Hannah

I stood transfixed there, trying not to believe the sight before my eyes. I hoped that what I saw that night was just a dream and that maybe someone would wake me up soon.

I raised my hand slowly, then pinched my right cheek. It stung and hurt, meaning I wasn’t dreaming.

Instantly, it felt like my soul left my body and my world spun a hundred and eighty degrees. The man I love and am very proud of kissed the lips of another woman who was our neighbor in her apartment.

That was crazy. I was sure this wasn’t the first time they’d done this. If they dared to do such a crazy thing when me and the woman’s husband were in the living room together with their children, it means that they have been professional in doing such disgusting things.

My chest felt tight, my eyes stung, and unfortunately, tears were pressing to come out. But I kept convincing myself that I shouldn’t cry because of Jensen. So, it was enough for me to bear this pain alone.

As a woman, of course, I wanted to approach them, curse them both with harsh words that I had rarely spoken before. Or without saying much, I approached Bella, pulled her hair while saying, “Go to hell, bitch! And you, Jason, we’re getting a divorce. Never see Jensen again. We hate you!”

But infidelity doesn’t happen because of the will of one party, but because of the will of both parties. If I followed my emotions that night, then everything would be over. Many hearts would be broken and two families would be destroyed instantly. However, what I didn’t want even more was my son’s mental breakdown.

I turned away from there for the sake of the integrity of both families. Besides, I had to make sure of many other things before making the most important decision in my married life.

We were no longer a man, and a woman united in marriage, but there was now a child between us who was the greatest gift for all married couples. And children feel the worst impact of their parents’ divorce.

However, the other, much stronger reason is that I don’t want my son to feel what I felt in my childhood. I don’t want his life to be destroyed and feel different from other children because I know best what it feels like to live in a broken family with divorced parents.

My older brother and I stayed in different homes every week. The first week was at my father’s house and the second week was at my mother’s apartment. Finally, my father remarried and had a new family. Meanwhile, my mother remained single, so my brother and I settled in my mother’s apartment.

I had a kind and wonderful mother. It’s just that we never spent much time together, so I don’t know what the bonding between a mother and a daughter is like. Because my mother was busy making money to support the three of us because, since my father remarried, he stopped supporting our lives.

My parents’ divorce and their busyness with their world completely changed my character. A part of me was broken. I became an introvert and had low self-confidence. Mom only came home when the sun had set, then took a shower, had dinner, went into her room and after that, I saw her fall asleep. And I was the babysitter for her.

It felt tiring to differ from other children. But everything that has happened cannot be changed. And now, my marriage was facing a situation that was almost the same as what happened to my parent’s marriage. What I heard at the time was that my father had an affair with his coworker and they had a child after their disgusting act. However, the woman who took my mother’s husband won and they are now a happy family.

This made my relationship with my father bad. I have hated him from the beginning until now.

Before returning to the living room, I had to make sure that my face was the same as before, a cheerful face. When I got to the living room, I saw the kids still playing.

“Have they finished washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen?” Mike asked when he saw me again.

I forced my lips to smile happily. I saw Jensen staring at me even though his hands were still holding the Lego he was playing with Emma.

“I don’t know because I came back here.”

Mike was silent for a moment, seeming to digest my answer. However, after that, he didn’t ask me anything else.

“Mom, are you okay?” Jensen asked. I realized I had a sensitive child.

“I am okay, dear. It’s just that my head feels dizzy,” I replied. Jensen stroked my hand. “Do you want me to call Dad? So, we can go home as soon as possible.”

“No need. Wait for your dad to finish washing the dishes.” Luckily, Jensen obeyed. I didn’t want him to see anything disgusting that would traumatize him for the rest of his life. Mike had offered me a headache reliever, but I refused it because my head wasn’t hurting, but my heart was hurting. Very much.

A few moments later, Jason and Bella arrived. Their faces were beaming, full of happiness. Bella kept thanking Jason.

I felt sick and disgusted at the sight of their play-acting.

Suddenly, Jensen approached his father, told him about my illness, and invited him home. I kept watching Jason’s face while pretending to rest on the sofa.

Jason approached me and asked how I was. I told him I just wanted to go home. His face didn’t change. He still had the face and demeanor of a caring husband who loved his wife very much. Bella had offered me medicine, but Mike had already given her an answer.

The three of us hurried home from there.

After lying on the bed, Jason kissed my lips and forehead as usual while saying, “Good night, love.” After that, he turned around and fell asleep soundly, leaving me awake until sunrise.

My mind kept working all night. I felt devastated from childhood to adulthood. And I knew the result of every affair. Therefore, I had to prevent Jensen from becoming like me, even though I might not save my marriage.

Because I would never tolerate an affair.

The next morning, I continued to fulfill my duties as a good wife and mother. Afterward, I hurried away from there and went somewhere.

Hannah

In less than an hour, the car I was driving stopped in front of a building on the edge of Riverford. A few minutes later, I was standing at the door.

After pressing the bell twice, the door opened. A woman with white hair and wrinkles covering most of her face immediately gave me a tight hug as soon as she saw me. Then, she invited me in and told me to sit down at the kitchen table.

I saw the stove on and a pot on top of it. Smoke was billowing out of the pot as it delivered the aroma of the food my mother was cooking.

"Tea or coffee?"

"Tea," I replied.

"Chicken cream soup?" Mom asked as she put a cup of tea on the table. I nodded.

A moment later, Mom put two bowls of soup on the table and then sat down in front of me. She folded her arms and used them to support her chin. I was sure she knew what was going on with me. It was just that she was waiting until I was ready to talk.

After eating a few spoon-full of soup and finishing half a bread, I couldn't hold back the tears that were already in my eyes. As a result, I sobbed in front of her. She didn't ask me anything, just gave me a few tissues. Occasionally, I heard her take a deep breath.

"Sorry," I said.

"It's okay. If you really can't tell me, it's okay. By crying, our feelings at least become lighter, even though the burden remains," she replied.

Her hands, which were also lined with wrinkles, caressed mine. The warmth and affection from her flowed through my whole body and it felt so peaceful, as if I had found a place to lean on.

After calming down enough, I ventured to ask her. "Mom, I have something to ask you about your past. Is that okay?" Mom nodded while putting a spoonful of soup in her mouth.

"When you found out about all the infidelities that Dad and his coworkers committed, what did you do?"

Mom was still putting the cream soup in her mouth. To be honest, I regretted asking her about her bitter past.

"I asked him to choose one of us and you already know the answer," she replied softly. And I decided not to ask her anything else. We continued eating without talking anymore.

When I was about to say goodbye, Mom hugged me tightly, as if reluctant to let me go. I assured her that Jensen and I would spend the weekend with her during the winter break and decorate the Christmas tree with her. She answered nothing, but I felt my T-shirt getting wet.

Before closing the door, I turned and waved at her. "Love you, mom. Bye."

"Hannah, remember one thing. Cheating is a disease. Stay strong for Jensen," Mom said.

Her words made me sob for the second time. I nodded while wiping my wet eyes.

"Come here whenever you need a hug." Then my mom waved at me with a sweet smile.

After waving back, I closed the door and went home feeling a little better, at least now I knew what I had to do.

On the way, I invited April, my friend, to meet me at a coffee shop. When I arrived there, April hadn't arrived yet, so I ordered coffee for myself and sat at a table in front of the barista.

After my coffee arrived, I sat and observed it while pondering. The coffee was like my life. I am the ground coffee, while Jason is the milk. When milk is not added to the ground coffee, the coffee tastes bitter-just like my life.

A few moments later, I heard someone sit down next to me. When I turned around, it wasn't April who came but another person. He smiled when he saw me, and I smiled back.

I saw the barista give him his coffee, and he drank it right away while I still had the coffee in my glass. I didn't think so, but he was paying attention to me.

"It won't taste good if the coffee gets cold before you drink it," he said. His voice sounded a little heavy but warm.

I turned and became so awkward that I couldn't answer anything. Then he said again, "Chris Walker. Sorry to surprise you." He held out his hand to introduce himself. I greeted his outstretched hand while forcing my lips to smile.

"Hannah Fox, I'll have the coffee when my friend arrives later." I knew my answer sounded strange, but he smiled. His blue eyes contrasted with his fair skin and brown hair, and his smile was quite sweet.

"You look sad. I know it's none of my business, but if I may offer some advice, it's best not to wallow in sadness or you will lose the beauty of real life. Hope your problem will be resolved soon. I have to go now. Hope we can meet again someday. Bye." He hurried away from there while continuing to wave at me. His attitude and friendliness were enough to cheer me up that morning.

Not long after, April came. After not seeing her for so long, I wanted to hold her tight for a very long time. And for the umpteenth time, I cried again. She caressed my back try to calm me down.

I explained the problem I was facing. She listened to my story seriously. After finishing telling her everything, I asked for her opinion.

"Find as much evidence of his infidelity as possible so that you can get custody of Jensen. First, change and become financially independent. Second, find evidence of his infidelity. Third, if your marriage is beyond repair, then divorce is the only way."

It felt like a huge rock hit my head when I heard the solution. All this time, I had been too complacent in my role as a wife and mother who dedicated all her time and life to her family, to where I had forgotten that I still had to prepare for the worst-case scenario.

I nodded and asked April to help transform me into the new Hannah Fox. April agreed, and she invited me to her boutique.

When I got there, she picked out lots of clothes, shoes, and bags from several shelves and put them in front of me.

"Take off your clothes and try them on," April ordered.

Hannah

"All of them?" I asked, putting on a surprised face.

"Yes," April replied with a big smile.

Of course, I didn't mind trying out all the collections from April's boutique because her boutique was one of the famous fashion houses in Riverford.

April sat on a sofa right in front of the dressing room. For almost three hours, I tried on all the collections that April offered. According to her observation, most of the collection fit me, then she wrapped all the items and gave them to me for free.

When I wanted to pay her using a credit card that I had never used, she refused. She said she just wanted to help me get up from my problems and change for the better and be more independent.

No words can describe how I felt at that moment. When I felt down and broken inside, April was always there to support me in all conditions and I was very grateful to have a friend like her in my life.

Just before I said goodbye and went home, she also gave me a camera and told me I could collect evidence using her much more sophisticated camera. She also taught me how to operate it.

"Be careful and pretend as if you know nothing about their relationship. Remember, act as usual," April said. I nodded, even though it was hard to pretend after I saw with my own eyes what they were doing behind my back, but I had to do it all for Jensen's sake.

April also asked me to plan carefully so that my enemies wouldn't know that I already knew what they were doing.

After getting in the car, I kept convincing myself that I could get through everything. I had been at the bottom of a swamp of life that was pitch black. Therefore, I could definitely get through this trial in my marriage.

After picking up Jensen from school, I took him shopping at the supermarket, then went home to the apartment. These were all activities that I usually did with Jensen during the day. While waiting for Jason to come home from work, I opened my laptop and started making a plan of what I should do first and then next.

The thought of Jason's hand hugging Bella's slim waist and kissing her lips covered in nude lipstick made my blood boil. Unfortunately, I couldn't get that thought out of my mind.

"Come on, Hannah. You can do it," I thought to myself. But the disgusting image kept popping up as if mocking me.

I hurriedly ran into the room, locked the door, and stood in front of the large mirror in the corner of my room. I observed myself carefully and thoroughly. The result was that, as a woman, I would never be attracted to my ordinary and very unattractive appearance.

Since giving birth to Jensen, my body has become fatter. My stomach, which was originally slim, became fatty, so every time I wanted to buy clothes, I had to look for a bigger size. Usually, big-size clothes have less attractive models, so as a result, all my clothes look unattractive. Because I was too busy with all the household chores, I became lazy about taking care of my skin and applying makeup.

Could it be because of my unattractive appearance that Jason had an affair? Is appearance much more important than love?

I sat on the bed while continuing to stare at the reflection of myself in the mirror. I can't go on like this. Everything April said was true. I had to change and show Bella the power of a legal wife.

I left the room, grabbed my cell phone, and started looking for skincare and makeup that suited my skin type and face shape. Coincidentally, tomorrow afternoon, the community leader invited us to gather at a restaurant that had just had a grand opening.

I was going to astonish them all, including Bella.

After searching for and getting everything I needed, I immediately bought everything using money that I had never used before. All this time, I have always been very frugal, to the point of not caring about my appearance.

And for the umpteenth time, my intuition again made me realize that Jason always came home late for various reasons and I believed him. I never found out the truth about his reasons. Maybe it's time for me to find out.

The same night. He came home to the apartment at nine o'clock at night. As usual, he put his bag on the sofa, hugged Jensen, then hugged and kissed my lips. His attitude seemed normal as usual. As April suggested, I acted normally, even though it felt difficult. After taking a shower, he came out of the room and sat at the dining table.

"I have prepared dinner for you," I said while putting some food on the dining table.

"I'm full. Please, get me some water. Sorry, love. I will eat all your cooking in the morning," he replied.

"Ok," I replied while putting all the food in the refrigerator.

After getting the water and giving it to Jason, I went to the laundry room to wash clothes. For a moment, I saw a small stain on Jason's shirt pocket.

I grabbed the shirt and inspected it. The stain was pink and irregular. I brought the shirt closer to my nose and smelled a perfume that didn't belong to Jason.

It was the scent of a woman's perfume. Could this pink stain be Bella's lipstick stain?

I put the shirt in the basket and went to my room. I saw Jason glance at me and then ask, "Did something happen?"

"No, I just forgot to get my dirty clothes in the room," I replied.

Arriving at the room, I took a T-shirt and my lipstick, which was also pink. Then I hurried back to the laundry room.

I grabbed Jason's shirt, then I scratched a little of my lipstick on the inside of the shirt, then I rubbed the lipstick scratches gently and the stain was almost the same color as the stain in the shirt pocket.

They must have met earlier. Was Bella so important that Jason had to meet her after work instead of going straight home and meeting me and Jensen?

The clear liquid flowed unbearably again. I sobbed alone in the laundry room.

Maybe they met for dinner together, so Jason didn't eat my cooking. And stupidly, it had been going on for a very long time. At first, I thought it was normal. And now, fact after fact, that has slowly been revealed seems to have opened my eyes wider.

As if the lipstick and perfume stains weren't enough, I found new condoms in Jason's pants pocket again.