How could I return two lives to my parents?

Two years after graduation, I didn't have a boyfriend, and my parents forced me to go on blind dates three times a week.

After I found a boyfriend I liked, they forced me to break up with him because they didn't like him.

I asked them what they wanted.

They said I owed them two lives.

One life was mine, and as for the other life, I had to give birth to a child.

I held the cancer diagnosis in my hand. How could I give birth to a child? I couldn't even save my own life now.

They were very critical of me when I was alive.

I thought, maybe after I died, I could have peace.

*****

My leader in the company called me over before getting off work and told me about the housing allocation for the employees, asking me if I was interested.

I refused.

If this happened two years ago when I first came to work here, I would have breathed a sigh of relief and agreed without hesitation.

Now, I glanced at the medical record buried under the thick documents.

It was too late.

I stood at the door of my house and took deep breaths for a few minutes out of habit.

I was mentally prepared before pushing the door open.

"You came back so late every day! Your salary is only two or three thousand dollars a month. Why are you happy to work overtime?

"You are such a loser!"

My mother Mary Moore scolded me.

My parents forced me to leave the big city where I went to college and forced me to work here and stay with them.

I waited in silence until she finished scolding me.

Then I said, "Dad, I want to tell you something."

My father Jack Moore was talking on the phone without looking up.

"Got it... Luis.

"Yes, Jessica is my daughter. She graduated from a prestigious university and has a good job.

"She has plenty of time and has no problem taking care of the family.

"I'll tell you her WhatsApp now."

I felt something was wrong and warned Jack in a slightly sharp voice.

"Dad, I haven't broken up with Bruce yet."

"Shut up!"

Jack quickly covered the receiver and yelled at me, "Break up with him now!"

Then he said to the person on the other end of the phone, "I'm sorry, Luis..."

Mary asked me to get some sugar in an anxious tone.

I opened the refrigerator and rummaged through the mess but didn't find it.

I said to Mary, "Mom, there is no sugar in the upper shelf of the refrigerator."

She replied coldly, "It's right there. Are you blind?"

I could only look for it again.

But I still didn't find it.

I opened the bottom shelf of the refrigerator and finally found the sugar, which had been frozen.

"Did you find it?" Mary said impatiently, "It took you so long to find something. You are so stupid!"

The sugar was in a glass bottle and it froze my bones, making me feel pain.

My movements were a little slow.

Mary shouted again, "Remember to close the refrigerator door. You will forget it again.

"You always waste your time on these things. Can you be more efficient?

"You want to go out and make your own way? You are a loser!"

Her voice was so sharp that made my ears feel pain.

My hand slipped and the glass bottle broke into pieces on the ground.

Mary cursed me again, "You are indeed a loser!

"I've raised you for so many years, but you can't do this well. Why don't you just die?"

I thought, "Okay, Mom. I will go die."

I couldn't stand her anymore.

I numbly endured her scolding and opened the door.

She yelled, "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to buy some sugar."

"No need. You just think about eating every day. Will you die if you don't eat sugar?

"Can you reflect on yourself? You don't have to deal with the broken glass?

"You're so stupid to break the bottle. You're wasting money every day!"

I completely collapsed.

When I took just one step, Jack caught up with me. "Jessica, Bruce..."

He saw the tears on my face but pretended not to see them.

He continued, "He is a loser. He said he would consider having a child at the age of 30. How ridiculous!

"You should have a child in the second year after marriage. Luis also thinks so. You can have a chat with him on WhatsApp and meet him this weekend. Then we can decide on your marriage as soon as possible.

"Don't worry about the child. We will help you raise it. You are still like a child. You can't take care of the child."

Crying made my voice hoarse.

After a long time, I regained my voice and asked, "Who is Luis?"

Jack didn't think this was a problem at all.

"If you meet him at the weekend, you will know that he is a very good man.

"You can give birth to a child soon."

I leaned against the door, and my voice was emotionless. "Are you urging me to get married for the child?"

Jack said, "Of course. It is a big deal for our family."

Was I a reproductive tool?

I didn't understand how I had survived until now, and I felt very sad.

"Why do you ask about this? If you want to go out, go out and close the door. It's freezing!" Mary said.

I walked aimlessly on the street. My stomach was empty, but I didn't want to eat anything.

I met Bruce.

Bruce looked very sincere and said, "Jessica, I think we are unsuitable."

Standing in the cold wind, I felt numb from the cold.

Even though I informed him beforehand, he backed off under my parents' continuous pressure.

He bit his lip and said, "Jessica, I like you very much."

He showed a humiliated expression on his face.

"But no one can tolerate a family like that."

I had lived in that home for more than twenty years.

Now I understood that I was nothing but a doormat.

I could understand Bruce's retreat.

A few days ago, he came to my house for dinner for the first time.

He brought many gifts and was full of joy.

My parents prepared a table full of food, but when they saw Bruce, they immediately showed dissatisfaction.

Their faces were filled with resentment.

When Bruce said that he would consider having children when he was 30 years old to provide a good enough life for his children, my parents were furious.

During the meal, they kept mocking Bruce.

Bruce didn't expect that.

His face looked embarrassed.

When the meal was over, he left in a hurry.

Jack followed behind him and said, "He is so skinny and doesn't have much money. Maybe his sperm is inactive."

Mary scolded me for having a bad eye.

I was stunned and said nothing.

What exactly would satisfy them?

I always felt that I didn't deserve Bruce.

In the end, he gave up on me.

I walked aimlessly on the street. It was night and the street lights were lit one by one.

My figure was reflected in countless elongated and lonely shadows.

I walked into a convenience store and bought some sugar.

I secretly touched it with my fingertips and took a sip.

It was not sweet but bitter.

My disease was serious, and even my saliva tasted bitter.

My life was so bitter that there was nothing I was afraid of losing.

I plucked up my courage and went home.

When I came home, Mary said, "I thought you died outside."

I raised my eyes and said, "I would rather die outside than have a child."

Jack's face darkened, and Mary pointed at me, her voice trembling. "You must give birth to a child. You owe us two lives!"

I felt a little tired and wanted to go back to my room, but Mary grabbed me.

"You ungrateful girl! Back then, if your brother had survived, I wouldn't have given birth to you!

"If you don't have a child, you will be sorry for your dead brother and us!"

I said, "Did I want to be born?"

I was immediately slapped in the face.

Jack looked at me with a look of disappointment.

I felt sad in my heart.

Before he spoke, I apologized to them.

Why did they blame me for everything?

My brother died before I was born, but they put the blame on me.

After my parents got married, they soon had a boy, my brother.

The family was happy.

Unexpectedly, the following year, Mary was pregnant with me.

My parents decided to have an abortion.

They had made an appointment with the hospital.

I shouldn't have lived more than three months in my mother's womb.

But my brother fell seriously ill at this time.

Although my parents took good care of him and prayed for him, he still couldn't survive the winter.

Mary canceled the abortion appointment but gave birth to me.

But I would rather have died in her womb.

I would rather my brother survive so that he could bear this for me.

In that way, I wouldn't have to spend every day in pain.

This was not the first time Jack had hit me.

He often looked at me with indifference.

Since I was young, I had always been afraid of Jack because I would always remember the way he looked at me with indifference.

When Mary punished me, Jack would use all his strength to whip me.

His tall body completely covered me and frightened me.

I was used to that.

Once, when Mary was on a business trip, there was no one to cook for me at home.

Jack could only take me with him to a dinner outside.

At that time, I looked at the people coming and going and Jack's smile.

I pulled his sleeve with my hand, wanting to say something to him.

He never lowered his head to pay attention to me, but I still said it.

I didn't know if he heard my words. "Dad, I always thought you wouldn't smile."

It turned out he just wouldn't smile at me.