I stood in the bathroom, staring in the mirror at my reflection. Neither he nor I felt like what was to come today. I felt torn inwardly while he looked so outward. The long black hair, pulled down in a ponytail, already needed a fresh bottom. In each ear a silver tunnel, the left is decorated with three more surgical steel earrings. He had ugly dark circles under his brown eyes, and the scar under his left eyebrow seemed even brighter white than ever. He wasn't ready for it. Neither he nor I.

I let the cold water run in the sink and waited a while for it to run out to be icy. I then rinsed my face several times. It was like a freezing slap that didn't work for me anyway.

But it was worth a try.

I dried myself, glanced at the mirror again, and tried to smile.

My facial muscles contracted and my reflection looked like he was having a kidney colic.1

Oh great.

I removed the strange grin from my face and left the bathroom. I returned to the room, ignored the general mess, and headed for my backpack. At that moment, I noticed that I had forgotten to turn off the computer. Damn. I've probably been late now, but I'd rather spend a lot of time checking out and waiting for the store to shut down. I didn't need my mom rummaging through this until I got home.

With a backpack thrown over one shoulder, I then flew out of the room and ran down the stairs to the ground floor. Mom was sitting by the kitchen island, which was the imaginary boundary between the kitchen and the living room. Her short black hair was trimmed into a mikada, which was shorter at the back and longer at the front, her hazel eyes gleamed strangely, and her red nails tapped into the worktop completely out of rhythm. She looked good. But maybe it was just that she applied more makeup than usual.

"Hello, Mom!" I yelled at her, about to disappear into Bond's.

"Ollie!" Her cry stopped me. She got up from her coffee and gave me a stern look that mixed a lot of things I didn't want to understand at the moment.

I stopped, took a breath, and waited.

Mom folded her arms across her chest, as if she needed to hold together somehow. "Don't forget to visit the counselor, as the headmistress recommended."

"Does it really have to be today?" I snapped at her, quite annoyed.

Now the phrase 'I want to be a good mom, but I know it's too late,' appeared on her face. "She really has to. You know that was one of the conditions for your admission to Discovery. "

Discovery High School was an average public school and was suitable for me for two reasons. Reason number one: She didn't cost my mom a penny and that was good because she couldn't afford more. Reason number two: They didn't want to take me anywhere else.

So I had to leave the barracks fifteen minutes earlier to make it to school in time because it was two miles away. And I also had no idea how long parking would take me there. Although I somehow assumed that there would probably not be so many people with their own cars in the state. I owned a Ford Mustang from the '65. That was probably the only thing I could thank Dad for. But that never happened.

I tucked my hands in my jeans pockets. "Oh yeah. I'll try to stop behind her. "I thought it was closed and ran right out the door before something worse happened here.

I got on the Mustang on the driveway, salted the Psychosocial from Slipknot on the radio, and fired it away. The old neighbor, who was just passing by, picked up his cane and threatened me with it. Luckily I didn't hear him. I bet he didn't give me very nice nicknames right now.

But I didn't care. The last months of my life were drenched in a whirlwind of anger that ate me from within. The path of my life was going nowhere because I didn't want to. I didn't want to think about the future, I didn't want to be reasonable. I wanted to break something and leave my bloody footprints on the face of the world. I wanted to get what burned me alive.

I drummed my fingers to the rhythm of the chorus and sang to the singer. Music was one of the few things that worked like a valve. And it was safe, unlike the other bullshit I did. But I probably didn't want to deal with that much either.

Twenty minutes later, I successfully parked in front of the school. I looked in the rearview mirror, which reflected the figures of my future classmates, who were gathering in groups and apparently discussing the latest gossip.

All right, Ollie. You can handle this. You'll just pretend to be the lonely hardened guy who hates everyone ... not wait. I don't really have to pretend this. I pulled a leather cord with a pendant from the mirror, pulled it over my head, and then hid Thor's hammer, drawn in silver, behind his T-shirt.

Inhale.

I got out of the car. Most of the views in the area were aimed directly at me.

Exhale.

Shit on it. I was supposed to go to school and spend a few extra hours in the bistro.

My gaze was caught by the stop next to the parking lot, where other students got off the bus. One of them caught my eye at first sight. Red hair curled up in a sloppy bun, expressive eyeliner, black clothes and big white headphones bumped on his ears.

She ignored the whole world, and the whole world probably ignored her.

No, not really.

You're not nervous, Tate.  You're not nervous, and you're not nervous at all about Ollie.

And that's exactly how it was - I wasn't nervous - I was just freaking out a little since five o'clock.  I showered and tried on three different outfits before settling on black jeans with thigh holes, a dark t-shirt and a khaki bomber jacket (in case it got chilly in the evening).

Around six thirty, I received a message from David: We are there, we are about to check in.  What do you do?  I love you.

I rubbed my temples and wondered if I should give him a truthful answer.  But why not after all?  After all, I wasn't doing anything wrong when I was preparing for my friends' band rehearsal.  The fact that one of them was my ex shouldn't matter.

Finally, I wrote: I'm going out with June.  We go to the Fallen rehearsal and then sit down somewhere.

It wasn't until after I sent it that I realized I hadn't replied to his "I love you".

A moment later it arrived: I'm glad you have a program.  My father and I are going to the theater, so I won't be bored either.  Good evening my love.

And like a snap of a finger, I stopped feeling guilty.  It was clear that our ideas about entertainment were quite different.

I wrote him back: You too.  I love you.

Then I went to the bathroom to apply mascara and eyeliner.  I just ran a brush through my hair and let it flow down my back in waves.  I was hoping that I looked at least a little more presentable than I did at work today.  For some reason (which I didn't really want to think twice about) I just wanted to impress.

I put on my black Converse, grabbed my small purse and left the apartment.  When I ran out in front of the house, Juna's car was already on the sidewalk.  I quickly slid into the passenger seat and grinned at her, trying to take it positively today.  "Hello, June."

"You're late, Tate," she blurted out instead of greeting.

I glanced at the clock on the dashboard.  It was six zero one.  "Will you blame me for one minute?"

She shook her head until her blonde hair flew around and laughed.  "Of course not.  I'm really glad you're finally going." She slapped my thigh and nodded in satisfaction as I squealed. Only then did she finally leave.

It turns out that the rehearsal is taking place on the premises of a local liquor store, in which a friendly band Dead Souls was renting a small disused building.  June explained to me that Ollie had known their singer for about a year, so they quite willingly rented their space for one evening.  But thanks to this, more people learned about the exam and it will be a little closer.

When my friend drove into the compound through the open gate and parked, drums and guitars could already be heard from the building in front of us as the boys played.  There were at least five guys I didn't know standing outside.  Two of them were smoking and all of them were drinking beer.

June and I got out of the car and headed inside.  It turned out that we had to go upstairs, where we entered a large room with a couch, chairs and a small wooden stage with instruments.  It turned out that there were at least twenty other people.  All the unknown faces... however, I was subconsciously looking for just that one anyway.

And then an all-too-familiar voice came from the speaker system.

It wasn't until a few people moved aside that I saw Ollie sitting on the edge of the stage.  He sang on a song by the band Static-X.  His deep, raspy voice sent goosebumps through my body and I shivered.  And like years ago, I was suddenly hypnotized and couldn't take my eyes off him.  He got up and started pacing back and forth.  The moment he growled he stopped and leaned forward with the microphone.

Just like I've seen him a million times before.

But never before had his singing drawn me to him like the ratman's flute playing.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment. Suddenly I was damn sure this was a mistake.

“Hey Tate!” someone snapped me out of my despair.

I blinked and saw Zack playing drums in Fallen. He was a bit smaller than the other boys, but he made up for it with a lot of muscle. He had energy for two and was always smiling. When we last met two years ago, he had grown his hair and wore a cap all the time. Today, he already had a dark brown hair curled into a rubber band and reached a little below his shoulders. And right now he was grinning at me like a monkey.

"Hey!" I managed to shout before he grabbed me in his arms and spun me around.

"We missed you in the sugar bowl," he complained as he set me back down.

To jeho nadšení bylo nakažlivé. Zazubila jsem se na něj. „Jo, taky se mi po vás stejskalo."

"And now you're lying, aren't you?" he snapped at me.

June laughed beside me. "You bet he's lying. Who would want a bunch of Neanderthals like that."

Zack scowled at her. "Come on!"

"I'll allow you," she answered him with godlike calmness, sticking out her chin and walking away to a group nearby.

Oh great. We should have told her to stay by my side today in case he got near me...

Ollie.

How come he didn't sing anymore?

Right now he towered over Zack and growled, "Did you touch my girl?"

The person addressed just giggled and punched him in the shoulder. "You're an idiot, aren't you?"

The king of all idiots. Maybe I'll get him a crown myself.

"I guess Ollie forgot it was five years ago and didn't realize I've been dating someone else for a while," I blurted out to Zack. But my gaze was fixed on Ollie, who was now scowling at me rather intensely. He was wearing black jeans, a white t-shirt and a leather jacket that matched his military boots. And I hated him for the way it suited him. I really should get my head done to finally see that this is not the way to go.

"Yeah, Chad said you walk around with an ironed suit on," Zack remarked amused, and my ex gave a rather cheeky smile at that.

I just grinned in annoyance. "David happens to be very nice and wears a suit because he has rights," I tried to defend my friend.

Zack raised his hands as if in surrender. "Look, I didn't mean it in any bad way. The main thing is that you're happy, right?"

So this was the million dollar question.

Two looks (and one of them was much more intense than the other) were waiting for my reaction.

I tried to keep a calm expression and nodded slightly. "Yeah, I am. What about you, do you have someone?" I asked mainly to divert the conversation.

Zack ruffled his hair. "I'm fresh out of a breakup, but I'm not losing hope. The right one is definitely waiting just around the corner... or in this room.”

I had to admire his optimism in life and the way he approached it. I definitely wasn't that balanced after the breakup.

I patted him on the shoulder. "I'm not really worried about that, women will still fight over you. Drummers are quite popular. Remember Joey Jordison," I said, remembering one of my favorite bands - Slipknot.

Ollie's eyebrows seemed to twitch in my peripheral vision.

Zack grinned proudly. “Dad, there's definitely something to this theory. I really like that."

“Anytime, Zack. I'll stockpile the names of hot drummers and if worst comes to worst, call me." It was mostly a joke and a little provocation. Ollie always resented me admiring other men—even if they were just actors on TV or members of famous bands.

And the provocation probably worked, because the singer of the band Fallen just snorted in irritation next to us.

Zack ignored it though. "Now it occurs to me that I probably don't have your number anymore. Could we go somewhere together sometime—”

Ollie's hand landed on his shoulder. "Let's go play," he snapped at him, turning on his heel and walking away. It was more than clear that he expected Zack to follow immediately.

I stuck my tongue out on his back. That's what the notes in the cafe are for.

Zack just laughed at that. “So I played it right?” he assured himself.

I nodded gratefully. “Yeah, you're the best. Now you'd better run before he gets mad."

He shook his head with a smile. "I don't think he's as explosive as you remember him. It's just that he still seems quite... possessive towards you," he explained. And before I could say anything, he disappeared.

I stood there and stared.

Possessive tendencies? How the hell could he if we hadn't seen each other in five years?

At that moment, June pulled me by the sleeve of my jacket. "Come and settle down somewhere before those pesky strangers take all the seats here."

I obediently followed her, trying not to look in Ollie's direction. That's probably why I didn't realize she'd settled into the worst seat of all until she fell into the big chair and tapped the arm. "This epic place is all yours," she told me almost solemnly.

"I really won," I growled at her and sat down. I didn't mind the armrest. I really didn't. The problem was that the damn chair was about a meter from the stage.

I looked up at Ollie who was holding the microphone and found him looking at me. He quickly looked away and turned to Chad, who was pulling the bass strap over his head. The two exchanged a few words, and with a sigh, Chad removed the bass, propped it against one of the speakers, and picked up an electric guitar instead. Then he said something to the rest of the band and Zack behind the drums tapped his drumsticks together four times to count them off.

Matt was the first to start playing a strangely familiar melody on guitar, followed immediately by Zack on drums and Chad on second guitar. Ollie swayed to the beat and settled the microphone on the stand in the center of the stage. Then he stood up to him, closed his eyes, and said, “Hey baby, is he everything she's ever wanted in a man? You know I gave you my whole world, you had me in the palm of your hand, so why did your love disappear? I guess I just don't understand it. I thought it was the two of us, baby. You and me until the end, but I guess I was wrong."

I was completely frozen, frozen. I stopped breathing.

It was a freaking cover of Justin Timberlake 's What Goes Around .

Why did they choose this one? Why the hell?

At the next part, Ollie finally opened his chocolate eyes, which held countless secrets, and looked directly at me. "I don't want to think about it, I don't want to talk about it. It makes me sick. I can't believe it ends like this. It's confusing me, I feel sadness around me. I can not live without you. Say, is that fair?"