After my older sister Rachelle came home from dialysis, the atmosphere at home was suffocating.

She curled up on the couch, thin as a rail. She was nagging me hard and telling me not to tire myself out too much at work.

Dad was by the door smoking. To get money to treat Rachelle’s condition, he had sold our old house and land.

Dirty and muddied, my fiance, who had always viewed Rachelle as a sister of his own, brought home his week’s salary.

They all lamented how unfair life was to already poor and suffering people who had to suffer even more.

I looked at myself in the mirror with my bleeding nose and flushed away the report with my acute leukemia diagnosis.

During dinner, Dad suddenly said, “Ryleigh, Rachelle needs a kidney. You’re healthy and young. You might be a match.”

I looked at Rachelle’s pleading eyes and coldly put my cutlery down.

“I won’t do it. I’ll be a cripple with one less kidney. How am I supposed to find someone to marry then?”

Dad slapped me hard, even as my fiance called me ungrateful.

I slammed the door shut as I left. I looked for the nearest room to the hospital to rent so that I could wait it out until I died.

The room I found was only five blocks away from the organ donation center.

My rented room was two floors underground.

The place had the smell of mold all year and only had one window barely big enough to be worthy of the name. I had to stand on my tiptoes to see the concrete ground outside.

I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was deathly pale.

I felt a warm trickle under my nose. I was bleeding again.

I tilted my head back expertly and grabbed some tissues to shove tightly into my nostrils.

This was my fourth nosebleed of the day.

According to the doctor, the prognosis for acute promyelocytic leukemia was very good if it was treated intensively. However, it took a lot of money.

Like, a LOT of money.

But my older sister, Rachelle, also needed money for her uremia. A new kidney would cost 500 thousand dollars, and there were still the fees for the treatments to make sure she did not reject the new organ.

The family had long ago been bled dry.

Our old home had been sold. Dad worked hard labor in construction, while Jonah Anders, my fiance, worked three jobs a day.

If I got treatment, Rachelle would die.

If I did not get treatment, I could leave my kidneys to Rachelle. She would be able to save on the cost of getting a new kidney.

I had done the calculations on this very carefully.

My phone vibrated violently in my pocket.

When I checked it, I found a text from Jonah.

[Ryleigh, where have you disappeared to? Rachelle’s just passed out from pain! What kind of a sister are you? It’s just one kidney. You won’t die! Come home. We won’t make you donate immediately, but at least go to the hospital to check if you’re a match. Please? I’m begging you!]

After I read the text, I laughed. The blood from my nosebleed went down my throat, and the taste of it made me gag.

Go to the hospital to check if we were a match?

The moment the hospital took my blood, the unusual markers in it would expose me and my condition.

When the hospital found out, my kidney would be disqualified, and Rachelle’s only path of survival would be cut off.

I had to be selfish.

With trembling hands, I typed out a reply. [There’s no discussion to be had if you can’t pay me. Give me 500 thousand dollars, and I’ll think about it.]

I hit send.

Three seconds later, Jonah called.

I did not answer it. I blocked his number instead.

It was obvious that he was cursing my name, calling me heartless and cruel. He was probably saying that I was a money-minded witch.

But that was alright.

It was better that they hated me. Hatred was better than guilt.

I curled up in my narrow and slightly damp single bed. The taste of blood on my tongue still made me nauseated.

But I did not dare to puke.

If I started throwing up, I knew I would not be able to stop.

I needed to protect the kidney I would leave for Rachelle. To do so, I had to ensure that the rest of my organs kept functioning.

I took the cheap bottle of vitamin B pills from my bedside table. Pouring out a big handful, I threw them all back into my mouth and swallowed them dry.

It did not matter that these pills did nothing to help my leukemia. At the very least, it gave me some comfort.

My rented room was only five blocks from an organ donation center.

It was a distance that I was well acquainted with.

If I were quick enough, I could haul myself over quickly. My kidney would still be warm when it was transplanted into Rachelle’s body.

A piercing ache suddenly lanced through my tummy. It felt like a knife had punctured through it.

It hurt so much that I rolled off my bed and landed on the floor. My forehead was covered in sweat.

There were painkillers in my drawer, but I could not take them.

Most painkillers damaged the kidneys, and I could not give Rachelle a damaged kidney.

“Come on, Ryleigh. Just smile and bear it. It’ll be over soon.”

I bit the corner of my blanket and curled up into a ball in the dark.

The screen of my phone suddenly lit up with a notification.

Rachelle had posted a photo on social media.

It was a picture of her arm taken during dialysis. Her skin was marred with needle scars.

The caption read:

[Blood may be thicker than water, but it’s not stronger than some people’s ruthlessness. I don’t want to be an older sister again in my next life.]

Tears fell from my eyes. They streamed down my face and mixed with my snot.

‘I’m sorry, Rachelle. Let me be the older sister in our next lives,’ I thought.

By the third day in the underground room, I had lost track of whether it was day or night.

There were more and more bruises on my body. I looked like I had been beaten up.

I knew that the bruises were a sign that my platelets were not functioning.

I took out some foundation and layered it onto my arms. It took nearly the whole bottle of foundation to cover up the startling purple bruises.

There was a flurry of knocks at the door.

“I know you’re in there, Ryleigh! Open the door!” It was Dad’s voice. He sounded angry enough to kill.

My heart skipped a beat.

How had they found me here?

In a panic, I scrambled up from the floor. Since I moved so suddenly, my vision went dark for a few seconds.

I leaned against the wall and threw all the bloodied tissues in the trash and tied up the bag. Then, I patted more foundation and powder on my face.

Only when I managed to look a bit less pale and not like a walking corpse did I go to open the door.

I opened the door only a slit when a big, rough hand reached in and grabbed me by the collar.

Then, I felt a slap on my cheek.

I stumbled backward and bumped into the small table behind me.

Dad stood at the door. His expression was thunderous.

Jonah stood behind him with a face full of disappointment and distaste.

“You wretch! Rachelle’s in the emergency room at the hospital right now, but you’re hiding out here?” Dad scolded me with one finger pointed right at me. Spittle landed on my face.

I licked the blood at the corner of my lips and forced myself upright.

I could not collapse. I could not do that just yet.

“If you want me to stop hiding, then pay me.” I extended a hand out to Jonah. “I want 500 thousand dollars and nothing less. As long as you pay me, I’ll go to the hospital right now for the transplant.”

As he looked at my hand, Jonah slowly narrowed his eyes.

He had held my hand countless times, but he looked at it in disgust this time.

“When did you become this way, Ryleigh?” Jonah’s voice was hoarse and questioning. “Where’s the Ryleigh I knew? She would’ve gone hungry for two days just to save a stray cat.”

“People change, Jonah.” I scoffed. Then, I turned around so that I would not have to look at him anymore.

“Helping a stray cat doesn’t require surgery. We’re talking about a kidney here, Jonah. I want to get married and have kids. What if people don’t want me if I’m down a kidney? Is it so wrong that I’m asking for a little bit of compensation?”

Dad was so angry that he trembled. He raised his arm, looking ready to slap me again.

Jonah stopped him.

“Don’t hit her.” Jonah looked at me. His gaze was as cold as ice. “It would just be a waste of effort.”

Jonah took an envelope from his bag and flung it viciously in my face.

The edge of the envelope hit me in the eye. I felt a sting of pain.

“There’s 100 thousand dollars here. It’s the money I saved to get married. We’re done after this, Ryleigh. You’re not worthy of being Rachelle’s sister or of being my wife.”

The thick stack of money landed on the floor.

I leaned down and picked it up. I blew the dust off the banknotes.

“Only 100 thousand dollars? You’re really poor.” I pursed my lips in distaste. “Alright, I’ll take this money since we used to be together. But you can forget about me donating my kidney.”

“How dare you?!” Dad picked up a broom outside the door and lunged at me.

But I slammed the door closed and put the wooden door between me and his curses.

Outside, Dad was still kicking the door, but Jonah pulled him back.

“We should go! It’s pointless to beg someone like that. I’m determined to save Rachelle even if I have to sell my blood plasma or take a loan from a loan shark.”

Their footsteps receded.

I leaned into the door and slid down to the floor. The cement was cold under me as I finally dared to let out my cough.

I coughed up blood, and it stained the money in my hands.

This was money Jonah had worked hard for over three years to save so that we could have a nice wedding.

I carefully cleaned the blood from the money and shoved it all into a metal box under my pillow.

There was more than 40 thousand dollars in there that I had saved up myself.

It was all the money I had made in the past few years. I had saved and scrimped by going as far as to sell my own hair.

But it was far from enough.

‘I’m sorry, Rachelle. I can’t even make 500 thousand dollars that you desperately need,’ I thought.

I looked at my bloody hands and suddenly burst into laughter.

Jonah had been about me. I hoped that he would forget me after this.

He could marry Rachelle. She was much nicer than I and far gentler.

The most important thing was that Rachelle would soon have a healthy kidney.

As for myself, I would soon become a rotting corpse.

That night, after Jonah left, I got a high fever. My bones ached terribly.

I knew that I did not have much time left.

As long as I was clear-headed, I had to finish up what I had to do.

I used all my strength to pull an old backpack from under the bed. It held a form for organ donation. I had secretly gone to the Red Cross to get this a month ago.

When the staff there saw how young I was, she tried her best to get me to think things over.

But I only smiled and said, “I want to do a good thing. I could choke on water and die for all we know. If something like that happens, at least my organs won’t go to waste.”

I took out a pen and wrote my name down. My hands shook so much that the words were crooked.

In the field for the intended recipient, I carefully wrote Rachelle’s name.

I was terrified that I would spell her name wrong and my kidney would end up somewhere else.

Once I filled in the form, I carefully put it into a waterproof bag and hung it around my neck.

This was my lifeline. It was what I had to produce before I could go and meet my maker.

Once that was done, I took out my phone.

I wanted to leave my family something, but I knew that I currently looked frightening.

My face was bloodless, and my lips were dried and cracked. My gums were red and swollen.

Rachelle would surely be sad if she saw me like this.

She was always so smart and knew me well from when I was younger.

I dug through my drawers to find a particular red dress. It was a piece of clothing I had forced myself to buy. It cost 300 dollars.

When I brought it home, Dad had scolded me for being lavish. Although she did not say anything, I could see the reproach in Rachelle’s eyes.

I had bought that dress exactly for this day.

I put on some bold, daring makeup. I used the reddest lipstick and patted on a thick layer of foundation. I even put on a dramatic pair of sunglasses to hide my sunken eyes.

I put my phone against a cup of instant noodles and turned on the camera to record.

The woman on the screen was in an ostentatious red dress and smiling wickedly.

“Hey, old man, dowdy lady, and, um, Jonah…” I said. My voice was a little hoarse.

I quickly cleared my throat and acted like everything was fine.

“By the time you see this video, I’ll already be on the other side and living it up. Don’t cry. I’m a bad person, and I’ll be causing trouble down there for the devil. I was lying to you about that 500 thousand dollars. I’m not that greedy…”

At this point, I paused. I could feel something hot surging up my throat, wanting to get out. But I forced it down again.

I continued, “Dad, stop smoking so much. It’s bad for your lungs. Rachelle, don’t be too nice to your husband. You can’t give men too much leeway. Jonah…”

At the mention of his name, I felt like something was crushing my heart.

“Forget me, Jonah. I’ve had a bad run in this life. In the next life, if I don’t get sick, I will surely marry you.”

In the end, I could not hold back the tears anymore, and they flowed freely.

“It doesn’t hurt, really. Honestly, it doesn’t. I’m just feeling a little sleepy now, so I’ll take a nap.”