Since the first year of middle school, I've been chasing after Julian.

On a laid-back afternoon, his long fingers gripped my pen, calculating formulas on a piece of scrap paper. He crouched down, his body half-leaning against the desk, his face filled with focus.

I just stared at his fresh and handsome profile, just like countless other girls with crushes.

"Got it?" His gentle voice broke the silence, soft and soothing in my ear.

I snapped out of my daydream and nodded, then shook my head. "No, I don't get it."

Patiently, he pulled a blank sheet of paper from underneath and said, "Let me explain again."

There was no hint of impatience as he began solving the problem anew.

I went back to my daydreaming...

"Julian, can you solve this problem?"

Vanessa Dale interrupted, asking him.

I felt a flash of irritation and muttered softly, "Can't you see he's explaining something? You totally interrupted his train of thought."

Julian took the paper from the class beauty, glanced at it briefly, and said, "I'll explain it to you later. This problem is easy."

The tone of his voice rose at the end, a clear sign of affection.

Vanessa playfully slapped Julian's arm. "Hurry up!"

When the class event was announced, he was picked to be the host.

The class beauty, tall with a sweet mouth, was also chosen.

They tried on their evening gowns, and when they stood together on the stage, the whole class erupted in excitement.

"Julian looks so handsome."

"She's a goddess!"

"Elena, these two are perfect together."

"Careful with the drool while you're at it."

As I wiped my face with my hand, I kept my eyes fixed on Julian, not looking anywhere else.

He stood lazily, his lean figure looking even slimmer in the black suit that made his skin look paler. The scattered sunlight hit his face, softening his features, his movements casual and at ease, easily catching the jokes thrown from the audience.

I blocked the view of the class beauty with my hand, mentally imagining it was me standing beside him.

Every day, as they rehearsed in the auditorium, I would take the long way around, sneaking a glance at them from the doorway.

The bright boy on stage, full of vigor.

His smooth, deep voice reached my ears.

It was etched into my heart, a secret too precious to speak.

One night, I dreamed of him.

It was our wedding.

He gently held my hand, planting a soft kiss on my fingertip.

"Do you take him to be your husband?"

"I do."

The next day, during lunch, my mom told me that I had kept repeating "I do" in my sleep all night, as if I was so happy about something.

"I'm not telling you!"

In my first year of college, Julian started dating Vanessa.

And just last week, he had rejected me.

"I'm sorry, right now I want to focus on my studies."

His voice was cold and flat, devoid of any emotion.

When the love letter was returned to me, I didn’t catch it in time.

I fought back the tears welling in my eyes, bent down, and picked up the letter from the floor.

Vanessa ran over just then, and her heel had left a mark on the envelope.

She naturally hooked her arm around Julian's, showing him something on her phone. "Let’s go here today, the Ferris wheel. I heard it has a view of the whole city."

I was mortified.

My head hung low, and the scar on my hand burned with an ache deep in my chest.

That scar was from the time in middle school when I desperately pulled Julian up from the fourth floor.

My wrist scraped against the rough stone wall, leaving a deep gash.

The cut was so deep it almost reached the bone.

And because of that, he would get dizzy and lightheaded when standing in high places.

The Ferris wheel?

Julian would never go.

I waited for him to refuse.

Just like how I couldn’t reach the grapes, I hoped he would turn down the other girl’s request too.

"Alright, let's go."

...

That evening, I became a voyeur, watching Vanessa's updates.

The two of them were kissing on the Ferris wheel, captioned, "My one true love."

Julian was the first to like the post.

But later, he broke up with me because Vanessa had found someone else and dumped him.

I thought I had another chance.

Every day, I followed him around.

"Are you kidding me?"

“Elena, has anyone ever told you that you’re like gum stuck to someone’s shoe?"

His annoyed expressions were something I had seen countless times, but he was single now, and that made me think I had a shot.

It was 2 a.m.

A call woke me up. “Sis, Julian’s drunk.”

Sis?

Who the hell is your sister-in-law?

I cursed and hung up, annoyed at the interruption.

But as soon as I put the phone down, something clicked, and I immediately called back. “Where is he? I’m coming to pick up Julian.”

I threw on my coat and ran out of the building.

The wind hit my face, biting, almost painful. But I couldn’t help but feel a rush of excitement.

The fact that he called me—didn’t that mean I mattered to him, in some way?

What did he have me saved as in his contacts?

Elena?

First on his list. That had to mean something.

Or maybe…

Dear Vance?

My heart fluttered.

I entered the room to find a woman lying across Julian’s lap.

Julian took a careless sip of his drink. “Oh, you actually came.”

People around us cheered and clapped. “Elena actually showed up, hahaha.”

“Too easy to trick.”

I felt something inside me snap. “What did you save me as?”

Julian looked at me with a playful glint in his eyes, the corners of his mouth lifted, and he mouthed two words:

“Puppy.”

With that, he started kissing the woman in his arms right in front of me.

His bloodshot eyes met mine, daring me to react, while his lips never stopped moving.

I felt numb all over. If he didn’t like me, then fine. But why did he have to humiliate me like this?

Without thinking, I slapped him hard, not even bothering to grab my coat as I ran out of the room.

I cried as I ran.

When I reached the school gates, I couldn’t get in.

I stood there in the cold wind, wearing only a thin jacket.

I spent the rest of the night huddled in the bus shelter.

It was so cold.

But what hurt more was the chill in my heart.

Before graduation, I stood beneath the boys’ dormitory, holding a bouquet of roses.

My roommates sighed repeatedly. “Are you a masochist?”

“Why are you torturing yourself like this? What’s it going to do for you?”

“This guy… he’s done this to you, and you’re still chasing him!”

Their frustrated advice echoed in my ears, but I just wanted to try again.

I couldn’t leave with regrets.

I swore to myself, “If he rejects me this time, then I’m really done.”

Next to me stood a couple, two people tightly wrapped around each other.

More specifically, the girl was on her toes, her arms around the guy’s neck, holding on tightly.

“You can’t accept a long-distance relationship?” The girl cried into his shoulder.

“You’re going to work in Ashford, and I’m going to study in Lunenburg. We’ll just keep drifting further apart,” the guy said, his voice calm and indifferent.

“You don’t love me enough, you can’t even handle this small obstacle,” the girl let go of him, her face drained of color.

She finally said the words, “Let’s break up.”

She walked away.

The guy stood still for a moment, looking up at the sky, as if in sorrow.

The next second, out of nowhere, another girl appeared from the shadows, her voice confident, “You should break up with her, right?”

“Done, done. It’s good that we ended things before graduation. So damn unlucky,” the guy quickly pulled the new girl into his arms, showering her with affection.

I rolled my eyes, my heart sinking even further.

In relationships, only the person who’s loved can be carefree.

The air was thick with tension, the pressure so low it felt hard to breathe.

I waited until 10 p.m., and then, finally, his familiar figure appeared.

Julian was walking with a girl.

I recognized her.

Vanessa.

Julian’s face was bruised, showing signs of anger, but when he turned his head to look at Vanessa, his expression softened.

The woman was holding her mouth, silently sobbing. His face was full of concern.

He whispered into her hair as they passed by me, gently soothing her in his arms.

“There won’t be anyone who’ll hurt you again.”

There won’t be anyone who’ll hurt you again.

It felt like a curse.

My heart was torn apart, piece by piece.

Each wound deeper than the last, tearing me to shreds.

And there wouldn’t be anyone who could hurt me again.

Because my heart was already shattered beyond repair.