The engagement pictures felt like punishment to me.

I stood beside him in the middle of the sitting room. At the same time, our relatives moved around excitedly, adjusting decorations, fixing my hair, and changing our positions every few seconds, as if they were directing a love story.

"Stand closer," my cousin complained again, lowering the phone in frustration. "Why do both of you look like strangers forced to take a passport photograph?"

A few people around us laughed in agreement.

I forced a smile.

Shadric said nothing.

"Put your hand around her," one of my aunties said excitedly.

My body froze immediately.

Shadric hesitated.

Interesting.

His arm settled lightly around my waist, careful not to pull me closer.

Why was he avoiding me too?

"Better!" my cousin said happily while snapping more pictures. "Now look at each other."

Absolutely not.

I turned my face away immediately. "I think we've taken enough pictures."

"Avalan," my mother warned softly.

I swallowed my irritation and looked back reluctantly.

The moment my eyes met his, something uncomfortable passed between us again.

No matter how angry I was, my body still hadn't learned to hate him.

The pictures finally ended. It was finally time for a breath of fresh air, but my mother made sure I didn't have that.

"Avalan, come here."

My mother was sitting with Shadric's parents now, a notebook open between them.

I reluctantly joined them.

"We're discussing the weeks after the engagement," Victoria said.

"There are weeks after this?"

My mother gave me a look.

Victoria smiled. "Unfortunately."

Richard didn't.

"There are several family commitments before the wedding," he said. "The Foundation dinner is one of them."

"And I need to be there because?"

"Because you're marrying into the family."

The answer should have irritated me.

Instead, something inside me went very still.

Marrying Shadric wasn't only putting his ring on my finger. It was putting me inside a world that had always belonged to the Vales.

Their dinners.

Their family.

Their carefully protected world.

Maybe that was where I had been thinking about revenge all wrong.

I didn't need to attack Vale from outside.

They were inviting me in themselves.

"Avalan?"

I looked at Victoria.

"Sorry. What were you saying?"

"The Foundation dinner. Will you come?"

I glanced across the room at Shadric.

"Of course."

Richard observed me for a moment.

"You changed your mind quickly."

I smiled.

"I'm trying to embrace the family spirit."

He didn't look convinced.

Good.

He shouldn't be.

"What exactly does the Foundation do?" I asked.

Richard's attention returned to me.

"You're suddenly interested?"

"I'm marrying your son. Apparently, that comes with family commitments. I should probably know what I'm committing to."

Victoria answered before he could.

"Education mostly. Scholarships, community programmes, grants. You'll see more at the dinner."

"And Shadric is involved?"

"When necessary," Richard said.

I nodded as though the answer meant nothing.

But I was listening differently now.

Seven years ago, I had known Shadric as the boy I was hopelessly in love with. I knew almost nothing about the man standing across the room now or the life the Vales had built while I was gone.

If I wanted to hurt him, anger wasn't enough.

I needed to know him.

What mattered to him.

What he protected.

What he couldn't afford to lose.

And marrying him had just given me the perfect excuse to find out.

While everyone remained busy laughing, eating, and talking about the wedding, I slipped quietly out of the sitting room and headed for the back balcony.

The evening breeze hit my face immediately. For the first time all day, I could finally breathe.

It felt peaceful, or at least it did, until I heard footsteps behind me.

I didn't need to turn around.

"You really enjoy following me around now, don't you?"

The words came out colder than I intended.

He stopped a short distance behind me. "You keep walking away."

I let out a soft laugh and folded my arms against the railing. "Maybe that should tell you something."

He stepped closer.

"Do you really hate me that much?" he asked quietly.

I turned to look at him. "Did I hide it?"

"Then why did you agree to marry me?"

Revenge.

The answer came immediately, but I wasn't stupid enough to give it to him.

"You make it sound unreasonable."

His gaze stayed on me steadily. "Isn't it?"

A bitter smile touched my lips.

"Why does it bother you so much? You're the one who came asking for this marriage."

"Because I want to make things right."

"No, you don't. You thought I was still the girl you left behind."

He rested his hands against the balcony rail.

"You still don't trust me."

"Should I?"

"No."

I hadn't expected that.

"At least you're finally being sensible."

"But you could start asking the right questions."

"There you go again."

"Doing what?"

"Talking in riddles instead of answering me."

His hand left the railing.

"You think I'm lying."

"Aren't you?"

His jaw shifted.

"You really think that little of me?"

I stared at him in disbelief. "You lost the right to be offended years ago."

He went quiet.

Good.

Let him feel something for once.

"You remember what happened to you," he said. "That doesn't mean you know what happened before you walked into that room."

I laughed. "What happened before? The part where I was stupid enough to love you?"

"That's not what I mean."

"Then stop talking around it and tell me."

He looked back towards the sitting room before answering.

"Who told you I gave your letter away?"

I stared at him.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Everyone knew."

"That's not what I asked."

My irritation returned. "What difference does it make?"

"Because you weren't there when the letter left my hands."

I stopped.

"So I'm asking you again. Who told you?"

I opened my mouth.

Then closed it.

Because for something I had believed for seven years, I couldn't remember ever asking myself that question.

"No." I shook my head. "You're trying to mess with my head, Shadric, and I won't let that happen."

I stepped back so quickly that the back of my leg struck the balcony chair. My thoughts were moving too fast to hold onto.

"Don't do that."

Laughter drifted from inside the house, strangely normal against the tension between us.

He stayed where he was, watching me carefully.

"I'm not trying to confuse you."

I let out a bitter laugh. "That's exactly what you're doing."

"You disappeared for years, then suddenly came back talking about hidden truths like I'm supposed to believe you?"

"You think I'm lying."

"Aren't you?"

He dragged a hand through his hair.

"You still trust him that much?" he asked.

My brows pulled together. "Don't."

"Why?"

"Because you don't get to talk about Ryan."

His eyes returned to mine slowly. "Why not?"

"Because unlike you," I snapped, "he was actually there for me."

He looked away for a second, then back at me.

"There for you?" he repeated quietly.

"Yes."

"He stayed after everything happened. He was the one who helped me when everybody else mocked me."

"And did you ever stop to ask yourself why?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You said he was there for you afterwards," Shadric said. "I'm asking you to think about what happened before."

"What happened before?"

"What prompted you to write the letter?"

I stared at him.

Ryan had.

The answer came so quickly that I hated it.

"That doesn't prove anything."

"I didn't say it did."

"Then why bring it up?"

"Because you keep telling me what happened as though you saw every part of it yourself."

"I saw enough."

"You saw what happened after the letter was already out of my hands."

I turned towards him.

"And somehow that makes you innocent?"

"No. It means there are things you don't know."

"Things you've had seven years to tell me."

"You wouldn't speak to me."

"You keep saying that like I owed you a conversation."

"You didn't."

That unsettled me.

I had expected him to argue. To blame me for leaving, for refusing his calls, for shutting every door between us.

Instead, he stood there.

"Then stop using it against me."

"I'm not. I'm telling you why you never heard my side."

"Maybe I didn't need your side."

"Then why are you still standing here asking questions?"

"Stop it, Shadric."

I turned towards the balcony rail.

For seven years, the story had been simple.

Shadric hurt me. Ryan helped me survive it.

Now Shadric was asking questions I had never asked myself.

I tried to remember the days before everything happened.

Ryan telling me I couldn't keep hiding how I felt.

Ryan insisting that writing it down would be easier than saying it to Shadric's face.

Me rewriting that stupid letter until every sentence said exactly what I wanted it to say.

None of that had ever seemed important afterwards.

Why would it?

Ryan had been my friend.

Shadric had been the one standing in that room.

I turned back to him.

"You're trying to make Ryan part of this because you know I trust him."

"I'm asking you to remember."

"I remember enough."

"Then that shouldn't frighten you."

"I didn't say I was"

"Good"

I hated that answer.

"You really expect me to believe this now?" I asked quietly, staring out into the dark compound.

"I expect you to finally question the story you've been holding onto all these years."

I laughed.

"Convenient timing."

"You think this is easy for me?"

I turned around immediately. "Easy for you?"

"You don't get to stand there acting wounded after what you did to me."

"And you think I don't know that? Do you think you're the only one who suffered?"

"I know what it did to me."

"That wasn't what I asked."

"You really believe I never cared about you?" he asked quietly.

The question caught me somewhere I didn't want it to.

Seven years ago, I would have given anything to hear him say he cared.

I had spent months reading meaning into every conversation, every smile, every moment when he chose to sit beside me.

Then the letter happened.

Whatever I thought had existed between us became another thing I was ashamed of.

I wasn't seventeen anymore.

And he wasn't going to drag that girl out of me simply because we were getting married.

I stared at him in disbelief.

"What exactly do you want from me?" I asked. "Forgiveness? Sympathy? Because you suddenly decided to tell me some dramatic hidden truth?"

"That's not what this is."

"Then what is it?"

"This marriage changes what I can keep pretending doesn't matter."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"That what you believe about me matters."

I laughed.

"Only because you forced your way back into my life."

"I didn't force you to say yes," he said.

He was right.

Nobody had forced me to say yes.

I had done that myself.

"You don't know why I agreed," I replied quietly.

"Then tell me."

I looked away.

"You don't deserve an explanation."

"Fair enough."

I looked at him.

"That's it?"

"What do you want me to do, Avalan? Force it out of you?"

"You seem very interested in why I said yes."

"I am."

"Why?"

He took a moment before answering.

"Because nobody agrees to marry someone they hate without a reason."

My breath seized.

He was getting too close.

"Maybe I have one."

"I'm sure you do."

"And you're not worried?"

"Should I be?"

I almost smiled.

If he knew why I had really said yes, he wouldn't have asked that so calmly.

"Probably."

Before he could respond, my mother's voice came from inside the house.

"Avalan!"

"We're cutting the cake!"

I stepped away from Shadric before anyone came looking for me.

I turned towards the house.

"Avalan."

I stopped.

"You still haven't answered my question."

I looked back at him.

"Which one?"

"Who told you I gave your letter to someone else?"

I said nothing.

"Think about it."

I walked back inside without answering him.

But this time, the question followed me.

Because I was beginning to remember who had told me.