"Elif, the bell rang! Your father must have come, dear; open the door." I realized that I was falling asleep with my mother's voice coming from the kitchen. After blinking my eyes a few times, I stood up. I ran to the door when there was a knock on the door again. I pressed the automatic and opened the door and waited for my father on one foot. He appeared at the door with his usual cheerfulness and smiling face. I loved that he came in such a dynamic way despite his tiredness. “Welcome, Dad!” I said cheerfully.

Kissing my hair, he said in a lively voice just like me, "I found it nice, Daddy!" As he took off his shoes and walked in, I bent down and took his black shoes and put them in the shoe rack. While my mother was wiping her hand on the kitchen towel, she said, "Welcome, sir," with the pleasant smile that appears on her face every time she sees my father. Their loving attitude was the most beautiful thing in our family. In a family, the love of parents for each other was very important. The loveless house was a restless breath. When I looked at them, happiness covered my whole place, and I was filled with an indescribable joy.

"It's nice, ma'am. What's for dinner today?" The gleam of love from my father's eyes landed directly on my mother's heart. It was always the love of my mother and father. Even this conversation about food meant a lot to them. When I turned my back to leave the bags in my hand and set the table, everything suddenly started to fog up. "Mommy! Daddy!" I said it, but they didn't hear me. They continued to talk among themselves. I shouted again, but this time my voice did not come out.

"Mom!" I cried out and got out of bed. When I looked around, I realized that it was one of my usual dreams. I wiped the tears running down my cheeks. I was used to staying crying at the end of every dream I had.

I was tired of opening my eyes to yet another lonely morning. Sometimes I wish I didn't get up this morning; I wish I couldn't wake up today. For the last four years, it has been really hard to close and open my eyes with this pain. Sometimes the pain was so heavy that I thought I couldn't stand it. Actually, I didn't want to hold on. Then I was thinking about Ahmet and trying to be patient.

But mostly I was just staying at work. Every time I laid my head on the pillow at night, my tears soaking my pillow revealed how bad I was. And that was awful. Being without a mother and father and taking care of a small child was scarier and more difficult than it was thought. It was scary because you can't wake up an embittered child; you can't even make a smile on your face...

Exactly four years... Four whole years without them. Four whole years when my patience was exhausted and my strength was gone! Sometimes I think, why? What am I living for... A person used to live for his family. There was only Ahmet I could hold on to. The only person left from my family, one life, one breath... I couldn't even be enough for him. I couldn't even get enough of that tiny body.

I was starting to choke on thinking, and the more I thought about it, the more I sank to the bottom. We were orphans and orphans. I was alone with the little boy. When I was a person who could not take care of myself, I had to take responsibility for him. I was never a complainer. But when I saw her silent state, she gave life to my struggles. If he looks at me happy for once. Only once... Then everything would change, I believed.

I took a deep breath, as I do every morning. I had to be strong for him. As I had to live for him... I sat up on the bed. Silence was our friend. Our house, where the sounds were not cut off before, was now a monument of silence. Just remembering that broke my heart. I wiped the tears running down my cheeks and got out of bed. I learned very well in the past years that crying does not help me and that the one who leaves does not come back. It took hours for me to get over the effects of the dreams I still had. But until the effect wore off, tears would insist on running down my cheeks.

When I opened the door of my room, the creaking sound of the door said good morning to me. I rubbed my feet and made my way to the bathroom. When I opened the door, another tear fell from my right eye with the realities of the white bathroom hitting my face. There wasn't a day that I didn't cry in the mornings when I dreamed. The silence of the house was suffocating me more and more with each passing day. There were traces of them in every corner of the house. I immediately wiped my face with the back of my hand. I went to his room to wash my hands and wake up Ahmet. He was lying curled up in his bed. He suffered so much at this young age... His tiny body suffered undeserved pain.

"Ahmet... get up, my sister, you'll be late for school." I gently nudged his tiny shoulder. She didn't like her dark brown hair when she was awake. I gently stroked her hair. Ahmet has always been a quiet boy. He never raised his voice against us. He had a world inside him, and he lived within himself. But when we lost our parents, Ahmet had closed himself completely. He started not talking to anyone, not playing. It was getting harder and harder to reach him with each passing day. I was just watching it slip out of my hands without doing anything. Even when he had problems, he wouldn't tell me; he would cry silently to the side. Even if his friends at school came against him, he did not object. “Ahmet,” I said, grimacing in pain again.

He opened his eyes calmly and blinked several times. "Good morning, my sister. Come on, get up, you're going to school." She started rubbing her eyes as she pulled the duvet over her.

"Okay," he simply said. I couldn't find any solution to his condition. No matter what I did, I couldn't wash the walls he had built.

He got up and left the room without looking at me. I looked after him for a while. Ahmed was the legacy of my family. I would do anything for him without thinking; I would give anything for a smile. Just a smile...

After Ahmed took off, I made my bed and left the room. I was going to work early today, and I had to take Ahmed to school. İhsan's brother, the owner of the market, was a little sensitive about being late. He wouldn't tell me much, but I would try to be careful because I didn't want to intrude on other employees' rights.

I took my dark jeans and white t-shirt from my closet. I got out of my pajamas and got dressed immediately. Looking in the mirror, I combed my mother's brown hair and put it in a ponytail. I got my appearance from my mother. I had brown hair and eyes just like him. I applied eyeliner and mascara to bring color to my faded face. They thought I was sick when I wasn't driving, and that pissed me off. I wouldn't open my mouth even if they were angry. I've never been one of those girls who responded to people like that. Production was generally quiet. All of a sudden, the person's smirk was not taken away. After my mother's departure, I had to submit to believers for the sake of bread.

We were a quiet, quiet family living on their own. We didn't see our relatives because my parents had fled and gotten married. After their departure, no one came to look for us. My family... Everything was so beautiful. Our life was changed by an accident. Because of someone who doesn't know himself, our life has been a big lie!

I left the room and went to the kitchen. I grabbed the milk from the cupboard, reached over the wooden counter, and grabbed two glasses. Our milk-drinking habit came from my mother. He loved it very much and gave us this habit. I wiped my involuntary tears again. Sometimes it hurts to remember them. I hated myself for thinking that way. I couldn't get used to their absence. I didn't want to get used to it. I was afraid to forget them.

I looked at my brother, who had come in through the kitchen door, dressed in his school uniform. I couldn't understand how he could stay so sullen at this age. Even though he was 9 years old, I was surprised how he found this strength. I poured the milk into a glass and placed it in front of him. "I'll come pick you up if I can get the afternoon off. Good thing I don't; you have the key. Come carefully, okay?" Without speaking, he just shook his head with heavy movements.

I shook the glasses we were drinking in the fountain and put them on the marble counter. I sat on the shoe rack and put on my white sneakers. Ahmed came after me, rubbing his feet on the ground, and started to put on his shoes. He put his bag on his back and walked out the door without looking at me. I took my bag from the hook and left the house after him. I didn't need to lock my door, but Aunt Rumeysa, my next-door neighbor, was firmly advising. Just so you can lock your door when you enter or leave.

Aunt Rumeysa became our family. Normally I would see him every morning. Thankfully, she treated us like a mother. She was a lonely woman like us. He had a son, a daughter-in-law, and a grandson, but they did not visit him often. I last saw it when I was little. They did not come often because they lived abroad.

When I came out of the apartment, the hot air hit my face directly. I used to love the summer months. It was my favorite season. But it used to be. Now the winter months were my season. Cold and lonely nights suited me better.

I grabbed Ahmed's hand tightly and started walking towards the school. I wasn't even taking him out, just as I wasn't sending him anywhere alone. After my parents' accident, I started to be more protective. There were even times when I panicked. But my effort was not to face the fear of losing once again.

Our arrival was short-lived, as the school was in the back street of the house. When we entered the school garden, I took Ahmed by the hand and turned him to me. Since his honey eyes were dazzled by the sun, he blocked the sun with his right hand. "Good lessons. Take care, okay?" I said, forcing myself to shake off the dream and smiling. I wanted to help him as much as I could, but he wouldn't let me.

"Okay, see you later," he said calmly, in a tone that upset and bored me. Then he started running up the stairs of the school. He nodded and continued walking up the stairs.

I left the school and started walking towards the market. The market was under the street where my house is located, right on the crowded street where the bazaar is. I loved our neighborhood. Who wouldn't love where they grew up? I knew most people. I was born and raised here. This place reminded me of my family; how could I not love it?

When I looked at the clock, I realized that if I went a little slower, I would be late, so I accelerated my steps and turned to the corner of the market. Serdar's brother in the grocery section had already set to work. Since he didn't see me, I said, "Good morning, Serdar brother," in my voice that was out of breath from running.

"Good morning, my daughter Elif." He spoke with his usual candor. Serdar's brother helped me a lot with his fatherly attitude. When there was heavy work, he would push me aside and do it himself. He couldn't take the place of a father, but he tried to help in everything.

When I entered, Reyhan and Aylin were in charge of the cash register. "Good morning, girls," I said as I walked past them, giving a nod at the same time.

"Good morning,"

They both said it at the same time and went back to their work. I didn't have much intimacy, but we got on well. More precisely, they would talk, and I would remain unresponsive. After losing my family, I was very withdrawn. There were two people I spoke to properly. One is Aunt Rumeysa, and the other is my close friend Azra.

I went to the back room and hung my bag on the hanger. I dressed in my work uniform, a blue T-shirt, and left the room. Without wasting time, I identified the missing sections and started to put out new products. The market wasn't very full in the morning, but it was very full in the afternoon. Since it is the biggest market in the neighborhood, most of the residents used to come here.

After completing the deficiencies until noon, I went to the grocery section. I liked helping Serdar Abiye. I think I was comfortable with him. "Easy, Serdar brother," I said, and I grabbed the tomatoes he had placed on the aisle.

"Thanks, Elif girl. Is it done inside?" Then, at the same time, he showed the inside of the market with his head. He was a smiling man. That's one of the reasons why I didn't feel comfortable with him.

"It's over, Serdar, brother. I thought I'd help you." I took the tomatoes from the box and started to arrange them on the aisle.

I looked over my shoulder as I heard footsteps behind me. It was Emre, one of the market employees. Emre would also help me a lot. He was also my friend from high school. He was both studying and working in the market in his spare time. It was impossible not to admire him. It was fulfilling my dream. I also wanted to read a lot. Although my grades were good, I could not take the exam.

"Easy... How are you, Serdar brother?" He looked at Serdar first, then at me with the same smile.

"We're fine, Emre; how are you? Wasn't there school today?"

"It was morning, brother. I went to him, too. How are you, Elif?" Emre has always been a friendly person. He was also funny. He was one of the few people who made me smile. I was biting my cheeks hard not to laugh in front of him. When I laughed, I was afraid, as if people would find me strange. After my family, I almost forbade myself to laugh.

"I'm fine, how are you?" I spoke in a voice that was only a whisper.

"I'm fine too, you know lessons." He complained a lot about the difficulty of his lessons. He was studying law and was in love with his profession. Even though he said it was difficult, I could tell from his eyes how much he loved him.

"Emre, we weren't expecting you today?" With the voice of Brother İhsan, we went back to work with Brother Serdar. He didn't like being talked to during working hours. We knew this very well, so we spoke in silent whispers.

"Ihsan, brother, my lesson finished early. I thought I'd stop by. I'll stay if I have a lot of work."

"Okay, it's a bit busy today. You can go to the butcher's aisle."

When I looked from the side, Emre shook his head and entered. After arranging the tomatoes on the aisle, I stepped aside to avoid being seen.

All kinds of people were coming. I would study people passing by on the street. They came and went with all sorts of facial expressions. I would look a lot to understand what they wanted to say. But I couldn't. I wasn't one of those they call a human being.

I couldn't go to pick up Ahmed at noon. Seeing the intensity, it would be thoughtless to ask for permission. After calculating the time of entry to the house, I called Aunt Rümeysa and found out if she was coming. He forced me to wait at his house while I was away. He was very afraid that something would happen to him because he was young. He was right. I had to work. I had to do this for our future. I threw my own future away. But I wasn't going to throw hers away. Ahmed was going to read for my mother and father.

I changed my clothes and left the shop. It was starting to get dark. It was good to go out again at this hour. Sometimes I was leaving so late that I had to check behind me many times before I got home. A few times I ran until I was out of breath when I heard someone's footsteps behind me without looking back. When I entered the street, I saw Aunt Rümeysa waiting for me, and I took a sigh of relief. He was waiting for me when I was out of work. Sometimes he even came to buy it. I could never repay him. Despite his age, he was protecting and watching over us.

Feeling a chill like I had for the past two months, I looked around. Someone was watching me like they had for the past two months. I felt it, and I knew it. With one last glance behind me, I quickened my steps and turned back to the street where my house was. When I got to the front of the apartment and was about to open the door, I threw my head back and looked behind me, in the direction I came from, and saw a person with a black hat. The gleam in his eyes made me startle, making me shiver with fright. There was a problem with his eyes. And there was a problem that could have been bad! He turned around because he saw me. I looked back, confused as to what to do. I didn't know why I was waiting like an idiot. Once again, I thought about whether I had seen it right. But I saw it, and I was conscious that you were looking at me. With trembling hands, I forcefully pressed the bell. Normally, I would use my key, but with the shock I was experiencing, I couldn't think about the key or something.