"I want to explore us."

Looking into this mans deserving eyes, I wanted to scream yes. I wanted to break down all of my walls and fears and run into his arms. The warmth in his eyes, the kindness of his touch, the delicate intonation of his words made me weak at the knees. The butterflies swarming in my stomach was a sure sign of what my heart wanted but, I had just met the guy.

I felt my chest begin to constrict as I registered what he was saying but this was more than just two people getting to know each other. This was so much bigger than that, this was me stepping outside of my marriage, giving myself to someone in a way that should only be giving to my soulmate but at this point...

I didn't even know who that was.

In a matter of hours I had forgotten all about the vows I had made to my husband, I had forgotten about the love I shared with him over the last 8 years, I had forgotten every day of my adult life that I had dedicated to him and our life together.

One question, one plead, one man. That's all it took to change that for me.

It was like those hypnotic words and those dazing eyes that had me foggy with amnesia, as all I could think about was him. He was intense, powerful in the best of ways, enticing and captivating. I just couldn't spin myself out of his web but I had to. I had to find the willpower to stop this before it got to far because once he had me...

I would be his prisoner, mind, body, and soul.

This was too much, too soon, too much to think about. How can I do this to Chase? I know my heart and I know I would never want to be disloyal to him. I know that he struggles with loyalty and that's why we're in this situation. Our type of relationship is for him to be open and honest with me and that's all I've ever wanted and needed... Right?

If this was so true then why am I looking into Tobias Wrexlers eyes like they hold the key to my happiness and why am I so confused about my love for Chase? Why after only a few hours am I left second-guessing everything that I know? I'm supposed to love Chase for better or for worse and look at me.

I have to say no. I have to.

"Tobias, I -" I felt my eyes frantically go back and forth between his. I was looking for any sign or signal to tell me that he is all wrong for me. I needed to see that meeting him was a mistake and everything I felt for him was just lust and nothing else. But god, those inviting eyes they killed every negative thought I wanted to have.

I quickly shut my eyes, and tried to force the words out with every bit of strength that I had left "Tobias, we can't do this. I'm married, I'm loyal, I love my -"

His lips.

I felt his lips on mine. In one swift motion, his hand was suddenly around the back of my neck as he slammed his lips into mine and I felt everything. His need for me, his want and his desire for this. Our lips danced together in fluid harmony, he led and I followed and as much as I wanted to push him away I physically couldn't.

His plump lips were so soft but his kiss wasn't delicate, it was needy, passionate and firey. The best kiss that had ever graced my lips and feeling him pull away caused me to do something I shouldn't have.

I latched my hands around his neck and pulled him back into me, his lips were glued to mine as I released a moan into his mouth, I wanted more. No, I needed more and I wasn't ready to let go of this, I just needed a taste.

But god I knew I would regret it because after just this one taste I knew I was addicted, he was an addiction I didn't know I needed until I felt that first high. I felt his large hands move lower to cup my ass, I wanted his hands to roam all over my body but I - I needed to stop this but my moral compass had completely smashed into millions of pieces as I let his hands cup under my thighs lifting me up around his built waist.

I soon felt my back pushed against the backdrop, I felt his tongue graze my lower lip as he paused awaiting permission to enter and just like every other time, I couldn't say no. Our kiss, deepening as I felt myself lowering until I felt my ass against his raging cock forcing through his trousers. I could feel my panties dampening as the pressure began to build. His hips begun to circle up against my throbbing core "Tobias."

As soon as I heard myself moan his name, I felt something stir within me, in the worst of ways. I quickly pulled away from his kiss, dropped my legs and pushed him away from me. I threw my hands over my face as I felt the years of painful unshed tears pool in my eyelids "Oh my god. Oh - I - I just - cheated on my husband -"

I whimpered as I attempted to form a sentence "Chase, he - what am I -" my heart was hurting at the idea of what I had just done to us. I had changed everything, I had just carried out the exact act that my aching heart was already hurting from.

I soon felt his large arms engulf me, and as much as I wanted to blame him and tear away from his hold, I couldn't. I needed his comfort, I needed to be in the safety of his arms. I cried into my hands but I wanted to cry into his chest feeling his heartbeat sooth mine, it felt like that was the only place I felt like my heart wouldn't hurt.

And that was the exact reason that I needed to end everything here.

"I'm so sorry Monroe. I know it was selfish and I hate myself for making you feel this way but I just - I had to show you what I felt and why I want to try this. Please just give me this chance?"

"I can't Tobias -" I whispered, torturing myself as I allowed those words to pass my lips, draining me of anything I had left. I instantly felt his separation as his touch disappeared from my skin.

I discreetly lifted my face from my hands as my teary eyes trailed after him. His head was low as he walked, he was no longer walking tall with every ounce of confidence but instead, disappointment and hurt. I watched him as picked up my dress, smoothing it out before turning around, almost startled by my stare.

His posture soon realigned knowing I was watching him as he stalked back over to me. Then put his hand out for me, with that simple gesture I knew I hadn't hurt him completely. He pulled me up to standing and yet again we were stuck in that intense stare, no-one saying anything but you could see the sorrow in both of our eyes communicating for us.

He handed me my dress and quickly turned around so I could dress myself. I felt my lips curl up into a small smile thinking of how courteous he was being, considering a few minutes ago I had my nearly naked body wrapped around his torso shuddering under his touch. My smile didn't last long, remembering that that single act of lust and attraction could ruin everything I've spent 8 years building.

I was a mess. In the few hours I had known Tobias, he had seen me go through every emotion, I had cried twice in front of him, gave in to my need for him, and pushed him away all whilst wanting him to pull me back, and he didn't even bat an eyelid. It felt like he had already decided that I was worth all of this. This chance he wanted was worth it to him but I had so much more to lose and yet he had so much more to give.

"Tobias -"

He slowly turned back around, his eyes roamed all over my masked body as he bit his lip ever so slightly. His hand curved around the back of his neck as he bashfully looked to our feet, but all I wanted to see was those perfect eyes just in case it was my last.

"I have this insane amount of attraction to you and I - I just met you. I can't throw away my marriage for lust or whatever this is. I feel things for you and I just about know your last name, it doesn't make sense and as much as I might feel something. This is wrong, I am married."

I was trying to be strong but looking at all of his striking features had me at a loss, that pull that we had for each other was at it's fullest and I was struggling to be this close to him without touching him. As if he was reading my mind, he snaked his hand around my waist to my lower back causing me to release a sigh and arch my back in his touch.

"Monroe, what's stopping you? You just said it, you feel it too. The way our bodies react to each other, the way we struggle to not touch one another when we're this close, the way our eyes penetrate one another as we talk, and that's just the physical. I can't wait to know you on a mental level, that beautiful mind of yours needs to be penetrated too."

His face lowered to the crook of my neck as he spoke into my hair "All I'm asking for is a chance."

"Tobias -" I put my hands on his chest to lightly push him away, his breath on my neck could have made me say yes to anything, but I had to stay strong. "I want to try whatever this is but what if - I don't even know what you expect from me. I haven't even decided if I am leaving Chase yet. I'm not ready for anything and this - this isn't fair on you at all."

He started following my frantic movements as I rambled on "As much as I will hate being the other man in your life. I'm not asking you to leave him, not yet anyway. I'm asking for a chance to show you who I am and maybe just maybe what we could be."

He delicately tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ears as his twinkly eyes penetrated mine. "Tobias, I want that so much but if we do this. I don't have it in me to not be honest -" I sighed anticipating his response to my next statement.

"I have to talk to him, I have to tell him about wanting to get to know you."

His forehead leaned against mine, his eyes shut tightly. I felt his heartbeat quicken and his chest rise and fall more ferociously as he calmed himself down. I knew he wasn't happy but I wish I could read his mind.

"Fine." Was all he said as he handed me a business card with her personal phone number on it. He looked into my eyes one last time, before pulling me in for an everlasting kiss, my hands raked through his beautiful locks. I could feel his frustration and anger through his kiss and his touch but also I could feel him not wanting to let me go.

"Please don't leave it like this Tobias." I whispered into his lips with my hand caressing his cheek. He pulled his face away from my cheek and wouldn't even look at me. "Monroe, just go and ask your husband for permission to do the exact same thing he's doing to you."

With that, he pulled himself away from me and I felt a twinge in my heart "Tobias, I'm talking to him about it because I don't want to hide you. I don't want you to be my dirty little secret. Everything I feel for you is going against vows to Chase and I'm in a battle with my mind and heart but I'm trying, I'm giving us a chance."

I watched as his eyes softened as he nodded his head "Look, I'm sorry, I just -" I shook my head with my eyes closed, I knew exactly what he was going to say and I knew exactly why he was hurt. "I'm going on a business trip in a month or so and I'm not giving you a deadline for an answer but I can't go away for 3 months without knowing what could have been. Just tell me soon okay?"

I didn't know if this was going to be our last encounter or not but the thought of not seeing him again was tugging at my heart. I threw my hands around his neck and pulled him in for one final beautiful kiss. As we pulled away he gave me a peck on the tip of my nose, making me smile. "Bye Tobias."

I walked back to my dressing room, feeling the painful distance between Tobias and I once I left the studio. I got out my phone and began to compose a text.

Hey, I know you're with Luxe but can you be home alone when I get there? We need to talk.

I was lucky I hadn't crashed my car, my palms were sweaty, my stomach was hurting and my nerves were at their peak. I knew what I wanted my answer to be, I wanted to run into Tobias' arms and let him show me what the beautiful world of Tobias Wrexler really was and what it would be like if I was in it but I just didn't know if I could tunnel my way out of Chase's.

I was scared that he would give me that one look that could change my mind in an instant, that one touch on that hypersensitive part of my thigh, that one pet name that made me melt every time he said it or that one lustful bite at my earlobe that would have me scurrying at his feet. He knew every card to play to get what he wanted and my body was still so intuned with his unspoken commands.

I wanted to detach, I wanted to disconnect, I wanted to sever my heartstrings from his so I could give Tobias the real chance that he deserved. But my damaged heart still belonged to Chase Bishop whether I wanted it to or not.

I sat in my car in front of Chase and I's home, I needed a minute to catch my breath. I needed to think about what I was going to say and how I would respond to him if he threw responses to me that I wasn't prepared for. I knew the way his mind worked in most situations but this - this was so foreign to me and I didn't know how to handle it.

I wanted to stomp in there and tell him that there is someone that I wanted to get to know. Someone that I was interested in, someone that made me get butterflies in my stomach and feel like a little school girl when her crush finally notices her and someone that made me feel on top of the world the moment I was cradled in his arms - but how could I tell my husband that?

I stepped out of my car locking it behind me, after a few short steps I stood at the front door for what felt like forever and finally unlocked the door only to be hit with a scent of alcohol and his woodsy manly musk in the air. I took a deep breath as I heard his voice penetrate my ears "Is that my beautiful wife I hear?"

I didn't answer, as I slowly followed the sound of his voice. I walked the dimly lit halls until I started noticing little candles decorated all throughout the rooms, and a trail of candy pink coloured silk rose petals leading the way, the rose petals looked like they were changing colour as the silk went from the candy pink to a deep red as I got closer. I felt my heart begin to pound as I approached our open plan living room and kitchen.

The sliding double doors leading into the room were closed which was a rarity in our home, I placed my hands on the doors as I slowly pried them open, I was frozen on the spot as I witnessed the scene in front of me. My husband in a jet black fitted suit, a crisp white dress shirt with the top buttons opened exposing his smooth skin and his favourite suede, black Christian Louboutin dress shoes.

He was standing tall with a pantie dropping smile on his face, standing next to a candlelit dinner with my favourite meal Lobster Linguine paired with a bottle of red wine to accompany. My heart began to flutter as I looked at the man I loved and remembered the exacts reasons why I fell in love with him in the first place.

I felt my breath hitch as he began taking steps towards me, I felt his fingers take hold of mine and intertwine like our hands were made for one another. I watched as his eyes sparkled like the day we first laid eyes on each other. His eyes told our story, the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful but right now all I could remember was the good, the amazing memories that only we could be worthy of holding.

"You look beautiful my love." He rested his hands on my cheeks as I placed mine over his and leaned my cheek into one hand. This was the man I remembered, the spontaneous, romantic, thoughtful and caring man I was introduced to 8 years ago who spent a year of his life wooing me. Chase Bishop wasn't all bad and watching the love ooze from these incredibly beautiful gestures, I couldn't remember why I was hurt.

Until I remembered the reason why we were alone and why he wasn't with the other woman in his life. I sighed as I lent out of his hold. "Thank you. Uh, Luxe wasn't mad about you sending her home for your wife?" I said with as much cordiality as I could muster up, whilst remembering that this situation was not her fault and she just happened to be another woman who chose to accept it.

"She understands about balance and it was time I dedicated more time to you." I slowly nodded my head as I bypassed his admittance and thought further about how to approach this. My mind felt clouded as I looked over the candlelit dinner, the room decorated so beautifully and the sincere look on his face as his eyes scanned over mine.

"Hey, I know that overthinking look on your face. Let's eat first and we can talk later okay? I just want to spoil you tonight." I saw that gorgeous twinkle in his eye again, I was struggling to hold onto the conversation that we needed to have but I wanted to stay strong and do what I promised Tobias.

He pulled out a chair for me with a dazzling smile on his face, I slid in the seat once again pondering how to bring the situation up. He sat down at the head of the table with me to the right of him at our 6 chair dining set. Usually, I would sit at the foot of the table but tonight he had strategically sat me here in touching distance of him.

I picked up my fork and gracefully swirled the linguine around before putting it up to my mouth letting out a groan as I tasted the divine meal; if there was one thing I knew about Chase Bishop was that he was an amazing cook and his food alone could have me feeling scorched all over.

He smirked over at me as he watched me take a few generous forkfuls of his food, I involuntarily let out a moan as I tasted the beautifully cooked Lobster, I closed my eyes as the food baited the rest of my senses. I soon felt a smooth hand gently placed on my bare knee tickling my flesh, his hand began to reach higher underneath my dress, my eyes struck open as I looked him dead in his eyes.

I was struggling to breathe, I was falling into the sensual fog that Chase was an expert in trapping me in and I needed to pull myself out. "Ch - Chase - please stop it. We need to talk. Please." I said pleading with him. "Fine, I'll stop but we eat first okay?" he smirked as I nodded my head submitting to his instruction as his hand slowly moved back onto his lap.

From that moment forth it just felt like old times, we ate, we talked and we laughed.

And for the first time in years, I felt genuine happiness sitting next to the man I married. I had no-one to compete with, no-one distracting him, he was solely focussed on me and it felt amazing. He gave me everything that I had ever wanted in those few hours and slowly I felt my worries of my marriage slip away, as if my newfound addictive hunger for another man was a distant memory and as if I was the only woman in Chase's life.

We were in our little bubble of love and it was like it would take something so huge to get me out of it. I had a real smile on my face looking into Chase's eyes, temporary or not I felt happy, unapologetically happy.

But in some deep part of me, I knew this was all a mirage, the idea of these moments kept our love alive. My memories and these sweet rare moments had me trapped, and so conflicted. I had worked so hard for so many years trying to make this work, trying to allow my love for him to be the forefront but deep down I knew love wouldn't be enough to save us and it saddened me but in the back of my mind I knew it was there.

I allowed myself to bask in the memories and the temporary happiness that his undivided attention brought me but I needed to come back to down to reality. I just needed a few more minutes of this feeling, I was so scared that I would never get it again.

I felt his fingers engulf my dainty hand as he started to draw small circles on the back, all I could feel was his soothing movements and I could have stayed like this if it meant he was back to being my Chase. But reality struck and I knew I needed to get everything off of my chest before he completely changed my mind by the idea of his love.

He pushed back both of our plates, and poured us both a fresh glass of wine. He passed my glass over to me and gestured for us to cheers. As our glasses chimed together he looked me directly into my eyes full of desire and it was beginning to get harder and harder to stay strong under his gaze. "Chase please, just stop."

I said as I closed my eyes, I heard him lean back in his chair as I slowly opened my eyes to look at him. He had a look of concern and worry on his face. "What is it, beautiful?"

My voice had disappeared after hearing him purr his petname for me, causing my chest to constrict. I needed to create distance between us, his intense gaze, sweet touches, inviting gestures and aroma of love was killing every bit of speech I had left. I stood up from my chair and stood behind it as if it would protect me from the guilt I was already feeling. "Chase - I've been thinking -"

"Well that's never good," he said with a smile on his face as he playfully yet condescendingly mocked me. Stay strong.

"You have Luxe and you guys are great together and we are great together. You know, we have an understanding - " I moved away from the chair and started to nervously play with my hands " and my understanding is that we are in an open-marriage. Meaning, you are able to explore connections with other women, but in a traditional open-relationship both parties are able to explore these connections."

His demeanor began to change as I felt a shift in the air, I felt my nerves begin to spark. "What are you getting at Monroe?"

I gulped as we had finally reached my point, I needed to word this in the best way possible. Once I had said it, there was no going back. I still didn't know what to say and no amount of preparation built me up for this moment. "How would you feel if I were to explore a connection with someone else? There's this guy -"

"Remember what we said. I want to be open and honest with you and that's why we have this arrangement, it's only for me to be as loyal as possible. So, no beautiful, that's not happening." He shook his head at me with a conniving smile on his face, I gulped as I felt anxiousness ripple through me. He gently cupped my face before planting a chaste kiss on my forehead. He pulled away shaking his head "Monroe, you're my number one but I'm your only one."