I've been chasing after Howard Chapman for 20 years. A week before our graduation ceremony, we slept together every night, burning through ten boxes of condoms in just as many days.

When I bring him our 11th box of condoms, he turns me away as he's working on his thesis. Worried about his health, I buy him some supplements instead. But as I stand outside his door, about to hand them over, I catch him poking holes in the condoms.

His friend chuckles and says, "You're still sneaking Selena Reed birth control pills, huh? You're the only one who'd cook up such a scheme. Selena doesn't know she's already swallowed ten of them, does she? If she did, she'd throw a huge tantrum."

Howard snorts. "I wouldn't even touch her if I didn't need her to try the pills and help me figure out which one causes the fewest side effects.

"Lizzy's got a weak immune system. She's not as tough as Selena, so I have to be more careful with her. Besides, Selena and I are engaged. There'll be plenty of time to nurse her back to health after the wedding. I won't owe her anything."

His friends cackle at his response.

"You're not wrong. Selena's been pursuing you for 20 years. She's probably over the moon to marry you. She'd probably hand you her uterus if you asked for it—birth control pills are nothing to her."

Howard had just proposed to me yesterday, in front of the whole college.

My tears spatter onto the supplement box as I turn to leave. Howard has made his choice, and it's only right that I honor it.

I'd been in love with Howard Chapman for 20 years. In the week leading up to our graduation, we slept together every night and went through ten boxes of condoms in seven days.

After he turned me away when I offered him the 11th box, I bought him some supplements instead. As I stood outside, waiting to hand them over, I saw him poking holes in his condoms while his friends looked on, cackling.

Listening as he explained how he'd only slept with me so that I could test out birth control pills for his "Lizzy"—full name Melissa Lane—I cried. After all, he'd just proposed to me in front of the entire college yesterday.

Inside the room, Howard continued speaking. Eight hours ago, he'd gone down on one knee and promised to love me forever. Now, less than a day later, I felt as though his mocking words were stabbing me. Goosebumps rose all over my body.

His friends clinked glasses with him and said, "Rehearsing your proposal in front of the whole college is something only you could come up with. That scene today was so grand. If I were a woman, I would've married you for sure!"

"Selena has liked you for a long time, hasn't she? She's probably crying tears of joy right now, too preoccupied to think about your relationship with Melissa."

"I heard you went on a trip with her last week. Selena's got a nice body, right? How does she compare to Melissa?"

Howard smirked, lust sparking in his eyes. "They're two different types of women. That said, Selena is a spoiled, pampered woman. She isn't as gentle or warm as Melissa. Now, that's the stuff of daydreams…"

His roommates roared with laughter. One of them punched him jokingly on the shoulder.

"In that case, you'd better get your fill before you get married. Selena's so conservative. She'll probably keep you on a tight leash after marriage."

Howard clicked his tongue in annoyance.

The others immediately chipped in to smooth things over.

"Way to hit a nerve. Since you know Howard's going to be hard to drag out soon, shouldn't you be squeezing in as much fun as possible before that?"

"Selena's the type to lose her head over love. Howard will be able to tame her easily with that silver tongue of his. Maybe she'll even deliver his condoms when he needs them in the future. Ha!"

Grinning, Howard said, "She's been in love with me for years. She's probably celebrating the mere fact I'm willing to marry her. Selena having a say in what I do? Yeah, dream on."

Everyone cheered. I felt winded, like I'd been punched in the gut.

Just as a waiter walked over with a tray of drinks, I ran out of the club.

It was raining cats and dogs outside. I was soaked to the bone.

Initially, I had come here to give Howard a surprise. However, I was the one who ended up shocked to the core.

Last Friday, Howard told me he wanted to create some beautiful memories with me before graduating. So, he booked a room for us in one of the hotels owned by the Chapman Corporation.

The room was elaborately decorated, with petals on the bed and on the floor. I thought this was how he expressed his love for me, since I'd always believed he wasn't much of a talker.

To fulfill his wish, I put aside my dignity and went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. Never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed that everything he'd done was a practice run as he learned how to date a woman.

I wasn't the woman he actually wanted to date.

The rain mingled with the tears streaming down my face as I walked back to my apartment after failing to hail a cab.

My phone buzzed repeatedly—the only sound in my empty home. It was our class group chat. Howard's roommates were sending videos of their gathering, calling it a way to preserve fond memories.

Clicking into the videos, I saw someone else had joined them. It was Melissa. She was sitting with the group of rowdy boys while Howard slung his arm protectively around her. When they tried to get her to drink, Howard drank for her.

Within a few minutes, his face was flushed. Whether it was from the alcohol or from the closeness of Melissa, no one knew.

I turned my phone off.

Suddenly, the past 20 years of my life felt utterly meaningless.

Melissa had been our classmate. She came from humble beginnings.

At first, Howard looked down on her. He thought she had no business being in the same class as him, as she was just a naive village girl. I'd even advised him not to judge a book by its cover.

Because of her poverty, Melissa was bullied by the other girls. I was the one who helped her when she got cornered in the restroom and mocked. When her period came early and blood soaked through her skirt during a track meet at school, I brought her to the restroom.

Without me realizing it, Howard had grown close to her. The boy I'd grown up with became someone else overnight. He started asking me to help Melissa and showed concern over her.

This brought me significant anxiety, and I felt sad because he'd begun neglecting me for her.

However, Howard only consoled me calmly, "We're the ones who are going to be engaged. Why should you feel threatened? She's like a pitiful little cat. Helping her is something I should do anyway. Don't be so petty."

Only then did I realize that the only thing holding our relationship together was what our families stood to gain from our marriage.

The feelings I'd harbored for 20 years meant nothing to him.

Just as I was about to submit my overseas transfer application form, a message popped up on my phone.

Melissa had sent me a video. It was Howard, playing "Truth or Dare" while tipsy.

His roommate, Pierce Milett asked, "Who's your favorite girl?"

Without hesitation, Howard replied, "Melissa, of course."

He lost three games in a row, being drunk.

"What's the most memorable night you can think of?"

"Three days ago."

That was the day he told me he was busy handling paperwork in preparation for graduation. Turned out he was keeping his beloved company.

Melissa blushed, and everyone laughed.

In the next round, he chose to do a dare.

Pierce hollered, "Kiss! It's got to be a French kiss!"

The video focused on their lips. I could see spit glimmering while they moved against each other. They kissed for five minutes.

Initially, the crowd cheered. However, they soon held Howard back, terrified that he'd cross a line in his excitable state.

"Howard, don't take it too far. Even if you like Lizzy, there's no need to behave like this, right? The rest of us are single. Stop subjecting us to this torture!"

Melissa nuzzled into his chest shyly, the tips of her ears flushed red.

The video ended there.

The second I finished watching it, Melissa deleted the video.

"I'm sorry, Selena. I sent it by mistake. You didn't see anything, did you?"

My heart seized painfully. Even my fingers trembled as I typed. It was the first time I realized devastation had the power to render people speechless.

If Melissa was the one he liked, what about me, his fiancée?

I thought that as long as I threatened him with our marriage, I would be the only one by his side. No other woman would play a starring role in his life. However, this was all part of my imagination.

Loving him had become a habit after all these years. I couldn't imagine a life without Howard. Yet, I had no choice now.

If I didn't leave him, I wouldn't be able to satisfy my own conscience. All those times I put aside my dignity for him would be for nothing.

I lay on the couch numbly. Holding my hand above me, I studied my diamond ring. It wasn't very valuable, but I had invested much of my youth and feelings into what it symbolized. Like me, the ring was worth nothing now.

After a moment, I threw it toward the rubbish bin, not bothering to turn the lights on.

Suddenly, Howard texted me, saying, "Help me deliver some stuff. My driver's busy."

He also sent me the location of a nearby pharmacy. When I didn't respond, he followed up with a cute sticker of a begging cat.

"Be a good girl for me, Selena. My roommate is allergic to alcohol and needs medicine. It's a matter of life and death. I'm putting his life in your hands! I'll remember how you helped me today and pay it back in time!"

I didn't want to see him again, but he kept calling. If I didn't comply, he'd probably continue harassing me. I was left without a choice, so I put my jacket on and left.

My hair was still wet from the rain, and it made me feel extremely cold.

When the cashier handed me the bag of things Howard had ordered, she eyed me with disdain. I could see the corner of a red condom box peeking out of the black bag.

I was in low spirits from the earlier events. Even at the evidence of Howard cheating, I felt nothing but numbness.

Tying the bag together, I brought it to the club he was at.

Howard was so drunk he couldn't walk in a straight line. Upon seeing me, he slumped onto my shoulder.

"What took you so long?"

"Traffic was slow."

He believed me without hesitation, under the influence of alcohol.

"What a good girl, Selena. Thank you so much, my darling fiancee. I'll make it up to you tomorrow. Clean yourself up for me, and wait at home."

Howard tried to get even closer, but I backed away. His companions were calling for him from inside the private room they'd booked. He turned to leave, but not before sending me a flying kiss. I nearly threw up at his disgusting expression.

The door was ajar and I could see Melissa sitting on a couch inside.

Melissa's lips were ringed red from her smeared lipstick. When our eyes met, she grinned. Glee sparkled in her eyes.

If Howard was what she wanted, I'd give him to her. A man who'd cheated was like rotten food. Holding on to it would only cause disgust.

My thoughts were a humbled mess as I caught a cab home.

Lying back onto the couch, my brain functioned sluggishly. I scrolled through my chat records with Howard.

Throughout our four years at college, I'd enjoyed how Howard took care of me and expressed his adoration. I spoiled him with gifts, and he took me on dates. I helped him with his thesis, and he took me to the movies in return.

I tried to find out whether he liked me, and he let me do whatever I wanted, even going as far as to reciprocate. This gave me hope.

Even though he'd never confessed or confirmed my status as his girlfriend, I allowed him to bed me in the hotel. How cheap of me. I had no idea what I was doing and thought it was the passion of true love.

Time and time again, I thought we were only a step away from an actual relationship. Now, I realized that we were miles away from true love. I was too exhausted to bridge the gap between us.

While I dozed off, my phone buzzed. Too tired to even pry my eyes open, I didn't check it.

I woke up to Howard's lips on mine. He smelled of the cheap fragrance of a hotel room. Furrowing my brows, I shoved him aside.

He frowned. "Why didn't you reply to my messages last night? Since you were the one who didn't read them, you can't blame me for not updating you regarding my whereabouts."

My head was throbbing painfully, and my throat felt as though it was covered in sandpaper.

Howard leaned down lustfully and put his weight onto me.

"I miss you. The party was so boring without you. Everyone was talking about how they'd invite you if not for the fact that you don't drink. It was my fault I didn't come home last night. Let me make it up to you, alright?"

He unbuttoned my shirt single-handedly. I pushed at him as hard as I could, but he barely moved.

With an unhappy expression, Howard grumbled, "What now? Are you playing hard-to-get with me? Don't worry. You don't have to put on a show to get me up. I'll always be ready as long as you're the one I'm with."

Nausea gnawed at me. I wanted to laugh at the irony.

Wasn't it enough that he'd spent the night with Melissa? Were they only going to be satisfied once they slept together in front of me? I couldn't do anything about the fact that he liked someone else, but why did he have to act like this with me?

The smell made me sneeze repeatedly.

I turned to my side, making Howard fall off the couch.

"What are you doing?"

I could barely speak from the pain in my throat, nor did I want to talk to him.

Suddenly, Howard's expression softened. It was as though he'd recalled something.

"Did you see those videos in the group chat? As you know, Melissa comes from a poor family. In the future, she won't have a chance to visit luxurious clubs like these after graduating.

"Out of the kindness of my heart, I brought her with me for the sake of exposing her to our world. Are you going to get mad at me just for that?

"Selena, you're a good girl. Stop making a fuss. I've stayed up all night, only to come home and have to explain myself to you. Don't you feel bad for me?"

I sat up. When the light from the window hit my face, he noticed my flushed cheeks. Hurriedly, Howard touched my forehead with his palm.

"Why's your temperature so high? Why didn't you tell me you were sick? When will you fix this temper of yours? Even a sick cat knows to meow for help. Is your phone just there as a prop?"

After his rant, he hung his head for a moment. Then, he said, "Don't move. I'll take you to the hospital."

He bent down to pick me up, but every time he got close, I pushed him away.

"I don't need you to do that."