I have been out for nearly two days. I got an infection in the sores on my stump and the painkillers the doctor prescribed for the agonizing pain has had me knocked out sleeping most of the time.

I have not spoken to Isabella in these two days at all. I am sure she must be worried sick. I look for my phone on the side table but it is not there at all. I try to get up but my body is too weak.

"MATT!"

Matt comes rushing into my room, "Bro are you okay? What is the matter? Do you need anything?"

"Where is my phone? I need to speak to Isabella."

"It's in the lounge but bro there is a problem."

"What? Did she call? Did she tell me to leave her alone?"

"No bro, no nothing like that. The thing is, she was very worried about you."

"Matt what did you do?"

"Your phone was ringing the whole time and she was worried because you did not answer."

"Matt, what is going on? What is happening with Isabella?"

"Bro she is in the kitchen with mom. She has been here since early this morning."

"What!? Fuck! Does she know?"

"No, we just told her that you had hurt pretty badly and that the doc said you must stay in bed."

"I guess there is no running from it now. Has she seen my laying like this in bed?"

"No, she said she will wait for you to wake up. Must I call her for you?"

"Just help me up and give me that thick blanket so I can cover myself up."

Matt helps me to sit up straight and put the blanket over my leg, "Here you go. I will go call her now."

He leaves to go fetch Isabella. It feels like my whole world is crashing down around me into pieces. I can hardly breathe, my body is shaking and my mouth has gone dry. It feels like the pain in my stump is shooting straight to my heart.

Then there is a knock on my door. I can barely utter the words as I try to speak. "Come in."

She peaks her beautiful face around the door, "Hey my soldier boy."

"Hey, gorgeous boo."

"You mind if I come to sit with you a bit?"

"I would mind if you don't come here and give me a kiss."

"She moves slowly on over to my bed and gently sits down next to me, "I missed you, do you know that?"

"Sorry, I think I did kind of went all AWOL there."

"It is fine, your mom told me that you have been out for a bit but I am glad that you are back."

"Boo, you don't know how happy I am to see you here."

I wrap my arms around her shoulders and pulled her close. Despite the heaviness in my stomach, it flutters at the feeling of her body pressed against mine. Her touch makes everything better somehow. My lips seek hers and they lock in a passionate kiss. She tastes like vanilla and a slight hint of honey. I lose myself into her, the kiss turning into a deep desire and a burning hunger. I slowly pull away and rest my head against her forehead.

"Fuck boo, you have no idea how much I want you, but there is something we need to talk about."

"What's wrong soldier? Are you about to break this girl's heart?"

"Boo, I have a better chance of having my heartbroken."

"I will never break your heart, I am too in love with your sweet ass."

"God Isabella, you making it hard on this man."

"Come soldier, just tell me, we can get through it, it can't be that bad."

"I don't know the best way how to tell you this, I am just going to have to show or let you feel it for yourself."

"Mmm show or feel? This sounds interesting soldier. I will go for feel, I am an all hands-on girl."

"Can I just say one thing boo, that no matter what happens from here on, I have fallen just as hard in love with you? And I am sorry for lying and not letting you know sooner."

Before she can speak, I gently take her hand in mine, slowly moving the blankets away just a slight bit, I slip our hands underneath it. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, but not for long. Gently placing her hand at the top of my leg at my groin, I slowly start moving us down, watching her face with every inch we crawl. Just one more slight stretch...

"Soldier what are you doing?"

"Boo, ssshhh, just one more second."

Then...

We at the edge and I stop. Confusion sets in her face, I slowly run her fingers over the bottom of my stump. Her face lights up...

"Boo...?"

It turns from confusion to horror...

"Boo...?"

She holds her hand there, she does not move. I see her close her eyes and a tear roll down her cheek.

"Boo...?"

She looks at me and slowly moves the blankets down my leg revealing my entire eighteen-inch stump. There is terror and fear mixed on her now pale face, her hand is slightly trembling as she pulls the blanket back up to my waist but she keeps her one hand firmly in place on my leg.

"Boo please say something."

Then she speaks, "What happened soldier?"

There is a pain in her eyes and I just know that I have just lost this girl.

"Boo..." I continue slowly and tell the same story I have told so many times over for this past week.

"Sort of like Mark but you just got home in one piece, well less a leg but still alive."

"Boo, I am so sorry."

"No soldier, I am sorry. How did I not feel this the other night?"

"Cause I got good at hiding things."

"Yes and now you are stuck in bed because you wanted to hide it from a girl, this girl. Soldier, I am not worth all that pain."

"But boo, you are, I have never been so happy in my life than I was with you for this past week."

"Soldier, you hardly know me, why would you want to cause yourself so much pain for a few days of happiness?"

"Look in the mirror Isabella and you will find the answer."

We sit in silence as the tears roll down our cheeks. This is so not how I imagined the day would be when I will tell the woman that I wanted to be my soulmate that I am in love with her. As hard as this is killing me, I need to let her go.

"Boo, you don't have to stay here, you can go."

"Are you sure soldier?"

"Yes boo, I think I am going to sleep."

I feel as she slowly slips her hand off my leg and gently places a kiss on my cheek. I look deep into her watery eyes and I just know that this is the last time I will be looking into them.

"Get rest soldier, I will speak to you later."

"Boo...?" I stop her before she can walk off.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For what soldier?

"Thank you for making this broken man happy."

"Soldier I will see you when you feeling better."

With that she is out the door and out of my life, I know that I won't be seeing her when I am better, I don't know if it is because I kept it from her or if I am a sore memory of what happened to her husband, I just know that I will never see her again.

I spent much of the rest of the day falling in and out of sleep, no nightmares of losing my leg haunting me but definite ones reminding me of what just walked out of my life.

The next morning I am wide awake early, strong enough to move around. I grab onto my new crutches as I hop on out of bed and make my way to the kitchen. For once, a very rare once, my father and Matt are not having a go at each other."

"Morning son," my father greets me with which sounds a heavy heart.

"Hey dad"

"Did you sleep okay bro?" Matt looks at me with a sad face.

"Why, did the yelling keep you up again?"

"Nah you were actually very quiet," Matt says.

I see a look of tenderness in my father's eyes as he reaches out to me, "Sit, let me grab you a coffee."

I signal for Matt to leave me and father alone.

"Listen, dad..."

"Clay," he immediately stops me from carrying on. "I understand, you don't have to apologize. I have been an asshole to both of you boys. You followed your dream and did your country proud and here I am bitching because you never became a doctor. I am proud of you son."

My dad pulls me into a big old man hug and I can feel his body shake as the tears stream from his eyes.

"Thank you, dad."

We both wipe our faces and sit back in our chairs.

"So where is this medal of yours?"

"Hahaha. I was waiting for that one."

I hop off my chair to go back to my room and fetch it for him. I pause for a brief second and look at my phone.

There is no messages from Isabella. I sort of knew there wouldn't but still, there was that little boy in me that is besotted in love that hopes there would. Would things have been different if I told her from the start, well I have learned very early on when this happened that you should not dwell on the ifs in life.

I make my way back where mom and Chloe have joined dad and Matt in the kitchen.

"Hey my son, are you feeling better today?"

"Much better mom, thanks for looking after my stupid grown ass."

Chloe looks a bit confused around but when she finally feels confident, she asks, "Can I be the only one that is going to point the obvious?"

"Yes babe," Matt smiles and winks at her. "We know, he is missing half a leg."

"Hahaha. It's more like two-thirds man." I jokingly play along with them.

"Well," Chloe says. "I kind of think you look hot for a broken soldier and all."

Everyone burst out laughing but the tears are stinging in my eyes. Mom can see but she does not say a word. She moves around the counter and comes to rest her hand on my shoulder. "Clay she will come around, just give her some time."

"Mom I don't think I can bear being away from her for all that time. I have learned to know the fear and look in people's eyes and I don't think her fear will bring her back to me."

Mom pulls my head close to her chest like she always used to do when we were young boys. Her hugs used to be so infinite. In her arms I am safe and my worries disappear. In her embrace, I am cocooned better than any butterfly-to-be. I feel her soft skin, I feel her warmth and the smell of freshly laundered clothes. No matter what, mom's hugs always used to take my pain away and they do still.

In a perfect world, hearts heal and people move on, well I say that is nonsense. How do you heal if you can't move on because you are still waiting for the impossible to happen, waiting for the one that broke your heart to come back and make it whole again cause the thing is, you cannot move on if they are not next to you moving on together.

Yesterday was torture, today is agony. She has not phoned or even messaged me. I don't know if she is waiting for me or if I must wait for her. This unwritten book of love is just a messed up bundle of confusion.

I am sitting with Matt and Chloe outside around the pool area. Matt has taken it upon himself to see me get through this, I feel completely useless and vulnerable. "Hey bro, grab a beer and get some sun on those skinny bones."

"Man, I don't know how brown I want this buddy of mine."

He bursts out laughing as I adjust my prosthetic leg and lay back on the deck chair.

Matt goes to fiddle with the fire for the BBQ and Chloe comes to sit next to me. "You know Clay, that girl is just missing out, I mean look at you, you are goddamn hot."

"Hahaha. Thanks, Chloe, just don't let Matt hear you say that, he thinks he is the sexier brother between us."

"You might not feel it now, but it will get better. Have you heard anything from her?"

"Not a single chirp."

"Have you tried speaking to her?"

"Fuck no, I am too damn scared."

"Send her a message, if she does not respond then fine and if she does even better but at least show her that you have tried."

"What even do I say to her?"

"Just say hi."

Just then Matt comes sneaking up behind us, slapping me behind the head. "Hey bro, you chatting up my girl now, I know she said you kind of looked hot and all."

"Hahaha you know I don't like blondes Matty boy."

Chloe smacks me on the arm and goes back to sit with Matt on the other side of the pool. I pull my phone from the table and flip until I find Isabella's number.

"Hey boo, have not heard in a while, just wanted to say hi and that I am thinking of you."

I wait…

And wait…

Nothing…

Chloe looks over and smiles at me.

I wait…

And wait…

Nothing…

I shake my head at Chloe.

After another few minutes, I put it back onto the table. My heart drops right back into my shoes, I don't know what I was thinking but whatever it was, it is not happening.

Mom and dad have gone into town for a show and dinner so we three pretty much have the place to ourselves. Matty gets the beer as I go inside to crank up the music, and by cracking I mean pretty shit damn loud.

Soon the beer is flowing and I find myself out my leg and into the pool. The cool water not doing much for the heat I feel under my skin. You know how it goes, get a few beers under the collar and you are soon hotter there than the fire. My mind is achingly thinking about my boo and how amazing it felt to have myself hard and deep in her that cool crisp night out on that table.

The night soon drags to near early morning, the sight of Chloe and Matty so in love drives me to go seek the comfort of my bed but before I close my eyes to get much-deserved rest, I foolishly take my phone and send Isabella a message.

"My boo, I miss you."

And with that, I slowly drift off to sleep, but I am soon riddled by nightmares…

"Sir," I hear a familiar voice calls for me. "Are you okay sir? Sir?"

I slowly open my eyes one by one. I am staring up at a white ceiling, why am I not waking up in a tent? As I look to my side there is a window from with the sun shines fairly bright.

"Soldier where am?"

"You in the hospital sir."

I do not recall me being sick at all, why will I be in a hospital? I look at the soldier with clear confusion written all over my face.

"What happened?"

I move to try and sit up as I am waiting for the soldier who is hesitating somewhat, to answer.

"Sir you were in an accident."

"Am I alright? Is everything alright?"

I am struggling to get myself to sit up, they must have given me something that is making my body feel so limp.

"Sir..."

I struggle and struggle but I can't seem to get myself up, I am trying to move my legs but they are just not moving,

"Soldier, what happened?"

"Sir..."

I am now starting to panic as I cannot move at all. There is fear that is creeping into every crack of bone in my body. My temper is now starting to flair because the soldier is not answering.

"Soldier!"

"Sir..."

I go to feel my leg…where is my leg…I can't feel my leg…where is my leg. I blow up in a total fit of rage.

"Soldier what the fuck happened to my leg?!"

The soldier looks at me looking very much defeated. The next six words he says to me will haunt me forever. "Sir they could not save it."

"What the fuck do you mean they could not save it? Where is my leg?!"

I am frantically feeling around, an agonizing pain shoots through my body, tears start to roll down my heated cheeks.

"I want fucking answers soldier! What have they done to my leg?"

"Sir, I will go call the doctor."

I take the water bottle that is standing on the cabinet next to me and smash it into pieces on the opposite wall.

"I don't want a fucking doctor. I want my leg!"

I fall helplessly down on the bed and pass out from the agonizing pain that is now shooting through my body.

Next thing I feel someone is someone shaking me furiously.

"Clay, bro, wake up, it is just a nightmare bro, wake up."

"Fuck Matty was I having nightmares again?"

"Yes bro, are you okay?"

"Yes, I am fine now."

"Can I grab you something from the kitchen?"

"Nah, I will be up in a second."

That tiny part of me that still believes in hope reaches for my phone only to be slapped with disappointment. There are no messages from Isabella, in fact, she has not even read the last drunken one I sent.

I get up to have a shower, I don't know if my head is spinning from my hangover or from the fact that I cried myself to sleep last night. I need to get a grip, I can't do this for another day in a row.

Once I am dressed, I head on over to the kitchen where I find my mom already making coffee. "Where are you two boys going today?"

Chloe eagerly jumps in to answer. "They are taking me for breakfast."

"You quite the lucky girl, two of the three Jackson boys by your side. You are definitely going to have old Betty talking."

I only but grunt at my mom for Betty is the last person I feel like seeing today. "Just as long as the old bag does not go all crazy and take photos of us."

"Talking about photos, Clay did you phone that reporter back?"

"Not yet, mom, I don't know if I want to do the story."

Just as I finish my sentence my dad enters the kitchen and as he usually does, he has something to say again.

"Son you did your country proud, I don't see the harm in doing it."

"Dad, you just want your name and face in the magazine."

"Son with Betty here, I am always in the paper and her stupid blog with you two boys."

I see that mom is looking me up and down, I know exactly what she is thinking and what she is about to ask. "Clay, are you going to be okay going out in shorts?"

"Yes mom, I am tired of hiding. If people around me can't get used to it then I might as well."

She smiles and pulls me into one of her special mom hugs. I snuggle in and she squeezes a fraction tighter.

"Love you, mom."

"Love you too my boy, now you bunch go have some fun. I am sure I will get an update as soon as you hit the town."

And with that, we are out the door.

I am taking a big risk today, laying myself out bare for the world to see, the way I see it, my body is already broken and so is my heart, there is no way that anybody can break me even more.

As we start making our way down the main road, I can feel people starting to stare, I can hear the whispers behind their covering hands, I feel a slight sting in my eye but I swallow hard and I lift my head with a smile.

"Bro, you okay there?" Matty looks at me concerned as he softly whispers into my ear. "The town is buzzing and we have not even hit Betty yet."

"Yes Matty, let's just go."

Chloe hooks her arm into mine and we carry walking down the road of shame, well at least that is what it feels like, cause god to forbid a soldier comes back from deployment injured, let alone come back half a man.

As we pass the flower shop Betty comes outside stopping us dead in our tracks. "Helloooo boys. How are the Jackson boys doing today?"

Matt shoots her a look that could kill even the kindest soul' "Hello Betty, we are doing just fabulous thank you and how are you this lovely morning?"

"You know how it is. This old back is starting to act up again and the arthritis is killing me."

And she wastes absolutely no time at all. "I see you back in town Clayton my boy. How was the army?"

"Betty it was the marines and thank you it was amazing, the best time of my life."

But wait she finally gets to the question that is burning her the most. "Shame did you get hurt down there, my boy?"

"No shit Betty," Matt blurts out and I can hardly contain my laughter. "It is plain damn obvious."

"Watch your mouth with me, young man, you don't want me to tell your mom how nasty you talk."

"Betty you going to tell her in any way as soon as we leave."

"This one, I always use to like you more Clayton, your brother was and is still a naughty shit. A bloody thorn in my side some days."

"Betty I will remember that when you mess your computer up again."

"Oh keep quiet you. Now tell Aunty Betty what happened to your leg, my boy. It looks like it can be very sore."

I can see the fury burn up in Matt's eyes as he takes in her comment. "Yes Betty, it hurts like shit. And Clay does not go around and ask you what happened to your face like that."

"Young man if this nice young lady is not going to slap you then I will. I was asking Clayton a question, not you."

I immediately jump in before this conversation gets out of hand. "Betty it is a long story and one that I am not going to tell now."

"You know what we must do?"

"No Betty but I am sure you are going to tell me."

"We must do an article for the town newspaper. Then you can tell everyone about the war and what happened to your leg."

"Betty I did not go to the war, it was a peace mission. Some very bad men planted a bomb and a lot of people almost got hurt."

"Shame my boy, did other people also lose their legs?"

She is truly now beginning to work on my nerves. "Betty no! See this is why you the town gossip cause you don't listen."

"Then do the article my boy then everyone will have the right story."

"Okay, Betty I will. Phone my mom when you are ready. We have got to go, we taking this young lady for breakfast."

"That other pretty lady is also having breakfast in there today."

This immediately peeks my interest. "Which pretty lady Betty?"

"The pretty one that you kissed there by that tree."

Matt who is now highly strung up shows me that we should leave. "Thanks, Betty, we will make sure to say hello."

"You boys have fun. Clay, I will let your mom know when I can come around."

"Okay, Betty."

All of us highly frustrated, make our way across the road to the coffee shop.

Could she possibly have spoken about Isabella, but why would Isabella come and have breakfast on her own? She hates being around strangers especially around these old women that have not much to do than gossip the whole day. It can't be here, the old bag is getting blind and crazy in her old day.

Matt flings the door open and we step in, it is not the stares that hit me the most, what hits me the most is seeing Isabella. If there was a smile on my face then it was gone in seconds for Isabella is not alone. No. Across from my boo is sitting another man, a man holding the hand that I am supposed to.