My life has changed a lot in a short time. I look around the dimly lit room, and it's nothing like where I used to live. But despite waking up from a scary dream that really shook me, I can't help but smile.

I can't remember the details of the nightmare, just that it was scary and I had to struggle to wake up. I can't believe how different my life has become in just a few weeks. I know how I ended up here, but it's hard to grasp how everything has changed so much.

That nightmare still bothers me, and I hope it's not true. Usually, I try to forget it, to push it away. It's not like me at all to dwell on these things.

Someone has come into my life and transformed me in ways I never expected, and now I hardly recognise myself. Well, that's not entirely true. I see a version of myself that I lost years ago. I wish I could figure out where things are headed, but right now, it feels like I'm losing control of my life.

I was happily ensconced in my little routine. I'd go to university, then work, and then I'd go home—an uncomplicated and straightforward life.

He's turned everything upside down; I can't find my way back, and even if I could, I don't think I'd want to. He makes me happy, sitting here on his bed, still somewhat shaken up. I can't conceive of anything else but the same recurring nightmare.

Is he making me happy enough, or is this just one big mistake? The sound of the door opening, and I know instantly it is him. I don't even need to look up. When he walks into a room, I pick up on it straight away. Raising my head, I look towards the door. Sure enough, there he is.

"Good morning, Kitten. You look refreshed." I can't help but grin at him. Somehow, he has defied all odds. He has made me want to live life again and love it.

"I guess I have you to thank for that," I say sheepishly. My cheeks are flushing pink. Even after he's seen me at my most vulnerable, I still feel insecure. I can't help but avert my eyes whenever he calls me 'Baby' or 'Kitten'.

"So, I thought that maybe today we could have some fun?" His body begins climbing onto the bed as I start laughing. His eyes are looking at me amused. "No, I don't mean that kind of fun, unless that's what you require. I mean, we could always stay in all day and explore each other some more..." His body moves closer to mine.

How is he always in such a good mood? His hands grab my body, and I can't help but laugh as I jump back. My hands are throwing up, telling him to stop.

"No, Sean. I think we can behave for today. I have things that I need to do anyway. I have to go to my apartment, as I haven't been back there in ages." I watch as he pouts, looking down at me. My breathing begins to quicken under his gaze. I need to, and I need to say no.

I have a life, which right now I haven't even seen in what feels like years. I am happy with that, though, but today I have to get back to the real world." Plus, I promised Ian I'd meet up with him and his girlfriend. "I did. I've got to admit, I have missed my apartment so much, and it seems like forever since I last saw my friends.

We've spent weeks in his room, hardly leaving. I skipped school, and I am guessing I lost my job as well now. I can't stop myself, though; something about him draws me in. He makes me want to say yes, to stay here with him and forget the outside world. I am falling, fast and hard, and the ground is not strong enough to stop me once I hit. I will keep going, crazy, I know. After a few weeks, I already feel like I love him. "Fine, come on, babes. Let's get you home." Moving, I get ready before we walk out to the car. Sitting, he drives, my mind reminding me I have shopping to do.

"Hey, can you drop me at the centre? I need to grab a few things. I will make my way home from there." I smile at him and give him a slight nudge as he drives. I don't want him waiting for me to finish shopping just to take me home.

"Of course, babes." We stay quiet, fifteen minutes passing by. Finally, we reached the centre. He parks up and smiles at me. Leaning forward, I kiss him before climbing out of the car.

"Catch you after, Kitten." He smiles before driving off down the street. Turning, I walk into the shops. Shopping is dull. As always, I'm not too fond of shopping. I detest a lot of girl stuff; just give me a blanket and a movie, and I am happy – shopping, nails, hair, all that. However, I just can't find myself doing it.

Getting home, the flat is quiet, too quiet in fact. It feels so surreal. I haven't been alone for weeks now. Things have changed so much, and there is no going back now. There is no way I can go back to the person I used to be.

Walking about the flat, I can't help but smile seeing the kitchen, which changed so much in one night. Even so, I still feel a sense of doom. The feeling is never leaving, no matter what I do. My birthday was a night that changed so much.

Birthday Party (Now)

The sound of the alarm wakes me from my deep slumber. I hate work, I hate school, and I hate mornings. Hitting the alarm button, my mind considers just going back to sleep. I look around myself. My life is nothing extraordinary. I live with my roommates, and I spend most of my time either here, at school, or work.

I should be waking up in a hotel right now. Somehow I failed at that this year. Groggily I walk to the shower. I climb in as the water hits my skin. The feeling is fantastic. Today needs to go fast. Tonight, however, needs to go even quicker. I honestly need tomorrow to arrive right now.

Getting out of the shower, my feet hit the cold tiles as I wrap the towel around me before I walk through to my bedroom. Getting sorted, I walk out, glancing around the flat it is quiet. I move to grab food before I embark on walking to university. I don't like driving if it isn't too far. My mind is flying away with every thought running through it.

Stepping into university, I can't help but smile. A few hours to take my mind off today. Yet deep down, I know that isn't going to happen, not at all.

"Hi, Lisa." I look up, Mya standing before me. A friend at university. I wouldn't consider a friend, just someone I see here a lot. Once I leave, I don't hear from her or keep in touch.

"Hi, Mya. How are you?" Smiling at her, my hand moves the chair back before sitting on it. Mya is taking place next to me.

"Good. I'm going away tonight for a week. I can't wait, it's my sister's wedding in five days, so I am looking forward to it." She is so happy and smiling. All I can do is nod. I am not a people person anymore. I want to get my course done and leave. To be honest, that sounds crazy and mean, but I like a simple life now.

I would be happy hiding away for the rest of my life if I could. Sitting, the class takes ages, my mind trying to concentrate. It can't, and my eyes are always on the clock. Why is today going so slow? Maybe I should have just stayed in bed all day and slept.

Maybe faked being ill, I am grateful, though. Not many people know me or know what today is. It feels like I can ignore it so much easier. I find myself drifting into daydreams. The sound of movement made me glance up.

Everyone is leaving. It is noon now. I move, placing the books into my bag before I leave. I grab food, eating it on the way to work. I glance at the building. Soon this will all be over. Walking in, I sit down. My hand is picking up the phone as I begin working.

I can't concentrate. My eyes are always looking at the clock. Maybe I should be glad today is going so slow. It is making tonight feel further away. I need to stay at work late tonight. It's my birthday, and I would rather avoid it at all costs. I haven't celebrated a birthday in so many years.

The issue is, though, I work in telesales, and there are no goals to meet. So as soon as it reaches six o'clock, I have to leave. No overtime, nothing. Sitting here watching the clock tick by, you can tell I am not working. My voice sounds fed up, lazy, and like I don't want to be here.

I do. I just don't want this to end as then I have to face Beatrice. I find myself considering ways out of tonight. Ways to avoid whatever she has planned. I can't use work as an excuse to escape my birthday. As it reaches six, everyone else starts rushing and leaving. I find myself moving slowly, almost at a snail's pace. Grabbing my items, I start to make my way out and begin walking home.

I know I can't escape tonight, not at all. I shouldn't complain, not when I have people who care and want me to enjoy myself. For me though, anything to do with people or many people and I won't feel comfortable. Maybe it won't be as bad as I think.

Granted, I have not celebrated a birthday since I first got with Kyle. So, my birthdays are not something to celebrate. That is when all the abuse started on my birthday.

So, I am hoping it is something small in the flat—just us three and a takeaway. Hell, even a small party at the flat is okay as long as it is nothing big. My hand settles on the door handle as I take in a deep breath. Unlocking the door, I push it open. My body bracing itself for a flat full of people I no doubt won't even know.

Turning the light on the flat is empty. Not even Beatrice or John are home. Well, this is a benefit. I smile and walk in, heading straight towards the fridge to grab a drink. My eyes instantly caught the note stuck to it.

"GET READY, GET DRESSED AND GET BEAUTIFUL! I WILL BE BACK AT 7! - BEATRICE"

Every the urgent, she couldn't just write in lower case, could she? The thing is, I have avoided my birthday every year. I either plan trips away or go to my parents. Anything to prevent Beatrice's mad and crazy parties. This year I was so busy with everything that I completely forgot about my birthday coming up. I forgot to plan my yearly getaway, and Beatrice mentioned it. Of course, it was already too late, and she had planned my birthday party. It isn't here though.

I should get ready. The last thing I want is for Beatrice to come back to me not being ready and have her complaining that we will be late. I get showered, washing off today's events before getting dried. My mind is stuck on considering what is happening tonight. I have a bad feeling about it, though, but I should enjoy myself.

I should, for a chance, celebrate that I am alive.

I stand looking through the wardrobe. What can I wear? Thinking of Beatrice, my eyes glance at the dresses, something that I never wear anymore. To be honest, I don't want to wear a dress. It is my birthday. I want to feel comfortable and not like I am going over the top.

I guess I will grab some jeans and a shirt. Grabbing a pair of black boots, I get ready. It is a safe bet, yet comfy. It is suitable for pubs, cinemas, and bars anywhere. Walking into the living room, I glance at the clock. I have half an hour before eight.

Falling back onto the sofa, I put the TV on. I may as well enjoy part of my birthday as I want. I stay watching it, watching as eight comes and goes. Beatrice is late as always. A few minutes later, the door unlocks, and Beatrice walks in.

Stopping, she stands staring at me shocked, now what have I done?

I chuckle at her face. "Really, Lisa? Aren't you ready yet? I left a note telling you to be ready by eight. Did you miss it?" She rushes over to me, grabs my hands, and pulls me up from the couch.

"I am ready, look. I don't wear this to school and work, right?" I glance at her. I can't help but wonder what she expected me to wear. I know, but expecting that is crazy.

"No way, you're dressing up in something nicer than that," she points at my outfit with her finger. She doesn't like it, which isn't surprising. I had a feeling this might happen. I stand there, looking shocked and shaking my head. She just smiles.

I don't want to show my body off. I don't want the risk of it. Plus, who is going to be looking at me anyway with her there?

"When was the last time you went out? Like out, out, and enjoyed yourself and showed yourself off? Before Kyle. So move it." Walking, she begins to pull me through to the bedroom. She throws open the wardrobe doors. She is rifling through it as she does. The clothes are flying over her shoulders as she looks for something suitable. Always messy, she can't be clean. I can't help but smile. She turns around, throwing something, my hands catching it.

"Put this on and hurry up; we're late!" I look at the dress. Yeah, this is Beatrice's style, not mine. Low cut, very low cut. The thigh-high black dress is occupying a slit that goes far too high. Slipping into it, I feel like I have nothing on. Grabbing another pair of shoes, I put them on.

"Right, I am ready." I stand waiting while looking at her. I feel like I look amazing for a change. Her face falls as she stares at the shoes. Okay, she disapproves of the shoes. I knew she would. Flat, simple, and no heels.

"Put these on. Don't wear them. You're not fifty, Lisa. Throw them out altogether." Grabbing the shoes she holds, I put them on. I stand up, feeling myself wobble from the heel height. I walk over and stand in front of the mirror. I stand looking over my body. I am nothing special. not even average. My hair was wild and crimson, very hard to miss, and my green eyes almost looked out of place. I shake my head slightly.

I'm slender, yes, but still not perfect. I feel an arm wrap around me. "We look amazing, don't we?" She grins, and I turn to look at her reflection. Now Beatrice is fantastic. Long legs, blue eyes, auburn hair. Her body is impressive. The benefit of going to the gym. Well, not auburn, as she is blonde but dyes her hair to hide that fact.

Beatrice is the woman every man hangs around at the clubs and bars, hoping for a chance. I would if I were a guy, and here I am, standing next to her. I have no chance with any guys. She is stunning. I am less than average. I feel worse now than I did before—Kyle's words flowing through my head. I should have refused and just worn jeans; he was right.

"Come on. We're going to be late. The taxi has been waiting for us." Her hand grabs my arm, and she pulls a little too quickly and hard. My body wobbles, and I nearly fall. I hate heels. I hate my birthday, and sometimes, I hate Beatrice for making me go out. Walking downstairs, I climb into the taxi next to her. My nerves are now kicking in. My stomach flips, and worry rises inside me.

I have not been out since Kyle. My ex is a person I want to forget and move on from. Yet, he always seems to be there. He is the person who destroyed my life so quickly. It is the reason I only ever see faults in myself. The truth is, I have not been the same since Kyle. I can't. I seem to be stuck in that mind space of being afraid to leave my house. Fearful of men. Afraid of myself, but mostly. I have no self-esteem left at all, none. Every bit has been ripped away from me.

Sure, I will see a cute guy and hope. When they do try, I never feel safe. It is like it will take something big to make me feel secure with a guy again. While I kept trying to find who I was. Every time I see a bit of my self-esteem come back, his face is there in my mind, ready to steal it away, just like today.

"What? Oh yeah. We'll be there in two minutes. Stop complaining." Beatrice's voice snapped me out of my memories. She hangs up and turns to face me as she smiles. "Just John complaining we're late. You will love it! Honestly, Lisa, you will." John is our flatmate. He is into all things tech—gaming, cameras, computers. I don't see the fascination with it, to be honest. Why is it a waste of time sitting there pressing buttons? That is me, though.

Maybe it is because I am not a tech person that I don't understand it. Yet so many do. I guess that is another thing Kyle hated about me. That I saw that as wasting my time. I wasn't interested in any of that. Of course, he was. He had tried to force me to be.

John is lovely. His mousy-blond hair and green eyes are amazing. He is more like a brother to me, training to be an electrician at university. The taxi finally stops. Looking up, I see the bright lights. A nightclub. Of all the places, Beatrice picks a nightclub. My mind is now screaming at me to run and fast. Just go home and avoid all this, but I can't be cruel with the effort Beatrice has put into this. Maybe just an hour?

Walking in, the music is loud, but that doesn't bother me. It is the mass of people I don't know that worries me. The fact I can't hear if someone is right behind me.

"I invited everyone, so I hired the club just for your party so that you will know everyone." Beatrice stands smiling before hugging me. "Happy Birthday." I nod at her words, looking around at the people. There is no one here I know. Where is John? I know him. I can't stop myself from laughing. The fact she thinks I know these people amazes me. Walking in, people keep coming over. You would expect them to be coming to wish me a happy birthday. Instead, they just smile at me and greet Beatrice. Some don't even notice me.

We walk through the crowds, my eyes falling on John, and I feel myself relax slightly. He is standing with someone, no doubt another student from the university. "Look, John is there. Who is that with him?" Beatrice looks at them and then walks ahead. I watch as she reaches them, her arms wrapping around the guy in a tight embrace before she steps back.

He is taller than all of us, maybe around 6 ft 3? My eyes catch the artwork on his arms. I am walking towards them but feel like I am going slow while staring at him. Why do I feel such a pull towards this guy I don't even know?

My heart is racing, and I feel like there is a magnet drawing me to him, my hair standing up. I watch as Beatrice's hand rubs against him, just like Beatrice would with any hot guy. Reaching them, he turns, and I am frozen. Wow, I can't stop myself from staring. Who is he?

"You must be Lisa. Happy birthday." My eyes look up to his before scanning across his body. He is big, muscle-wise big. The artwork doesn't stop on his arms. I can see it on his neck as well. His smile is soft and gentle. Why do I feel the urge to touch him? Why the hell do his tattoos make me so weak?

I try to smile as my eyes take him in, in all his godlike beauty, his tattoos, beard, everything. "Hi." Is that all I can think of? Hi, and it was a weak hi as well. I should be more like Beatrice, confident and rubbing his arm to make it known I am interested.

"Lisa, this is Sean. My brother." I look at John, his eyes looking between us. Is he annoyed? Wait, John? His brother? The difference is massive, Sean's height for one. His hair and even eyes are a different colour. Why is my hair standing up? I feel like I just walked into a freezer.

"Oh, hey, and thank you." Finally, words exist within my mouth. I must look like a right fool, but something about him makes me want him. It is making me nervous, and I haven't felt this way in ages. He makes me feel safe. How? I want to touch him; my eyes look at Beatrice, and I see it on her face as well. In that case, I have no chance, no chance at all, if she is interested. I don't stand a chance. So I will give up the fight before it even starts. She wins. She gets him. I will just wait for tonight to end.

"Well, let's get a drink first. Tonight you are dancing, Lisa." Georgina drags me to the bar. Sean stood watching us as we walked off. No doubt watching Beatrice, not me.

Beatrice turns and smiles at me. "Wow! Who would have thought John's brother would be so hot? I mean, yeah, okay, John isn't bad, but wow, the difference." She is smiling far too much. I certainly have no chance. Not even in hell would I have a chance?

"He is. Good luck." I give in, just like that. I know that I won't win, and I won't fight for a guy either, and clearly, I am not ready. The fact is, I don't get why women fight over a guy. I don't understand how a guy can cheat, and instead of being angry at the guy, the women fight over him. Like he is a perfect man. I, for one, won't fight to win a guy.

Grabbing our drinks, we walk back to John and Sean. We walk to a table and sit. I start drinking. I feel so out of place here. Like I am in a place full of people who know each other, and I know no one. On the plus side, there is booze, so I will stay for a few hours and then go home. No doubt Beatrice and John will be here all night.

"Come dance." Beatrice grabs me. Her hands are pulling me up. I so hate dancing. Standing with her, I dance. I feel out of place and watch as random guys crowd around us. I seriously don't like this, and I feel like I have no space to breathe. I feel unsafe and like I want to run.

The song finishes, so I make a run for it, sitting back down at the table. I see John and Sean standing near the dance floor. I watch as John walks onto it before beginning to dance. Beatrice is grabbing Sean and pulling him onto the dance floor. Her body is all over his. Her hands are grabbing him and stroking his body.

I do feel sorry for him, yet at the same time, I am laughing inside. I feel for any guy who agrees to dance with Beatrice. She is not subtle. If she likes you and you're dancing with her, you will know and not be able to escape easily.

My hand reaches into my bag, taking out the phone. I look at it. It is nearly twelve. Time passes quickly when you want to go home, apparently, but at least I can leave soon. I look around me, considering it. I will give it another hour. I need to be at work tomorrow, so I can't stay too late. I need my job too much to call in sick.

Watching them dance, I see Sean make a slip and escape Beatrice. I watch as she briefly looks for him, but she quickly quits. I sit wondering where he has gone. Beatrice is starting to dance with another guy. I admire her confidence and the ability to make it known she likes someone.

"Hey." Crap! Jumping, I turn, and there he is, standing behind me. He walks around and sits near me, covered in sweat.

"I see Beatrice is testing your dance skills." Laughing at him, I shake my head. He looks worn out. It doesn't look like he has met someone like Beatrice before, who clutches on for life.

"That was her testing my dance skills? I would hate to see her trying it on with a guy." He laughs, sitting back, his eyes glancing towards where she is dancing. "She is feisty, isn't she?"

I smile at him. That's all she is. His head begins shaking as he watches her dancing with another guy. "Yes, that is Beatrice for you. You didn't seem to be doing too bad with your dancing, let's be honest."

He looks at me like I have lost my mind while laughing. "I was hoping I would fall over or pass out. Anything just to escape her. She isn't easy to slip away from, is she?"

I laugh, shaking my head. I have to agree; she isn't at all. That said, though, she is impressive, and he is lucky. "When she finds someone or something she likes. She doesn't tend to let go or let it slip between her fingers. So you should be glad. The way she danced with you—that was her showing just how interested she is." He looks at me, shocked, then back to where Beatrice is.

I watch as he shakes his head. "Not my type, not at all. Anyway, enough of her. It is your birthday; Liam was saying you're studying business and accounting?" He is looking at me like he is interested in what I have to say. How is that even possible when he can easily have Beatrice? I won't be ignorant; however, he is being polite.

"Yes, I am. I want to eventually start my own business, but what, though? I don't know. It would be good to have accounting as well to cut down costs and stuff, you know." I smile at him. He is the first guy other than John. I feel safe around, not like I need to run.

Maybe it is just because he is John's brother? Something about him makes me relax. Okay, everything about him makes me relax. "That is good. I run my own business. They are a lot of work, but you know they are worth it in the end. Something that you can pass on to the younger generations." His words make sense.

I agree with that, but I also had no idea he owned businesses. John didn't say that.

"Ah, right, I always thought you were in the navy, or was John trying to big up his brother before we met him?" I laugh. It is something John would do. A way to get attention and draw women in. He did say Sean was in the Navy. His little lies always seem to benefit him.

"No, he wasn't lying. I am in the Navy. I am home now, more than likely to stay. I don't think I will have any missions to do anymore." He looks at me smiling, so he is in the Navy then. I want to ask why he won't be doing missions anymore, but I know it will be rude.

"That will explain why we have not met you the whole time we have known John then." I haven't seen any of his family at all. Then again, John has not met any of my family. I mean, there is only my dad and stepmom, but still, he hasn't met them.

"Yeah. While he is my brother and we're close, we're not that close. There is a lot he doesn't know about me and my life, which is how I like to keep it." I wonder why. Then again, I know John, and he can be a child at times. So I suspect certain aspects of Sean's life need adults. Not children. John can be very childish, so no doubt with anything to do with the Navy, Sean leaves him out.

"So why don't you think that you will be going on any more missions?" I look at him. That was a mistake. I feel like it was maybe too personal to ask. He is debating if he should tell me or not.

"I have been doing it now for over ten years. I could stop any time I want, and I feel now is the right time. Somehow though, I always feel pulled back in. Honestly, I think it is time to say goodbye to that part of my life now." He smiles at me. He seems genuine, caring, and kind. It amazes me that he is still sitting here with me rather than with Beatrice.