Five glorious years of marriage to the love of my life. Chase Bishop.

My first for everything. I gave him all of me, all of what a woman gives a man she loves, and she cherishes with every inch and every mile. We met in school and everything just fell into place. He opened up my life to a world of trust, commitment, adoration and unconditional love, the things that I now can't live without. He completes my circle and even imagining a life without him is a life I never wish to see.

And that's what I told everyone. Reporters, journalists, bloggers, and even my own family. I even told myself that, to the point where I believed it. I had rehearsed those same words in the mirror so many times over that I don't even realise if I'm lying about it anymore.

I sat in front of the vanity looking at the person looking back at me as my hairstylist curled my hair to perfection and my makeup artist put the final touches to my lip combination, I looked beautiful but that didn't stop my self-esteem from being shot as I heard my husband in the room next door with his new girlfriend giggling.

I smiled at my makeup artist as she paused with sadness in her eyes, I knew what that sadness meant, it was pity. She pitied me, I mean I would too if I was doing my client's makeup for her first interview about her marriage to her mogul husband of 5 years and he is in the next room canoodling with his girlfriend. "Could you guys give me a second please?"

They both looked at me with sorrow in their eyes, I looked directly back at the mirror not even acknowledging their expressions, I knew if I looked at them I would have broken down for the millionth time. They both exited the room, as I heard the door close behind them I finally exhaled and my head dropped into my hands. I felt my lip start to tremble as the tears started to pool my eyelids but I couldn't cry today because this was meant to be my moment to shine.

I looked back up at the mirror, picked up a cotton bud and cleaned up the tears that had almost fallen from my beautified eyes. I attempting to center myself with some steady breathing as I blocked out all of the negative thoughts and put on the game face that the world needed to see, his wife. This was about me and my husband, it was my grand entrance into his world and I wasn't going to mess this up for anyone.

I know crazy right, I'm doing this for him knowing what he is doing to her.

I plastered that award-winning smile on my face, whipped my robe off of my body, went to the rack to see my outfits for the shoot and interview commencing immediately after. I carefully dressed in a peach off the shoulder, long-sleeved dress that reached my knees and my nude peeped-toed stiletto 6-inch tie-up heels.

I looked back over to the mirror one last time, sliding my hands down the curves of my curvaceous body as I tilted my head to one side feeling every nook and cranny of myself, every blemish and every flaw that once upon a time, my husband adored.

I wished the hands sliding down my body were his masculine hands, taking in every inch of my body, cherishing it like it was the last thing on earth he would get to touch but yet again that was all a cruel fantasy of mine.

Giving myself one final look of approval, before walking out of my dressing room. As soon as I walked through that door it was like a whole different world. There were people rushing up and down the halls making sure everyone was in position and doing what they needed to make ensure that today went smoothly. I felt my nerves rear their ugly head, as I felt the panic rack my mind my feet started moving before I could think.

I instinctively found myself knocking on the door next to mine, I felt a nervous tick become very evident. I looked around as I knocked a few more times, I needed the man on the other side of the door, he was my calm and my cool. So when I channeled out all of the noise around me and listened in to what was happening behind that door I felt my head fall just as my heart did.

I had to hear my husband so happy in the clutches of his new girlfriend when I needed him the most, they were laughing to the point of tears, she made him happy in the way I used to. I couldn't hear or feel anything else around me, the weight of my heart was dragging me down as my forehead laid against the door.

I knocked once more as if he had heard my cries for help the first time around. I didn't know why I continued to torture myself, why I continued to break my own heart. And that was the worst part, I enabled it.

I finally let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding as I felt someone tap my shoulder, I paused before lifting my face away the door to discover the mysterious stranger with a tissue in his hand as he lent up against the wall. I looked down at the tissue and took it from him to dry my dampen eyes.

I dabbed lightly under my eyes before finally looking at the man, he had dangerously dark brown eyes with small flecks of gold dancing through then, a full oiled and sheened crisp beard and beautiful wavy tresses that fell just below his ears. I felt myself staring and not being able to look away when my eyes trailed down to his body, his black V-neck top showcasing his defined pectoral's and outlining the washboard abs that lay beneath the material of his top.

"Hey, you're Mrs Bishop right?" He gestured to me so cooly, and I would have noticed how cool he was being if my mind wasn't focussed on the name he had just annunciated, each syllable caused a strain to my eardrums.

I had never felt so terrible being called that but I couldn't show him that, I mean he must work for the photo studio as an intern or something and I didn't want to show him how badly my heart stung hearing the name I so desperately wanted for so long. "Yes. That's me, are you here to bring me over to the studio?"

His face let out an expression of confusion before his lips began to curve into a smirk "Yeah, something like that. I'll take you down there but are you waiting for your husband? You don't need him there for the shoot?"

I knew from the cadence in his voice that that was a question but for some reason, I felt like it was a statement. I looked back at the door contemplating my decision, I mean of course I wanted him there but at this point, I had been doing things by myself for so long that maybe I just liked the idea of needing him.

"No thank you. It's fine, I'm ready."

His lips rolled into a straight line as his eyes bore into me, his eyelashes flickered up and down as if he was taking a mental picture of my body. I started beginning to feel nervous under his watchful eyes and I couldn't understand why. He suddenly turned away from me and put his elbow out as if to say take it and I complied, now I knew this wasn't normal behaviour for someone to escort me to my shoot but the way my heart was feeling, I was in no mood to deny his strange behaviour. I kind of liked it.

We walked the halls arm in arm, I began to hear less and less of their giggling as we walked further. To my surprise, every person we passed said hello to him, a few even said his name Mr. Wrexler. I soon realised that he definitely wasn't an intern, I looked over to him to again to be so heavily fazed by his striking good looks and for that split second, I didn't think about the husband that I just left behind in that room with her.

We soon reached the studio area, I hadn't even noticed that Mr. Wrexler had let go of my arm and walked away as I was so astonished by the scene around me. Everything was white, heavily lit up and clean. The white backdrop was crisp surrounded by key lights, fill lights and rim lights. My eyes skimmed over the large space filled with people, to find another full rack of designer clothes and a table full of accessories that I could only dream to see myself in but that wasn't what was piquing my interest.

My eyes surveyed the space once more until my eyes were directly center, locked onto the figure holding the expensive camera whilst talking to another colleague who was both hunched over their Macbooks and state of the art iMac monitor in front of them. He was completely in his element as he kept looking down to the camera screen in front of him.

He pulled the camera to his face to snap a photo, I would assume he was taking test shots so when he looked over to me and took a quick shot of me, I was stunned. Before I could register what was happened, a large grin formed on his face. "Mrs. Bishop we haven't got all day. You still have your interview to do, let's make some magic."

I felt like I was frozen on the spot, I felt my nerves get the better of me and my face begin to feel flushed. Without missing a beat, he passed the camera over to his colleague and strutted over to where I stood. "Hey, do you need your husband to get through this?" And there it was again, that question that almost definitely sounded like a statement.

I felt like my words were lost and I just couldn't get anything out, I had never had any problems talking to men before so what was different about this one? I was pulled out of my overthinking as I felt like soft hand slip into mine and he started to pull me over to the backdrop. It was a weird feeling having another man's hand in mine but I wasn't desperately trying to scratch away from it because for some reason I felt comfortable.

He placed me in the center of backdrop, it was like he could tell that I was that nervous, he began looking around the room, he swiftly turned around and grabbed the camera and placed it around his neck. He looked back at me once last time as he gave me a small smile and turned back around to the rest of his crew that was moving in and out of the room "Okay, everybody out!"

I was shocked by what he had shouted out loud, everyone was groaning and protesting but he wasn't budging, I quickly ran over to him "Mr. Wrexler, I don't want to be a bother - you don't have to -" he shook his head not taking in anything that I was trying to say. I felt my head drop as I watched all of his employee's trail out of the room and the only ones that were left were him and I.

"So you found your voice again?" He says with a smirk "Look, I have dealt with a lot of wives who aren't in the spotlight and I just want to make you feel comfortable. I'm Tobias, Tobias Wrexler." He held out his hand for me to shake and immediately after placing my hand back in his I felt some sense of relief and calm.

"Monroe, you can call me Monroe. I haven't felt like Mrs. Bishop in a long time." I said that last part as low as I could. He cleared his throat as he quickly slipped his hand away from mine. He backed away slightly, getting his camera ready in position in front of his face. "Alright Mrs. B - Monroe, I'm going to do a couple of test shots to get you used to the camera and lights okay? Just relax for me?"

I nodded my head at him nervously, he began taking shot after shot and strangely it didn't take me long to get used to the lights and heat radiating off of them, and soon after I was familiar with the camera in this beautiful man's hands, focussed on me. I felt myself begin to pose naturally, and my smile begins to brighten. He slowly lowered the camera, exposing a teethy grin on his face. "Monroe, you're a natural. These are stunning pictures, you are beautif -"

"Hey babe, how's my number one star doing?" He waltzed over to me and put his arm around my shoulder as if to mark his territory and I felt Tobias' eyes tear into my own as he watched my expressions. I looked up at Chase with a weak smile. As if Tobias was reading the signs of me not knowing how to answer "She's doing great honestly. The camera loves her and she's absolutely stunning."

I felt a blush sweep through my face "You're the photographer right? Tony something, I was actually talking to my wife. My sister -" He looked up at Tobias and then back down to me as if to say go along with it "My sister Luxe is hungry, so I am going to take her out to lunch and then come back for you -"

I shut my eyes tightly, not even wanting to hear the rest of the conversation "No. I'll grab an uber, you and your sister have fun!" I felt myself spit out the word sister with so much malice and venom, I had forgotten that Tobias was in our presence. Chase seemed to be shocked at the harshness of my voice but stayed silent. He nodded his head at me and placed a light kiss on my forehead before leaving the studio.

I didn't even look his way as he left, I sighed before looking back over to Tobias who was still looking directly at me. "Look, I can tell that there's something going on and it's none of my business but we can rearrange the interview. I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to talk to someone about how much I love my husband straight after an argument. So you still want to make some magic?"

Tobias had this cheeky grin on his face and as much as I was angry at Chase, Tobias had this contagious glow that made me want to smile too. "There it is, there's that smile I was looking for. Keep smiling just like that and they may just put your photo on the front cover."

I playfully rolled my eyes at his compliments, I posed one after another as he took his shots, I felt myself bashfully giggle like a little school girl at each comment "Can you stop, please? We are never going anything done if I laugh through every single picture. Do you flirt with every one of your models?"

He looked down towards his camera, pausing before answering my regrettably bold question "Nah, just the ones that are exceptionally beautiful and the ones that inspire me."

After flicking through a few of the pictures he just took, he finally looked up fiercely into my eyes. I felt my stomach begin to flutter at his statement, I didn't know what it was but Tobias made me feel confident "And which one am I?"

He seductively licked his lips, "Come look for yourself."

He stalked over to his iMac and pulled up the current photo's and gestured for me to follow him but I was still hypnotised by the sight of him tracing his tongue over his top lip gazing into my eyes. When I finally reached the table, he had picked a single picture to show me.

"This one's my favourite. You are so in your element, so beautiful, so ethereal. You just look... happy, genuinely happy." I felt like there were so much more behind what he had actually said out loud.

It was like he could read me like a book after only knowing me for less than an hour. Was it that obvious that I wasn't actually happy? Or was it that obvious that all I craved was happiness and the smallest ounce I received, I latched onto?

However, that happiness on the face of the woman in those pictures wasn't from the camera, wasn't from the lights, weren't from the clothes and certainly weren't from modelling. It was all the photographer's doing.

Feeling the nerves kick in, I got back into position. I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear as I felt the air around us change. We were making magic but I didn't know which type I wanted more.

The magic of his index finger gliding along his expensive camera to capture an amazing picture of me or his hands gliding along my thighs to my center, grazing my sensitive skin as I felt a tingle of desperation run straight to my core.

I felt my eyes close as I envisioned the scene happening before me. It was so wrong but the feelings he elicited from my body as I remember his touch when he was protectively walking me through the halls, felt so damn right.

Was it the attention from him that I needed? Was it the intimacy that I craved? Or was it just the man behind the camera capturing me in more ways than one?

I began to toy with my wedding band as I thought of how wrong these feelings were, I was married to the man I once believed was the love of my life and I still do but Tobias... Tobias is an enigma.

He emanates everything I thought I once saw in Chase. Passionate. Focussed. Alluring. Mysterious. Driven. Thoughtful, and beautiful in every single way. He was a work of art in his own right. With him, there was this instant attraction, this surge of energy I felt from him, this magnetic pull that I never wanted to repel.

But then there was the guilt. It was at the back of my mind but it was still so evident.

The man I loved had a girlfriend and as much as it hurts to watch it happen, I was not disloyal and I never had it in me to be disloyal. Had, past tense.

We were in an open-marriage technically, but not one time had I ever wanted to say to Chase that I wanted to "explore connections" with other people. I had hope that it would make him see that I am worth being monogamous with but he never did. He never saw me, I was just his "number one" when I should have been his only one.

And then there was Tobias, I had just met him and I suddenly felt all of the vows I had made slip away. I just needed to explore it; the connection, the thoughts, him.

I needed to know that my body wasn't lying to me when it ignited under his touch. I needed to know that my heart racing every time he looked up at me with those inviting eyes was because they spoke nothing but the truth. I needed to know that my wet panties weren't just a figment of my imagination causing my mind to cloud over with desire. I needed to know that everything I felt was real and mutual.

Tobias Wrexler. The man that made me want to delve in headfirst into his oceans.

"Ethereal. That's the only way to describe your beauty." I caught my breath as I found myself back in the room, with him as just the photographer and me as his model but in my mind, I wanted to let us be so much more. " - But I want to see you, I want you to let all your walls down, I want to see you. I need you exposed, bare, naked."

I felt my heart begin to race, I hadn't even registered what he had just said until he was right in front of me, stroking his hands up and down my arms. "Monroe, you are one of the most stunning women I have ever come across and I just want you to see that but you won't until you let all your insecurities go. It's just us, the photographer and his muse."

His muse.

I closed my eyes tightly as I begun to shake my head, this was all wrong. I was loyal, I wanted one man, I wanted one husband, I wanted my husband. That's what I tried to tell myself but my conscience wasn't speaking loud enough, my wedding ring didn't feel like it fit right, the vows I had said to my now husband had vanished from my mind and my wedding day felt like it was a blur.

All there was, was Tobias. He wanted to see me and that's all I could fathom. He let his hands drop as he began to move back towards his tripod. He didn't turn around for a second, he wanted to see every part of my flesh. My bare, exposed, flawed flesh.

I had so many thoughts running through my mind and not the moral ones. I should have felt a lot more guilty sharing the vision of my body with another. I should have felt extremely guilty for lusting over another man and I should have felt a lot more guilty for wanting to take this further.

But looking at this man holding his camera, looking at me and really seeing me stopped me from withholding any guilt.

He slowly raised the camera up to his face as I began to mirror the pace of his movements. I begun to slowly push my sleeves down my arms, I pulled my arms out and he lowered his camera. He was shocked that I was letting him see me bare.

I witnessed the bob of his Adam's apple as I began to push the smooth material down my skin until it dropped to the floor pooling around my heels. In the silence, all I could hear was his breathing become slower as he saw all of my newly unmasked skin.

His eyes trailed from my eyes down my neck to my hardened nipples protruding through my lace bra, to my toned stomach reaching my pierced navel, even further down the lining of my extremely thin lace thong concealing my dampening pussy. His eyes stilled on my core for a little longer than it should have but I didn't caution him. I didn't want to.

There was something so erotic yet so intimate about this and he hadn't even touched me yet. I found myself wanting his hands latched against my skin and not letting me go. "I'm ready."

I break his gaze, I noticed his hands slightly trembling as he found his composure again. As quick as his nerves came, they fled. His calm, cool and collected persona was back, a devilish smirk arose on his lips causing a shiver to erupt down my spine.

He was back in his element, with his fingers laced on his camera as he began taking shots of my bare body, I tried my best to follow his unvoiced instructions but he would slowly shake his head between each shot.

I began to feel self-conscious with every shake of his head, I felt my hands unconsciously glide over my body to cover up and he immediately stopped and dropped his camera around his neck. I watched as his camera hit his chest from the impact of his frivolous drop. He wasn't focussed on the price he paid for his prized possession, he was focussed on me.

I froze on the spot contemplating if my theories were correct. "Stop!"

His voice filled the space all throughout the studio, I could almost feel the strain in his voice. His bellow shook me, I wasn't sure if I was nervous or turned on by his sudden demand. He slowly walked over to me, my ears were ringing as I heard his shoes hit the ground, step by step.

"Don't." Step.

"Ever." Step.

"Cover." Step.

"Up." Step.

With every step he took, he inched closer to me, rumbling me with every word as he accentuated every letter. He was now in front of me, only the barriers of his clothes, my lingerie and his camera between us.

He was frustrated, I felt it in the heavy breaths he took and the noticeable rise and fall of his buff chest. He searched my eyes for something I was unaware of. I began nibbling on my lower lip under his intense gaze. "May I touch you?"

No Tobias I'm married. "Please, Tobias."

I shut my eyes anticipating his touch, my head was spinning hoping that I hated what his touch would do to me but I knew that wouldn't happen. My attraction to this man felt almost criminal but in all my life I had never wanted to be so bad. I counted the seconds before I would feel his large hands on me again.

I gasped as I felt his electrifying touch as his fingertips grazed my arms, goosebumps immediately made an appearance as he made his way down my arms to my hands. I gasped and immediately shot my eyes open when I felt him yank my hands away from my body, causing my arms to go limp as they swung to my sides.

Before I could even gulp, his large hands snaked around my waist "I am finding it extremely difficult keeping my composure around you." His eyes flickered between my own as he raised a hand to latch under my chin. His touch was gentle but in this position he oozed dominance. "You are perfect. Don't cover yourself up. I want to show you how perfect you are."

He let me go and came around the back of me, I could feel his breath on the back of my neck, I was nervous waiting for him to make a move. I remained looking forward in fear that I would spoil what was coming next.

He threaded his right-hand around my neck until his fingers were on my chin, he moved my face ever so slightly to the right and down a tad so I could see him in my peripheral.

Then I felt his left-hand sliver down my left side until it stilled on my waist just above the lace of my thong but how I wish he would go lower. He shifted my lower back in the same direction as my chin, he then slid his hand down the front of my thigh as I tried to move my legs "Relax, okay? I'm just making slight adjustments, you never have to change for me."

I had forgotten where we were as I felt myself come out of my hypnotic state. I felt his hips push forward into my ass as I suppressed a moan, his words and movements had me in a daze. My mind was swarming with the thoughts lust, intrigue, attention, desire but those were all clouded over when I felt a pang of guilt when I replayed his last words "... for me."

I had almost forgotten about the wedding ring sitting on my finger, almost. I forced myself out of his grasp as I felt my heart rate accelerate. "Tobias, please stop!"

I saw the disappointment and frustration on his face "Look, I'm sorry Tobias, I gave you the wrong idea but I'm ha - happily married. I'm married." I felt myself stutter at my attempts to say happy.

"I'm the photographer of your couples segment. I already know you're married, but in this business people talk. And all I have heard about the great Chase Bishop was that he constantly cheated on his stunningly beautiful wife to the point of being in a possible open marriage."

I closed my eyes as I couldn't look into his knowing I would be putty in his hands if I delved into his pools of chocolate and honey. "Well, they're just rumours, you don't know anything about my marriage. You don't even know me -" I felt bile form in my throat as I tried to hold back the tears of hearing the reality of my marriage from someone I had just met but was insanely attracted to.

My eyes remained closed as I held back the tears I was on the brink of, my eyes shot open when I heard his voice "She's not his sister is she?"

I felt a single tear burn my cheek, my heart was hurting and as much as I tried to convince myself that I was happy, I wasn't.

I was devastated that I wasn't enough, I was embarrassed that someone had found out the truth, I was breaking my own heart every day that I stayed in this marriage and I was scared of starting over.

I breathed in deep holding back the breakdown that I felt erupting "She's his girlfriend. Everything you've heard is true. You don't have to tell me how stupid I am for staying in this marriage, I already know but I love him."

He strolled towards me and pulled me into his arms as I felt myself cry against his chest. I didn't know how long I spent buried in his warm inviting chest but I eventually untangled my arms from around his back and hurriedly wiped my tears with my wrists. "I'm so embarrassed, we don't even know each other and I just -"

"Stop it okay? You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger than the people closest to you but I don't want to be a stranger to you Monroe."

I lifted my gaze up to his beautiful face "I know you're not ready to leave your husband and I - as much as I hate that fact, I feel something. I don't know if it's lust, or what? But I feel something being around you and I want to explore it. I want to explore this, I want to explore you. I want to explore us."

"I want to explore us."

Looking into this mans deserving eyes, I wanted to scream yes. I wanted to break down all of my walls and fears and run into his arms. The warmth in his eyes, the kindness of his touch, the delicate intonation of his words made me weak at the knees. The butterflies swarming in my stomach was a sure sign of what my heart wanted but, I had just met the guy.

I felt my chest begin to constrict as I registered what he was saying but this was more than just two people getting to know each other. This was so much bigger than that, this was me stepping outside of my marriage, giving myself to someone in a way that should only be giving to my soulmate but at this point...

I didn't even know who that was.

In a matter of hours I had forgotten all about the vows I had made to my husband, I had forgotten about the love I shared with him over the last 8 years, I had forgotten every day of my adult life that I had dedicated to him and our life together.

One question, one plead, one man. That's all it took to change that for me.

It was like those hypnotic words and those dazing eyes that had me foggy with amnesia, as all I could think about was him. He was intense, powerful in the best of ways, enticing and captivating. I just couldn't spin myself out of his web but I had to. I had to find the willpower to stop this before it got to far because once he had me...

I would be his prisoner, mind, body, and soul.

This was too much, too soon, too much to think about. How can I do this to Chase? I know my heart and I know I would never want to be disloyal to him. I know that he struggles with loyalty and that's why we're in this situation. Our type of relationship is for him to be open and honest with me and that's all I've ever wanted and needed... Right?

If this was so true then why am I looking into Tobias Wrexlers eyes like they hold the key to my happiness and why am I so confused about my love for Chase? Why after only a few hours am I left second-guessing everything that I know? I'm supposed to love Chase for better or for worse and look at me.

I have to say no. I have to.

"Tobias, I -" I felt my eyes frantically go back and forth between his. I was looking for any sign or signal to tell me that he is all wrong for me. I needed to see that meeting him was a mistake and everything I felt for him was just lust and nothing else. But god, those inviting eyes they killed every negative thought I wanted to have.

I quickly shut my eyes, and tried to force the words out with every bit of strength that I had left "Tobias, we can't do this. I'm married, I'm loyal, I love my -"

His lips.

I felt his lips on mine. In one swift motion, his hand was suddenly around the back of my neck as he slammed his lips into mine and I felt everything. His need for me, his want and his desire for this. Our lips danced together in fluid harmony, he led and I followed and as much as I wanted to push him away I physically couldn't.

His plump lips were so soft but his kiss wasn't delicate, it was needy, passionate and firey. The best kiss that had ever graced my lips and feeling him pull away caused me to do something I shouldn't have.

I latched my hands around his neck and pulled him back into me, his lips were glued to mine as I released a moan into his mouth, I wanted more. No, I needed more and I wasn't ready to let go of this, I just needed a taste.

But god I knew I would regret it because after just this one taste I knew I was addicted, he was an addiction I didn't know I needed until I felt that first high. I felt his large hands move lower to cup my ass, I wanted his hands to roam all over my body but I - I needed to stop this but my moral compass had completely smashed into millions of pieces as I let his hands cup under my thighs lifting me up around his built waist.

I soon felt my back pushed against the backdrop, I felt his tongue graze my lower lip as he paused awaiting permission to enter and just like every other time, I couldn't say no. Our kiss, deepening as I felt myself lowering until I felt my ass against his raging cock forcing through his trousers. I could feel my panties dampening as the pressure began to build. His hips begun to circle up against my throbbing core "Tobias."

As soon as I heard myself moan his name, I felt something stir within me, in the worst of ways. I quickly pulled away from his kiss, dropped my legs and pushed him away from me. I threw my hands over my face as I felt the years of painful unshed tears pool in my eyelids "Oh my god. Oh - I - I just - cheated on my husband -"

I whimpered as I attempted to form a sentence "Chase, he - what am I -" my heart was hurting at the idea of what I had just done to us. I had changed everything, I had just carried out the exact act that my aching heart was already hurting from.

I soon felt his large arms engulf me, and as much as I wanted to blame him and tear away from his hold, I couldn't. I needed his comfort, I needed to be in the safety of his arms. I cried into my hands but I wanted to cry into his chest feeling his heartbeat sooth mine, it felt like that was the only place I felt like my heart wouldn't hurt.

And that was the exact reason that I needed to end everything here.

"I'm so sorry Monroe. I know it was selfish and I hate myself for making you feel this way but I just - I had to show you what I felt and why I want to try this. Please just give me this chance?"

"I can't Tobias -" I whispered, torturing myself as I allowed those words to pass my lips, draining me of anything I had left. I instantly felt his separation as his touch disappeared from my skin.

I discreetly lifted my face from my hands as my teary eyes trailed after him. His head was low as he walked, he was no longer walking tall with every ounce of confidence but instead, disappointment and hurt. I watched him as picked up my dress, smoothing it out before turning around, almost startled by my stare.

His posture soon realigned knowing I was watching him as he stalked back over to me. Then put his hand out for me, with that simple gesture I knew I hadn't hurt him completely. He pulled me up to standing and yet again we were stuck in that intense stare, no-one saying anything but you could see the sorrow in both of our eyes communicating for us.

He handed me my dress and quickly turned around so I could dress myself. I felt my lips curl up into a small smile thinking of how courteous he was being, considering a few minutes ago I had my nearly naked body wrapped around his torso shuddering under his touch. My smile didn't last long, remembering that that single act of lust and attraction could ruin everything I've spent 8 years building.

I was a mess. In the few hours I had known Tobias, he had seen me go through every emotion, I had cried twice in front of him, gave in to my need for him, and pushed him away all whilst wanting him to pull me back, and he didn't even bat an eyelid. It felt like he had already decided that I was worth all of this. This chance he wanted was worth it to him but I had so much more to lose and yet he had so much more to give.

"Tobias -"

He slowly turned back around, his eyes roamed all over my masked body as he bit his lip ever so slightly. His hand curved around the back of his neck as he bashfully looked to our feet, but all I wanted to see was those perfect eyes just in case it was my last.

"I have this insane amount of attraction to you and I - I just met you. I can't throw away my marriage for lust or whatever this is. I feel things for you and I just about know your last name, it doesn't make sense and as much as I might feel something. This is wrong, I am married."

I was trying to be strong but looking at all of his striking features had me at a loss, that pull that we had for each other was at it's fullest and I was struggling to be this close to him without touching him. As if he was reading my mind, he snaked his hand around my waist to my lower back causing me to release a sigh and arch my back in his touch.

"Monroe, what's stopping you? You just said it, you feel it too. The way our bodies react to each other, the way we struggle to not touch one another when we're this close, the way our eyes penetrate one another as we talk, and that's just the physical. I can't wait to know you on a mental level, that beautiful mind of yours needs to be penetrated too."

His face lowered to the crook of my neck as he spoke into my hair "All I'm asking for is a chance."

"Tobias -" I put my hands on his chest to lightly push him away, his breath on my neck could have made me say yes to anything, but I had to stay strong. "I want to try whatever this is but what if - I don't even know what you expect from me. I haven't even decided if I am leaving Chase yet. I'm not ready for anything and this - this isn't fair on you at all."

He started following my frantic movements as I rambled on "As much as I will hate being the other man in your life. I'm not asking you to leave him, not yet anyway. I'm asking for a chance to show you who I am and maybe just maybe what we could be."

He delicately tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ears as his twinkly eyes penetrated mine. "Tobias, I want that so much but if we do this. I don't have it in me to not be honest -" I sighed anticipating his response to my next statement.

"I have to talk to him, I have to tell him about wanting to get to know you."

His forehead leaned against mine, his eyes shut tightly. I felt his heartbeat quicken and his chest rise and fall more ferociously as he calmed himself down. I knew he wasn't happy but I wish I could read his mind.

"Fine." Was all he said as he handed me a business card with her personal phone number on it. He looked into my eyes one last time, before pulling me in for an everlasting kiss, my hands raked through his beautiful locks. I could feel his frustration and anger through his kiss and his touch but also I could feel him not wanting to let me go.

"Please don't leave it like this Tobias." I whispered into his lips with my hand caressing his cheek. He pulled his face away from my cheek and wouldn't even look at me. "Monroe, just go and ask your husband for permission to do the exact same thing he's doing to you."

With that, he pulled himself away from me and I felt a twinge in my heart "Tobias, I'm talking to him about it because I don't want to hide you. I don't want you to be my dirty little secret. Everything I feel for you is going against vows to Chase and I'm in a battle with my mind and heart but I'm trying, I'm giving us a chance."

I watched as his eyes softened as he nodded his head "Look, I'm sorry, I just -" I shook my head with my eyes closed, I knew exactly what he was going to say and I knew exactly why he was hurt. "I'm going on a business trip in a month or so and I'm not giving you a deadline for an answer but I can't go away for 3 months without knowing what could have been. Just tell me soon okay?"

I didn't know if this was going to be our last encounter or not but the thought of not seeing him again was tugging at my heart. I threw my hands around his neck and pulled him in for one final beautiful kiss. As we pulled away he gave me a peck on the tip of my nose, making me smile. "Bye Tobias."

I walked back to my dressing room, feeling the painful distance between Tobias and I once I left the studio. I got out my phone and began to compose a text.

Hey, I know you're with Luxe but can you be home alone when I get there? We need to talk.