By the time they stepped out of the rink, the sky had already darkened as heavy droplets hit the pavement in sharp, relentless patterns.

The cold air wrapped around them instantly, soaking their clothes in seconds... they had just one umbrella and as Lukas adjusted himself was when Viktor shouted.

"Great!" Viktor yelled, pulling his jacket tighter. "You planned this? Huh?"

Lukas didn't answer. His gaze lingered on the rain a second too long... his memories flooding him. It felt like their third meeting as children. It had rained heavily and Lukas hid under a tree for shelter... but Viktor ran there with just one umbrella, screaming out his name. When they got to Viktor's house, they were both soaked and laughing.

"Come on," Viktor snapped him back to reality. "Unless you want us to run down the street with just one umbrella". Lukas eyes widened and he paused. "Or do you plan on standing here all night?"

He didn't. A ride came quickly, and the rest of the journey passed in a strange kind of silence... not awkward and not tense... just quiet. Lukas didn't know how to feel after finding out Viktor didn't forget anything that happened... it hurt him more than it pleased him. 

By the time they got to Viktor's place, they were both half-soaked, hair damp, clothes clinging slightly. Viktor barely got the door open before Lukas pushed his back to it.

That was it. There was no pause apart from breaks to catch their breaths, no thinking or second guessing. Lukas's hand caught Viktor's wrist, pulling him even closer, and their lips met before the door had even fully opened behind them.

It wasn't slow... anyone could have caught them but they didn't care. It was everything they hadn't said finally spilling out all at once.

Viktor let out a quiet sound against his mouth, hands coming up to grip Lukas' shoulders as he was pushed back slightly, then forward again.

"Lukas-"

"Don't," Lukas muttered, breath uneven. "Don't even talk."

Viktor laughed softly and leaned in, like he wasn't going to listen anyway as the kiss deepened. It was messy and uncontrolled, soft grunts and moans filling the air.

Lukas's hands slipped down his waist again, lifting him like it had already become second nature. Viktor didn't resist, his legs wrapping around him easily, arms sliding around Lukas's neck as he tilted his head back slightly.

"Careful," he murmured, though there was no real warning in it.

"Then stop me," Lukas shot back, already moving.

And Viktor didn't.

The room faded into the background as Lukas pushed the door open and kicked it shut behind them, moving straight toward the bed.

Viktor barely had time to react before he was dropped onto it, the mattress dipping beneath him as he let out a soft breath, looking up at the monster who had been keeping his cool and then he paused.

Lukas was already pulling his shirt off, careless and quick like he didn't have the patience to do it properly and the time to waste.

Viktor blinked once in awe and then again.

"...wow," he said under his breath, pushing himself up slightly on his elbows. "Who else has gotten the chance to see this beauty?"

Lukas didn't even hesitate.

"No one but you."

The words came out low and direct. Viktor could tell he wasn't joking and for a second, Viktor just stared at him.

Something about that drove him mad.

Before he could say anything else, Lukas was already climbing the bed and closing the distance again.

"Your turn," he muttered.

Viktor smirked slightly, fingers already moving to unbutton his shirt, slower than necessary.

"You're impatient."

"You're slow."

"And you're daring."

Lukas didn't deny it or even look away. He kept staring at Viktor like a predator ready to pounce on his prey.

"I'm waiting."

That was enough... Viktor finished quickly after that, tossing the shirt aside, but the second he looked back up, Lukas was already there again. Closer, his breathing heavier and unavoidable.

Their lips met again, slower this time but no less intense, like they were learning each other in real time. Their hands wandered, hair grabbed, lips and necks bitten... their breaths mixed.

Everything blurred into heat and lust and something that had been building for far too long. At some point, Viktor let out a quiet laugh, his breathing uneven as he shifted slightly beneath him.

"Wait-" he murmured, though he didn't sound like he wanted him to stop. "Are we even thinking right now?"

Lukas shook his head against his neck, voice low.

"I'm not."

"Yeah... I figured."

Time lost meaning after that. It wasn't about the control anymore or the distance or rules or pretending. It was just them and nothing else.

At one point, Viktor tensed slightly, a quiet, breathless sound slipping from him as he grabbed onto Lukas a little tighter.

"Wait...wait-" he laughed weakly, shaking his head in disagreement "It's big! Are you serious?"

Lukas didn't stop trying to make it fit, but he slowed, his voice quieter now, closer.

"You started this, Viktor."

There was a way Lukas called his name that made his body react and Viktor huffed softly, eyes squeezing shut for a second. "I didn't think you'd fit"

"You teased me," Lukas cut in, pressing a slow kiss just below his neck. "For weeks."

"That doesn't mean-"

"It does now." Lukas cut him off.

There was something dangerous about the way he said it... like a nice warning. Viktor exhaled slowly, his grip tightening around Lukas slightly before he let out a quiet breath.

"...fine," he murmured. "Just... don't kill me."

A faint hint of a smile tugged at Lukas's lips, though his voice stayed low.

"You'll be fine."

And softer, almost like a promise...

"I'll be careful."

The room was not quiet and Lukas didn't totally keep to his promise. Memories blurred and tears ran. Each thrust ran in the thin line between pain and pleasure... it went on for hours until Viktor's body started to give in. 

Lukas caught a few of his words...

"Please Lukas–"

"Slower Lukas..."

"What are you doing Lukas?!" His eyes went wide with panic as Lukas lifted his legs to his shoulder, his eyes having no regret behind and Lukas responded.

"Getting rid of your attitude." He said as he slid back in unapologetically and the night went on as the rain poured.

Viktor lay sprawled against the bed, breathing slow and uneven, completely drained, one arm thrown lazily across his face.

"...you're insane," he muttered, voice barely there.

Lukas, sitting at the edge for a moment, glanced back at him but didn't respond. His moans, cries and pleas filled his mind and there was nothing appropriate to say. After a while, Viktor didn't speak or move. At some point, he had just... drifted off and Lukas noticed.

He stood there for a second longer than necessary, watching him, something unreadable passing through his expression before he finally moved to lay down.

He didn't touch him or pull him closer. He didn't fix the distance between them. Instead, he laid down beside him... just close enough to feel the warmth, but not enough to close the space completely. Like he still wasn't sure what this was or what it meant.

The rain continued softly outside, tapping against the windows reminding him of what had just happened.

"I'm sorry, father!" His little voice cried "I'll do better...I'll be a better child!" Lukas screamed. It was the same nightmare. The same routine. His father beat him to a pulp, wishing he were dead instead of his mother. It was the exact dream until–

"Stop!" A small familiar voice screamed, "Don't hit him anymore!" And before Lukas could look at who was fighting for him. His eyes shut wide open.

"Are you done resting?" Viktor mumbled, poking his cheeks. Lukas didn't respond. He just lay there, staring at the ceiling. The night was too wrong... He didn't understand what was happening, he lay there asking himself if it was that easy for it to move on after all the trauma Viktor had put him through.

"Earth to Lukas" Viktor said, louder...waving his hand across Lukas' face "Anything the problem?"

Lukas turned to him slowly and spoke, his voice almost a whisper "What do you want?"

"For someone in my bed, under my sheets...you do have nerves" Viktor said, as he claimed into him again... looking down on him this time.

"For someone who begged and cried out my name..." Lukas sat up and grabbed him by the waist "... you're being very cocky"

"Tch. You can't tell anyone about this though." Viktor said as he trailed a finger down his back. "You wouldn't want people looking at us differently... would you?"

Lukas stood up slowly with Viktor still wrapped around him, his hair a mess and the wind from the rain exposed his tired eyes.

"You look so tired... do you not sleep?" Viktor picked a strand and toyed with his hair...

"This is the best I've slept in years." He replied. He wasn't lying. He did have a dream, the typical routine... but younger Viktor was there and it made no sense to Lukas.

Victor kept looking at him, wondering what he was so engrossed in and then he said it.

"We can't let anyone know this happened, it'll be best if we forget," Viktor said, voice stern. He was still in Lukas's arms when he was speaking, both in underwear as the cold air rushed in from the opened windows. The whole world seemed to pause after that sentence.

"I don't understand you Viktor." Lukas finally spoke "You want us to behave like none of this ever happened?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because–" Lukas cut him off before he could finish.

"It's fine" he said as he gently put him back on the bed. "Don't talk to me in school." He put on his jacket and walked out.

Viktor sat there in silence as his whole world crumbled. Lukas was supposed to ask why, he was supposed to care or be worried... but instead, he accepted and left like he meant nothing.

The door clicked shut and just like thathis life felt empty again. Viktor let out a shaky breath, running a hand through his hair as he stared at the spot Lukas had just been standing in. His chest felt tight in a way he didn't like.

"That's... what I wanted," he muttered to himself.

But it didn't feel like it, not even close.

He fell back against the bed, staring up at the ceiling, the faint sound of rain still tapping against the window. Everything from last night replayed in fragments-Lukas's voice, the way he looked at him, the way he held him like he actually... Viktor shut his eyes.

"...this is better," he said again, quieter this time.

But even he didn't sound convinced.

Morning came too quickly. Lukas was already dressed by the time he stepped onto campus, his expression back to what everyone knew... cold, composed, unreadable. It was like the night before had never happened, as he had already buried it.

Students greeted him as usual, whispers trailing behind him as he walked through the halls, but he didn't pay attention. His mind was clear, like he had made a decision and locked it in. No hesitation and no second thoughts.

Viktor, on the other hand, noticed him immediately and of course, he did. The moment Lukas stepped into view, something in him shifted, like his body reacted before his mind could catch up. For a second, he hesitated... then he walked forward anyway.

"Hey-"

His voice came out lighter than he expected.

"Hiii, Luka-"

Lukas didn't even slow down. He didn't even glance at him or react. He just walked past, like Viktor wasn't there...like he didn't exist. The words died in Viktor's throat.

He turned slightly, watching Lukas's back as he kept walking, steady and unbothered, disappearing into the crowd without a second thought.

"...wow," Viktor let out under his breath, a humorless smile tugging at his lips.

"So that's how it is."

Training that evening felt different and not the good kind. It was off. The energy on the rink had shifted, even if no one else could fully place why. Lukas was sharper than usual, his instructions more clipped, his patience thinner.

"Focus," he snapped at one player.

"You're dragging."

"Again!"

He made no room for mistakes or just no room for anything and Viktor noticed...He always did. When it was finally just the two of them left, the silence felt heavier than it ever had before.

Lukas didn't look at him and didn't speak even when it was necessary. He didn't even stand close...Like he had built a wall overnight and decided to stay behind it.

Viktor pushed off the barrier slowly, skating toward him.

"Are we really doing this?" he asked, his voice quieter now, less teasing than usual.

No response. Lukas kept adjusting his gloves like he didn't hear him. Viktor let out a small breath, stopping in front of him. "Lukas."

Still nothing and that... annoyed him more than it should have.

"Wow," Viktor muttered, shaking his head slightly. "So you can throw me on a bed and destroy me, but now you can't even look at me?"

That did it. Lukas paused just slightly...but it was enough.

Viktor stepped closer.

"You're really going to act like last night didn't happen?" he asked, softer now.

Lukas finally looked at him and there was nothing there. No warmth or hesitation...just plain distance.

"You said it yourself," Lukas replied calmly. "We forget it."

The words landed harder than they should have.

Viktor's jaw tightened slightly. "I didn't think you'd actually-"

"That is your problem."

Lukas moved past him. Like that was the end of it...no further conversation was needed, at least...he was done replying. Something in Viktor snapped. He reached out, grabbing Lukas's wrist and pulling him back just slightly-not rough, just enough to stop him.

"Wait."

Lukas turned, eyes red and sharp. Like he was doing everything in his power to fight back tears.

"What?"

For a second, Viktor didn't speak...he didn't know what to say. Then, like he was acting on impulse, he leaned in and tried to kiss him but Lukas turned his head. Clean and direct.

The kiss missed.

Silence was heavy and awkward.

Viktor froze for a second, still close, still holding onto him-but Lukas didn't move or react.

"Don't do that again," Lukas said quietly.

He didn't sound angry or loud...he was just... done. He pulled his hand free and walked off the ice without looking back.

And this time Viktor didn't follow. The rink stayed quiet long after Lukas left and for the first time since he arrived Viktor felt it.

That distance they warned him about, that emptiness... He thought it was something he could control but it was slipping.

Lukas didn't stop walking until he was out of the rink. The cold followed him out, clinging to his skin, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to calm the storm building in his chest, wasn't enough to quiet the noise in his head.

"You said it yourself... we forget it."

His own voice echoed in his head, and this time...It didn't sound strong, it sounded stupid. He pushed the door open harder than necessary, stepping into the hallway, his pace quick, uneven. His vision blurred as he blinked hard, trying to force it back.

It couldn't happen here or now. He swallowed, jaw tightening as he kept moving, ignoring the few students who passed by him, ignoring the looks, the concern...Everything.

"Don't do that again."

His chest tightened. Why did that hurt more?

Why did that feel worse than everything Viktor had already done?

"...damn it," he muttered under his breath, his voice cracking just slightly.

And that was it. The moment he stepped into the open-

It broke. The tears came fast...like they had been waiting.

Lukas stopped walking, his breath catching as he dragged a hand over his face, but it didn't help. It didn't stop anything. If anything, it made it worse.

"Shit!"

His voice shook. He looked around quickly, like someone might see, as someone might notice but he didn't even wait long enough to check. He just moved quickly up the stairs, past the corridors and straight to the balcony.

The moment he got there, he grabbed onto the railing, his head dropping forward as his shoulders tensed and then he let it all out. The weight, the pain, the tears...all out in a very loud, ugly manner. The kind that came from somewhere deep and refused to stay buried.

His grip tightened against the metal as his body shook slightly, breath uneven, broken...mucus dripping down his face as the cold breeze slapped him harshly.

"...why?" he whispered, though there was no one there to answer.

"You show up out of nowhere" he sniffled. "Come back, hold me, change me, use me and then leave?!" He let out a shaky laugh that didn't sound like a laugh at all.

"I hate you..." He said under his breath, but even he didn't sound convinced.

Because if he really hated him...why did it hurt this much?

Time had passed and Lukas didn't know how long.

The wind brushed against his face, cool and quiet, but it didn't do much to ground him. He wiped at his face roughly, trying to pull himself together, but the tears kept coming in waves, slower now...but still there and right in the middle of it all, a thought slipped in...a very stupid and weak one. He laughed softly, shaking his head.

"...just come," he murmured, barely audible. "Just once..." his eyes produced fresh tears, "for once...come for me...just come after me"

Lukas froze. He heard footsteps. His breath caught instantly, heart jumping in his chest as he turned slightly-

Hope hitting him before he could stop it...it was Viktor...It had to be.

He didn't move or call out. He stepped back slightly instead, instinctively, moving behind the pillar near the corner of the balcony. Not hiding completely...just enough that he wasn't in direct view.

Viktor stepped out onto the balcony. His gaze swept across the space slowly. Left, right...empty.

"...figures," he sniffed and cleaned his eyes as he muttered under his breath.

He leaned against the railing for a second, exhaling softly, his expression unreadable but there was something there. He stayed like that for a moment... then shook his head lightly and cleaned his eyes.

"Whatever."

And then he left. The door clicked shut and silence grabbed Lukas by the neck. He didn't move...not immediately.

He just stood there, staring at the space Viktor had been seconds ago, his chest tightening all over again but this time, it felt different.

He stepped out slowly from behind the pillar, eyes still slightly red, still glassy.

"...you didn't come," he whispered.

But he had...Lukas just didn't see him.