"Have you met your ex at the hospital earlier?"

When I got into the house and while I was taking off my shoes, I didn't immediately notice that Mike was in a long chair while he was drinking wine alone there. Most of the time I go home before him since he often stays up late at school due to his heavy workloads that includes checking the papers of tons of his students.

“Is it Morgan?” I laughed in response. Mike still thinks that Morgan has been my ex-boyfriend. "Morgan is just my friend. It must have been a coincidence that we met earlier at the hospital since he was visiting his grandmother. He said his grandmother had a heart attack."

"He's in another country, isn't he?" Mike is still not making eye contact with me. His eyes were fixed on the glass of wine. "Will he go back there again? How long will he stay here in the Philippines?"

"I haven’t asked about that to him-"

"You talked for almost an hour earlier in the cafeteria, you didn't even ask him about that? Why? What did you two talk about?" Now his eyes challenge me to listen to him and tell the truth. "I'm your husband, so I'm just curious. Is he getting back with you? Is he trying to court you again?!”

"What are you talking about, Mike?!" I could no longer control my voice to raise because of my annoyance at my husband. I wish Gian was watching a movie in his room so he wouldn't hear us here. "I hope you still hear what you are saying now. Because I don't know how long I have to repeat to you that Morgan and I haven't had anything since then, and it's even more impossible to have now!" I said loudly.

My tears are only superficial so just a little ache to my heart and I feel I will be emotional. Because I can't handle Mike doubting me. Of all people, I'm really the one he suspects is the one to potentially have an affair?

"I will ask you now." I grabbed the glass from his hand, knowing that he was about to drink it. Just to gain his attention, no alcohol first. "Who is that woman? What is your relationship with her?”

“Who?” His eyebrows met as he asked. "You're going to make up a story about me to make me look bad? Andrea, do you want us to have another fight-”

“I'm not making up a story. This is not an excuse I made to make you let slip your doubt about me, Mike. Because my eyes can clearly see from the second floor of the hospital that you have a woman, with a younger face than mine, and you even take her inside her car. She even kissed you on the cheek, didn't she?" I caught his eyes trying to move away from me. "Who's that, Mike?"

"What are you talking about? I don't know what you're talking about, Andrea. Why do you have to always think I’m seeing another woman? I think your mind is just creating an imaginary scene just to prove that I'm becoming a womanizer even though I'm not, huh!"

"I know that girl. And I'm sure that what I saw earlier was not just my imagination, Mike," I said with emphasis. "That girl became my patient earlier. She was very scared. You know why?"

He didn't speak. He just picked up the glass that was on the table again and filled it with wine, he made sure to guzzle it straight down.

“She was afraid to find out that she was pregnant. Because what scares the girl even more is that she doesn't want her parents to know that she got pregnant by a man who already has a family."

I told Kath earlier that I want to believe what I stand for, that maybe what I saw was not malicious and I want to hear Mike first how he will defend himself to me. But in the scene that is happening now, he is proving to me even more that my suspicions are correct. That my decision now is to keep doubting him. Because he couldn't even look me in the eyes. He had been staring at me for a while. Whenever I questioned him about that girl, his only answer was that I was making up a story. That I was making excuses for us to fight and I felt bad for him.

"That's why you immediately thought it was me-"

"That's not the only reason I'm looking at, Mike! Are we just going to be here again and again?” My voice was shaking because it was as if he was having a hard time understanding my point. "Let's say I didn't see you with that girl and I didn’t see she even kissed you on the cheek, I wouldn't doubt that there might be something between you two. But I saw it with my two eyes, Mike! I saw you! So, the foundation of my doubt is even stronger because I don't know why you two met? How? What is your relationship with her? Or maybe you are also the father of the child, right?"

My cheeks are full of tears. I can't accept if even tonight Mike admits to me that all my suspicions about him are true. I feel like... I can't handle it. I might collapse.

“Andeng-”

"Are my doubts about you all true?" I slapped his hands away from me when he tried to touch me. "Because if everything is true... it's probably good that we both get a divorce."

No more fluff, I need to get straight to the point as much as possible. I know it's not the first time I've challenged Mike to break up, but this time… I really can't. I don't want our relationship to remain as husband and wife while he has a baby that he is responsible for with another woman.

I never dreamt of having a family and being married just to let myself suffer because my husband is having an affair.

"Tell me you're not serious about this, Andrea."

"Why not?" Furious with anger, I glared at Mike. "You don't know but I've been tired of our relationship for a long time. I never dreamed of getting married just to make myself doubt whether you have a woman or not. I don't deserve this, Mike… because all along, I was honest with you!”

I violently wiped away another batch of tears that fell. "So, I don't want to continue this anymore. I can't give another chance. Let’s end our marriage here, Mike.”

"I hope you will change your mind soon, Andrea. Because you know I won't agree to your challenge to divorce me, so I'm giving you enough time to think." He dropped the glass on the table hard, making my body jump in shock. "And when your decision is complete, be sure to talk to me again about this matter. Because if you're sure that you're really going to end the marriage with me, we'll fight for custody for Gian next."

Mike went up to the second floor while I was left in the living room with my body still shaking. I don't know if it's because of the weather tonight, or maybe it's because my emotions are mixed with nervousness... because in fact, I didn't expect myself to end up challenging Mike to have our divorce… for the second time around. I was, perhaps, so impulsive earlier.

"Your loud exchanging voices with Papa reached my room, ma..." Gian sat next to me and hugged my waist. "I'm clueless about what you and Papa are fighting about, but hopefully it will be fixed soon."

"Of course." I swallowed all the sadness I felt, just to make sure when I faced my son, he wouldn't see his mother dealing with a huge relationship problem. "Son, whatever you heard earlier... just... don't think about it. Don't bother asking me why we're fighting earlier. It is normal for those in a relationship to have disagreements, okay? That's part of life, and... let's say a struggle for us that we have to overcome together to enable our relationship, at the same time, be stronger."

"But you and Papa aren't going to break up, are you?"

I was left smiling, but I didn't immediately respond. How can I answer Gian's question, and even I can't assure myself how long Mike and I's marriage will be valid.

"Nothing like that will happen, okay? And even so, one thing I can assure you... your dad and I will stay by your side. You were born with your father and I, and I can assure you that until you get married, your father and I... we will attend the wedding of our only son together." I gently leaned Gian's head on my shoulder so that at least when the tears flowed from my eyes, he wouldn’t see it. "Wherever or from whomever you hear those things, don't listen, okay? Focus on yourself and on our family. Everything else is just a noise.”

If I really need to tell lies, I'll do it. As long as I can hide the problems I'm facing from Gian, I will. As much as possible, I don't want Gian to absorb the weight and stress that is happening in his family... to the point that he can no longer focus on his studies.

He must be out of our fight with his father.

—

"I know, Jazz..." I heaved a long sigh as soon as I arrived at the meeting place where I met Jazz, my new friend since this year. "It's because of the photo you showed me, the face is different from the woman I saw kissing Mike's cheek the same day that woman I gave me a check-up to."

Suddenly, our conversation paused because the waiter came to ask for our order. I had pancakes and a chocolate latte, and Jazz told the waiter about hers.

"What if your husband doesn't have only one mistress? What if there are many?”

I called all the saints I know after Jazz telling her suspicions. My gosh, I hope her suspicions were wrong. Letting myself think that my husband has another woman makes me paranoid already. How massive stress can he give me if it is true he has many mistresses?! Will he do more than one?

"You think that's why the face you saw is different from the one I saw, does that mean they are two?"

"It's not unlikely to be three or four."

I whispered many profanities in my mind. Because I'm still thinking that what if Jasmin's suspicions about my husband are true, I feel like I just want to give up or let my world crumble. I'm losing the strength to fight. I feel that I have no reason not to pursue my divorce with Mike if I can prove that he has many affairs.

Fvck.

"All of those, of course, were all pure suspicions. We still don't have solid evidence to point to two or three women being played by your husband. What you can do now is to be an observer.”

Our ordered foods have also arrived, and I immediately took the choco latte to drink. Although it was hot, it was just plain water for me.

"This would be a different flavor I would dare to taste. I hope I get out of here alive, Jazz.”

I just poured the coffee into the void while I spent twenty minutes before heading to the hospital. I left the house early earlier because I thought of bothering Jazz to see me today due to a lot of questions my mind has been trying to find answers to since yesterday.

"I immediately apologize to you if we started getting close the day I sent you a stolen pic of your husband with a girl. I feel like... I’m becoming someone who’s trying to mind your business," Jasmin bit her lips as she spluttered.

"But I appreciate your effort in reaching me out and sending those pictures. Without your initiation, maybe until now I would remain a fool and blindly believe that I still don’t have any idea that my husband is cheating on me." I showed her how my smile becomes bitter.

Like I mentioned earlier, Jazz is my new friend. We met on the internet, and the main reason why we became close is because she's the one that gave me reasons to doubt my husband. She also provided me with some proof. Those pictures. If not because of her efforts, probably my innocent mind is still closed to receiving the truth.

"Let's just hope that... we're wrong." Jazz reached for my hand and made sure to smile at me. "Your eyes show that you love your husband very much. So, I really hope our suspicions turn out to be wrong.”

—

I was about to enter the elevator when I bumped into a woman, who seemed to be ahead of me as I entered. The black jacket that had been hanging on her shoulders fell off. So, I bent down to pick it up and handed it to the woman-

"Thank you-" When she saw my face, she smiled at me. "Oh, it’s you, Doc Andrea."

I watched her enter the elevator and I followed. We are the only two people; while she was adjusting the hanging of the jacket on her shoulder.

“What a nice jacket.”

"Yes, doc. My boyfriend gave it to me.”

Hearing her answer made my temper grow higher and the bitterness in my face got overloaded. Because now... it looks like I know the real reason why the jacket I gave to my husband as a birthday present is missing from Mike's drawer.

"Have you already told him about your condition?"

"Uh… not yet, doc."

I faced her. "What are your plans, Miss?"

"Eloise."

"So, Eloise... What are your plans? You will forever hide from him about your baby with him?" I tried my very best not to sound like I was interfering in both of their lives. "Or if you're planning something else, I hope it's not a crime on your mind."

"That's the reason why I'm preparing my passport." She immediately looks away from me. "Because in the States, it's not illegal for me to do this.

When we got out of the elevator, I immediately pulled Eloise into my clinic. Although I know that I’m not the one she’s actually meeting with as to why she’s in the hospital, I think I have to spend my little time for her… to at least stop her from doing her plan recklessly.

"I hope you think carefully about what you are going to do. Remember that even if the child is still inside your womb, it still has a life, Eloise. What you are attempting to do is killing the baby inside your womb. Do you want to feel guilty? You will commit a great sin against God," I said firmly.

Eloise gave up staring at me and sat down at the available seat in front of my table. She lowered her hands and covered her face.

"What else is left for me to do? Instead of aborting the baby?”

"There are many ways available-"

"Well, I don't see any way, Doc." She faced me, she looked up at me because I was still standing in front of her. "I don't know. There is no more convenient way available for me than abortion, Doc Andrea. So, will I still be afraid if I made a sin against God? I did commit fornication, and I clearly violated one of God's ten commandments. After all, I have already sinned against Him, why should I be afraid now?"

Eloise started crying inside my clinic. The interior is sound-proof, so I'm sure that no one will hear the conversation we’re having and her crying from the people outside. So, I immediately approached Eloise and pulled up a chair, rubbing her back at the same time.

"Don't solve your problem by committing another mistake. As I told you earlier, I believe there is a better way available instead of killing the baby.” I was still rubbing his back when she looked up at me again. "And as for me, the best option for you is to let the father of the baby know that you're pregnant."

"Didn't you understand what I told you last time, Doc-"

"I understand, of course." I smiled to hide the bitterness on my face. In fact, I'm really not sure if I'm really going to continue this. “But your parents won't know you're in a relationship until you admit it to them or you won't let your parents do a background check on the baby's father, right?"

Even if stupidity is what I'm doing, fine… I'll accept it. First of all, I'm not even sure that Mike is really the father of Eloise's baby. But if Mike happens by chance, for sure I won't be able to forgive him. And most importantly, I can't promise him that once my suspicions are true, our relationship and family will still be intact.

The reason why I'm doing this is because I am a professional doctor. I intend to persuade my patient not to harm themselves or make a reckless decision like what Eloise is planning for her baby. My profession intends to save lives… and I am in the medical team now not to encourage my patients to kill, especially an innocent child.

"Why are you doing this?" When Eloise settled down from her crying earlier, her voice cracked when she asked me. "You, yourself, told me before that you have your family; that you have a husband and child. You know the pain when your husband has been seeing someone; another woman without letting you know.”

“I... as a mistress.. what I expect from you is that you will let me have an abortion so that no one will chase me or I will lose my connection with the man who impregnated me. But that's not what you did, Doc. Why?”

I avoided her eyes that were starting to brim with tears again. I even laughed in my mind because I thought I was the woman with the shallowest tears and crying... but I think I’m not. There’s Eloise who’s more of a crying baby than me... now I realize that.

"Because I believe that instead of risking the baby, there is a better way to solve your problem. Just open your mind. Abortion is not always the answer, unless you have a deeper reason for not wanting to carry the child.” I looked at her again but she avoided me. "Is there?"

"Maybe because he won't accept it." A bitter smile drew on her lips. "I mentioned this before to you, Doc. Apart from my parents, I was also worried that the father of this child might not choose me. He might still choose his family over us. That's what scares me. Maybe he just won't hold me accountable."

"What's the point of letting me live and raise this baby of mine if he's just going to live without a father?" she said and another episode of Eloise's crying happened again at my clinic.

It's almost time for me to open the clinic, so I can receive patients today. I just can't do it because Eloise is still inside, and I don't even know how to calm her down. Why did I bother to offer her help anyway? I do not know either.

—

"Okay, I'm going to pick you up later. Bye, son!”

I put my phone down after talking to Gian. All of a sudden, that son of mine asked us to eat outside, so I gave in. He said that his father could not accommodate us since Mike is still in school right now, he said that he has to finish some paperwork before he flies to Cebu tomorrow to attend a Mathematics-related seminar there.

"Is your husband's mistress your friend now, mamsh?"

In the middle, when I didn't have a patient yet, since I asked for a thirty minute break to breathe and drink at least, Kath entered my clinic without my permission.

"We're not even sure if she's the mistress," I answered indifferently to Kath while I was busy watching random videos on my phone.

"What if she is? Are you still going to be nice to that girl?”

I paused the video. I looked at Kath and grinned. "If she really is Mike's mistress, what's so wrong if I befriend her-"

"Are you insane-"

"No, Kath." The smile on my lips grew wider. "I just have to keep myself closer to the enemy... so, in that way... the opening is bigger for me to destroy her life."