“Father, I… I need to confess. I don’t know what to do.”

I pressed my forehead against the cold wood of the confession booth. My hands shook, and my chest felt tight. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to scream. I just wanted someone to tell me it would be okay.

“Take your time, my child,” the priest said. His voice was soft and gentle.

I swallowed and sniffled. Where would I even begin?

A few days earlier…

“I am so proud of you, Elysia,” Liana said, nudging me with her elbow. “Finally taking the steps everyone has been talking about.”

I glanced at her and rolled my eyes. “You say that like you weren’t the one teasing me about it all these years.”

Liana smirked. “Okay, guilty. But I only teased you because I knew you’d make it. You always do, little sister. Don’t get all sappy on me now.”

We sat at the dining table, the smell of roasted chicken filling the room. Dad insisted on having a family dinner tonight. Mom smiled, setting plates down carefully, and Liana kept stealing bites from my plate, as usual.

I had been accepted into the convent, a dream I had held since high school. I was looking forward to a quiet life, a life guided by rules, prayer, and purpose.

And today, at least, my parents were exceptionally kind, beaming at me with a pride I had rarely seen.

Perhaps they were happy because I was finally doing something that aligned perfectly with the life they had envisioned for me—their dream for me, the one that had always seemed just out of reach.

I had always been an introvert, happy to stay in the background. Parties, gossip, social media—none of it was for me.

My parents liked it that way, but I knew deep down that it was also because I was… smaller, quieter, less impressive in their eyes than Liana.

Liana had always been their favorite: confident, outspoken, everything they seemed to admire.

I had often felt like I was merely the shadow behind her light, quietly praised only when I followed the rules, never for who I truly was.

I had never dated anyone, not even once. That was how I wanted it. Liana had her share of admirers, but I preferred books and quiet evenings.

“You’re really doing something amazing, Elysia,” Mom said, her eyes shining. “I’m so happy you’re keeping yourself pure. It makes me proud.”

Liana snickered. “Mom, it’s not about that. Being a virgin doesn’t make her a nun.”

“I know that,” Mom laughed. “But it matters in a way. She is taking a good step, and I am glad. That is all.”

Their words wrapped around me like a warm blanket, but beneath it, I could feel the familiar pang of doubt.

Would they have looked at me this way if I hadn’t chosen the convent?

Would they ever notice me just for being… me, rather than for fulfilling the life they had always dreamed of for me?

Liana rolled her eyes at Mom, then glanced at me. “When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning,” I answered.

“Finally,” Liana muttered. “Don’t get lost in those holy walls, okay?”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “You’re impossible.”

“Elysia, you’ve always been different from the rest,” she said suddenly, her voice full of pride. “I hope you keep your heart strong. Promise me that.”

“I promise,” I murmured, though I already felt it breaking a little.

The pride I had hoped for in my parents’ eyes was there today, but I knew it had always been reserved for Liana first.

And yet, tonight, I could feel a glimmer of recognition for me—small, but real.

Liana nudged me with her shoulder. “See? Even Mom’s worried you’ll cry without her nagging.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” I said, forcing a smile.

***

The next day, I left the house for my new home, the convent.

The mother superior greeted me warmly. “Elysia, tomorrow you will take your vows,” she said. Her voice was soft but firm. I nodded, unsure whether I felt excited or scared.

I had been there for almost two and a half months, and honestly, it had been better than I thought. It was quiet and peaceful, and it felt like a place where I truly belonged.

I pulled out my phone and called the one person who made everything else feel normal.

“Hey, Ethan,” I said.

“Hey, Elysia,” he replied. His voice was calm and comforting.

“How are you?” I asked.

He sighed. “I’m fine. I just… missed my best friend. What about you?”

“Nothing much,” I said. “I met the mother superior. She said I’ll take my vows tomorrow. How are you doing?”

“Good,” he said. “I haven’t seen you since prom night. I’m glad you’re finally doing this. You deserve it.”

I smiled at my reflection in the mirror. My parents had no idea I even had a male best friend. If they knew, they would never let him near me.

“Are you back from your trip?” I asked.

“Yeah. I’m in town,” he said.

“I want us to meet before I head back,” he added. “Maybe spend a few hours.”

“That would be nice,” I replied.

I hung up and stared at the ceiling. My mind drifted back to prom night, a memory that felt as close as if it had happened yesterday.

The room was bright with twinkling lights, and soft music floated through the air.

The smell of perfume, cologne, and polished floors mixed together, and the laughter and chatter of students filled every corner.

I felt out of place among all the noise and excitement, but at the same time, I felt alive.

Ethan was leaning against the wall when he saw me. He smiled that easy, careless smile of his, the one that always made me feel calm even when my heart raced. He walked toward me, his eyes lighting up as he reached me.

“You look so beautiful tonight, Elysia,” he said.

His voice was calm and confident, and I could feel the sincerity in it. My stomach tightened, and warmth spread across my cheeks.

I wanted to tell him how I felt. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I could not find the courage.

Best friends did not say things like that, not to each other.

Not in my world.

We danced together, laughing at our clumsy steps. He spun me once, and I nearly stumbled, but he caught my hand and would not let go.

For those few moments, it felt like the whole world had disappeared, and there was only him and me. I thought maybe this was the night everything would change.

Maybe he felt something too.

Then he stopped dancing, and his eyes shifted away from me. He was looking toward the other side of the room, and my heart sank.

“Ava is here,” he murmured, almost to himself.

I turned my head and saw her in the middle of the crowd. She moved confidently, her laughter loud and careless, and every eye seemed drawn to her. She wore a glittering dress that caught the lights with every turn. She was everything I was not.

Ethan let out a quiet sigh, his eyes following her every move. “She’s so beautiful,” he said softly.

My chest tightened, and I felt the color drain from my face.

He ran a hand through his hair, still staring. “I don’t know… something about her just… grabs me,” he said, his voice hesitant.

I swallowed hard and nodded. “Oh,” I whispered, my throat dry.

He leaned closer, lowering his voice as if sharing a secret. “Elysia, do you think I should tell her? Do you think she would even notice me? Or would she reject me?”

Every word felt like a knife in my chest. My hands started to shake, and my stomach twisted painfully.

He laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just… I don’t want her to say no. That would be awful. I would be so embarrassed.”

I looked at him, at the way his gaze never left her, at the way he seemed to hold his breath when she laughed. My throat burned, and I felt hollow inside.

He kept talking. “Sometimes I think she notices me. Sometimes I think she doesn’t even know I exist. But… wow… she just… she pulls me in.”

I nodded even though my heart ached. “If you like her… you can tell her,” I said softly.

He smiled at me like I had given him the courage he needed. “You think so?”

I forced a smile. “Yeah. Maybe she’ll say yes.”

Inside, everything hurt. My hands felt cold, and my eyes stung. I blinked fast, trying to hide the tears threatening to fall.

He looked at Ava one more time and then turned back to me. “You’re the best, Elysia. You always know what to say,” he said as he pulled me into a tight hug.

I tried to laugh, but it sounded weak. “Do I?”

“You do,” he said. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

That sentence hurt more than anything he had said that night because I wanted more. I wanted him to see me the way I saw him. But he never would.

We danced again, me smiling when he looked at me, but inside, my chest felt hollow. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to run from that room and cry until the pain left me.

When the night ended, he hugged me long and tight. I held onto him, pretending it was enough, but all I could think was that he would never be mine.

Now, lying in my convent room, that memory wrapped around me like a cold, heavy blanket.

Ava.

The girl who always made me feel small. The girl who laughed at my clothes. The girl who pushed me aside in hallways as if I were invisible. And Ethan… he liked her.

Not me. Never me.

I had hated Ava before, but now I hated her more. I hated myself for feeling jealous.

I hated Ethan for not noticing me the way I wanted. I hated that my heart still ached for him even when he made it clear I could never be enough.

I pressed my palms to my eyes and tried to push the memory away. I knew I could not change the past, and I knew he would never see me the way I wanted him to.

But a part of me… a stubborn, foolish part, refused to let go.

And I knew, deep down, that the hardest part was not just losing him—it was that no matter what I did, he would always have a place in my heart.

I cried so hard that day in the school bathroom that the walls practically echoed with the sound. My sobs bounced off the tiles, sharp and bitter, like broken glass scattered around me.

I cursed her name until my voice trembled.

She took what I had always wanted. She didn’t even realize what she had stolen. It didn’t matter, because the damage was already done.

But they dated, and Ethan seemed genuinely happy. I had never seen him smile with that kind of brightness before, full of warmth and life. It hurt, but I forced myself to swallow it and pretend I was fine.

I tried to be proud of him and tried to be the “good friend,” but every attempt felt like another crack in my chest.

I kept telling myself that losing him meant nothing, but the lie never stuck. Inside, I quietly fell apart.

Eventually, I stared at my reflection in the cracked bathroom mirror and made a promise to myself.

I told myself to move on, to take back control of my life. That moment felt like the beginning of something new, even if it hurt.

Maybe that was when I realized I was meant to be a sister, not a girl hopelessly in love with someone who never loved me back.

I tried to bury those memories and the ache that came with them. I thought it would be easier if I let everything go.

And then they broke up.

Ava dumped Ethan for the new school hottie.

Their relationship collapsed so quickly it felt like watching a paper wall fall apart in the rain.

“Elysia…” Ethan’s voice was warm when he opened his apartment door that evening, and he gave me a smile that almost looked foreign.

He hugged me before I could speak, and the familiar scent of his cologne wrapped around me like a memory I wasn’t ready for.

This was only my second time here, but the silence inside the apartment made it feel like a stranger’s home.

The last time I had been here, the place had been full of laughter. Now it felt empty and uncomfortable, as if the air had been drained out. I stood there trying to breathe normally.

“Wow, look at you,” I said, trying to lighten the tension between us. “How long has it been?”

“A year,” he said with a small chuckle that didn’t match his eyes. “Too long, honestly.”

“Feels longer,” I murmured.

He gestured toward the couch. “Please, sit.”

I sat down and smoothed my habit with nervous fingers. Every movement felt louder in the room than it should have.

“What should I get you?” he asked as he stood over me.

“Just water,” I said quietly.

“Alright. I’ll be right back.”

I watched him disappear around the corner toward what I assumed was the kitchen. My eyes wandered around the apartment, taking in the shining furniture, the spotless floors, and the expensive decor.

His parents had always been wealthy, and the room still looked more like a showroom than an actual living space.

“There you go,” he said when he returned and handed me a glass of water.

“Thank you,” I whispered and took a slow sip. My throat felt dry, but the water tasted strange.

“You’re welcome,” he said, watching me carefully.

His gaze softened for a moment before sharpening again, as if he was studying every shift in my expression.

“How’ve you been, Elysia?” he asked quietly.

“You look different… beautiful, even. But I won’t lie — it hurts knowing you’re in the convent now.”

Oh, really.

“It’s what I’ve always wanted,” I replied firmly.

He lifted an eyebrow and leaned back. “Really? Because in high school you wanted college, psychology, maybe business. You used to talk about it all the time.”

“People change, Ethan,” I said, trying not to sound irritated. “Everyone has the right to choose what they want for themselves.”

He stared at me longer than necessary, his gaze heavy and unsettling. It felt like he was trying to read my mind or peel apart my thoughts.

A strange coldness crept into my chest.

“Ethan, are you okay?” I asked gently as I set the glass down on the table.

“Of course,” he said, forcing a shaky smile. “Are you done drinking?”

“Not really.”

I took another sip to steady myself, but something in my vision flickered at the edges. I blinked twice, trying to clear the sudden dizziness spreading through my head.

“Are you okay?” he asked again.

“Yeah… maybe just a little dizzy,” I murmured.

I tried to laugh it off, but even my voice sounded weak.

My head felt heavier with each second. My palms grew damp against the fabric of my habit. Something inside me began to twist with fear.

Ethan leaned closer, and that strange, fixed smile stayed on his face. The shift in his expression made my stomach drop.

What is happening to me?

He dragged his chair nearer until our knees almost touched. His presence felt overwhelming now.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Liana?” he asked softly, his tone darker than before. His hand rested on my thigh as if he had every right to touch me.

I flinched. “Ethan— what are you doing?” My voice barely escaped my throat, weak and trembling. I tried to pull back, but my limbs felt too heavy to move.

“Nothing,” he said, his breath unsteady. “I just can’t stop admiring you. I wish you’d stop this convent decision and let me love you, Ely.”

“What?” My heart dropped into my stomach.

This wasn’t Ethan.

Not the boy who rescued cats from trees.

Not the boy who carried my books and teased me about my handwriting.

Not the boy who used to sit beside me in class and draw tiny hearts in the margins of my notebook.

I tried to stand up, but my legs trembled beneath me. I could barely hold myself upright.

“Ethan… did you put something in the water?”

His smile cracked for a single second before he covered it again. “Just something to help you relax. I need you to actually listen to me for once.”

Relax.

No.

This wasn’t relaxation — this was helplessness settling into my bones.

“Ethan, why would you do that?” My voice shook uncontrollably.

“You’re my best friend. We’ve known each other our whole lives. I’m going to take my vows tomorrow. Why would you do something like this?”

“Forget the church!” he shouted suddenly, and the force of it made me jump.

His anger filled the room like smoke.

He ran a hand through his hair, agitated and frantic.

“I want you, Elysia. I’ve always wanted you. I’m not losing you to some convent or some vow or God or anyone.”

Terror crept slowly up my spine like ice water.

“Ethan… you’re scaring me,” I whispered.

He stood abruptly and paced the room, muttering to himself.

His movements were sharp, angry, and unrecognizable, like a stranger had borrowed his body.

“Everything I’ve ever done,” he said with a trembling voice, “was for you. And now you’re running away into a life where I don’t belong.”

My head pounded harder, as if each word made the room spin faster. I felt trapped inside my own body, unable to move or think clearly.

Before I could gather my thoughts, he lunged toward me. His hands were rough and desperate as he grabbed my arms and shoved me back against the couch.

I tried to scream, but the sound came out broken, swallowed by fear.

“Stop… please stop,” I cried, pushing at his chest, but he didn’t care.

His fingers dug into my skin as he tore at my clothes. The ripping sound echoed in the room like a threat. My dress split open. My underwear snapped against my skin before he ripped it away completely.

I curled my legs, trying to protect myself, but he forced them apart with a strength that made my whole body shake.

“No! Please—don’t—” My voice cracked.

He didn’t listen.

He didn’t even pause.

Pain tore through me so violently that my scream broke into a sob. Tears streamed down my face as I clawed at the sheets, anything, trying to escape the agony spreading through me.

“It hurts—please—stop—it hurts—!” I cried out, but he pressed harder, ignoring my shaking, ignoring my pain, ignoring the sound of my voice ripping apart.

Every movement felt like fire cutting through my body.

It felt like my bones were breaking.

I could barely breathe. I choked on my own tears.

My nails scraped the floor. My legs trembled uncontrollably as I tried to push him away, but he held me down easily, as if my struggle meant nothing.

I begged him again and again. I screamed until my throat burned. But he never stopped.

He acted as if my pain didn’t matter.

As if I didn’t matter.

When it finally ended, he pulled away with no emotion at all, breathing hard but calm, as if he had simply finished something he felt entitled to.

I lay there shaking violently, unable to close my legs, unable to lift my arms, unable to stop the sobs pouring out of me.

Every part of me hurt. My body felt torn apart. I could not even hold myself together.

He returned with a pile of clothes — his clothes — and placed them beside me with a strange calmness that sent chills through me. It was as if nothing had happened at all.

“You should put these on,” he said softly.

“I don’t hate you, Elysia. I want to take care of you. I want to be your boyfriend.”

The word “boyfriend” sent a sharp twist through my stomach. He wasn’t acting like himself. He wasn’t thinking like himself. Something had snapped inside him.

With trembling hands, I gathered the torn remains of my habit. Shame and fear pressed against my ribs like knives.

I felt exposed, cornered, and broken in ways I couldn’t fully understand.

“I hope God forgives you, Ethan,” I whispered. My voice cracked, small and fragile. “Because I don’t know if I can.”

His eyes darkened, and for a moment, something unreadable flickered there.

It wasn’t regret.

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” he said quietly. “I’m not leaving you. I want to be with you.”

“You’re not okay,” I managed, my voice shaking. “You’re pretending this is nothing. Ethan… you drugged me. You manipulated me. You took advantage of our friendship. That is not love.”

God is going to judge you, and I’m sure He will.

My eyes stayed glued to the blood on the chair, and the sight felt like a wound that kept opening wider each time I looked.

I backed away from the room with shaking legs and stumbled toward my car as if running from a nightmare.

Shame wrapped around my chest so tightly that every breath burned and made my body feel too heavy to carry.

Why did I go to see him when he was the only person I still trusted?

The question stabbed me again and again, each time sharper, each time crueler, as if my own mind wanted to punish me.

My fingers tapped the steering wheel in frantic, broken rhythms while tears refused to stop falling.

I cried until my voice cracked and my chest felt hollow, like something inside me had been carved out with a knife.

With blurry eyes, I turned on the engine and drove away from that house that had ruined everything.

I kept my pain locked inside like a scream trapped in my throat, afraid it would destroy me if I let it out.

When I reached home and stepped out of the car, I saw my parents talking outside.

Their calm voices hit me like a slap because my world was falling apart while theirs remained untouched.

“Mommy…” I whispered weakly before my knees gave out and I collapsed on the ground.

The world spun wildly around me, as if it too had shattered into pieces.

I blinked several times before my vision returned, slow and foggy.

Faces hovered over me, forcing small smiles that felt wrong, as if they were trying to fix something already broken.

I tried to sit up quickly, but someone caught my arm and gently pushed me back onto the bed.

Their touch was soft, but my body flinched as if it expected pain again.

“Elysia,” my mother whispered as her fingers brushed through my tangled hair.

Her voice was too gentle, too steady, like she was afraid I would break apart if she spoke any louder.

“Mom…” I cried again, and the sobs tore through me like sharp blades cutting from the inside.

My whole body shook, remembering everything I desperately wished I could forget.

“Baby, breathe,” she murmured, trying to calm me, but nothing inside me felt calm or safe.

“Tell us what happened. You’ve been asleep since yesterday, and Mother Superior is worried. You were supposed to take your vows today, remember?”

The reminder hit me like freezing water poured over my heart.

I felt my future crumble in my hands, the life I planned falling apart like fragile glass.

How could I say the words?

How could I tell them that my purity—everything I was supposed to protect—was gone?

“I… I got raped,” I whispered, and then the truth escaped me in a painful rush.

The silence that followed felt like the whole world had stopped breathing.

The smile on my mother’s face vanished instantly, replaced by shock and something close to disgust.

My father stiffened where he stood, and Liana’s eyes widened as if she had just seen something she wished she hadn’t.

“Raped?” Liana repeated, her voice unsteady and soft like a trembling leaf.

The word echoed in the room, bouncing off the walls as if it refused to settle.

My throat tightened until I could barely breathe.

I felt dirty, stained, and so painfully small that I wished the floor would swallow me whole.

“Elysia, who raped you?” my mother demanded, her voice rising with anger that filled the room like dark smoke.

Her eyes turned sharp and accusing, making my skin crawl as if I had done something evil.

“Elysia, answer us! Who did this to you?” my father shouted, acting like shouting would force the truth out faster.

His voice was so loud it made the air vibrate, making me want to shrink into the mattress.

“…Ethan,” I whispered, barely able to speak the name without shaking.

“Who is Ethan?” my mother snapped, her tone so sharp it felt like it cut my skin.

That was the problem.

How could I explain something they never wanted to hear?

“Ethan is my best friend,” I whispered, forcing the words out slowly.

“We’ve been close since high school.”

Mom’s eyes widened with fury so intense it made me look away.

“You’ve been keeping a male friend since high school and we never knew?” she yelled, her voice trembling with rage.

Dad stepped closer, and the anger rolling off him felt like heat that burned my skin.

“How do we know he’s not your boyfriend? Your dirty little boyfriend you’ve been hiding?” he spat.

“Daddy, no… it’s not—” I tried to explain, but my voice cracked under the pressure.

“It’s not what?” he roared, his voice booming through the room.

“You sneaked out of the convent to meet him, and then you had sex. And now you expect us to believe this story?”

His words sliced through me with the precision of a blade.

“What kind of daughter are you? Why can’t you be more like Liana?”

The comparison struck me with a pain deeper than all his shouting.

Liana—the perfect one, the pure one, the daughter they loved without conditions.

And me—the mistake they tried to hide.

The daughter they only valued when I obeyed their dreams for me.

I remembered how proud they looked when I said I wanted to become a nun.

I thought I finally did something right, finally made them see worth in me.

But now that tiny spark of hope vanished like it never existed.

They threw it away with their words, crushing it under their anger.

“You’re a disgrace, Elysia,” my mother said, her voice cold and sharp like shattered glass.

“You’ve always been a disgrace, and I regret having you.”

Her words hit me harder than anything Ethan did.

My heart felt like it cracked in two, and the pain spread through me like fire.

“Get ready to explain to the church why you were ‘raped’ on the day you were supposed to say your vows,” she sneered.

Her disgust settled on my skin like filth I couldn’t wash away.

“I hope God forgives your sins, you dirty little whore,” my father spat, each word dripping with hate.

“Dad…” I whispered weakly, reaching for him even though I knew he wouldn’t reach back.

“Don’t call me that,” he snapped.

“Don’t ever call me your father again.”

They walked out one after the other, leaving the door wide open as if they were trying to let their disgust escape the room.

The silence they left behind felt heavier than their anger, thick enough to choke me.

I curled into myself and hugged my knees tightly like a child hiding from a monster.

I hated myself, I hated Ethan, and I hated the poison of pain crawling under my skin.

Standing before the Pope the next day felt like stepping into a storm with no shelter at all.

My story sounded weak and broken, like something made up by someone desperate to escape consequences.

I had sneaked out of the convent to visit my male best friend, and then I was raped.

That was all they heard.

That was all they believed.

“You must leave the convent, Elysia,” the Pope said, his voice stern and heavy with judgment.

“You committed fornication, and then lied by claiming it was rape.”

The disappointment in his eyes wrapped around me like chains I couldn’t break.

His judgment stung more than any punishment could.

“You are expelled,” he said slowly, like he wanted the words to sink into my soul.

“I pray God forgives your sins.”

My knees trembled as if they no longer belonged to me.

His words settled over my skin like a final sentence I couldn’t escape.

“You should leave,” he said softly, but the softness made it hurt even more.

And in that moment, everything inside me fell apart.