I didn’t let myself fall as I strode away. I clutched my chest as I turned around, the pain of the breakup and rejection clawed its way past my heart and into the core of my soul.

My tears fell on their own accord, and I didn’t stop even when I called for a taxi.

I can still hear Jonathan’s words earlier even when the taxi was already moving. “Don't mind her, she's just being fucking dramatic.”

Was I though? Was it dramatic for calling out your boyfriend and his bestfriend-feeling-girlfriend that they’re acting more of a couple than the Alpha and I ever was?

Even with the breakup, the pack party continued lively. The dancing and music have become even more vivacious since my departure.

But I don’t care. Everyone knew I was upset and they knew I wouldn’t care about Jonathan on the floor, clutching to his chest too.

If they gossip about me being heartless, then I’ll show them heartlessness.

The ride to my apartment took longer because of traffic. When I opened the front door, I already knew the male scent that occupied inside even before I turned the doorknob.

“Do you really want to embarrass me like that?”

I chuckled mirthlessly. “Is that what you care about? About you being embarrassed in front of the whole pack?”

Jonathan massaged his forehead as he leaned one hand on the kitchen counter, “Anastasia—”

“I think it’s you who embarrassed me, Alpha. You dancing intimately with your other woman whom you call childhood friend is pretty much embarrassing for the girlfriend veiled by the shadows in the corner watching the two of you.”

Although I don’t have the energy to argue further, my wolf propelled me to at least stand up to him. Even just once.

I waved an idle hand to him when he was about to counter-scold me. I took off my clothes in front of him, letting him see my naked disappointed body before his bunched brows.

We haven’t even made love for the past three months because of his constant going out with Emilia. With that alone, I don’t need to clarify further why I need to break up with him.

“Make sure you’re gone when I’m finished showering or else I’ll dump your clothes and things outside like some bags of trash,” I hissed, not bothering to sound angry—‘cause I fucking am.

***

Apparently, he was still in my apartment even when I finished my bath.

“Why?” was all he muttered.

He was leaning one hand to the door frame, the other to his waist as if he was standing outside the bathroom the entire time I took a shower, listening to the soap rubbing my skin and the sound of the water washing away any trace of filth in my body.

He’s the only filth left in this place.

“Go be with Emilia. That’s what you want and have been doing all this time, isn’t it?”

Earlier when I left, I saw Emilia posted a picture of her in a car with the caption: “Thank you for always being with me when I’m drunk even in your current state of recovering from being rejected.”

I didn’t even know Jonathan had a car until the past month when she posted the same picture of her in the backseat, wearing a very sexy dress. “You had a car for...Emilia alone?” I once asked him but all he explained was that 'it was a surprise for me'.

Yeah right. As if it was me who he wanted to surprise.

“You have a car, Jon, but you never offered to bring me home. But to Emilia...” I swallowed, tears lining my eyes again, “if you can prioritize her like that, what’s the point of my existence in your life then?”

When he didn’t answer, I made my voice clearer this time. “She posted that you drive her home. While I was left—”

“YOU BROKE UP WITH ME!” His chest rose up and down as he gathered himself after yelling those words. “You severed our bond,” he whispered, “and you still expect me to be a gentleman to you?”

“You could have run after me or fought for our relationship of four years!” It was my turn to bellow at him but he only stared at me. “Besides, you were never a gentleman to me. I always found myself going home alone.”

As the Alpha of the Dusk Rose Pack, I know he’s often busy. But, why does he always have time for Emilia and not for me?

“Sometimes, I was ashamed of myself for loving someone like you. It seems in other people’s eyes, I don’t deserve you.” I sobbed, and I poured out all my emotions relentlessly with my crying. “When you bought that car, you told me to never eat or do makeup there, but Emilia posted just a few weeks ago doing both...”

Well, being Emilia does have a privilege after all.

“We’re done, Jonathan. Go. Leave. Be with Emilia!” I stomped my foot and I didn’t know if the entirety of me ached for him. All I feel is anger and disappointment and betrayal. All I see is a male, an Alpha, who could have been my husband but tossed it all aside for one Emilia.

He read the annoyance on my face, but he only pursed his lips and ignored my words as if everything I said was just on a whim. “There's really nothing between Emilia and me. If we wanted to be together, it would have happened long ago even before you came into our lives. Why can’t you understand that?"

Oh, so it was me who broke their plans of being together instead?

And the way he said ‘into OUR lives’...

I shook my head. “Deny it all you want, Jon. But everyone can vividly see what the two of you are to one another.”

He blinked, shocked at my statement. But I held up a hand and looked at him straight in the eyes, "As I've already said, I really don't care. You two are obsessed with one another. I’m tired for the day and I don’t want to argue further. Can you just be quiet even for tonight?"

None of us said further after a second as soon as I turned around and went to the bedroom.

As soon as I locked the door, I heard him punch the wall, the sound reverberating even with the closed bedroom door.

Seeing that I was ignoring his actions, he eventually quieted. Soon, his phone rang with a ringtone he only reserved for one person.

I had always been the understanding, gentle, and often—if not most of the time—possessive.

Our arguments always revolved around Emilia. And not once he took my side.

He didn't get the expected reaction from me. He thought I would be charging at him with plenty of rebuttals and excuses and other words of possessiveness that I still want him in my life.

But I no longer did.

And when I heard the creaking of the front door opening, judging by the call's ringtone, I already know to whom he was fucking headed.

When I woke up the next day, Alpha Jonathan was gone. He never returned since that tiptoeing of his to answer Emilia’s call.

I was thrilled about this since I no longer had to worry about eating with him or hearing his second round of making-up excuses that Emilia and him have nothing between them.

As I prepare myself a simple breakfast of a boiled egg and black coffee, I realize I can actually wake up every day without Alpha Jonathan after all.

As I worked my day as a nurse in the pack’s hospital, Alpha Jonathan sent several missed calls. He called repeatedly. Thankfully, I managed to put my phone in silent mode as part of the working hours rules.

“You’re not going to answer that?” Dr. Alex whispered behind me and I almost yelped. We were both in the elevator as we headed home.

“No. I’m going home anyway.”

My entire day went smoothly and I went home feeling very satisfied.

But I immediately dropped my satisfied smile when I opened the door to my house. The smell of cigarette already pollutes the air even when I’m just on the threshold.

Alpha Jonathan’s displeased face greeted my supposed lovely evening. He put out his cigarette as he strode toward me. “I called many times. None of it you answered.”

I crossed my arms. “Should I? We already broke up, why are you still here?”

His mouth twitched upward. “Grow up, Anastasia! You’re still upset about that pack party dance with Emilia?”

He scoffed. I scoffed back.

“Oh really? Didn’t Emilia go there as your date? You just invited me out of courtesy.” I jerked my chin to his phone. “Look at her Instagram post. She even boasted the whole pack of you and her drinking and dancing!”

“Ana.”

I ignored him. “As for your call, I’m a fucking nurse, Alpha. The pack’s hospital never runs out of patients. I’m busy working the whole day.”

“And you really can’t spare a single damn minute to answer me?”

I straightened my back and leaned toward him. “Who are you in my life then? Aside from being my pack’s Alpha, who are you? ”

His nose flared at the same time anger darkened his face. “And how much money do you make as a nurse, then? You can barely buy a car! I gifted you one yet you still prefer to walk home and pay for a taxi.”

“Oh, so this is what it’s about again? That I’m nothing without you? That I’m poor without you?” I leaned my body back against the wall. “That I can’t live without you?”

Jon pursed his lips as he crossed his arms. “Can you?”

I chuckled. “Of course I can. But I think it’s Emilia who cannot. Why are you still here? Shouldn’t you be kneeling before her and kissing her feet at this hour?”

He snarled at my words. “You always felt like you’re the only one who’s right!” He bared his teeth at me, disregarding his tone. “Perhaps you forgot if only you weren’t as clingy as a leech, I would have never been with you!”

I blew out a breath. “So who’s the leech now?”

Jonathan’s blink of shock made him punch the wall once. “I only said yes to you because you always annoyed me back when we were in college.”

“Oh yes, you’re the dazzling heartthrob back then. The soon-to-be Alpha. I should consider myself extremely lucky to be with you.” My sarcasm was off the charts. It seems it’s what he wanted to say anyway so I just finished it for him.

“You’re unbelievable,” he spat.

“Am I?” I scanned him from head to toe. “Before you hurl insults at someone, make sure you yourself aren’t worthy to be insulted by the same insults too.”

His words, his expression, his actions...they no longer hurt that much. I’m used to hearing and seeing those things. That’s why I broke up with him and rejected him.

I’m no longer a fool. Even a fool in love has its limits.

The silence between us is more deafening than his loud uneven breaths, the clenching and unfurling of his fingers into a fist.

We just stood there by the foyer, staring at each other like some bulls debating who’s going to charge first.

Alpha Jonathan exhaled, "I went with Emilia today. Don't you have anything to say about that?"

My brows met. “Do I have to?” I shrugged and walked towards the living room. “I think that’s great. You finally courted her after all those years of lying to yourself—and me.”

Jon looked at me beneath his shadowed gaze and laughed. “Well, if you’re done whining, Anastasia, then I’d better go. Emilia is waiting for me for dinner.”

“Good. Enjoy your meal and don’t come back if you don’t want to.” I was too tired to argue further that I just slumped on the couch.

I can feel Alpha Jonathan’s burning gaze at my back. Before I knew it, the slam of the front door echoed.

I did the same to my heart.

***

I was still awake late at night when I saw another post from Emilia: “I am always there for you when you need me.”

My blood boiled at seeing this and I can’t even focus on the notes Dr. Alex sent me.

But I forced myself to do so, and I did.

And as I closed my eyes, I remember the old me: the Anastasia who was so dedicated to Jonathan, the soon-to-be Alpha, during her college days. I always worry when he doesn’t eat well. I even prepare his meals and cook dinner for him sometimes.

Well, I can see why Alpha Jonathan was beloved by the pack: he loved to socialize and entertain people. He loves to drink—especially with Emilia.

I am not so into drinking that’s why I thought at first that Emilia was only his drinking buddy.

But she became more than that.

In fact, I never wanted to be a nurse. During that time in college when there’s an extra slot for having a paid trip to the neighboring pack for educational purposes, I begged Jonathan to let me have it.

Instead, he gave it to Emilia.

“You already have me,” he once said. “But Emilia is independent. That’s why I think she’s perfect for it.”

That’s the charm of Emilia. And I realized since then...I could never compete with her in anything. In everything.

As I opened my eyes, I didn’t think twice about deleting Emilia from my contacts and blocking her from all of my social media.

Back then, I was afraid Jonathan would cheat that’s why I added Emilia to keep an eye on her—on both of them. But until now, with posts like this and photos from the previous day...it seems like they’re no longer afraid to let the world know what’s between them.

And I’m between them.

And sure enough, after deleting her, my world felt much more peaceful.

I wasn’t shocked when Jonathan did not really come home. I told him to not come back if he didn’t want to, so he did.

I turned off my phone since I knew no Alpha would no longer bother me with texts and missed calls.

The next day, Dr. Alex sent me briefly on the Dawn Thorn Pack, our neighbor pack, and where his father is the Alpha. “The hospital there had some accident so they need extra staff.”

And since I’m one of Alex’s trusted nurses, I didn’t think twice to rush there and do my job as a pack healer.

I returned to my apartment with no one to wait for me. Unfortunately, Jon called me all of a sudden. “Where did you go, Anastasia? I’ve been looking for you.”