My mother kept a red notebook recording all of my sister's favourite things. She had a blue notebook for me too.

When my mother was hospitalized, I took leaves from work to take care of her. My sister had never shown up.

However, my mother recorded in the blue notebook, '15th March, I am not well and am hospitalized. Celine owed me 450 dollars for food allowance.

I knew that was not a notebook about my favourite things, but a notebook of all of my expenses.

Behind the closed doors, Mother said to Father, "Celine is an evil person. She always likes to compete with her sister. We must take a chance to steal all her money and leave with Belle. Later when we are old, we will ask her to take care of us.

I think we should just ask her to pay us back all the money we spent on her that I have recorded in this notebook.

I was devastated at that moment.

I listened to the entire conversation behind the door as tears streamed down my face.

Fanny Duncan, my manager, persistently persuaded me over the phone. "If you take leave again at this critical moment, you'll lose your chance of being promoted. Will your family truly collapse without you?"

I always thought that was the case, but I finally realized that it was not the case. I was trapped in my own dream for a long time.

"I'll be back to work tomorrow. Thank you for not giving up on me, Fanny," I replied cautiously.

I then kicked the door open and walked in. I stared at my parents despite my reddened eyes.

Mother's hands were shaking, trying to close the blue notebook.

"Celine! W-when did you arrive? I… was just telling your father how sensible you are. You're my dear sweetheart," she said, complimenting me skillfully to portray the fake image of her loving me.

I sneered, "Oh, I've been here for a while, early enough to hear you saying you were going to leave with Belle, but I'll still take care of you at your old age later?"

Mother's face looked horrible after hearing what I said.

"You… You're sounding selfish! Since you were a child, everything I did was fair to Belle and you. I have to go with her as she needs me now. We'll be back at our older age."

I shook my head vigorously and snatched the blue notebook with both hands. "Selfish, am I? Let me see what you wrote here.

"On the fifteenth of March, you were hospitalized and I owed you four hundred fifty dollars for food allowance, huh?

"I risked being fired from my job to take care of you. I didn't even shut my eyes for three days, and all you can write is that I owed you money?"

My tears were like a downpour as I roared, "Belle didn't show up even for a day. Does she owe you any money then?"

Father suddenly kicked the side of the bed, eyes burning with anger and blame.

"That's enough! I'm still alive. You are my daughter! What's wrong with me asking you to take care of me in my old age?

"Look how selfish you're behaving. I was just testing how you'd react. Look at you, trying to pick a fight with your parents!"

Everything that he said sounded reasonable. The truth was, he felt guilty.

Right then and there, I burst into laughter, my body trembling.

"I'll leave tomorrow. I'll let your dear Belle take care of you.

"By the way, Mother, didn't you say you have always been fair to the both of us? Where's that little notebook about my favorite things then, like the one you have for Belle?"

My mother looked down, hugging herself as she sobbed, "You ungrateful wretch! I have nothing to say to you. I'll kill you if you cause any delay at your sister's wedding."

My sister's husband-to-be happened to be my ex-boyfriend.

"The man she's marrying happened to be my ex-boyfriend, the same one she stole from me. What were you thinking when you drugged and threw me to her creditors?"

Mother was stunned, fear clouding her gaze. "How did you remember that? Why would you remember that?"

I had never forgotten about that.

…

My parents arranged for me to attend a school where I could bring my sister with me.

When I first brought my boyfriend home to meet my parents, my mother looked at us uncomfortably. "The two of you aren't a good match. You're a lot bland, Celine. How can you be so ambitious?"

She shook her head. "Why don't you let your sister be with this young man instead? Your father and I would like you to stay with us and get married here."

I looked at her with horror. Later, I found myself paralyzed and was carried into a room. My sister Belle, on the other hand, was brought into my boyfriend's room.

Back then, Mother happily clapped and praised, "This is just right. Belle has these gambling debts to pay off. This man only needs someone to spend the night to repay the debts. You, Celine, came back just in time. You can't blame me for being cruel; it's just a coincidence."

I felt powerless. I pressed the emergency alarm button with my weak hand.

The man with a mouthful of yellow teeth pressed me on the bed. He pinched my neck and tore my clothes.

I cried as I felt suffocated.

The moment the police broke through the door, I felt sheer hopelessness when I saw the horror in my parents' eyes.

From that day onward, my sister had a husband. Me? I was taken to the psychologist for treatment and forgot most of the things that happened. I only remembered that I wished for my parents to love me.

Mother started to feel righteous after making sure I'd lost my memory. She no longer felt guilty for what she did.

For example, when my sister wanted some pears, and there were two left. Both of the pears would be kept for her while I would not get any. The only thing I got was my mother saying, "I'll buy them for you someday, you rascal."

However, she did not know that I regained my memory after a car accident. My parents were still plotting against me.

"I remember everything now. Are you happy about it?" I asked softly. "You said you wanted me to stay. The truth is, you wanted to sell me off to the creditors to pay off Belle's gambling debts.

"You're going away with Belle right after she gets married, but you're still expecting me to care for you in your old age. Am I just trash to you?"

Mother's eyes widened in fear. She shook her head nervously. "No! I am your mother; there's no doubt that I love you. It's just that your sister isn't doing as well as you, so we must help her."

I nodded. "Well, I'll be fired from my job soon, so please help me too. Have Belle take care of you here, and clean up your mess in the hospital."

Mother glared at me. "That's all in the past. Why must you treat your parents like enemies? When have I been unfair to you for your whole life?"

Frankly, they had always been unfair to me. I was older than Belle, but all my clothes were hand-me-downs from Belle.

The dress was obviously too short, but Mother was complimented for being a good mother due to the good material that the dress was made from.

Mother would record that in my blue notebook.

"At six years old, I spent forty-five dollars to buy Celine a dress. You must repay me when you grow up."

I only wore some old clothes passed down to me. Belle would enjoy only the good ones while I had to bear the bad ones. All that, and I would be the one responsible for the expenses.

I was just an extra to them when they had some love to spare.

Father bent down and stared at me. "Don't bother coming back if you leave now!

"What an ungrateful wretch! We were just testing you, asking you to take care of us in our old age. How dare you say something like this?!"

"Fine." I nodded with a wry smile. "After all, I am just a money-making machine to you."

I could not help but spit out a mouthful of blood the moment I slammed the door and went out. I collapsed against the wall and cried bitterly.

I then heard Father smash a cup to the ground. He then said, sounding relieved, "We're lucky Celine didn't turn the pages to the back of the notebook. If she had turned the pages further, she would've found out that this was also the notebook where we recorded Belle's wedding gift. I really don't know what she'd do if she found out."

My feelings were crushed into pieces again. It turned out that I was just a joke to them.

Why?

Those few words made me realize my childhood was just a joke.

When I, the unloved child, found the blue notebook, our relatives asked Mother about it. Mother said it was a notebook to record items her elder daughter loved.

I genuinely thought I was loved. Just because of that illusory love, I would give my mother 80% of my earnings each month.

I could not help but sit near the door and listen.

Mother seemed to be crying as she flipped through the notebook, "You're right about that. There have been two notebooks since the beginning—one to record Belle's favorite things, and another to record Belle's wedding gift.

"I thought of asking Celine to return the money we spent on her to us. That'll form part of Belle's wedding gift later."

It was gut-wrenching. I spat out blood yet again.

Not only was there no notebook to record my favorite things, but the notebook that recorded my expenses was, all along, Belle's wedding gift planning records.

My parents had been planning for me to prepare Belle’s wedding gift.

I looked at my mother's text message.

[I'm paying special attention to Belle as I've got nothing to worry about when it comes to you. I've loved you since you were little.]

Love?

The blue notebook crushed my heart as my heart roared with me, 'Recording my expenses to gain back the other daughter's wedding gift is what you call love?'

…

I smiled and stroked my pet chicken, Chester, when I got home.

"Chester, you're the one that loves me the most. Grandmother gave you to me, and you love me just like she did."

Belle's text messages started flowing in at that moment.

[Celine, how can you talk back to Mother and Father? They loved you so much! They bought you branded clothes when you were a child, too. All of our neighbors knew about that.]

I called her back immediately, trying my best to suppress my anger as I said, "Don't you know those branded clothes I wore were all your hand-me-downs? Whose child would always be wearing clothes too small for them?"

Belle audibly choked before she retorted, "Weren't we poor at that time? You can't just deny their love for you because of that. Listen to me: apologize to Mother now.

"By the way, Celine, I'm short of money for my wedding. Can you give me four thousand dollars?"

I laughed in anger.

While still on call, I pulled out one of her social media accounts she actively used.

Her latest post stated, [I wish to get my mother a gold bracelet. I'll have that stupid sister of mine pay for it. No one loves her anyway.]

Belle acted differently on her social media account. It turned out that was her true self, knowing she was the main beneficiary of the entire situation.

"Belle, I know the truth about the blue notebook. You've known about it for a long time ago, no? It was never a notebook to record my favorite items."

Belle panicked. "What do you mean?"

I continued, "Mother wanted me to marry someone locally. You're planning to go away with them after your wedding, but leave them to me to take care of in their older age." I could no longer hold back my tears as I growled, "How, Belle, can you be so selfish?!"

"It's not me! Mother and Father want to live with me. It's tradition for the eldest daughter to take care of the parents. I won't take this task away from you." Belle sounded so righteous and confident as she spoke.

I mockingly asked, "Tell me then, when Mother sent my ex-boyfriend onto your bed, did you two plan it together?"

Belle hung up the call abruptly as I continued to browse the posts on Belle's social media account. I took note of everything piece by piece. All of those were proof of what they had done.

I felt so numb that I could not feel the excruciating pain in my heart. I would only be torturing myself if I continue to read her posts.

I sent Belle a message.

[By the way, I won't be returning. It's now your turn to take care of them and pick up their mess.]

Belle was furious as she yelled, "What's wrong with the eldest daughter taking care of her parents at their old age?! You can't just pick on me because our parents feel sorry for me and want to live with me for a while!"

I sneered and refused to reply.

I lit up the essential aroma ointment and fell asleep.

In my dream, my late grandmother held my hand and said distressingly, "Dear Celine, don't cry. I've saved enough money for you to further your education. I love you the most."

Tears unconsciously flowed down my face.

…

Yes. Belle, down the line, felt that I was annoying her, so my parents sent me away to Grandmother.

When Grandma saw me, she didn't care if I was pretty or ugly. She just said, "Celine looks just like me."

The money for my further education all came from the money Grandmother saved little by little. The money my parents earned would be kept for Bell.

After completing my further education, I was kept locally with them, begging for them to love me. What did I get? I was ridiculed by Belle, the main beneficiary in the entire ordeal.

I was raised by Grandmother with love. Why should I be treated so unfairly?

I got up the next morning and headed straight back to the office to report to work and cancel all my leave.

My manager, Fanny, patted my shoulder and smiled with relief. "You're the most important thing to yourself. Your family doesn't support you or love you, so you have to love yourself more."

I held back my tears and nodded vehemently. I failed in my family relationships but succeeded in my career.