in the morning.”
In the end, I gave up trying.
The next morning, Barnaby took a dress out of the closet. The dress I'd been saving to wear to the courthouse.
“Felicia.”
“Mamie wants to do a photoshoot today. Let her borrow this.”
One second before,
I thought he was getting it out for me.
One second later,
all I felt was disappointment.
“What's with that look? It's just for one day. Don't be so petty. Consider it your apology for badmouthing her last time.”
Barnaby walked over and snatched the silver hairpin off my vanity:“This goes perfectly with the dress. Might as well lend it to Mamie too.”
That was his love token to me.
I reached for it on instinct.
But he'd already pocketed it.
My hand hung in the air, frozen, as I watched him turn toward the door. I made myself speak:“Today is the day we're supposed to register our marriage.”
Barnaby paused for a beat, then answered:“Yeah, I know. Three o'clock, the courthouse. I'll be there.”
He'd barely left.
A text notification lit up my phone:【Ms. Swanson, your booked flight departs at 7:30 p.m. tonight. Please arrange your schedule accordingly.】
Professor Lawrence had also sent a reminder.
Three o'clock.
I was standing outside the courthouse right on time, staring at my phone screen.
Not a single message from Barnaby.
Instead, a text from Mamie:【Felicia, thanks for the dress and the silver hairpin! They photograph so well!】
Then she sent a video.
Mamie, clinging to Barnaby's arm, a sweet little smile on her lips.
Voices in the background.
“That couple looks so in love. Arm in arm everywhere they go.”
“The guy's so attentive, too. Wiping her sweat, bringing her drinks, rubbing her shoulders.”
“Right? And they already booked their next session for wedding photos.”
Every word a knife.
I closed the video and deleted Mamie's contact.
Three o'clock.
Barnaby didn't come. Didn't text.
Five o'clock.
The courthouse was about to close. Finally, a message from Barnaby.
【Too rushed today. Let's reschedule. We've got plenty of time, no difference whether it's today or tomorrow.】
I didn't reply. I picked up my suitcase and got in a car.
On the way.
Another message from Barnaby.
【Mamie's never seen a meteor shower in her life. I'm going to take her up the mountain to wait for one. Won't be home tonight.】
I'd asked him to watch meteor showers with me so many times before. He always said no.
Said it was boring and pointless.
But the moment Mamie mentioned it, he went.
It was never about what you do. It was always about who you're with.
Professor Lawrence was already waiting at the airport. When he saw me alone, he let out a long sigh:“Barnaby's still not coming? That boy is completely bewitched by Mamie Fox.”
“Mm.”
I nodded. “He's made his choice. I've made mine.”
“My career. And my heart.”
Professor Lawrence looked taken aback for a moment.
“Fair enough.”
“After all, someone on the other side of that ocean has been waiting for you a long time. And that young man is everything Barnaby Dickerson could never hope to be.”