I miscarry after happening upon my husband, Xavier Leeson, being intimate with someone else.

He kneels before me and explains that his loyalty toward me has never swayed. I look at the man who's loved me for nine years and waited for me for five years. Ultimately, I still choose to believe him.

After an arduous process of trying to conceive another child, I finally get pregnant again. That's when I accidentally overhear him complaining to his colleagues.

"The thought of her being with her ex for five years makes me think that even the children she has are dirty."

It shall be as he wishes, then.

When he performs his next abortion, he's abhorred when he learns I'm the one he's operating on.

When I got the results of my pregnancy test, I was elated and couldn't wait to tell my husband, Xavier Leeson.

I found him on the rooftop of the hospital.

From afar, I heard his colleague say, "Xavier, I heard that Sheila's been going through a lot to get pregnant. Isn't it inappropriate for you to continue your relationship with Rachel?"

All of a sudden, I lost the strength to knock on the door.

Rachel Solis was a nurse who used to pursue Xavier obsessively.

Years ago, I had miscarried our first child when I caught Xavier cheating on me with her. Back then, he'd knelt before me and sworn that he never stopped loving me.

"I'm her first love. She loves me too much," Xavier explained lightly. "I can't let her down like that.

The surrounding colleagues chuckled.

"Besides, being with Sheila just feels like a task to tick off my to-do list lately. She wants a child too badly. That makes me feel like a tool."

He sounded more exhausted than joking.

I had thought that he longed for a child, just like I did.

Back when I miscarried our first child, the doctor had said that it would be difficult for me to get pregnant again. I'd tried everything: from homemade remedies to endless medications and numerous tests. Only I knew how much pain I went through during that time.

But now, bitterness seemed to seep right into my bones. I felt suffocated.

How I wished that Xavier had just been joking.

But he wasn't. Colder words came out of his mouth.

"Besides, she was with her ex for five years. Having a child with her feels… dirty."

I tightened my fists, crumpling the pregnancy report in my hands into a ball. My heart felt as if someone had stabbed me.

I'd always thought that meeting Xavier was the best thing that'd ever happened to me.

We were classmates in high school. His parents had just divorced back then, and I'd stopped him from attempting suicide. That was how we'd gotten familiar with each other and eventually became close.

During our senior year, he had confessed his feelings for me. However, at the time, I only saw him as a friend and rejected him.

Later, we went to different colleges. I fell in love with another man and lost contact with Xavier.

Five years later, my first relationship ended due to the stress of life, and my family pressured me to go on blind dates and get married.

I met Xavier again then—he'd been one of my blind dates.

He had told me that he had planned this date for a long time and that he'd waited for this chance for years. I was touched by his devotion.

Soon, we got together.

Before agreeing to be with him, I had been honest with him about my past. He'd assured me repeatedly that he didn't mind.

The day I agreed to be his girlfriend, he'd held me tightly, overjoyed. He'd called and texted his family and friends to tell them about it. He told them that he'd finally won his true love's heart.

In the three years we were together, he was loving and affectionate to me. Everyone around him knew that he had finally won over the woman that he'd admired for years.

I thought this was the universe's gift to me, a compensation after a failed relationship, but I never imagined it to be such a cruel joke.

I walked toward Xavier. I wanted to ask him why he would fool me so cruelly.

However, before I could approach him, my phone buzzed.

It was a text from Xavier. He said he was working overtime today and told me to go to sleep early.

When I looked up from my phone again, he'd already exited through another door.

…

Downstairs, I watched the familiar figure at the entrance of the hospital from a distance. My heart felt as if it were bleeding.

Through the gaps in the flowerbeds, a small figure threw itself into Xavier's arms.

I watched as Xavier stroked Rachel's hair affectionately. Even at a distance, I could hear him say indulgently, "Why are you running so fast? Be careful."

Rachel was a new nurse at Xavier's hospital. According to the rumors, she had a longtime crush on him. Her love was so intense that even Xavier, who was married, couldn't resist her.

Two years ago, I caught her sitting in Xavier's lap, her arms around his neck as they kissed. I was so taken aback that I froze on the stairwell and lost my footing, ending up losing my first child.

After that, Xavier had gotten onto his knees before me and pleaded for forgiveness. He told me that Rachel had been drunk, that she had been the one who initiated the kiss, and that he'd never wavered in his feelings for me.

Looking at him, a man who had waited for me for five years and loved me for four more years before that, I softened.

History was repeating itself again now.

I followed them to the old house we owned in the southern part of the city. Even from the dark shadows in the corner, I could see how intimate they were with each other.

In the end, the lights that I'd put in myself were turned off. I stood in the dark for a long time.

The lights never came on again. All that was left was the light from the screen of my phone—Xavier had texted me again.

"I'm not going home tonight. I've been pulled into an emergency surgery."

This wasn't the first time that he'd told me this.

Before this, I would worry and remind him to take care of himself. This time, I couldn't bring myself to send the usual text.

How many of those late-night shifts were spent at the hospital, and how many were spent here with Rachel?

I went upstairs. Just as I was about to open the door to the bedroom, I saw a pregnancy test in the trash can outside the door.

The familiar shape visible through the plastic bag. It was the same one I'd used earlier today, and the results were the same, too: Rachel was also pregnant.

It wasn't that Xavier didn't want kids. He just didn't want to have kids with me. The thought disgusted him.

My nails dug into my palms. It felt as if vines had sprouted out of the ground and were strangling me. I couldn't breathe.

No one knew better than I did how hard it was to grow up in a broken family.

If that was the case, then it was just as well to have the child's own father end its life.

Calmly, I restored everything to its original state.

Before I left, I turned and looked back at the old house for one last time, thinking of all the memories that it held.

Xavier and I had bought this house three years ago when we'd first gotten married. When we got the keys, he'd told me that I would be the lady of the house from that day on. However, now, it was his and Rachel's love nest.

He had told me he'd rented this place to his colleagues, which was why I never came here. It turned out that he was keeping his mistress here.

I left quietly and went back to the house that I shared with Xavier now.

Opening the medicine cabinet, I took out all of the foul medication and threw them all into the trash can.

There were also sheaves upon sheaves of medical reports issued by the hospital over the years. I burned them and watched them turn to ashes before my eyes.

I thought that I was finally free of the troubles that tormented me, but my tears couldn't stop falling.

My dream had become a nightmare, in which Xavier's words haunted me.

It turned out that once something was broken, it would never be able to go back to the way it used to be.

While I lay in bed, Xavier texted me several times again.

"Shelly, do you still have the maternity stuff we bought before? And the pregnancy care manual I made—is it still around?

"A colleague of mine is pregnant. We won't be using those anytime soon anyway, so why don't we let her have them?"

Clearly, the colleague was Rachel.

I stopped in the middle of my crying, unable to say a word.

The last time I was pregnant, Xavier had been overjoyed. He'd lost several nights of sleep just to compile a pregnancy care manual for me. He'd made a lot of notes on it, all clear reflections of his love and hope.

At the time, he had really wanted the child. Now, though, his love had shifted to another woman.

I closed my eyes and replied, "Sure."

I didn't want the child anymore.

I didn't want Xavier, either.

…

The next morning, I drove over to the hospital to drop off the things that Xavier had asked for.

After taking the things, he tried to hug me.

I sidestepped him and jokingly said, "What's that smell on you? It's so strong. You wouldn't happen to be having an affair behind my back, would you?"

Panic flashed in his eyes just for a moment. Then, he leaned his head against my shoulder affectionately. "I wouldn't. You know very well how I feel about you."

How he felt about me? Whatever it was, it had long rotted away.

I tried to pull away from his embrace, but he tightened his grip.

"Don't be silly, Shelly," he said. "I've just come out of a surgery. I'm tired. Let me recharge, okay?"

He held me tightly as if trying to merge my body into his. His hot breath brushed against my ear. The smell of Rachel filled the space between us.

It made me nauseous.

I didn't understand. Didn't he find this act exhausting?

After the visit, I did not head home immediately. I went to the café across from the hospital and sat there for a long time.

As the sky darkened, I saw Xavier and Rachel heading to a baby store hand in hand.

Once I confirmed that they weren't heading home anytime soon, I went to the old house that Rachel was currently living in.

Before taking out the key to unlock the door, I tried entering our old password into the electronic lock.

To my surprise, the door opened. The passcode was still the date of our wedding.

For a moment, I wasn't sure whether I should pity myself or Rachel.

After entering, I placed hidden cameras in several discreet corners. Once I was sure that I had a full view of most of the house, I prepared to leave.

Just then, the lock on the front door beeped.

In a panic, I hid behind the curtains.

Thankfully, the refrigerator in front of me blocked me, so Xavier and Rachel did not notice me when they came in.

As soon as he put down what he was holding, Xavier pushed Rachel onto the dining table urgently.

Through the gap in the curtains, I watched as Xavier's face drew closer to me suddenly. The silent air was suddenly filled with sweet, sticky sounds and Rachel's heavy breathing.

Xavier was only about two feet away from me. He was so close that I could even see the tiny little mole on his knuckle.

Nervous, I held my breath and squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't want to watch them have sex. Unfortunately, the lack of visuals just made Xavier's muffled groans louder in my head.

"Shelly, my beloved."

I had to be losing my mind to think that he was calling my name.

Memories came flooding back into my head.

We'd done the same thing, in the same place, in the same position. Now, the woman he was kissing wasn't me.

I bit my lips hard, not daring to make a sound. I let my tears drip down to the floor.

After an unknown amount of time, Xavier carried Rachel into the bedroom.

I heard the sounds of running water coming from the room. Only then did I dare to emerge from my hiding place. I stepped out but almost collapsed as my legs buckled from underneath me.

When I finally got home, I scheduled a hospital appointment for the next day.

I deliberately chose Lila Brown, who was in the same department as Xavier.

She was his senior and also my friend. We had been in the same club in college, and she'd always looked out for me.

When I showed up for my appointment, she was surprised and confused. "Shelly, you're already 13 weeks along. Are you sure you don't want to keep the baby?

"Is it because of Xavier? Did he cheat on you?" She bombarded me with questions.

I just nodded.

"I want Xavier to perform the procedure himself," I said. "You'll help me, won't you, Lila?"

Lila looked at me in disbelief, like I'd said something outrageous.

In the end, she gave in to my pleading.

When I opened the door to her office to leave, I ran into Xavier, who had come to see Lila. "Shelly? What are you doing here?"

I tightened my grip on the medical report I was holding, not knowing how to reply for a minute.

Lila quickly grabbed my arm and covered for me. "What? Aren't we allowed to catch up?"

I forced out a smile and nodded fervently while shoving the report into my pocket.

"Go on in. I'm heading out," I told Xavier. I didn't want to stay any longer. I just wanted to leave as quickly as I could.

At the end of the corridor, Xavier managed to catch up to me. He grabbed my wrist. "Shelly, are you hiding something from me?"

I was silent for a moment. Looking into his eyes, I said gravely, "You've already guessed, haven't you?"

Xavier was trembling. He sounded panicked. "Shelly, no. I…"

"You guessed that I was planning a surprise for your birthday, right? It's just a few days away. I wanted to surprise you," I continued. "What's wrong? Did you do something wrong? You're sweating."

I lifted my hand and tried to wipe his brows, but he turned away. "No. I'm just sweating because I ran after you. I'm glad to hear that you're okay."

The way he'd gone from panicked to relieved was oddly satisfying to watch. I wondered how he would react when he realized that he was performing an abortion on me.

…

Soon, the day of the procedure arrived.

On the operating table, it was hard to open my eyes against the bright lights. I felt an intense pain coming from my lower body.

The sound of bones and flesh tearing apart filled my mind. Vaguely, I heard the nurses gossiping about me.

"Poor thing. How could she bear to get rid of her baby?"

"I heard she's a relative of Dr. Brown's. Probably another young woman tricked by some douchebag."

My mind was too muddled to process the hushed whispers.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Xavier walk into the room in his surgical scrubs.

Lila was supposed to perform the abortion on me, but she had somehow gotten Xavier to take over. He'd done this hundreds of times, so he was very familiar with the procedure.

He wouldn't make any mistakes now.