Yuri

It was almost four o'clock in the morning by the time I finally returned to my dorm. Jessica and Lori were already asleep in their rooms judging from how dark and quiet everything was. The suite was a mess from the party and we would no doubt be spending the next day cleaning, but I was too hungover and tired to care at the moment. It appeared as though Lori and Jessica must have changed my sheets for me though, which I would have to thank them for in the morning. I wouldn't have been able to sleep on the same sheets that Mason and Lisa had sex on.

As I laid in bed trying to sleep, I was kept awake by my regrets. Had I just given my virginity to a near-stranger? A playboy? All to get revenge against Mason and Lisa? I had never been so impulsive like this, especially when it came to love. Right now, I felt embarrassed and ashamed of this blunder. Fern was incredibly attractive and the sex was wonderful, but right now, I just wanted to forget about it.

When I woke the next morning, my head pounded and my stomach hurt from all of the alcohol from the night before. I groaned and rolled out of bed, ignoring my appearance as I stumbled into the kitchen in my oversized t-shirt and shorts. I just needed some coffee.

"You know, you could've at least told us where you went last night," Lori said from her usual spot at the kitchen island.

She had a cup of coffee in front of her and was reading A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

"I'm sorry," I replied, my face turning red as I remembered what happened after the party. "I just needed to get out."

"Why didn't you tell us that you and Mason were a thing?" Jessica suddenly said, emerging from her room with a towel around her hair while she wore a fluffy pink robe and bunny slippers.

She folded her arms and glared at me, pushing out her lower lip in a pout. I hung my head low as I poured myself a cup of coffee. I tried to hide it as the tears started to well up, but it was no use. Jessica rushed over to me and wrapped her arms around me while Lori watched with a sorry expression on her face.

"I'm sorry," I said between sobs. "H-He told me he just wanted to wait until the right time to make our relationship public. I t-thought he was just being a gentleman."

"Men are trash," Lori replied. "Most of them, anyway. Don't beat yourself up over it. You can do way better than Mason Thurlow."

Jessica nodded and rubbed my back, agreeing with Lori.

"Yeah," she said. "Screw boys. You're smart and hot and you're gonna be a doctor! Who needs boys? C'mon, let's go get some breakfast."

Jessica and Lori were right. Boys were just a waste of time, and I had more important things to think about. I changed into my usual jeans and hoodie, brushed and braided my hair, and went with my roommates to the dining hall.

"Oh my god!" Jessica exclaimed as we approached the dining hall.

She squealed and pointed at none other than Fern coming out the door. Jessica's excitement garnered the attention of other nearby girls, who also squealed and waved as Fern approached. I grabbed my hair and used it to shield my face. I just wanted to shrink down into myself. Why did I have to run into Fern right now, the morning after we had a one night stand? To make matters worse, he approached us and stood in front of us. Even Lori seemed a bit excited at his presence. Did he even remember our night together, or was he confused by how strangely I was acting?

"Hi, Fern!" Jessica said, twirling a bit of her blonde hair around her finger. "Are you excited for the homecoming game today?"

I kept my gaze fixed on the ground, letting my bangs fall into my face, but I could feel Fern's stern gaze on me.

"Yeah," he replied. "Although, it's not as exciting when we always know we're gonna crush the other team. I hope they put up a good fight."

Jessica giggled like a giddy schoolgirl. I took a chance and glanced up, hoping to see Fern walking away, but was met instead by his strong gaze fixed on me. He looked far less animalistic now; maybe his appearance last night was just a trick of the light, or a result of the alcohol. Fern had his arms folded across his muscular chest as he looked at me. He looked almost disapproving. Was he upset that I walked out on him last night? It hardly seemed likely, given his reputation, but my heart still ached a bit.

"You ready for practice, Fern?" another guy said, striding up to us.

He looked Jessica up and down hungrily, then glanced at me before looking at Fern. Fern nodded and stuck his hands in his pockets, his brown eyes still on me.

"Yeah. Let's go."

Later that afternoon, after we had cleaned up the dorm, I was in my room studying for an upcoming biology exam when Jessica came into my room. She was wearing a pleated pink mini skirt, a fuzzy white sweater, and white sneakers with leg warmers. She had a full face of makeup on and her hair was curled perfectly.

"Oh my god, you're not ready yet?" she said, storming over to me and snapping my book shut unceremoniously.

"Hey!" I said, throwing my pen down on my desk. "I was studying."

"Studying can wait," Jessica replied. "Come on, let's go to the hockey game! I heard some rumors that Fern is planning on using some new moves."

My heart leapt up into my throat.

"I'm not going," I said, opening my book up to the page I was on.

Jessica clearly didn't like my response, because she stamped her foot on the ground angrily.

"Aw, come on!" she whined. "You're not really gonna make me go alone, are you?"

I didn't have the heart to tell my friend the truth about where I was last night. If she knew that I slept with Fern, she would be heartbroken. Jessica had been pining away for Fern since our first semester. He had never given her too much attention, but still she went to all of his games, cheered him on, and even watched all the livestreams of his tournaments online. She always talked about how he was a genius, how his physical abilities were godlike, how he easily won every game he competed in.

"Come on," Jessica whined again. "Please? For me?"

She batted her eyelashes and stuck her lower lip out. I sighed and closed my book again, rubbing my tired eyes.

"Alright," I replied, although I really just wanted to hide in my room and never see the star hockey player again. "I'll go. But you owe me."

Jessica grinned and pranced out of the room while I got ready. I wanted to blend in, so I just wore a hoodie with the university logo on it and jeans. Jessica seemed a bit disappointed in my outfit choice, but didn't say anything as we made our way to the hockey arena. The whole way there, Jessica prattled on about Fern.

"His body is just so perfect," she said. "All of those muscles just make me wanna bite him!"

I hated to admit it, but hearing Jessica talk about Fern made the memories of last night come flooding back; his muscular body, the way he touched and kissed me, how he felt inside of me... It made my body tingle. I tried to shake the thoughts out of my mind the best I could as we got in line to enter the arena, but I just couldn't. The feeling of Fern's strong eyes on me as we laid in bed together, our limbs intertwined, was burned into my memory. I only hoped that I could leave this game without being seen by Fern or Mason.

Yuri

We entered the arena, which was already packed full with excited students. Half of the arena was reserved for our university, while the other half was reserved for the other university. Our school colors were burgundy and gold -- the other university was blue and black.

"Let's find a good seat," Jessica said.

I followed her up the stairs, then we shimmied between rows of seats toward a couple of empty spots. Once we had our seats, I could hear the conversation between other girls around me; their talking points mostly centered around Fern.

"Do you think he'll make us win again?"

"Of course! Fern always plays perfectly."

"I feel so lucky just to be attending the same university as him!"

I cringed a bit at the conversation and scrolled on my phone while I waited for the game to start. Beside me, Jessica pulled out a pair of binoculars and started scouring the ice rink. I could see the cheerleaders performing an energetic opening dance on ice skates before the game, with Lisa in the lead. She looked dazzling in her skimpy uniform, with her perfectly tanned legs and platinum blonde hair pulled up into a high ponytail with a bow. She waved her pom poms around to hype the crowd up. Looking at the girl who stole my boyfriend made me sick.

I had never been much of a sports fan, but the way the crowd was getting excited made me excited, too. As the hockey players skated out onto the rink, some of them skated up to certain cheerleaders who were their girlfriends and kissed them publicly. I could see Mason and Lisa exchange glances. Mason had never brought me to his games, even though we had been dating for a couple of months. When I did go to his games, he never paid any attention to me until after. I thought that he was just shy at the time, but now I knew that he just didn't want Lisa seeing us together.

"Don't pay any attention to Mason," Jessica said, handing me the binoculars so I could see better.

"He's not worth your time."

I took the binoculars and peered through them. For some reason, I searched for Fern. I didn't know why I wanted to see him so badly, but I did. And he saw me. Somehow, despite the thousands of students in this massive arena, Fern looked directly at me. It was as though he had a sixth sense, like he knew exactly where I was without even having to think. Even from here, I could see the hint of wildness in his eyes from the night before; like I was his prey.

I quickly gave the binoculars back to Jessica as my face turned red. Fern turned away and skated out to the middle of the rink, skating around in circles and pumping his hockey stick in the air while the crowd cheered. All around me, girls screamed and swooned while guys whooped and hollered.

The game started. I lost sight of the puck quickly, but was able to follow the game by watching Fern, who skated as fast as lightning and moved nimbly around the rink as though he was born with ice skates on his feet. He would perform quick moves with his hockey stick to fake out the opponents, hitting the puck between their legs to one of his teammates before zooming away. He moved so quickly that he was almost like a flash. For some reason, it seemed almost supernatural to me... but no one else seemed to notice, so I figured that it was just in my head.

Soon, the opponents became frustrated and aggressive. One player in particular -- I think he was the captain of the other team -- started following Fern closely and trying to trip him up.

"C'mon, Fern!" Jessica shouted.

"I hope he doesn't get hurt," another girl said from beside me, sitting up in her seat to see over someone in front of us.

Fern scored a goal, and suddenly, the other team's captain threw his stick and his helmet down on the ice and tackled Fern. The crowd gasped as they tussled on the ice. The other player threw punches at Fern while Fern only blocked and dodged, clearly not wanting to hurt the other player. It was now that I finally realized how much pressure was on Fern as the star hockey player. I held my breath as I watched the fight, images of us in bed flashing in my mind. For some reason, I cared enough about Fern to not want him to get hurt. I didn't care to look at Mason for even a second.

The referee blew his whistle and broke up the fight. The crowd cheered as Fern stood and put his helmet back on, covering his curly brown hair. The other player was put on the bench for his behavior and the game continued with a penalty for the other team.

During halftime, the cheerleaders returned to the rink and began their halftime show.

"You hungry?" I said to Jessica.

She looked at me and shrugged, too involved in her conversation with another girl about how hot Fern looked dodging the unsportsmanlike competitor during the fight. As long as I had known her, Jessica always had an easy time making friends. I didn't mind it, because I was more introverted and appreciated the fact that she usually took control of all of the socializing at things like this.

I stood and shimmied out of our row, then went down the bleachers toward the food stands. My stomach was growling and the smell of soft pretzels was making me even more hungry.

"One soft pretzel, please," I said to the vendor. "And a water, too."

I handed my money to the vendor and waited for my pretzel. Just then, I felt someone watching me and turned around to see none other than Fern. He was standing with his teammates by the side of the rink as they rested and drank water, but he was staring right at me. His brown eyes almost glowed. My heart started to race as I found myself unable to break away from his strong gaze. Something about him made me want to walk over to him as if I was in a trance...

"Miss? Hello?"

The vendor broke me out of my trance. He was holding out my pretzel and my water.

"Oh... Sorry," I said. "Thank you."

I took my pretzel. When I turned back, Fern was no longer looking at me and was instead entrenched in a conversation with a teammate as though he hadn't just been staring into my soul.

I considered going back to Jessica, but after the encounter with Fern finding me in the massive crowd and staring at me just now, I only wanted to leave. I decided to make up an excuse later and just go home; Jessica had made some friends already and probably wouldn't even notice my absence. She could fill me in on the results of the game later.

I left the arena, tossing my uneaten pretzel in the trash on the way out as my stomach suddenly felt too sick to eat. The cool autumn air was a bit of a relief as I walked back to the dorms, although I still felt stifled like I was being watched... or hunted. How was Fern able to spot me in the crowd like that? And why did he always look so animalistic and hungry when he looked at me? I had never heard any of his many other flings complain of such a thing, so maybe it was all in my head. It had to be. Why else would Fern seem like such a predator?

Chapter 5

Yuri

The dorm hallway was very quiet by the time I got back, the kind of quiet that made me walk on my tiptoes. I fumbled my key into the lock twice before it opened, and immediately I got inside I leaned against the door like I'd been running instead of walking.

I hadn't been. But my heart didn't seem to know the difference.

Jessica and Lori's side of the suite was dark. I took off my jacket and lay flat on my bed without bothering to change, staring up at the ceiling and replaying the way Fern had looked at me across that packed arena, like the thousands of people between us weren't even there. Like I was the only thing worth finding.

It didn't make sense. None of it did. I barely knew him. A few strange encounters, a smudged-mascara moment in a stranger's dorm room, and now apparently I was someone he could pick out of a crowd without trying.

I told myself it meant nothing. I told myself a lot of things that night.

I found it very difficult to fall asleep that night and I woke the next morning to Jessica bursting through my door already talking.

"You missed the best part," she said, sitting onto the foot of my bed still in yesterday's clothes. "Fern scored the game-winning goal with four seconds left. The whole arena lost it. Where did you even go?"

"I wasn't feeling well," I said, which wasn't a complete lie.

Jessica narrowed her eyes at me, the way she always did when she suspected that I wasn't giving her the whole story. "This doesn't have anything to do with a certain hockey captain, does it?"

"No," I answered immediately

"Uh-huh." She didn't push it, but she also didn't look like she believed me for a second. "Well, Lori heard there's a team thing tonight. Some bonfire out by the lake. Everyone's going to be there."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not? It'll be fun. And Mason's going to be there with Lisa, so go,show up looking amazing and remind him what he lost."

I groaned and put my pillow over my face. Somehow, being reminded of Mason didn't hurt the way it used to. What kept replaying no matter how many times I tried to push it away... was the memory of Fern's stare cutting through a crowd of thousands like I was the only person in the building.

"Fine," I said into the pillow. "I'll go."

Jessica screamed excitedly and was already going through my closet before I could take it back.

By the time we reached the lake that evening, the bonfire was already lit, throwing long shadows across the sand and the crowd of students gathered around it with drinks in their hand. Someone had brought a speaker; the vibration it made thudded low under the sound of laughter and the lake lapping quietly at the shore. Jessica dragged me towards a cluster of girls she knew, but my eyes were already scanning through the crowd without me wanting to.

I found him before I meant to.

Fern stood near the fire with a few of his teammates, a red cup loose in one hand, looking every bit like a king holding court, except unlike the others, he wasn't laughing at whatever joke had just been told. He was looking straight at me again, that same unsettling stillness in his gaze, like the fire and the noise and the entire party had gone soft and unimportant to him.

I forced myself to look away first this time.

"Yuri."

His voice found me anyway, low and close, only a few minutes later. I turned and he was there, closer than I'd expected, the light from the fire carving warm gold lines along his jaw.

"You left early last night," he said. It wasn't a question.

"I wasn't feeling well," I said again, the same half-truth.

Fern tilted his head, studying me the way you'd study something you were trying to decide whether to trust. "You looked fine to me. Right up until you saw me looking back."

My face went hot. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't." The corner of his mouth curved, not quite a smile. "Walk with me."

It wasn't a request either, not really, but something in me wanted to go before he'd even finished his sentence which scared me even more than anything else about him so far. I looked back at Jessica, who was too carried away by her conversation to notice, then Fern lead me a little way down the shore, away from the noise and the fire, until the music behind us sounded distant.

"Why do you keep doing that?" I finally asked, wrapping my arms around myself against the cool air coming off the water.

"Doing what?"

"Looking at me like that. Like I'm... I stopped myself, not sure how to finish the sentence without sounding insane. Like prey. Like something he was hunting.

Fern was quiet for a while, watching the water instead of me for once, and then he finally spoke, "Because I've never met anyone who made it this hard to look away."

The honesty in it caught me off guard. I looked into his face while trying to search for the smirk, the joke, the easy charm he wore like an armor around everyone else but it wasn't there. Just something steadier. Something that looked almost like restraint.

"That's not an answer," I said quietly.

"It's the only one I've got right now."

Behind us, the fire cracked and someone shouted with laughter, and for a moment neither of us moved to go back toward it. The lake was dark and endless in front of us, and Fern was standing close enough that I could feel the warmth coming off him despite the cold, and I still couldn't shake the feeling, impossible, ridiculous that whatever he was, he wasn't just a boy who played hockey.

"We should head back," I said, even though I didn't move at all.

"We should," he agreed, and didn't move either.