After finishing my last summer job before graduation, I returned home and planned to treat my parents and younger sister to a nice meal.

My parents had taught me never to pick at food, but my sister, Alyssa, ignored them, rummaging through her bowl for ages before flinging her spoon and fork aside.

“Lori,” she said, “sometimes I really think you can't compare to Alexia.”

I didn't understand what she meant.

She continued, “I don't get why you brought us out to eat. Are you trying to show off how easy it is for you to make money? Sure, you gave me a thousand-dollars, but in my eyes, you're still no match for my big sister. You're just so pretentious.”

I expected my parents to scold my sister, but it was my mother's words that pierced me completely.

“You earned 800 dollars working just a few hours a day? That easy? Did it really build your character? I doubt it's any real job. Look at Alexia—burning the midnight oil every night, that's real character-building. Work should be done with dedication. Go get a summer job for another month, at that warehouse near home.”

You can't enjoy blessings alone, but you must swallow every bitter pill.

Seeing my unhappy family, I should make a decision that pleased them all.

——

My dad lit a cigarette, staring at the household register and ID card I'd placed on the table. “Is this all it takes? You want your own household register now?”

Alyssa shot me a mocking look and muttered, “Pretentious.”

Then she stormed into her room.

“Lori, what are you up to now? You've always loved stirring up trouble since you were kid. Is that fun?”

I couldn't agree with that statement. The troublemaker had never been me—it's always been them.

After my summer job, I earned tens of thousands of dollars. I gave money to everyone in the family except to the eldest adopter sister, Alexia.

My parents kept urging me to give one to her, so I gave her a symbolic 520 dollars.

They thought I was stingy. I casually remarked, “Who earns money easily? Hasn't my sister been working for three years already? Besides, that dress I bought her wasn't cheap either.”

What kind of younger sister who gave money to her working older sister only from her own summer job earnings?

I never imagined such a small matter would be remembered until now.

When Alexia came home from work and saw us, she asked, “What's going on? Why so serious?”

My mom, who hadn't moved from her seat the whole time, practically shot up like a spring. “Why didn't you say you were off work? I would've ridden my bike to pick you up! You walked back again, didn't you?”

Alyssa heard the commotion and poked her head out from the room. “Sis, have you eaten? I'll cook something for you.”

She never lifted a finger when I was around—I even used to wash her underwear for her.

“Look how tired you are from work. Have some of Dad’s wine.” Just moments ago, she’d claimed work fatigue was good exercise.

Their chatter seemed warm and harmonious, but my heart felt like it was being stabbed with a knife.

After Alexia returned, they treated me like I was invisible. It wasn't until Alexia asked me during dinner, “Lori, come eat something too. It's already so late.”

Alyssa clicked her tongue and said in a sarcastic tone, “Big Sis, don't bother with her. She's a graduate student. She'll be making big money someday. How could she possibly care for the food I cook?”

“Alyssa, do you always have to speak with such sarcasm?”

The tension in the air thickened.

“Hold your tongue, Alyssa!”

Alexia immediately set down her spoon and fork, walked over to me, took my hand affectionately and said, “Lori, don't take it personally—that's just how she is.”

My mother approached me too. I thought she might offer some comfort, but instead she snapped impatiently, “Lori, ever since you came back, this house hasn't known peace. What exactly are you trying to stir up?”

“I've already said it—I want my own separate household registration book.”

My father slammed his cup down on the table. "Lori, there's a limit to everything. Stop interrupting your eldest sister's meal! Can't you just let your younger sister have her way? Go back to your room!"

Everything revolved both around the eldest sister and the younger sister. The cold, damp rain of my childhood had soaked through to my twenty-fourth year.

Finally, I roared like a madwoman, “Why does she get to be called Alexia? Why does she get to be called Alyssa? Why am I the only one called Lori? Why do I have to be called Lori? Why didn't you take me when I said I wanted to change my name?”

My mother even laughed when she heard this, as if she found it utterly amusing.

The shame of my name has haunted me from childhood to my twenty-fourth year and I still could not reconcile with it.

Lori—what a ridiculous, arbitrary name.

The warmth I once felt for my family had long vanished from my eyes. “Why, when both my eldest sister and I were scalded by steam, did only she receive professional treatment in the hospital while I suffered at home?!”

My mother stopped laughing.

“Dad, do you even know what I majored in for my undergraduate degree? Or what I studied in graduate school?”

When it came time to fill out college applications, my father—the most educated person in the family—paid someone to secure a good vocational school spot for my older sister. When it was my turn, he dismissed it, saying, “It doesn't matter where you go.”

My outburst provoked the patriarchal authority in the house. My father stepped forward and slapped me across the face.

“Who gave you the right to exist? I can do whatever I want! Think you're better than me now?”

Alexia clutched me tightly. “Dad, she's just upset. She's twenty-four—why hit her?”

My father snarled with disgust, “Get out if you want! Raising you all these years, paying for your education—and this is the thanks I got?! Want your own household registration? Want to fend for yourself? Go ahead!”

He grabbed my arm, trying to drag me out the door. I wrenched my hand free. “No need for your help. I can walk myself.”

As I shut the door, I could still hear my father cursing me from inside.

I swore I’d never cry over this pathetic family bond again.

This place had never felt like home to me—it's a prison.

My only relief is that during my summer part-time job, I didn't foolishly hand over every penny to my mother to save for me.

Those savings gave me the courage to leave home for good.

The very next morning at the hotel, my mother called, “Your father's calmed down now. You know his temper. Come home tonight and apologize. You silly child—who would ever despise their own name?”

She was still laughing.

She didn't know that hearing her laughter felt like being moved back to my most emotionally vulnerable years, when people mocked me for the name Lori.

Alexia took the call. “Lori, don't hold a grudge against Mom and Dad. They're getting old. You know Dad has asthma and Mom's had back problems these past few years. You're their flesh and blood—who else would they love? Family grudges don't last overnight.”

“Alexia, there's no such thing as ‘flesh and blood’ or not. They treat you like their own daughter.” I hung up.

To me, Alexia was the person who made me feel utterly unnecessary in this world.

Back when my dad would get drunk at family gatherings during the New Year, he’d often say, “Alexia and Alyssa are good kids. My family’s future depends on these two making something of themselves.”

Back then, little me didn't understand what it meant. Only when older kids at relatives' houses didn't want to play with me would they say viciously, “Lori, your parents don't even want you!”

Later, to get my parents' attention, I acted out wildly. They wondered how a child could be so calculating.

They all said parents favor kids with good grades, so I studied hard.

But not in my family. When Alexia scored 60, she’d be comforted and even get a brand-new pencil case. But when I scored 99, all they’d say was, “What are you showing off about? It’s just 99. Not even 100. What’s there to be proud of? Kids who do well in elementary school never do well when they grow up.”

When relatives praised me, they’d always try to undermine me.

So it was just that they didn’t love me.

But family bonds are so hard to fathom. I clung to them with a sickening persistence, even staying within the province for college.

I kept hoping they’d see how much I cared for them.

After all, I was their biological daughter.

But now it’s all just a mess.

I'm planning to go home again. Even though our last conversation fell apart, I'm determined to get my household registration separated.

Alexia opened the door and eyed me up and down.

“I thought you'd never come back from out there?”

My father knew I was back and looked at me with utter disdain.

He was waiting for me to bow my head and submit—after all, that's how I always acted when I had no power before.

“Getting my household registration separated won't trouble you or waste your precious time. All I need now is your ID card and household register. I'll return them afterward.”

Hearing this, my mother grew agitated, tapping my forehead with her finger. “Are you brain-dead? How can you be so stubborn day in and day out? We've given you an easy way out—what more do you want? Do you expect us to beg you on our knees?”

“Lori, what's your problem?”

I turned to Alexia. “Alexia, can you stop pretending? Shouldn't you be the happiest person here that I'm leaving?”

Mentioning Alexia was like cutting into a suicidal person's main artery—the whole family erupted.

“What nonsense are you spouting!? How dare you slander your elder sister now!”

Alexia's face darkened as Alyssa also stepped forward.

“Lori! Are you out of your mind? Who do you think you are to talk about your elder sister? Get out! You wanted to leave, didn't you? Get out now!”

I kicked Alyssa's designer shoes flying. “Alyssa, every piece of clothing on your body, every shoe on your feet, every phone in your hand—didn't I buy all of them with my summer job money? You're the last one with any right to speak up!”

Alyssa’s rage turned to laughter. “Hahaha, I see it now. You're starting to settle scores with us, aren't you?”

Alexia looked on the verge of tears. “Tell me, Lori. All this time, did you really think I was just a burden in this family? That I stole Mom and Dad away from you!?”

Alexia wasn't as bright as me. I started first grade at six, while she was still in first grade at eight.

We took the college entrance exam the same year. She didn't get into university and went to a vocational college instead, while I got into the best university, University of McKinson.

My parents lied, saying Alyssa had health issues and they needed to take her to a big city for treatment, claiming Alexia was old enough to help look after her.

In reality, they took them to the seaside for Alexia's graduation trip.

One thing I still remembered clearly was when Alexia posted a story in her social media account visible only to me—a collage of nine photos—with the caption: “Thank you, Mom and Dad, for taking me on this graduation trip.”