I've been mated to Alpha Alaric Goremane for five years, and I'm still a virgin.

On the night he claims me, I stand before him, naked. With my heart pounding against my chest, I muster the courage to step forward and wrap my arms around him.

But he pulls away, and then comes the words that lingered in my head for years like a devil's whisper.

"I'm sorry, Kyna. I have severe germaphobia and can't handle physical intimacy. Please give me some time."

In that moment, my heart plunges into the abyss. But when I see the torment in his eyes, I convince myself that he doesn't love me any less. He's just sick, and all I have to do is wait.

So, I wait for five long years.

On our fifth mating anniversary, I cross thousands of miles in a raging storm just to see the look of delight on his face when I surprise him.

Sure enough, I see the warmth in his eyes and gentleness in his expression. But what a pity… it isn't for me.

The Alpha, who claims to be an obsessive clean freak, is on one knee before his childhood sweetheart. He gently slips off her rain-soaked heels, dries her feet, and warms her cold toes with the heat of his palm.

It's as if that's the most natural thing in the world, and as if his world holds no one else.

He sighs. "Serene, how many times have I told you that you'll catch a cold? What would you do without me?"

In that instant, the last of my delusions shatters. I finally realize that his germaphobia is selective, and I'm simply the one he can't bear to touch.

Instead of making a fuss, I slip off the ring I've worn for five years and walk into the storm without looking back.

Later, I hear he tries to win me back with the most expensive roses in the city. But the Kyna Lupen who loves him is long gone.

Alaric Goremane was in the shower as the muffled sound of running water drifted from the steamy bathroom.

The air was heavy with the scent of the aromatherapy oil I'd chosen, supposedly one that stirred the most primal desires in wolves.

I'd slipped into the lace slip I'd saved for tonight, and its sheer fabric hugged my curves perfectly.

When Alaric stepped out, I steadied my pounding heart and slid my arms around his solid waist from behind. Then, I pressed my cheek against his muscled back.

"Honey, I'm ready…"

His body froze. With a sudden, sharp shove, he threw me off as though I were filth, and my fingers burned him.

Meeting my stunned gaze, he gritted his teeth and hissed, "Who said you could touch me?"

…

I jolted awake and felt my heart racing against my chest as cold sweat covered my forehead. So, it turned out that this was just another cruel, pathetic dream.

As I panted heavily, my eyes landed on the flight ticket on my nightstand booked weeks ago. It was bound for the pack borderlands.

I reminded myself that it was fine. I would see him again tomorrow, and maybe this time, he would accept me.

With a heart full of hope, I made that journey and traveled thousands of miles for him. But I never thought I'd be welcomed with such a scene.

…

It was raining heavily when I stood frozen in the middle of the street like a lifeless statue.

Not far away, Alaric was kneeling before another woman, slipping off her rain-soaked heels. His usually unreadable and cold expression had softened into an almost unfamiliar face, and I barely recognized him anymore.

Six years ago, I'd seen him for the first time at the interpack conclave.

As the youngest Alpha of the Duskorb pack, he drew every eye the instant he appeared in a perfectly tailored black suit. Coupled with his tall and composed frame, his glacial facial features were sculptured to perfection.

The moment my eyes fell on him, my wolf screamed, "Mate! Mate! He's my mate!"

From then on, I was helplessly drawn to him. As an omega, I trained, studied, and fought just to be worthy of standing at his side.

A year later, when Alaric finally acknowledged me as his fated mate, I thought I'd won the world. And that was when he told me about his past.

He told me about the night he caught his parents in a tangled, drunken mess with their lovers. He recounted how that trauma evolved into unbearable pain, followed by severe mysophobia and disgust for touch.

For five years, every intimacy attempt we made had ended in failure. And I would feel ashamed whenever he resisted.

Once, he even threw up after I kissed him. He told me it was reflex and that it wasn't my fault, but the wound it left in me never healed.

A year ago, Alaric had left for the borderlands to lead the fight against an ambushed attack from a hostile neighbouring pack. We'd lived apart ever since.

My flirty messages mostly went unanswered, and it was only when I brought up pack business that he would reply in a few, pathetic words.

"Thank you. Having you here puts my mind at rest."

It felt as if we were just partners responsible for maintaining the stability and operations of the pack, not mates blessed by the Moon Goddess.

So, on our fifth mating anniversary, I rushed to the borderlands in excitement, ready to surprise him. But I ended up seeing my self-acclaimed-clean-freak fated mate kneeling and removing another she-wolf's heels.

In that instant, the years I'd held on and waited all seemed to lose their meaning.

I had no idea how long it took, but he finally noticed me. The smile on his face faltered a little as he opened a black umbrella and walked over.

"What are you doing here? Who's handling things in the pack downtown district?" he asked with a frown.

"I've got everything arranged," I said, forcing a smile as I handed him the gift I'd been holding onto this whole time. "I came to say… happy fifth mating anniversary, Alaric."

He looked startled, clearly having forgotten it was our fifth anniversary, let alone expecting me to travel all this way to bring him a gift.

Surprise flashed in his eyes, and just as he reached for the gift, Serene Vargar's coquettish voice rang out. "Alaric, the elders are here. The council's starting."

With that, all his attention on me was shifted away. He quickly turned around and said without looking back, "Come with me."

I stood frozen until he was almost out of sight before following.

When Alaric caught up to Serene, she stepped seamlessly into place behind him. They walked shoulder to shoulder as I trailed behind like a redundant escort.

As they walked, they discussed pack operations and deep strategies, and I barely understood a word of it. All I knew was that she was Serene Vargar, his childhood sweetheart.

She was supposed to be in another pack, but she'd appeared at our pack borderlands a year ago and had been by his side since. Together, they resolved all pack affairs that came their way.

Her hair was loose and silky, and her lips shimmered with gloss. And with his coat draped over her shoulders, she was radiant and utterly dazzling.

Every time I tried to speak to Alaric alone, whether unintentional or on purpose, she'd always interrupt with something about border affairs.

Outside the council hall, she finally looked at me. However, when she spoke to Alaric, she suddenly switched to an ancient Lycan dialect, a rare and archaic tongue.

"Is she your fated mate? She looks weak, and as an omega, she's not worthy of you at all."

I wasn't sure if he was doing it on purpose, but he replied in the same ancient Lycan dialect, "Worthiness doesn't matter. The Moon Goddess has her reasons for her arrangements."

They thought I didn't understand and had no idea that I'd mastered the ancient Lycan dialect, just to help Alaric run the pack better.

After Serene entered the council hall, he finally turned to me. Pressing his lips together as if making up his mind, he suddenly gave me a quick, dry kiss.

"I have a meeting in a bit. Wait here, and don't wander off, alright?"

Well, he wouldn't have kissed me at all. Not if he could avoid it. There was no point in the kiss if he had to look so forced and troubled.

He made me feel like a burden and some deadweight to endure, not a living she-wolf who should feel attractive and alive.

I swallowed the dryness in my throat and forced out a word with difficulty. "Okay."

After he left, I looked down at the gift box he hadn't managed to accept, now soaked by rainwater. Rain had dampened the moonlight silk cloak I'd woven over months of careful work and dulled its sheen, just like our love.

My five years of love and waiting were wasted.

I wiped my face, though I couldn't tell if it was the rain or tears, and dropped the gift box into the nearest trash can.

I wanted to immediately turn and escape from this place that had shattered my heart, but something deep inside wouldn't let me.

I'd sacrificed everything for this love and waited years for Alaric, so I deserved at least a chance for him to explain. But I hadn't expected that wait to take four long hours.

The cold rain soaked me through and plastered my clothes to my skin as the freezing chill drilled into my bones. By the time Alaric finally emerged from the council hall, my face had drained all color, and my lips were bloodless.

I stepped toward him to talk, but the unfamiliar wolves beside him blocked my path and scanned me from head to toe. "Who are you?"

My gaze instinctively went to Alaric, who was speaking quietly to Serene. He was so absorbed in their conversation that he didn't even notice me.

Shivering, all I could do was reveal my identity in humiliation. "I'm Alaric's mate, Luna Kyna Lupen."

The group looked shocked.

"The Alpha's mate? Why have we never heard of her?"

"Yeah, I thought Serene's his mate."

"Aren't they the golden couple from the academy? They're so perfect for each other…"

Amidst their debate, Alaric finally looked up and cut them off in a sharp tone. "Serene and I have never dated. She's just my friend."

Then, he proceeded to introduce me. "This is Kyna Lupen, my Luna and fated mate. We've mated for five years."

Realization dawned over the group. Some looked at me with complicated emotions swirling in their eyes, some scanned me as if assessing my worth, while others seemed disappointed that Alaric and Serene weren't the fated pair. Most just seemed awkward and rejected my presence.

I felt like an intruder.

Then, someone suggested. "Let's eat. It's been a long meeting, and I'm sure everyone's starving."

My legs had gone numb from standing for so long and locked me in place as I watched Alaric and Serene walk past. Meanwhile, I was ruthlessly stranded at the back.

Then, whether intentional or not, the only seat left was the passenger seat when I opened the door of the MPV.

Alaric and Serene sat side by side in the very back. The earlier words seemed to have sparked some shared memory, and they were now laughing over childhood stories.

I glanced at them before silently getting into the only empty seat.

On the way, wolves in the MPV tactfully slipped into the ancient Lycan dialect.

"I thought the Alpha marked Serene years ago, after the vow he made to protect both the pack and her for a hundred years. That's still going viral around the academy."

"He was known for his cold indifference, but when that gang of rogues attacked her, he risked everything to save her."

Serene cut them off with a demure little laugh, though her tone carried a glint of pride. "Oh, stop. That's all in the past. Kyna is the Luna now, and saying all that will make her misunderstand."

Listening to the stories I'd never heard got my blood running cold in my veins.

In all the years I'd known Alaric, he'd always been ice-cold and untouchable. I couldn't picture him making such vows for Serene or frantically throwing himself into danger for her.

I was in such deep thought that I didn't realize we'd arrived at the restaurant. After everyone got out of the MPV, I moved to follow, only to be blocked by Alaric.

He glanced at my soaked clothes and bloodless lips, frowning. He didn't even bother to answer Serene calling for him from behind.

"Why didn't you say you were wet? Stay in the car. I'll get you a change of clothes." His tone was brisk and almost scolding.

Then, he turned to the others and said, "Go on inside."

Hearing that, Serene shot me an envious glare and said, "I have spare clothes. She can take mine."

I sat alone in the MPV for what felt like forever. My body was starting to go numb when he finally returned with an elegant gown made of top-grade silk. It was luxuriously beautiful but slightly ill-fitting, just like how Alaric and I were a mistake from the start.

By the time I changed and got out, no one was around, and he had already left.

This was how our daily interactions had always been. He had his pride as an Alpha, so I could wait for him a thousand times, but he wouldn't wait for me once.

Then, my phone buzzed with a message from him. "Today's Serene's birthday, so I'm heading in first. The ballroom is on the left side of the entrance."

After five years of marriage, this was the first time he'd ever taken the initiative to text me and send such a long message.

I entered the restaurant alone. And just as I reached to push the door open, I caught sight of the scene inside through the door gap. It stopped me cold, like I'd just been struck by lightning.

Alaric stood before Serene, offering her a bouquet of Easter lilies and a finely crafted wooden box. Her hands flew to her mouth in surprise, and her eyes welled up with moved tears.

"Oh my god, Alaric! You remembered these are my favorite flowers!"

As she spoke, she eagerly opened the wooden box to reveal a dazzling gemstone necklace.

The ballroom erupted in whispers and cheers.

"Alpha Alaric, how did you find the Easter lilies this time of the year? The season's over, isn't it?"

"Bet you didn't know… Alpha Alaric will bring Serene anything she likes, even if he has to go the extra length to get it."

"I still don't understand why the Alpha married that Omega."

"Exactly. You exiled her abusive father, who sold her off to the enemy pack, as a rogue. Nothing stands between you and Serene now."

They were about to continue when Alaric's voice cut through. "Enough. The past is over."

Through those fragmented words, I finally pieced together Alaric and Serene's past.

They used to be classmates and childhood sweethearts, and they'd never officially dated each other. However, classmates at the wolf academy often paired them up and crowned them future Alpha and Luna.

But because of some misunderstanding, she'd been forced to form a mate bond with a wolf from an enemy pack until he saved her a year ago during a pack war.

It turned out that I was the one who, at his lowest, stole his Luna's place with the Moon Goddess' fated mate bond.

I pushed the door to the ballroom, where the long table was covered in mouthwatering dishes, but I did not have the slightest appetite at all.

Ten hours of travel followed by four hours in the rain had left me drained.

At the party, everyone seemed to forget I existed. I listened to stories of their days at the wolf academy and current conflicts within the pack. No matter where the conversation began, it somehow always found its way back to Alaric and Serene.

Their past lingered in every word, every shared glance, and every tactful smile. It felt as if I was an outsider, through and through.

After the party finally ended, I followed Alaric to his quarters on the border. It was a single, bright room with minimal furnishings and exactly his style.

The only thing that didn't match the room's cool aesthetic was a soft pink throw pillow carelessly tossed on the couch.

He took a new pair of slippers from the cabinet for me, but I noticed another pair of clearly-worn she-wolf slippers by the door. Their patterns matched the pair on his feet.

"Take your seat. I've had someone fetch new toiletries. And I noticed you barely ate just now, so let me make you something," he gently said.

He was always so gentle and considerate that even if we'd never had sex, I'd always believed he loved me. Yet, it turned out to be my wishful thinking all along.

As he busied himself in the kitchen, something tempted me to pick up the pink pillow. Words were stitched in delicate gold thread in one corner. "Sweet dreams, my Alpha. From Serene."

I expressionlessly set it back to where it had been and didn't know how I should describe the emotions I was feeling.

I'd decided to give up, yet my chest still ached with uncontrollable pain. I'd loved him for six years, after all, and it wasn't like I could move on just because I wanted to.

Exhaustion washed over me as I collapsed onto the couch.

Suddenly, my phone buzzed with a message from an unfamiliar number. I tapped on it to reveal a picture.

It was taken on the battlefield. Alaric was covered in blood and dirt, yet he stood tall and unyielding. He cradled Serene against his chest as his sharp, wary gaze swept their surroundings for threats.

In his arms, Serene's expression was one of pure happiness as she gripped his collar tightly and curled her body into his.

So, was this from the moment he'd saved her?

Before I could recover from the shock, another message arrived. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I meant to send it to a friend, but I slipped and sent it to you instead.

"Can't unsend it now, so just pretend you never saw it, and don't get upset, alright? I swear I didn't mean anything by it."

The false sweetness in the words made my stomach churn. At this moment, five years of endurance and blind hope shattered under the weight of such a deliberate provocation.

Sounds came from the kitchen. I shoved the phone back into my pocket and pretended nothing had ever happened.

Alaric sensed nothing amiss and handed me a bowl of chicken soup. "See if it suits your taste."

I took it without looking at him and quietly asked, "Will you tell me what's between you and Serene?"

He calmly answered, "She's my childhood friend, and we grew up together. She was forced to mate with a wolf from another pack because of certain circumstances, and only came back last year."

I took a sip of the soup before murmuring, "Is that all?"

He sharply caught the note of doubt in my tone, and his voice turned cold. "What else would it be? Serene provided us with crucial information about the enemy's secret plans in the pack war and was a hero to this pack. Treating her well is the least I can do.

"Stop overthinking, Kyna. You're my fated mate and the pack's Luna. What more do you want?

"If you're bringing up old matters now, does that mean you don't trust me, or are you questioning the Moon Goddess?"

His matter-of-fact tone and words cut deeper into my bleeding heart.

To him, our mate bond was just a matter of certainty and a will from the Moon Goddess. It had nothing to do with love and was just an issue of identity and duty.

...

That night, we lay in the same bed under two different covers and a vast, unbridgeable space between us. Then, he suddenly took my hand.

My entire body went rigid.

For five years, he'd avoided my every touch, and this was the first time he'd approached me on his own.

The irresistible pull from the fated mate bond made my heart race, and my cheeks burned. I held my breath and wondered if this was it. Was this the moment we finally broke the wall between us?

But his next words hit me like a bucket of ice water and drenched me in a chill that seeped into my very bones.

"Kyna, I'm not ready to return to the downtown district yet. I think I'll stay at the borderlands a while longer."