I was so engrossed in my research at the lab that it was past 9:00 pm before I knew it.

When a colleague saw that I was still hard at work, they said in surprise, "I can't believe you're still here, Dawn. Don't you need to go home to be with your daughter?"

I thought about how Ruth and Vivian had acted around each other and shook my head. "Nope. I won't need to do that anymore."

I spent the next two days and nights toiling away in the lab before I finally got the data I wanted. Satisfaction surged through me. Suddenly, it felt fantastic not to have to squeeze out time and set aside the things I loved just so I could hurry home.

Whistling happily as the evening sun set, I headed home. However, as soon as I opened the door, I saw the dark look on Jordan's face as he held Ruth in his arms.

The moment he saw me, he flew off the handle. "Haven't you had enough of this fit, Dawn? I can't believe you didn't even come home! Do you remember that you're someone's wife and mother? I work my butt off every day, not so you can just dump everything and go out for fun!"

His words were so insulting that I immediately retorted, "I have a job, Jordan. Besides, aren't you Ruth's father? Can't you care for her? Anyway, we have Vivian around, don't we?"

I frowned. "Sure, you work your butt off. But do you earn more than I do? I make more than enough to feed myself!"

Just then, the door opened behind me, and Vivian's gentle voice rang out. "Joe, I told you not to argue with Dawn, didn't I? Why are you mad again?"

Ruth wriggled out of Jordan's arms and ran to her, clinging to her legs. She said cutely, "You're finally here, Vivian! I'm hungry. Can you take me out for food?"

Vivian rubbed her head and said, "I'd love to, but…"

She looked up at me, seemingly torn. "But your mother will get mad. She doesn't like it when you eat out."

Ruth became angry at her words and smacked my arm. "You're not allowed to stop me, you bad woman!"

My arm stung slightly from where her palm had landed, and I let out an exasperated laugh. I forbade Ruth from eating out because she'd always been weak as a child, especially her constitution. Having greasy food like fried chicken and burgers would give her stomachaches and make her purge.

Out of concern for her body, I'd controlled what she ate and followed a strict diet prepared by a doctor. I'd given her all the care she needed. Yet, it turned out my love for her had gone down the drain.

Suddenly, none of this seemed to matter anymore. I turned to return to my room, saying, "Whatever."

Soon, Ruth's cheers drifted into the room from outside. "Yay! Daddy's taking me and Vivian out for food!"

I stayed in my room, unfazed by the noise outside. Once upon a time, I'd been devastated by the shift in Jordan's feelings. We'd been together for seven years—how could I accept that the man I loved had changed and just take it in stride?

But gradually, I understood something. Once one started worrying that someone might leave them, they would take one's affection for granted. So, it was better to love oneself than to love others.

…

Later that night, I was watering the plants I'd gotten for Ruth when Jordan suddenly returned. He looked panicked, and when he saw me, he was like a trapped beast that had finally found an outlet to unleash his wrath.

"Is this how you take care of a child, Dawn? Don't you know Ruth is sick? Why didn't you remind me of that before we left? Do you need to push her to the brink and see her die before you're satisfied? Come to the hospital with me now!" he snapped.

My hand faltered in mid-air, still holding the watering can.

I was baffled. Ruth had refused to have anything to do with me since her birthday party. How would I have known that she would fall sick?

Still, my motherly instincts pushed me to follow Jordan out. On the way to the hospital, I puzzled everything out. Ruth had suddenly started burning up halfway through their meal. Then, she'd passed out.

"Something's wrong, Jordan. I think Ruth is having an allergic reaction," I said, picking up on the flaw in his brief explanation. He and Vivian had ordered something with peanut butter during the meal, and Ruth was allergic to peanuts.

"Is that what happened?" He looked at me in confusion.

I pushed him away and ran into the hospital. Ruth's allergy was one of the things I felt most guilty about because she'd inherited it from me. The allergic reaction could be fatal in severe cases.

"Slow down, Dawn! Your shoe!" Jordan soon caught up with me, panting as he tried to catch his breath. He held one of my shoes in his hand.

I didn't even look at him, though. Ruth had broken out in hives, and her skin was red all over. She weakly called for "Mommy".

"Ruth!" I reached out to hold her, knowing that nothing else mattered in that moment. I didn't care whether she wanted someone else to be her mother or whether she genuinely hated me. I didn't want to think about any of that. All I wanted was to hold my child.

Unfortunately, Ruth recognized me through her delirium. She glared at me and slapped my hands away roughly. "I don't want you!"

Her hoarse voice stabbed me in the chest, making my heart twist painfully.

"Ruth Jensen, she is your mother!" Jordan snapped, looking furious. He'd seen how I'd run into the hospital and knew how panicked I was.

Vivian saw my bare foot and caught the slight metallic scent of blood in the air. She said, "Dawn, you're hurt. You should get it treated. I'll stay here with Ruth."

She'd spent the past two years with Ruth and naturally couldn't bear to be fierce with her. All she could do was awkwardly switch the subject.

I looked down at my foot. I hadn't noticed some broken glass on the floor on my way here, and I'd been too worried to realize I was hurt. Now that I knew, I felt pain shoot through me.

"Go see a doctor for that." Jordan looked guilty.

I sat beside Vivian and removed the glass shards from my foot like they were nothing. "I'm fine. I want to see how Ruth is doing."

Since Ruth had been born, this was my first time experiencing what it was like to be stabbed in the heart. If possible, I wanted to suffer in her place.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Vivian looked concerned. Meanwhile, Jordan looked apprehensive.

"I'm fine. The doctor's here."

I endured the pain as I stood up and ran to the doctor. I knew Ruth's condition and history of allergies better than anyone else.

An hour later, Ruth's fever broke after she'd been administered an IV.

Meanwhile, my head spun. The blood soaked through the shoe I'd slipped on, making me feel like I was being slashed with every step I took.

Jordan saw the state I was in and offered to accompany me as I saw a doctor. However, Ruth refused to let him go. She held his and Vivian's hands tightly, her pale face filled with reliance.

"Don't worry about it," I said. I leaned in to tuck the blanket higher around Ruth. She didn't want me to touch her, and I didn't dare push her. This was all I could do to bring us closer.

"Drop your act." Ruth turned away from me.

I tugged on my sleeve, feeling awkward and crestfallen. Then, I turned and headed to a clinic.

I'd gotten injured an hour ago, and my foot was covered in blood. The doctor was impressed by my ability to endure pain, but he was also upset that I'd been so negligent of myself.

I wiped the sweat from my brow and smiled faintly. "It's just a minor injury."

Compared to the pain Ruth's attitude toward me had caused, this was nothing.

The doctor shook his head without saying anything else. I sat there quietly, waiting for him to treat my wounds.

It was past midnight when I returned to Ruth's hospital ward. However, she was long gone.

A nurse patted my shoulder kindly and said, "Miss, the child's father left a message for you. He said he would be leaving with her first because she was being too fussy."

"Alright." I forced an ugly grimace. I didn't expect Jordan, Ruth, and Vivian to leave while I was having my wounds treated.

The night wind howled as I walked home. I didn't know how to describe how I felt.

When I was younger, Jordan used to treat me with such care. He would worry about me suffering and struggling and would insist on picking me up, no matter where I was.

Now, someone else had taken my place in his heart. Even the child I'd risked my life bringing into this world didn't care about me. I couldn't help feeling pathetic for ending up in such a situation.

I was halfway home when Jordan suddenly called me. Things sounded lively on his end, and I frowned as I held the phone to my ear.

He said, "Dawn, I've brought Ruth out for supper. You can join us if you're done—I'll send you the location now."

Then, my phone pinged. Judging by the location, they were at a place just beside the hospital. It was clear he'd only just remembered me after they'd been eating for a while.

I said, "It's fine. You guys go ahead."

I hung up calmly, but tears streamed down my face. My chest hurt so badly that it felt like it would soon explode.

It was easy to say that everything was okay or that nothing mattered, but I couldn't convince myself of that, no matter how many times I tried to.

Jordan was my husband, and Ruth was my child. How could they not matter?

Still, I had no choice. It was time for me to go.

…

Rays of the rising sun spilled through the windows as I packed my things and placed a divorce agreement on the bedside table.

Jordan hadn't come home. He'd texted me in the wee hours, saying that he, Vivian, and Ruth would spend the night at a hotel because it was too much trouble and too late to go back and forth.

Perhaps worried I would read too deeply into the situation, he even made sure to show me that they'd gotten two rooms.

I'd read the message but hadn't replied. I was due to leave that day, so it was good that they weren't home. I didn't want to complicate things with a dragged-out farewell, and I didn't want to see the contempt on Ruth's face.

"Let's go," I said to the person who'd come to pick me up, handing my luggage to him.

Just then, Jordan returned. He was carrying a bag of takeout and looked cheery as he held Ruth. However, his smile soon disappeared when he saw me with my luggage.

Frowning, he handed Ruth to Vivian. "You guys head inside first. I need to speak to Dawn, and I don't want to scare Ruth."

I had to admit that he wasn't half-bad as a father. I exhaled deeply and smiled faintly at him. "I've packed my things, and I need to go. Take care of Ruth."

Jordan sneered when he saw me acting like I was saying my last words. "What are you up to this time, Dawn? Ruth is still sick, and it's bad enough that you're not caring for her when you're her mother. Are you making things worse by running away from home? How old are you? Can you stop being so immature?"

He kept his voice low, not wanting to alarm Ruth. That did nothing to conceal his anger from me, though. I could tell that he was furious.

"Jordan, I'm just giving you what you—all of you—want," I answered. I kept my tone as calm as possible, but he seemed to take it as an admission of guilt.

"Get going, then. Don't regret this!"

He didn't turn back or even spare me a glance before disappearing into our apartment. He slammed the door in my face, and the sound echoed in the empty corridor.