Lukas didn't remember getting up and walking back; he only remembered the cruelty of the cold and the quiet that followed every step, as well as how loud everything in his head felt compared to it.

By the time he reached the door leading to the balcony, his hands were still shaking slightly. He didn't bother turning on the flashlight, he just stepped inside and shut the door behind him, leaning against it for a second like his body needed something to support his very existence. His chest still felt tight.

"...get it together," he muttered under his breath.

But even his voice didn't sound convincing... not even to himself. He pushed off the door and tried moving slowly, grabbing his bag by the hand. His clothes were scattered, his shirt half inside-out, his laces still loose but he didn't care. He wiped his face with the back of his hand, but it didn't do much. He didn't move far before he stopped.

His eyes still burned and his chest still hurt. "You didn't come..."

The words slipped out before he could stop them. He swallowed hard, shaking his head as he could physically push the thought away, but it didn't work.

"Of course, he didn't come. Why would he?" Lukas laughed at his own thoughts 

He let out a small, empty laugh, before properly slinging his bag over his shoulder. His fingers tightened around the strap as he walked away from the door, his head lowered, his steps slower than usual. He couldn't trust his face or his voice anymore. He couldn't trust anything right now so he just kept walking.

The stairs leading down the balcony blurred slightly as he descended them, his vision not fully steady yet. He wiped his face again, sniffing lightly, trying to at least look normal before he stepped outside and it didn't work but he tried anyway.

One step, two and three-

"You're still just a lost kid, aren't you?"

Lukas froze. His heart stopped first...then slammed back to life so hard it almost hurt. Slowly, he looked up and there he was.

Viktor.

Standing right there like he hadn't just torn him apart minutes ago. Like he hadn't just walked away... as he came back but his arms were wide open and a stupid, soft smile on his face and for a second, Lukas forgot everything.

The anger, the pride, the hurt.

All of it. Because his body moved before his mind could catch up.

"Viktor-"

He rushed forward, crashing into him without hesitation, arms wrapping around him tightly like he was afraid he'd disappear again. The force of it made Viktor laugh, slightly stumbling back as Lukas pulled him close.

"You're-" Viktor started, his voice shaking, but he didn't finish. Instead, Lukas kissed him for the first time. It was messy, desperate and relieved. Everything hit at once.

Viktor laughed softly against his lips, his hands coming up instinctively to hold him, fingers tangling slightly in his hair.

"Hey. Hey..m" he murmured, breath uneven. "Easy-"

Lukas didn't listen. He lifted him again, like it had become a hobby, holding him close like he weighed nothing, like letting go wasn't an option anymore.

"I thought you-" Lukas tried again, but his voice cracked.

Viktor reached up, brushing his hair back lightly, his expression softer now.

"I was right there," he said.

Lukas blinked, his grip tightening slightly.

"What?"

"I came up," Viktor added, quieter now. "You just... hid."

There was no accusation in it...Just the truth and that somehow made it worse. Lukas looked at him, really looked at him this time, and for a moment, he didn't know what to say. So he didn't and instead-

"You cried," Lukas muttered, his voice still a little rough.

Viktor blinked once... then huffed out a small laugh.

"I can say the same about you."

Lukas sniffed lightly, trying to look annoyed, but it didn't land.

"You did," he insisted.

"and I didn't deny it."

That caught him off guard... Lukas stared at him for a second too long... then laughed. Soft at first... then a little more and Viktor joined in, shaking his head slightly as he leaned his forehead against Lukas's.

Both of them are still very emotional and still a little wrecked but lighter now in that space. There was a small pause after that.

Not awkward, just... quiet.

Lukas didn't put him down immediately or pull away.

He just stayed there, holding him, like he needed to make sure this was real. That Viktor was actually here.

That he didn't leave again.

"...my place or yours?" Lukas asked finally, his voice lower now, but steadier.

Viktor smiled.

"Yours this time."

Lukas kicked his door open, Viktor in hand as they laughed and walked in. The lights are off but Lukas knows his room through and through. Their giggles echoed through the hall.

"That taxi driver will be scarred" Viktor laughed, planting a kiss on Lukas's forehead.

"He just kept looking through the mirror." he laughed harder. "I had no idea how to avoid eye contact."

Lukas dropped him gently on the bed, trailing kisses down his neck, biting him softly.

"I just want to kiss your neck down to your back," Lukas grinned and Viktor giggled.

"You can," he wrapped his legs around his neck "... just be gentle."

He giggled and replied "I won't"

And Viktor's smile faded. His eyes widened in fear as he was flipped over. Lukas's laugh echoed through the room, ending the initial peace.

"Should I help you take off your clothes or...?" Lukas towered over him, his eyes undressing him already.

"I'll take it off myself..." Viktor laughed nervously. He hadn't felt this tension in a while. Lukas sat on the edge of the bed, bare and ripped, his eyes focused tightly on Viktor as he struggled to take off his pants. Lukas walked over to him and held his pants,

"Jeez! Lukas! Wear pants!" He yelled and Viktor flinched. "I'm sorry... I feel tense," he calmed.

"We've had sex already, Viktor." He wrapped his hand around his waist. "You're beautiful so... take it off."

Viktor giggled and pulled his pants down. The air was cold. He hadn't even had time to admire the room yet. It was massive, white and stainless... unlike his. It was perfect, just like the owner.

"Your room is so... neat." 

"Enough stalling. Come" Lukas gestured, his hand hitting the bed softly.

Viktor laughed nervously, a trail of tears dripping down his face. "Remember, be gentle."

"I won't promise." He laughed.

He wasn't gentle. Each thrust came with some complaint. 

"You wanted to leave us.." another thrust

"Leave this!" He thrusted even harder, holding Viktor's neck to look at the ceiling. 

"I'm...sorry" Viktor struggled to place his words. If he wasn't apologizing, he was begging. But soon after, Viktor's waist began to move like it had a mind of its own.

"Oh, Viktor! I thought I was to be gentle!" Lukas spoke, reducing his pace.

"Don't...stop" 

Lukas bit his lip and leaned in, filling him up to the brim. A smile slid across his face.

"You're going to regret saying that." He said, barely above a breath and the night came alive.

Their moans, grunts, trusts and tears filled the night but the night didn't stay loud forever... it couldn't.

At some point, the room fell quiet again except for the sound of uneven breathing and the faint hum of the night outside. The tension that had filled the air slowly dissolved, leaving behind something softer... but heavier.

Lukas stilled.

Not suddenly, not sharply...just gradually, like something in him had finally run out. For a moment, he didn't move at all then he exhaled and reality started creeping back in.

Viktor lay beneath him, completely spent, his chest rising and falling slowly, eyes half-lidded. His fingers twitched slightly against the sheets, like he was trying to hold onto something... or steady himself.

"Lukas... please" he murmured, his voice barely there.

Not accusing, not upset... just tired and that was what got to him-not his words but the tone.

Lukas pulled back slightly, his expression shifting for the first time that night. The intensity in his eyes didn't disappear completely, but it cracked just enough to let something else through.

He ran a hand through his hair, breathing out slowly as he looked away for a second.

"...you should've stopped me," he muttered.

It wasn't a joke...It wasn't even really directed at Viktor.

It sounded more like something he was saying to himself.

Viktor let out a weak laugh, turning his head slightly.

"You don't listen," he said softly.

That almost sounded like before...in the rink, like the teasing and somehow, that made Lukas's chest tighten. There was a pause before Lukas shifted, moving off him and sitting at the edge of the bed, his back turned slightly. The room felt different now...less chaotic, but more exposed.

"Did you mean it?" Viktor asked after a while.

Lukas didn't turn.

"Mean what?"

"That... you hated me."

The question sat between them and Lukas's fingers tightened slightly against his knee.

"I don't know," he said finally.

And for once, that was the truth. Another silence followed, but this one wasn't uncomfortable. It was just... honest.

Viktor shifted slightly, wincing a bit before letting out a quiet breath.

"You're still mad," he said.

"Yeah."

"You're still here."

Lukas didn't respond immediately.

Then-

"...so are you."

That earned a small laugh. Tired and soft before Viktor coughed and stretched his hands, "let's sleep...together."

Lukas didn't argue, he just dug his head into Viktor's body and sighed.

"You won't leave me, yeah?" He said without looking up. His voice was shaky and his grip was tightening around Viktor's waist.

"I won't. I promise. Now let's just sleep" he patted his hair.

"Okay...I'll believe you." And the night pulled them both aggressively. They both slept in each other's arms. The air rushed in and the weather changed slowly. Rain drizzled softly and Lukas opened his eyes to look around.

"So it wasn't a dream? I'm actually here...wow" he whispered and he turned into Viktor even more.

"No it's not," Viktor replied...his voice raspy from sleep. "We're here together, after all these years" his hand tightened around him. "Let's enjoy this moment, okay?"

"Okay," but he didn't say it out...he just slept.

The morning light came in slowly. Soft at first, slipping through the curtains like it didn't want to disturb anything, then gradually filling the room until everything was visible again.

Lukas was already awake. He didn't know when he woke up exactly or if he even slept properly. All he knew was that he'd been lying there for a while... staring at him.

Viktor was still asleep beside him, half-turned, one arm resting loosely across the bed, his breathing slow and steady and he looked... calm. Like nothing had happened last night, like last night hadn't gone too far, like Lukas hadn't ignored his begging.

He looked away.

Running a hand over his face through his hair, Lukas exhaled quietly, sitting up slightly. His body felt heavy, not from exhaustion, but from the weight of his actions. For a moment, he just stayed there, elbows resting on his knees, staring at nothing in particular.

Then he heard a small movement behind him.

"...you've been staring for how long?"

Lukas didn't turn immediately.

"Long enough," he replied.

Viktor shifted slightly, wincing before letting out a quiet breath. "That doesn't sound quite normal."

"It isn't."

That made Viktor huff softly, blinking his eyes open as he adjusted against the pillow. There was a slight pause, then.

"...did you even sleep at all?"

"Yeah."

It came too quickly and Viktor didn't believe a bit of it.

"Liar. I don't believe you."

Lukas shrugged slightly. "I didn't ask you to."

Viktor rolled his eyes, but there was no real energy behind it. He stayed quiet for a second, just looking at him now...really looking and something about that made Lukas uncomfortable. He covered up his bare chest.

"Stop staring," Lukas muttered.

"You started it."

"I wasn't staring."

"You just said you were."

Lukas clicked his tongue softly. "You talk too much in the morning. Aren't you still trying to understand your environment?"

"And you're worse."

That almost sounded normal...but it wasn't but the silence that followed wasn't. It stretched a little too long and felt a little too heavy.

Viktor shifted again, pushing himself up slowly this time, his movements more careful, trying to hide the pain. He didn't say anything immediately, just reached for his shirt, pulling it closer. It was very peaceful, until.

"You're not going to do that thing again, right?" Viktor asked.

Lukas frowned slightly. "What thing?"

"That thing where you act as if nothing happened." he exhaled. "I fucked up before...I shouldn't have asked us to act as if nothing happened but I'm not asking that now..."

Ah! That...Lukas didn't answer immediately. Instead, he stood up, grabbing his clothes from the floor, shaking them out like that was more important than the question.

"We have training today," he said.

Viktor let out a quiet breath again.

"That's not what I asked."

Lukas didn't look at him or respond and that...that was his answer. Viktor's jaw tightened slightly, but he didn't raise his voice and he didn't snap. He just watched him for a second before speaking again, quieter this time.

"You always do that."

Lukas paused.

"What?"

"You act like it doesn't matter," Viktor said. "Even when it clearly does."

Lukas turned then, finally meeting his eyes.

"And you act as everything does," he replied. "Even when it shouldn't."

There was no anger in his tone...just distance and somehow, that felt worse. Neither of them spoke after that...they just moved around the room, getting dressed, avoiding looking at each other for too long. Now and then, they'd brush past...an arm, a shoulder but neither acknowledged it.

As though they were pretending not to notice each other...as though pretending would make it easier but by the time Viktor finished dressing, the room felt different. Colder and quieter.

He grabbed his jacket, hesitating for just a second before turning toward the door, then he stopped.

"...we're not just ignoring this, right?" he asked.

Lukas didn't answer. He was fixing his sleeve, eyes focused on something that didn't matter and Viktor watched him. He waited and got nothing.

"...right," he muttered under his breath.

He moved closer anyway...just for a second. Reaching up, he adjusted Lukas's collar slightly, fingers brushing against his neck in a way that wasn't necessary and Lukas didn't stop him. He didn't move or react but he didn't pull away either.

Viktor stepped back and laughed.

"My place next time," he said lightly, like he was trying to bring back something that had already slipped.

Lukas glanced at him briefly.

"We'll see."

It wasn't a yes but it wasn't a no either. Viktor gave a small nod then he turned and left. The door clicked shut and just like that...the room felt empty again. Lukas stood there for a moment.

Then slowly, he exhaled. Like he'd been holding it in the entire time. He ran a hand through his hair, glancing toward the door before looking away again.

"...damn it."

He paced around the room, sweat dripping down his head. He didn't know how to walk into the school halls, how he'd maintain his cool or see him and say hi. How he'd go on with training, how he'd kiss him and act like he wasn't dying slowly...he was caught in a dilemma until.

"fuck it" he walked out, leaving his doubts locked in the room.