After the gallbladder removal surgery, my husband Uriah took me to a bar.

"Today is Millie's birthday. Take a sip at least. Don't ruin her mood."

Looking at the Gordon's, I covered my wound and broke out in a cold sweat.

Friends present advised Uriah to be mindful, saying that I just got out of the hospital and couldn't drink.

They also said that I might get upset.

But Millie, Uriah's sweetheart laughed and said,

"Uriah is like poppy flowers to Rachel.

A ten-year relationship, how could she give up on him so easily?"

Expressionless, I took out the divorce agreement from my bag and said word by word,

"Then I'll quit."

***

Holding the wine glass, Uriah's hand paused, and his gaze showed impatience.

"Rachel, what did you say?"

He didn't even look at me directly, and ignored the thin paper on the table.

I picked up the bag on the sofa and raised my voice to repeat,

"I said I wanted to quit."

Quit the addiction of ten years, quit the addiction of loving him.

The door of the private room slowly closed, isolating the piercing mocking laughter behind.

Uriah's irritated voice came into my ears,

"I don't know what tricks she's playing again.

Don't worry about her, it'll be fine later."

It was not surprising that Uriah was so confident.

If it were in the past, as long as he changed his eyes slightly and frowned half a brow.

I would be nervous and reflect on myself thoroughly,

from a dress, a loving lunchbox, to a sentence.

I keep thinking over and over again, whether he didn't like the color of this skirt,

or maybe, the side dishes in this bento upset him,

or I provoked Millie to make him think I was annoying.

I went crazy every day, trying to figure out Uriah,

just to see the moment when he saw me, and a hint of affection in his eyes that I could see.

Uriah always had a cold and indifferent look.

He was like the water melted from the glacier, extinguishing all my passion.

I didn't know until Millie appeared.

Uriah was not naturally cold.

He just gave Millie everything I longed for and couldn't get.

In Uriah's eyes, I was just a free and inseparable accessory.

No, even calling myself an accessory was too self-aggrandizing.

For Uriah,

I was just dispensable.

After all, I had been longing for his love and care for ten years.

We had been together for ten years.

Even if he is really a stone, I should have warmed him up.

Unfortunately, Uriah was like a meteorite that released a large amount of harmful substances when he met Millie, leaving me severely wounded.

But I still had to hurt myself and beg Uriah to look at me again.

Even if it was a sidelong glance,

then I could restore my vitality.

Actually, just now in the private room, my friends were persuading Uriah to be more considerate, saying that I had just had surgery and couldn't drink.

I really wished he could consider me for once.

Even if it was just a caring look, I would feel satisfied.

But he let me drink Gordon's to not spoil Millie' mood.

My friends were right. My heart could really turn cold.

This time,

I was really tired.

I wanted to quit ten years of love.

I must give it up

so that I could heal my bleeding heart.

Uriah came back at ten o'clock that night.

I just finished applying medicine to the wound and was ready to rest.

Wrapped in smoke and alcohol, he came in.

"Why haven't you rested yet?"

"I'll sleep now."

I poured myself a glass of water and took the oral medicine.

In the past, when he came home drunk, I would make him sobering tea and personally hand it to him.

Today, I wanted to take a break and rest.

Uriah looked at the empty coffee table and the cup in my hand, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

After staring at me for a while, he got up and poured himself a cup as well.

Warm water flowed down his throat, and his voice was filled with steam,

"Rachel, I was wrong today. Don't be angry.

I brought you chicken nuggets from the subway entrance downstairs."

Uriah was always like this, hurting me first and then trying to comfort me.

In the past, I would definitely comfort Uriah and say it was okay.

In the end, in the symbolic response from him, I forgot about the past and continued to pester Uriah.

Just thinking about it made me feel tired.

"It's your favorite flavor."

In his voice, there was an inexplicable certainty.

I glanced at the takeout box, and thirty percent of it was chili peppers.

Spicy flavor was what Millie liked.

It was what Millie left behind, because there was a bitten-off cucumber inside.

She was always like this, provocatively defying me.

But Uriah was tacitly approving, both openly and secretly.

Actually, I had told Uriah many times that I had a weak stomach and couldn't eat spicy food.

Chicken nuggets, what I liked was the lemon flavor.

It's appetizing and not too spicy.

I used to always pester Uriah to buy me some after work.

But he either forgot or brought back the wrong flavor.

After a while, I stopped asking.

It was really troublesome to bother someone who didn't have me in his heart.

There was really no need.

Besides, I didn't like lemon flavor anymore.

No, I didn't even like chicken nuggets anymore.

But Uriah didn't know, and he hadn't noticed.

I didn't have the energy to explain either.

With a faint 'oh', I was ready to go back to my room.

Uriah stopped me, looking a bit impatient.

"Rachel, the doctor said you need to rest."

"I know."

"But your heart is not at peace."

I smiled a bit speechlessly. It turned out he remembered.

When I was discharged during the day, the attending doctor repeatedly reminded him,

"Your wife's condition is more complicated, so she must rest at home. A calm mind is beneficial for wound recovery.

Also, avoid all spicy food and alcohol, especially alcohol, not even a drop."

At that time, Uriah was affectionately chatting with Millie on the phone, nodding perfunctorily at the doctor.

"Okay, I'll keep it in mind. I won't let her drink even a drop of alcohol or let her be restless.'

Seemingly,

Uriah remembered all the doctor's advice.

But as soon as he saw Millie, he forgot everything.

He even tried to prevent me from spoiling Millie' mood,

and made me drink Gordon's.

I remembered when I left the ward, the doctor praised me for finding a considerate and good husband.

But it was not true.

Regarding everything about me, Uriah had always been careless.

He didn't care from the bottom of his heart.

What he cared about was always Millie.

For Uriah,

I was just a garbage dump collecting Millie's waste.

But at this point, I didn't want to pick up trash at all.

I shrugged and pushed open the bedroom door, saying,

"You've got it wrong."

My heart was unusually calm,

really,

unprecedented calm.

Lying in bed,

I opened my phone and saw Millie's Instagram post.

[Thanks for your favor. May I have joy and you forever.]

A photo was also posted.

In the photo, Millie was holding Uriah's hand and making a heart gesture, which was very cheesy.

I also noticed that the wedding ring on Uriah's ring finger was taken off.

There was no need to guess who took it.

Millie openly declared her love, and I didn't believe Uriah couldn't see it at all.

But once again, he silently acquiesced.

I liked Millie's post and commented:

[Happy birthday. Your wish will come true soon. ]

Then I silently took off the wedding ring on my ring finger and put it on the bedside table.

The wound was so painful that I curled up and trembled, with cold sweat on my forehead.

I had to turn off my phone to sleep.

Just as I closed my phone, the bedroom door was opened.

Uriah, wrapped in a towel, with water droplets still on his body, rushed to me impatiently and scolded me,

"What do you mean, Rachel?

I've already said that I'm just friends with Millie.

It's her birthday today, and she just wanted to take a photo. Can you stop being jealous?"

I admitted that there was some lust when I pursued Uriah in the beginning.

Because he was the captain of the basketball team from high school to college, and his figure was famously good.

However, he looked too unapproachable.

Just like now, the cold air he emitted made the temperature in the whole room suddenly drop.

I didn't know if it was cold or if the wound hurt.

I tremble even more while huddled under the quilt.

I covered my head with the quilt and turned over.

"Whatever you think of me."

Anyway, it didn't matter anymore.

Suddenly, I remembered the day of our second wedding anniversary a year ago.

I booked a popular restaurant six months in advance.

In order to take photos, I even bought a camera and taught myself photography.

I even planned the poses to capture our best features.

But as soon as I took out the camera, Uriah's eyes turned cold.

""Rachel, I don't like taking photos.

"But today is our wedding anniversary."

I put my palms together and made a pleading gesture.

"Please, just one picture, okay?"

Uriah remained silent.

Until I finished the commemorative meal in the sweet laughter of couples around me, he remained silent.

Since then, I never mentioned taking a group photo again.

Just because Uriah didn't like it, I was also afraid of making him unhappy.

The photos that I had imagined had not been taken yet.

I lifted the quilt and glanced at the dusty camera on the shelf.

It took me a while to realize that Uriah didn't hate taking photos.

But the one he wanted to take pictures with, was not me.

I didn't know when Uriah left the bedroom.

I got up, wiped the dust off the camera, and then put it in the suitcase.

Sometimes, I felt awkward.

Why did photography have to be done by two people?

Clearly, a solo shot was more relaxing.

I didn't have to force him to do something unpleasant.

In the end, only I suffered.