My mother, Vanessa, suffered from severe postpartum depression right after giving birth to me and it lasted for eighteen long years.

Ever since I was a child, Mom would scream so loudly that it could shake the entire house whenever Dad held me.

She, who felt as though the world had abandoned her, would threaten suicide whenever my grandparents came near me.

I couldn't even handle the complaints because they would only lead to accusations rather than comfort.

“If it weren’t for giving birth to you, how could your mom be depressed? You’re the reason she’s like this!”

It wasn’t until the end of my university military training that I finally received the Top Freshman Award.

I came home happy after a month away, excited to share my good news with my family. But instead, all I got were Mom’s cruel words and a storm of punches and kicks.

"Why did you tell your dad all that? Were you trying to take him from me?"

"I knew it! I knew you were a bitch! Why did you even come back? Go to hell! Go to hell!"

My dear mother, this time, I did as you wished. Let’s not see each other again in the next life.

——

I held the certificate of recognition for being an outstanding model soldier and handed it to Dad like it was a treasure.

His face was full of pride. “Our Hazel has really done well.”

In this family, Dad was the only one who ever gave me a little warmth, of course, only when Mom wasn’t around.

He reached out and softly ran his hand over my head. His eyes were filled with pride and joy, but also a bit of guilt he could never hide.

Just then, Mom’s loud voice reached us. “Hazel! What are you doing?”

Before Dad and I could react, Mom had already rushed over and slapped me hard across the face.

“You came back to seduce your dad while I was playing cards, didn’t you?”

“Hazel! Didn’t you go to college? Why did you come back? Did you do this on purpose?”

I quickly stood up and tried to shove the certificate into Mom’s hands. “No, Mom, my military training is over. I won a prize.”

“Look, I’m an outstanding model soldier among this year’s freshmen. I just wanted to tell you that…”

Before I could finish speaking, Mom had already swung the bag in her hand and hit me on the head.

The certificate slipped from Mom’s hand and fell to the ground; no one even noticed, just like me for the past eighteen years.

“Stop making excuses! You’re my child, don’t I know all your little tricks?”

"Are you trying to make me miserable? You won’t be happy until you drive me to death, will you?"

“Get out of here! Get out of my house right now!”

Dad quickly stood up and helped my angry Mom back to her room. "Alright, alright, don’t be upset. The child doesn’t understand. Don’t mind her."

My face felt hot, as if the warmth from Mom's hand was still there.

The certificate of recognition that Mom had just stepped on now lay quietly on the floor.

I stared at it closely, tears running down my face. My heart felt like it was being tightly squeezed by a big hand, the pain so strong I could hardly breathe.

I lived like this for eighteen years, yet each time, I still felt sad.

When I was three, I had just started kindergarten. On my first day, Dad came to pick me up.

Just when I got home that day, my mother was in the kitchen, pressing a knife against her neck.

"Who gave you permission to pick her up?! She’s more important to you than me, isn’t she?"

"Then I should just die and give you and your daughter the space you want!"

That day, Mom scared everyone, even me, a three-year-old child at that time.

From that day on, every kid in kindergarten had someone waiting to pick them up. I was the only one who always went to and from school alone, no matter if it rained or shone.

Wiping my tears, I picked up the certificate of recognition and went back to my room.

At six in the evening, I walked into the dining room for our usual dinner. The moment they saw me, the cheerful mood at the table turned cold.

Mom shot me a cold look and my grandparents didn’t even glance my way. Dad gave me an apologetic look but quickly turned his eyes away.

I forced a small smile.

Dad, who was only a son-in-law, had married into Mom’s family and I understood how hard that was for him.

When I reached the table, just as I expected, there was no bowl or utensils for me. So I served myself and sat down alone, at the farthest spot from everyone.

For years, no one ever called me to dinner, afraid it would upset Mom. I could only go to the dining room alone at dinner time and eat under everyone’s cold eyes.

In high school, I often stayed late for extra classes and evening study sessions.

In our family, keeping leftovers wasn’t a habit; every bit of food that remained was thrown away. No one, not even Dad, ever saved anything for me.

During my three years of high school, I almost never had dinner.

Skipping so many meals, along with the constant tension at the table, had already ruined my stomach.

Still, I kept showing up at dinner time every day, because if I hadn’t, I would’ve starved long ago.

Everyone at the table acted like I didn’t exist. I didn’t even dare lift my spoon and fork, scared that Mom would get angry again.

Just as Mom got up to pour herself some water, Dad quietly placed a few vegetables into my bowl.

When I looked up, he gave me a quick wink, as if telling me to eat more.

But before I could move, the bowl in front of me disappeared.

A moment later, the rice and vegetable leaves, mixed with oil, were dumped all over my head. A single green leaf hung from my forehead. Imagine how foolish I must have looked.

Mom’s screams and shouts exploded in my ears. "Kevin! Why did you give food to that bitch? Are you trying to kill me?"

"You’ve been fooled by her! Do you want me dead to make you happy?"

"If you don't want me to have a good life, then neither will you!"

In an instant, Mom flipped the dining table, sending plates and bowls crashing to the floor. The broken pieces of porcelain and food hurt my eyes.

Dad rushed to stop her. "Oh, honey, what’s wrong with you?"

"Okay, okay, I was wrong, I was wrong. Don’t be mad. I won’t do it again."

Dad’s surrender finally eased her anger a little. However, that anger didn’t fade; it just turned toward me.

Mom turned and looked at me, slapping me hard across the face. "You little bitch! You come home and start flirting with your dad already? Trying to take him from me?"

"I should’ve never given birth to you! You’re nothing but bad luck! I can’t stand the sight of you!"

Mom looked straight at me and it felt like she wanted to tear me apart. It was the same all over again.

Whenever Dad showed me even the smallest bit of care, Mom would lash out with anger and accusations.

During my first final exams in first grade, I scored 100 on both tests.

Excited, I ran home with both papers, holding mine with a perfect high score above my head.

That day, Dad was so happy he even made my favorite cola chicken wings for dinner.

At dinner that night, the cola chicken wings didn’t even reach my mouth before they landed on my head. It was the same scene as tonight.

"Hazel! You’re only seven and you’re already this disgusting!"

"You're trying to seduce your dad into cooking for you and you don’t even see how full of yourself you are!"

Since then, I never drank cola or ate chicken wings again.

While I was thinking about it, Grandpa Vale looked at me with disgust. “What are you standing there for? Go to your room! Can’t you see your mom is already angry because of you?”

“You really have no heart. You just came home and already made your mom this upset.”

I stayed quiet, pulled the vegetable leaves hanging from my hair and walked toward my room.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Grandma Anna leaning on Grandpa’s shoulder, covering her face. “If I’d known, I wouldn’t have let our dear daughter have a child. How could she give birth to such a monster?”

“Look what you’ve done to our precious daughter.”

Tears fell from my eyes. I didn’t. I should have let my mother give birth to me.

When I got to bed, I couldn’t stay standing anymore. My legs gave out and I fell to the floor.

A quiet sob slipped out. I didn’t know how long it took.

In the darkness, I heard Dad’s quiet, careful voice and Mom’s loud, angry scream. “Kevin! What do you mean? Your daughter is more important to you now, isn’t she?”

Dad spoke in a low voice, but the quiet night carried every word to my ears. “What are you saying? You’re my wife. Of course, you’re the most important. But Hazel is still young; she’s our daughter. Don’t be so….”

Before he could finish, Mom’s scream interrupted him. “Ahhh! Was it that brat who seduced you?”

“Okay, okay, I get it! I get it!”

"I'll go ask her right now, what exactly does it take for her to let me go!"

Moments later, my door burst open and the room lights came on all at once.

Before I could get used to the brightness, slaps and punches rained down on me. Mom’s screams echoed through the room.

“Why are you doing this to me, Hazel? What did I ever do to you?”

“I should have strangled you when you were born! No! I shouldn't have given birth to you!"

“I gave you life! Now go die!”

The pain from her slap hadn’t even gone away before her punches and kicks came again.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I stood up and pushed her back. “Enough!”

"How have you wronged me? From childhood to adulthood, what have you ever done to deserve my respect?”

“If you never wanted me, why did you give birth to me? Did I ask to be born?”

“Why do I have to keep suffering like this?”

I ignored the tears falling down my face and let out all the pain I had held in for years. My grandparents rushed into the room after hearing the noise and heard my words.

Grandma quickly held Mom up and looked at me like I was something dirty. "Hazel! Do you have any conscience at all?”

“If it weren’t for you, your mother wouldn’t have gotten depression after giving birth! Eighteen years, eighteen whole years!”