1: 1

1

On the day I got engaged, my brother-in-law rushed in from out of town and was killed in a car crash.

He died along with my three-year-old nephew.

A wedding turned into a funeral.

At the funeral, my fiancé beat his own chest, sick with guilt and remorse.

"It's all my fault. I insisted on getting engaged that day. If I hadn't, none of this would have happened to him!"

My sister cried until she fainted in his arms.

A few months later, my fiancé and I were getting married.

My sister, eyes still rimmed red, helped me plan the wedding.

She said, "Sis, the biggest regret of my whole life is that I never got to have a wedding of my own."

"So I'm going to make sure you go out in style!"

She chose the venue. She picked out my gown at the fitting. She named the hair and makeup team too.

The lilies printed on the invitations were her favorite flower, and even the name printed on them was hers.

I gripped the invitation and asked her point-blank.

"Polly Pruitt, is this your wedding or mine?"

My sister shrank into my fiancé's arms, her whole face wounded.

"I'm sorry, Katie. I didn't get it wrong on purpose."

"I'm just... so tired."

My fiancé cut in, furious, defending her.

"Enough. Stop making a scene."

"Your sister was kind enough to plan this whole wedding for you, one little slip-up happens, and you blow it out of proportion!"

"If it hadn't been for our engagement party, your brother-in-law would never have..."

We all fell silent.

Yes. Because of my engagement party, my sister lost her husband and her child.

So was I supposed to pay her back with a husband and a child of my own?

Since it wasn't my name on the invitation, then fine, I wouldn't be at this wedding.

...

"I'm sorry, Katie. It really was just a moment of carelessness."

"I'll have a new batch printed right away."

My sister wiped at her tears, so wounded, so small.

But I saw it clearly in her eyes: a flicker of someone who knew she had nothing to fear.

"All right, all right, your sister has pulled several all-nighters for your wedding, it's not that big a deal!"

Kieran Stephens wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes, the motion practiced and easy.

He frowned at me.

"Don't worry about the reprinting. I'll take care of it."

Then his face melted into indulgence.

"Look at you, you nearly ran yourself into the ground over your sister's wedding!"

My sister coughed twice, and Kieran instantly pulled the scarf from his own neck and wrapped it around her.

"So busy with your sister's wedding you've been neglecting your own health!"

"You didn't have to do all this!"

The tenderness in Kieran's eyes cut into me hard.

That scarf, I knitted it myself. It took me a week of late nights.

It was my third-anniversary gift to him.

By now, I could no longer tell whether what Kieran felt for my sister was guilt or love.

"Kieran, I went to the hospital today. Don't you want to know why?"

Kieran was carefully tying the scarf into a knot. He didn't spare me a single glance.

"I told you and told you, less late nights, less coffee, but you just won't listen!"

I pressed a hand to my stomach, hesitated a few seconds, then told him.

"Kieran, I'm pregnant. Four weeks."

Kieran's hands went still. He finally turned his head.

My sister's eyes went blank for a few seconds too, then filled with grief.

She quietly turned away, but her shoulders were trembling.

Something seemed to flicker through Kieran's eyes.

He stared at my flat stomach, walked over, and stroked my hair.

His voice was gentle and utterly cold.

"Katie, get rid of it. We'll have others later."

I couldn't believe it. Confusion, then fury.

"Kieran, say that again!"

He held me lightly, patient, coaxing.

"Katie, your sister lost her child. She's still drowning in that grief."

"If we have a baby now, isn't that just rubbing salt in her wound?"

In his arms, which had gone colder by the second, two lines of tears rolled down my face.

Just because my sister lost her husband and her child, I didn't even deserve a child of my own?

"Fine. I'll get rid of it."

"This child really shouldn't have come."

My sister came over, reached across me, and lightly smoothed the crease between Kieran's brows.

"Kieran, you don't have to do this."

"It's my own wretched luck. The two of you..."

Kieran let go of me, gave her forehead a gentle flick, and smiled.

"This is how it should be. I just want you to come out of it soon."

"Only when you're happy can Katie and I be happy too."

The wind through the open door stirred the wind chimes, a soft jingling.

No one heard.

No one noticed I was leaving.

Behind me, Kieran was still gently comforting my sister.

I turned and walked away.

Between the two of them, there was no room for me.

2: 2

I sat on the street corner, the cold wind slamming into my face.

It stung, but I didn't cry.

The ultrasound printout was nearly crushed in my hand.

My wedding had to be arranged the way my sister wanted, and now even my child had to account for my sister's feelings.

The phone rang. It was Mom.

"Your sister says you're pregnant?"

My nose prickled.

"Yeah. I was thinking—"

Mom cut me off.

"Do what Kieran arranged. Get rid of it."

"Your sister can't take one more shock."

"You're still young. There's no rush to have children later."

A dragging ache pulled low in my belly.

"Mom, I—"

"Kieran is a good boy. Thoughtful."

"Your sister was depressed before. She nearly killed herself."

"Don't be so selfish!"

When the call ended, the whole world tilted around me.

This was my child, and every single person wanted me to kill him for my sister's sake.

Fine. Just as you all wish.

That afternoon, I went to the wedding house.

It was the place I'd put the down payment on myself.

But everywhere I looked, this house belonged to my sister.

The bedding was the pink she liked.

The bed curtains were the pure white she liked.

I had never spent a night here, yet in the bathroom there were two toothbrushes, both already used.

I could picture it too easily: my sister and Kieran brushing their teeth together, teasing each other, then looking up and smiling.

"Ugh—"

I gripped the toilet, retching and unable to stop.

The pain in my belly kept coming in sharp waves.

So my child knew it too, that his father didn't love him.

He didn't want to come into this world.

Kieran came back and saw me slumped over the toilet. Calmly, he handed me an abortion appointment slip.

"I picked this hospital especially for you."

"The doctor doing your procedure is the best in the field. No side effects, guaranteed."

What he handed me wasn't a slip. It was the knife he'd use to kill me.

How much does a man have to love another woman to hand his fiancée an abortion this calmly.

He helped me up, careful, almost eager to please, wiping the mess from around my mouth.

His eyes were tender and merciless at once.

"Katie, your sister has really had it so hard."

"You're my fiancée. I don't want to owe your family anything."

On him, I could smell my sister's shampoo.

"Fine. I'll go for the abortion tomorrow."

Kieran nodded, and at last he smiled, relieved.

"Katie, I knew it. You've always been sensible, always understood the bigger picture."

"I'll take tomorrow afternoon off and drive you to the hospital."

Good, I thought.

Once the child was gone, there would be nothing left tying me to Kieran.

His phone rang. It was my mom.

"Kieran! Come quick!!!"

"Polly isn't right, she's on the rooftop, crying that she wants to go be with her husband and son!"

Kieran's face went taut.

He shoved me aside at once.

"Katie! Take care of yourself, I have to get over there now!"

My footing gave, my balance went, and my forehead struck the edge of the sink.

Blood ran down from my temple.

Kieran hesitated for only one second.

"Katie, go to the ER yourself and get it bandaged."

"Your sister really can't be left alone right now!"

"If I get there too late, something terrible could happen!"

He raced out the door.

The huge slam of it shook something in my chest.

He really was so frantic over my sister.

And me? His fiancée. What was I worth?

Tears and blood mixed together.

I stumbled to the kitchen and yanked a magnet off the fridge.

It was the one thing in this whole wedding house I could find that had anything to do with me.

The magnet was a snowy mountain. Kieran and I had once planned to go to Silverton this winter to see the snow.

He used to say, Katie, I'm going to take you to see all the beautiful country there is.

3: 3

I went to the ER to get my forehead bandaged, and while I was there I booked the abortion for the next afternoon.

On my way out, I saw them at the far end of the hallway. Kieran had his arms wrapped tight around my sister.

“Polly! You have to keep living!”

“You still have your parents, you still have your sister, and you still have me……”

Off to the side, Mom was crying, her eyes swollen and red.

“Polly, baby, I'm begging you. Live.”

“Whatever you want, Mom will give it to you!”

I couldn't help thinking that if my sister said she wanted Kieran, Mom would tell me to step aside without a second's hesitation.

“Hello, sister. What a coincidence.”

My voice came out flat.

Kieran saw the fresh bandage on my forehead, and a flicker of guilt crossed his face.

“Katie, I'm sorry. I was just in such a panic today.”

My mother's face darkened at once.

“Kieran, what are you apologizing for!”

“If you hadn't gotten there in time, Polly might have……”

My sister took my hand gently, tears in her eyes as she apologized.

“I'm sorry, little sister.”

“I didn't want any of this. After I lost my husband and my son, I got depression. I can't control myself!”

I nodded.

“I understand, Polly. I understand everything.”

Seeing that I wasn't making a scene, Kieran finally let out a slow breath.

“Katie, I took your sister in for a psychological evaluation.”

“Thank God, it's not the most severe kind of depression.”

Mom grumbled.

“All right, all right, let's hurry up and go.”

“I hate that antiseptic smell in hospitals!”

The three of them walked off side by side. No one cared that I was still standing there.

A few young nurses passed by, gossiping as they watched them go.

“Yeah, yeah, that's the one, the handsome guy, so devoted to his wife!”

“Carried his wife the whole way in. That's serious boyfriend material!”

Another young nurse shushed them.

“That woman's faking it. She doesn't have depression at all.”

“Doesn't matter, though, does it? Her husband and her own mother dote on her.”

Their words drifted past my ears like a gust of wind.

I touched the gauze on my forehead. So my sister had been faking it all along.

A message popped up on my phone. It was Kieran.

【Rehearsal's in two hours, don't forget.】

【My girl, I'm going to give you a grand wedding.】

I didn't reply. The rehearsal. Whether I went or not, what difference did it make?

I listed the marital home on a resale site.

If there wasn't going to be a wedding, what was the point of keeping it.

I suddenly decided I didn't want to go see the snow after all.

I'd go south instead, where it was spring all year round, where the sun was bright.

I booked a flight. The departure date was the day of the wedding.

The name on the invitation wasn't mine. This wedding was never going to be mine.

Two hours later, Kieran blew up my phone.

【Katie, why aren't you here yet?】

【We're all waiting for you! Come quick!!】

Then came my mother's message.

【How can you be so inconsiderate?! Making trouble for everyone!】

【Your sister's so upset she's crying, asking me if you're still angry!】

【It's such a small thing, they just printed the wrong name on the invitation! Kieran's already handling it!】

I gripped the coffee cup in my hand, letting the warmth sink straight into my palm.

This winter, my own family was colder to me than this cup of coffee.

In the group chat named “Happy Family”, I typed back two words.

【On my way.】

No one answered.

By the time I made my unhurried way to the doors of the rehearsal hall, I caught the officiant's voice at just the right moment.

“Miss Polly Pruitt, do you take Mr. Kieran Stephens to be your husband?”