"I hope you will change your mind soon, Andrea. Because you know I won't agree to your challenge to divorce me, so I'm giving you enough time to think." He dropped the glass on the table hard, making my body jump in shock. "And when your decision is complete, be sure to talk to me again about this matter. Because if you're sure that you're really going to end the marriage with me, we'll fight for custody for Gian next."

Mike went up to the second floor while I was left in the living room with my body still shaking. I don't know if it's because of the weather tonight, or maybe it's because my emotions are mixed with nervousness... because in fact, I didn't expect myself to end up challenging Mike to have our divorce… for the second time around. I was, perhaps, so impulsive earlier.

"Your loud exchanging voices with Papa reached my room, ma..." Gian sat next to me and hugged my waist. "I'm clueless about what you and Papa are fighting about, but hopefully it will be fixed soon."

"Of course." I swallowed all the sadness I felt, just to make sure when I faced my son, he wouldn't see his mother dealing with a huge relationship problem. "Son, whatever you heard earlier... just... don't think about it. Don't bother asking me why we're fighting earlier. It is normal for those in a relationship to have disagreements, okay? That's part of life, and... let's say a struggle for us that we have to overcome together to enable our relationship, at the same time, be stronger."

"But you and Papa aren't going to break up, are you?"

I was left smiling, but I didn't immediately respond. How can I answer Gian's question, and even I can't assure myself how long Mike and I's marriage will be valid.

"Nothing like that will happen, okay? And even so, one thing I can assure you... your dad and I will stay by your side. You were born with your father and I, and I can assure you that until you get married, your father and I... we will attend the wedding of our only son together." I gently leaned Gian's head on my shoulder so that at least when the tears flowed from my eyes, he wouldn’t see it. "Wherever or from whomever you hear those things, don't listen, okay? Focus on yourself and on our family. Everything else is just a noise.”

If I really need to tell lies, I'll do it. As long as I can hide the problems I'm facing from Gian, I will. As much as possible, I don't want Gian to absorb the weight and stress that is happening in his family... to the point that he can no longer focus on his studies.

He must be out of our fight with his father.

—

"I know, Jazz..." I heaved a long sigh as soon as I arrived at the meeting place where I met Jazz, my new friend since this year. "It's because of the photo you showed me, the face is different from the woman I saw kissing Mike's cheek the same day that woman I gave me a check-up to."

Suddenly, our conversation paused because the waiter came to ask for our order. I had pancakes and a chocolate latte, and Jazz told the waiter about hers.

"What if your husband doesn't have only one mistress? What if there are many?”

I called all the saints I know after Jazz telling her suspicions. My gosh, I hope her suspicions were wrong. Letting myself think that my husband has another woman makes me paranoid already. How massive stress can he give me if it is true he has many mistresses?! Will he do more than one?

"You think that's why the face you saw is different from the one I saw, does that mean they are two?"

"It's not unlikely to be three or four."

I whispered many profanities in my mind. Because I'm still thinking that what if Jasmin's suspicions about my husband are true, I feel like I just want to give up or let my world crumble. I'm losing the strength to fight. I feel that I have no reason not to pursue my divorce with Mike if I can prove that he has many affairs.

Fvck.

"All of those, of course, were all pure suspicions. We still don't have solid evidence to point to two or three women being played by your husband. What you can do now is to be an observer.”

Our ordered foods have also arrived, and I immediately took the choco latte to drink. Although it was hot, it was just plain water for me.

"This would be a different flavor I would dare to taste. I hope I get out of here alive, Jazz.”

I just poured the coffee into the void while I spent twenty minutes before heading to the hospital. I left the house early earlier because I thought of bothering Jazz to see me today due to a lot of questions my mind has been trying to find answers to since yesterday.

"I immediately apologize to you if we started getting close the day I sent you a stolen pic of your husband with a girl. I feel like... I’m becoming someone who’s trying to mind your business," Jasmin bit her lips as she spluttered.

"But I appreciate your effort in reaching me out and sending those pictures. Without your initiation, maybe until now I would remain a fool and blindly believe that I still don’t have any idea that my husband is cheating on me." I showed her how my smile becomes bitter.

Like I mentioned earlier, Jazz is my new friend. We met on the internet, and the main reason why we became close is because she's the one that gave me reasons to doubt my husband. She also provided me with some proof. Those pictures. If not because of her efforts, probably my innocent mind is still closed to receiving the truth.

"Let's just hope that... we're wrong." Jazz reached for my hand and made sure to smile at me. "Your eyes show that you love your husband very much. So, I really hope our suspicions turn out to be wrong.”

—

I was about to enter the elevator when I bumped into a woman, who seemed to be ahead of me as I entered. The black jacket that had been hanging on her shoulders fell off. So, I bent down to pick it up and handed it to the woman-

"Thank you-" When she saw my face, she smiled at me. "Oh, it’s you, Doc Andrea."

I watched her enter the elevator and I followed. We are the only two people; while she was adjusting the hanging of the jacket on her shoulder.

“What a nice jacket.”

"Yes, doc. My boyfriend gave it to me.”

Hearing her answer made my temper grow higher and the bitterness in my face got overloaded. Because now... it looks like I know the real reason why the jacket I gave to my husband as a birthday present is missing from Mike's drawer.

"Have you already told him about your condition?"

"Uh… not yet, doc."

I faced her. "What are your plans, Miss?"

"Eloise."

"So, Eloise... What are your plans? You will forever hide from him about your baby with him?" I tried my very best not to sound like I was interfering in both of their lives. "Or if you're planning something else, I hope it's not a crime on your mind."

"That's the reason why I'm preparing my passport." She immediately looks away from me. "Because in the States, it's not illegal for me to do this.

When we got out of the elevator, I immediately pulled Eloise into my clinic. Although I know that I’m not the one she’s actually meeting with as to why she’s in the hospital, I think I have to spend my little time for her… to at least stop her from doing her plan recklessly.

"I hope you think carefully about what you are going to do. Remember that even if the child is still inside your womb, it still has a life, Eloise. What you are attempting to do is killing the baby inside your womb. Do you want to feel guilty? You will commit a great sin against God," I said firmly.

Eloise gave up staring at me and sat down at the available seat in front of my table. She lowered her hands and covered her face.

"What else is left for me to do? Instead of aborting the baby?”

"There are many ways available-"

"Well, I don't see any way, Doc." She faced me, she looked up at me because I was still standing in front of her. "I don't know. There is no more convenient way available for me than abortion, Doc Andrea. So, will I still be afraid if I made a sin against God? I did commit fornication, and I clearly violated one of God's ten commandments. After all, I have already sinned against Him, why should I be afraid now?"

Eloise started crying inside my clinic. The interior is sound-proof, so I'm sure that no one will hear the conversation we’re having and her crying from the people outside. So, I immediately approached Eloise and pulled up a chair, rubbing her back at the same time.

"Don't solve your problem by committing another mistake. As I told you earlier, I believe there is a better way available instead of killing the baby.” I was still rubbing his back when she looked up at me again. "And as for me, the best option for you is to let the father of the baby know that you're pregnant."

"Didn't you understand what I told you last time, Doc-"

"I understand, of course." I smiled to hide the bitterness on my face. In fact, I'm really not sure if I'm really going to continue this. “But your parents won't know you're in a relationship until you admit it to them or you won't let your parents do a background check on the baby's father, right?"

Even if stupidity is what I'm doing, fine… I'll accept it. First of all, I'm not even sure that Mike is really the father of Eloise's baby. But if Mike happens by chance, for sure I won't be able to forgive him. And most importantly, I can't promise him that once my suspicions are true, our relationship and family will still be intact.

The reason why I'm doing this is because I am a professional doctor. I intend to persuade my patient not to harm themselves or make a reckless decision like what Eloise is planning for her baby. My profession intends to save lives… and I am in the medical team now not to encourage my patients to kill, especially an innocent child.

"Why are you doing this?" When Eloise settled down from her crying earlier, her voice cracked when she asked me. "You, yourself, told me before that you have your family; that you have a husband and child. You know the pain when your husband has been seeing someone; another woman without letting you know.”

“I... as a mistress.. what I expect from you is that you will let me have an abortion so that no one will chase me or I will lose my connection with the man who impregnated me. But that's not what you did, Doc. Why?”

I avoided her eyes that were starting to brim with tears again. I even laughed in my mind because I thought I was the woman with the shallowest tears and crying... but I think I’m not. There’s Eloise who’s more of a crying baby than me... now I realize that.

"Because I believe that instead of risking the baby, there is a better way to solve your problem. Just open your mind. Abortion is not always the answer, unless you have a deeper reason for not wanting to carry the child.” I looked at her again but she avoided me. "Is there?"

"Maybe because he won't accept it." A bitter smile drew on her lips. "I mentioned this before to you, Doc. Apart from my parents, I was also worried that the father of this child might not choose me. He might still choose his family over us. That's what scares me. Maybe he just won't hold me accountable."

"What's the point of letting me live and raise this baby of mine if he's just going to live without a father?" she said and another episode of Eloise's crying happened again at my clinic.

It's almost time for me to open the clinic, so I can receive patients today. I just can't do it because Eloise is still inside, and I don't even know how to calm her down. Why did I bother to offer her help anyway? I do not know either.

—

"Okay, I'm going to pick you up later. Bye, son!”

I put my phone down after talking to Gian. All of a sudden, that son of mine asked us to eat outside, so I gave in. He said that his father could not accommodate us since Mike is still in school right now, he said that he has to finish some paperwork before he flies to Cebu tomorrow to attend a Mathematics-related seminar there.

"Is your husband's mistress your friend now, mamsh?"

In the middle, when I didn't have a patient yet, since I asked for a thirty minute break to breathe and drink at least, Kath entered my clinic without my permission.

"We're not even sure if she's the mistress," I answered indifferently to Kath while I was busy watching random videos on my phone.

"What if she is? Are you still going to be nice to that girl?”

I paused the video. I looked at Kath and grinned. "If she really is Mike's mistress, what's so wrong if I befriend her-"

"Are you insane-"

"No, Kath." The smile on my lips grew wider. "I just have to keep myself closer to the enemy... so, in that way... the opening is bigger for me to destroy her life."

"On my birthday, ma... I hope we go out again," Gian said when he suddenly stopped eating. "I hope that when that day comes, Papa will be with us to eat outside."

I suddenly slowed down my chewing and swallowed slowly. Gian can't help but always look for his dad whenever he's not around. Gian, my boy, has been used to having both of his parents with him all the time. Mike is always with us on important occasions that would happen in Gian’s life such as Gian's birthday, his graduation when he was in elementary school, recognition days, etc.

So I understand if my son is starting to feel a new atmosphere now. Mike has been sneaking in more and more often that he is taking care of a lot of things at school right now so he didn't come with us tonight. Meanwhile, he can always find some time and ways before to manage his workloads after having piled up of paperworks on his job.

"Instead of having a party, do you want to eat out?"

He laughed at my question. "Mom, birthday parties are only for children. I’m not a kid anymore."

"Are you old?" I rode on my son's trip.

"Teenager, ma," he replied seriously. "This son of yours is such a grown man... so now I want something different every time my birthday comes around. No more lavish birthday parties, otherwise... even if I can just eat out with you and Papa, that's enough for me."

Gian smiled at me before he continued eating. I can't say he's sad because I'm the only one with him today, and it's evident from the smile I see on his lips that even though I'm the only one with him today, I think he's happy and enjoying the food.

But I know that Gian would have been twice as happy if Mike had just given him at least little of his time to join us here.

"Gian?" I called his attention. He quickly turned to me. "Son, do you think your father and I will divorced?"

He dropped the two cutlery he was holding. "Is there a reason for the two of you to separate?"

For a moment, I remained silent. Gian and I only kept our eyes on each other, and hopefully he can't read in my eyes that my relationship with his father is going through a big problem right now.

"Just in case something happens, and it's inevitable for a couple to separate... especially married couples... and if that happens, Gian... who will you go with?"

I know it's not the right time to ask him such a difficult question to answer. If I spoil the fun that Gian had earlier, I'll just make it up to him in the next few days. I just couldn't help myself but to ask the question to him right away.

"Unless the problem that a couple is going through is heavy, only then will the divorce be valid." Gian's answer to my question was too far. "This is from my adviser last year, in which she told us that in the relationship between husband and wife, not everything should have ended in divorce. There are specific reasons why they end up breaking up, but that doesn't mean that for all their problems, the solution has to be ending the marriage."

I really want to tell and try to make Gian understand the situation, but I can't. I remember that he was too young for me to let him be involved with Mike and I's problems. I will not let even my son suffer from the nonsense his father is doing.

"But to answer your question, ma..." I stopped cutting the steak on my plate when Gian spoke again. “If I had to choose which of you two to go with… I wouldn't choose.”

"Because?"

"I love you both, ma. I can't live in a house with only one of you living with me. I can't seem to wake up in the morning with only one of my parents sharing the same roof with me." The mixture of his smile became bleak, and Gian immediately avoided looking at me. "Because if the day comes when one of you has to leave me, hopefully you will realize that when a flower is lost from its tree... it'll wither."

After that, we continued eating. Our conversation no longer continued because I didn't know what else to say. I think I got the answer I asked Gian for.

—

"Are you leaving early tomorrow?" I opened up to Mike when I caught him in our room already packing the things he would need for his trip to Cebu.

"Yeah. To get to the venue early. I hope we can land there immediately before afternoon." He just continued packing his clothes. "You take care of Gian first, huh? I was only there for three days, Andeng." He raised his face to look at me. "So, please take good care of our son."

"That's my responsibility. You don't need to remind me." I head to the other side of the bed and lean against the standing pillow. “Do you, Mike… know your responsibilities?”

"Of course-"

"Then can you explain to me what you were doing in a hotel last night with Eloise?"

His eyes widened as he looked. “Eloise-”

"Don't deny it. I told you that woman is my patient. I probably know her, and the strange thing is… how many times have you denied to me that you don't know her, but why have I seen you with her twice?”

I showed the picture that Jazz sent me when she saw my husband last night checking into a hotel with Eloise. I was only able to show it to Mike today because I really wanted it to coincide with the day of his departure... hopefully to stop him.

"You're just giving yourself a reason to be jealous-"

“Would it be better if it weren't true, Mike? Isn't it true?” I was the one who started this fight first, but now I’m becoming so emotional that I'm going to start crying at any moment. "You can't even give me a sensible reason for why you can’t name Eloise as someone aside from your mistress! You kept avoiding my questions! You're the only one who gives me a reason to believe that you're really having an affair!"

I was surprised and even gasped when Mike let go of the clothes he was holding. He came to me and shook my body. "Wake up from your imaginations, Andeng! You are the only one who will destroy our relationship if you continue your doubts."

“Because Eloise, yes… I know her,” he admitted to me. "Carlo's girlfriend... my friend."