I died, just because the man I loved married his childhood sweetheart. After thirty years of marriage, the most we ever wished for each other was that we would “die a bad death”.

Before I died, we had just had a big fight. Before he slammed the door and left me, he spiked my tea with poison. I guessed who the murderer was the moment the poison hit me.

I held on to him until he went back home. Then I stabbed him in the abdomen so that he would accompany me to hell. But at the moment of death, I heard him stop his men from wanting to kill me.

With his last strength, he gave them instructions and said, “Give her the antidote I found to eat. After I die, you must continue to track down who has been poisoning her.  After she wakes up, please don't tell this crazy woman that I found the antidote for her. Do you understand?”

I closed my eyes and shed a tear. At the last moment, I realized how wrong we were.

After being reborn, I decisively changed my volunteering to the other side of the ocean. From now on, the sky was high and the sea was wide. There was no me in the years, so I would leave him and my beloved to have a long journey through mountains and rivers.

——

When I opened my eyes again, I was leaning back in a warm embrace. A spoonful of ginger soup was fed up to my lips. I turned my head violently. Then I met James Mountbatten's bloodshot eyes.

For an instant, both of us were stunned. This was the second day after I had spent the night drenched in a rainstorm in order to force him to marry me. On the other hand, James had obviously not closed his eyes all night. It made some stubble on his chain.

James said as he handed me a glass of drink, “Drink it yourself.”

Seeing me wake up, the worry in his eyes dissipated. After pushing me out of the way, the familiar sabre-rattling of his last life appeared again.

I opened my mouth hoarsely, “James.”

James replied briefly, “Hmm?”

“You hold me again.”

He was a little bit shocked and got up. James then walked away. But the next second, I hugged him from behind. The tightness of his muscles was very obvious under my palm.

James called my name, “Karina Cuthbert.”

He clutched both of my hands tightly. “Your soft hands must hold tightly to be able to face everything.”

“I know, James.”

I pressed against his back for a while. I felt his warmth one last time.

“I figured it out.”

James said, “Figured it out?”

His snort carries the full weight of exhaustion. “You always say that Karina, every time!”

James looked at me. He then forced both my hands apart, pushed me onto the bed and left without looking back. The back of him slamming that door and leaving seemed like the last time we met in a previous life.

I looked down. Then I looked at my palm. There was still his warmth there.

But he did not know. I really want him to understand this time. I was his sister who grew up with him. I was the daughter of his last benefactor. I was the girl next door who always gave him a headache.

The sad thing was I was the only one, not his wife. I closed my eyes. I figured it out. Then I choose to let go.

My cell phone suddenly vibrates. It was a call from one of my subordinates.

“Ms. Karina, we have reviewed the situation and conditions of Windermere Lake. Haven't you always wanted to come and hold your wedding here? Do you want to change the wedding venue here?”

I answered, “Go ask Ms. Annette Diggory. She also likes the sea. If she is willing, we can change it.”

“Ms. Karina, are you sure?”

The henchman thought he had misheard. “Because you're the bride, Ms. Karina.”

I replied shortly, “Not from today on.”

After I hung up the phone, I called my supervisor who took me through my doctoral project.

My mentor asked me, “Have you made up your mind about it? Not getting married? Do you plan to go abroad with me for a project?”

He looked at me for a while to double-check. I nodded my head vigorously.

“I have made up my mind about it. Don’t worry, I will never go back on it.”

My mentor breathed a sigh of relief. He then quickly signed the document, because he was afraid that I would regret it.

“Although you're graduating, that side has actually been wanting me to keep you, Karina. You have to know that there are a lot of people applying for this project, but there's no one who can replace you.”

“Karina, your choice is good and wise. I think clearly it is good that you can think it through. Regarding the matter of marriage, I believe you can come back in three years and then consider it. These few years are not a big deal.”

I feel a little guilty at this moment. Originally, they wanted me for this project. They wanted it named for me. But I had always been obsessed with James. It made me refuse to accept the invitation from my mentor.

The mentor had no choice but to look for someone else. But in the end, there wasn't a single qualified person, which ultimately delayed the progress of the entire project process.

***

I had finished processing the last of the documents in my office. I quickly tidied up my desk. When I was done and about to leave the room, I heard a familiar scream outside the door.

“I have obviously worked very hard, but I didn't expect that Karina would suddenly want to take up the quota. My efforts for this month have all been in vain, you know?”

It was Annette Diggory. I clenched the door handle tightly. I knew her as James's secret lover. The woman who made me and him unable to reconcile for thirty years.

I dared to open the door of my office. A familiar face appeared in front of me. It was James. He looked down at me with a sense of oppression I had never felt before.

“Karina, return what previously belonged to Annette.”

I looked at James’s expression, as well as Annette's behind him. She was still crying and out of breath behind him. 

I shook my head. “I’m sorry, but it’s impossible, okay.”

James’s face had never had such an incomprehensible expression. “What do you mean, Karina?”

I just stared at him silently. He was still trying everything for Annette.

“I've already been forced by you to agree to marry you. Do you think I don't know that you have arranged the wedding venue, Karina? You won't even go, right? You're just doing it to make things difficult for Annette!”

Annette also stepped forward with red eyes. “Karina, I really worked hard for this. After I leave it will be impossible to bother you guys. Please, Karina. I hope you will also be relieved.”

I said loudly, “You know whether you really work hard or not. You can’t apply for this project, Annette.”

Annette stalled after hearing my words. Her eyes became even redder. 

Before she applied for this project, she originally wanted James to accompany her so that I couldn't block them. But since I hurt myself several times, James thought of the kindness my parents had once shown to the Mountbatten Family. It made him finally agree with a pinched nose.

Annette decided to go by herself in a fit of anger. But in the end, these months were more of a gambling component. The preparations were not done properly at all. In her previous life, she hadn't been successful in her application. 

James, however, frowned. “It's not like you gave her a chance. What makes you think she can't apply? Please give us the reason.”

I shook the document. “Just based on the fact that Mr. Matteo as the mentor has already signed and stamped it for me.”

“Karina, please.”

James clenched his five fingers. The disappointment in his eyes was unprecedented. 

“I thought you were just a bit capricious. I never expected you to be so vicious like this. You don't even lack this opportunity, Karina. But Annette paid a lot to get to where you are today.”

James continued to talk at length. Meanwhile, I didn't care at all.

“I didn't think you'd go so far as to empty a spot for Mr. Matteo in order to make things difficult for her!”

The more he spoke, the more unsteady his breathing became. Now he looked at me coldly. 

“Listen to me, Karina. Even though you made me agree to marry you in return for your kindness, just based on this incident, I will never treat you as my wife in my life.”

“I know it, James.”

I nodded frankly at him. I had already experienced this in my last life.

James turned around and walked away. He took Annette's shoulder and comforted her softly.

“It's okay, Annette. I'll find you to find another opportunity, okay? Please, don't be sad.”

That gentle look, I had dreamed of countless times in my previous life. But I couldn't get it in my previous life. I also won't get it in this life either.

I was told in my heart, ‘I really should go, James.’

I thought James wouldn't meet me again before the wedding. But I didn't expect one thing. When I returned to the wedding room I booked and opened the door, I met him at eye level.

Without waiting for me to say anything, he walked around me and left in large strides. I still have not recovered yet.

At this moment, there was a bowl of ginger soup on the dining table. The temperature was just right. For a moment, my heart was full of mixed feelings.

I vaguely recalled that in my previous life, he also took care of me while disliking me. I knew it was just because my mom and dad wanted him to take good care of me before they passed away.

Therefore, even if we argued to no end, he didn't hesitate to donate 600cc of blood after I was injured and hospitalized. Even if we had just said we would never see each other again, the next second, I was going to be hit by a car, he wouldn't hesitate to jump on me and push me out of the way.

He was just returning the favour with his life. Unfortunately, I always wanted him to give me his heart as well.

Sipping the ginger soup, which may be the last time I drink it, I suddenly remembered something. With a quick glance at the date, my heart clenched. I hurriedly put the bowl down, calling my men as I put on my shoes.

“Get to Alley 6 on 13th Street!”

It was still raining heavily outside. I rushed out without even being able to grab my umbrella. 

Relying on my memory, I arrived at the alley where Annette was violated in my previous life. Sure enough, there were a dozen tall men surrounding a girl at this time.

“Don't think that you don't have to pay back the money because your parents are dead. I have already given you a grace period until today. So, can't you get the money? Then pay me with your beautiful body!”

I shouted, “Stop!”

I hit the head of the leader with a beer bottle. Then I grabbed Annette's hand and ran outside.

“Oh, gosh!”

The rain was wet and slippery. It made Annette fall hard to the ground. I pulled hard a few times. But I failed to pull the person up. Unfortunately, the dozen men had already chased after her.

There was no way out. I shielded the person behind me. 

“Run! I'll hold you up!”

“I, I can’t.”

Annette seemed to be frightened. She hugged herself and shivered. 

I shouted firmly, “Run now!”

I struggled to fend off the incoming men. Even with ten years of Taekwondo training, I still couldn't stand the siege of more than a dozen men surrounding me.

I ordered, “I can't hold on for long! You go now and find the police!”

Annette said softly, “I am so scared. I can't move.”

Annette's voice trembled like no other. I clenched my teeth and kicked the man to buy myself a little time. I turned back and tried to pull the person up with force. 

Unfortunately, someone suddenly screamed and pushed me hard. The blade ran through my body. My breath was also caught in my throat.

“Oh, no. You are bleeding now.”

The leader didn't expect me to come crashing in. He obviously didn't want to make a scene. At the moment, his hand holding the hilt of the knife was a little unsteady.

I looked at Annette with wide eyes. She held her head and trembled as she looked at me.

“I’m sorry. I’m too scared.”

Gritting my teeth, I violently pulled out my knife. I turned around and swung it at those people. Originally, I didn't want to make a scene. But now seeing that I was mad again, the dozen or so people were so scared that they immediately scattered and fled in all directions.

I stumbled two steps and almost didn't stand still. The rain blurred my vision and hazily. There seemed to be footsteps rapidly approaching.

I subconsciously stretched out my hand to look for support, but a huge force pushed me. It made my back slammed heavily against the wall.

It was James. He held the trembling Annette in his arms. He then looked at me through clenched teeth.

“I have already promised to marry you, Karina. Why are you still driving people to extinction? Do you want to kill everyone?”

The wound was torn with piercing pain. I covered my chest and swallowed a mouthful of blood with difficulty.

“James, I'm not what you think.”

James shouted, “Shut up!”

He picked Annette up gently. “I will never believe a single word you say again, Karina, never.”

“James, please, help me.”

Annette trembled and leaned into his arms. James immediately lowered his head. At this moment, his eyes were full of heartache.