"I'm Sam Mendoza. I used to be a martial arts instructor," said a bulky guy with massive arms, giving Lonnie a bored look. "I'm pretty solid in a fight. I've cleared one dungeon before, but that was pure luck."

"I'm Joseph Payne. I work security," a guy with a buzz cut said, giving a short nod. "This is my first time, but I'm fast and strong."

"Hi, I'm Alison Hodges. I'm a nurse," a girl in a white dress said, eyeing me carefully. "In horror dungeons, I can reduce the corruption damage teammates get from monsters. Helps keep your mind from snapping."

"I…" Verda Stokes opened her mouth to make something up, then froze. The rules didn't allow lying. Annoyed, she muttered, "I'm an old player. I've cleared about four S-rank dungeons."

Once everyone had finished introducing themselves, they realized I had already put a warm cup of tea in front of each of them.

I smiled sweetly.

"You've been talking so much. You must be thirsty. My grandpa grows this tea himself. Go on, try some. Just blow on it first. It's hot."

[This girl is way too considerate. But why does her voice sound exactly like my first girlfriend's?]

[Did your ex's grandpa sell tea, too?]

[Wait, how did you know? Their town flooded, and they had so much tea they couldn't sell. I bought a bunch and handed it out to relatives…]

[Remember this guy. I bet he's going to be selling health supplements in a few years.]

Verda narrowed her eyes at me. "Well? Everyone else introduced themselves. Why didn't you? Got something to hide?"

I tapped my forehead lightly. "Oh, shoot. You're right. I got so worried that everyone might be thirsty that I totally forgot my turn. Anyway, my name's Cheryl Hewitt. I'm just your average office worker."

The five of them traded confused looks, then hurriedly asked, "Have you ever joined a horror dungeon before?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

Verda immediately snapped, "This is a triple S-rank dungeon! How did you get here with zero experience?"

"Yeah. Try to remember. Maybe you've got some special achievement," Lonnie said, leaning closer and waiting for my answer.

That perked me right up, and my whole face lit up with pride.

"Achievements? Oh, I've played every single dating sim on the market! Full completion, all perfect harem endings, literally thousands of them. I gave every sad little pixel boyfriend a loving home. As for skills, my memory is insane. I can list every love interest's quirks, their birthdays backward, and all their famous lines!"

Verda looked horrified. "Horror games are really going downhill. We've got a romance gamer with us? It's seriously pathetic."

"You do realize the monsters here aren't just guys, right? All your little pick-me tricks won't work."

I rubbed my cheek and smiled shyly. "Actually… I've also unlocked a couple of dozen super hard lesbian routes."

Everyone froze.

Not just the five players, but even the livestream chat stopped scrolling.

Their faces showed a weird mix of emotions that was hard to explain.

Still, none of them seemed thrilled about teaming up with me.

Finally, Lonnie stepped forward and spoke to me with a warm smile.

"Since we all got thrown into the same horror dungeon, let's work together as partners. Cheryl, when we start tomorrow, you can team up with us to explore, or you can go solo. Just make sure we share whatever we learn. Let's do our best to beat this dungeon together, okay?"

I nodded, looking up at Lonnie with open admiration.

"In that case, Lonnie, I'm putting my whole life in your hands. You have to protect me, okay?"

Lonnie looked a little thrown by my over-the-top tone. He froze for a moment, then finally nodded.

[Wow, Lonnie's honestly incredible. He's so gentle and reliable!]

[Get away from my Lonnie, you pick-me! He's mine!]

"Lonnie, you're not the team leader," Verda snapped. "Don't promise anything for us. I'm not sharing a single clue with this pick-me. Anyone who comes in straight from dating sims is basically volunteering to die."

She shot me a cold glare, then walked away without waiting for a reply.

Lonnie tried to say something, but I grabbed the sleeve of his jacket.

"It's okay. I don't want you and Verda fighting over me. Let's give her some time. Verda's a reasonable person. She'll come around and accept me, right?"

-

The next morning at 8 a.m., I clocked in on time.

There was no sunlight in this horror dungeon at all. Everything outside looked washed-out and gray, like the whole world was covered in doom-colored fog.

I needed to wash up and fix my makeup, so I ended up being a minute late.

Everyone else had already picked their roles.

All that was left was the secretary position in the general manager's office.

[Oh, no. She's done for.]

[This is actually insane. The GM is a chainsaw psycho with multiple personalities. One wrong move, and you'll get shredded. That pick-me girl is finished!]

Verda walked up beside me and leaned in close.

"The last person who opened that door got sawed in half immediately."

They died just for opening a door?

Through the crack, I thought I heard a chainsaw dragging across the floor.

The door creaked open slightly.

A severed head rolled into the gap, wedging itself in the doorway. Behind it stood a bald, middle-aged man, covered head to toe in blood.

The chainsaw dragging behind him still had chunks of something clinging to it. It looked suspiciously like a peeled scalp.

[Damn, this pick-me just walked straight into a murder scene.]

[Wow, talk about company perks. The GM is really "hands-on" with his staff.]

I put on my best professional smile, knelt, and pulled a pack of wet wipes from my bag to clean his hands.

"Oh, sir, working this hard first thing in the morning? Look at your hands. They're all covered in blood!

"That awful guy must've given you a tough time. Bet his bones were thick. Swinging that chainsaw must've taken forever. Are your hands sore?

"Sigh! Everyone else only cares if your chainsaw is sharp. I'm the only one who cares if you're tired from swinging it all day."

The bald manager froze while I wiped every bit of blood off his hands.

He was used to people begging, crying, and screaming at him. This was the first time anyone had asked if his hands were sore.

It was the first time anyone cared.

He tilted his head, staring blankly as I cleaned the chainsaw. The whole room instantly felt less murderous.

I made the whole office sparkle, then scrubbed the rust off the chainsaw until it looked brand new. I even tied a pretty Tiffany-blue ribbon around it.

"Now this is a chainsaw worthy of someone of your status!"

When I walked out of the GM's office unharmed on my very first day, the chat went wild.

[I don't get it. Why didn't he just slice her up?]

[Think about it. Would you harm someone who pampers you, cares about you, and tells you how great you are?]

[Is she really from a dating sim? How is she handling corpses like it's no big deal?]

Over the next few days, the bald GM and I got along surprisingly well.

Honestly, we worked together better than anyone could have expected.

All the dried, dark stains across the office floor? I had scrubbed them completely clean. I even spritzed a little perfume around to freshen the place up.

The room's danger level kept dropping steadily, almost unbelievably low.

Once I finished with the main office, I turned my attention to the GM's private bathroom. That was the one spot I hadn't touched yet.

The bathroom was fairly tidy, except for a big clump of black hair sitting in the sink. It looked like it had been soaked in blood, and the smell was terrible.

When I picked it up, I felt someone watching me, still and silent.

The moment I turned, the GM's eyes darkened completely, until not a trace of white remained. The skin on his face twitched in weird waves, and his whole body started swelling.

The danger level, which had been dropping, shot up like crazy.

So the trigger was this hair?

I lifted the dripping clump and let out a quiet sigh.

"Sir, I get it. I used to deal with this, too. My hair kept falling out because I barely slept.

"You work too hard. You push yourself nonstop and forget to take care of that great hair of yours.

"But don't worry! I brought something just for this."

Right then, the danger level finally stopped climbing.

[Wait… What? Does she have some kind of holy artifact?]

[She's been hiding her skills this whole time! What is she using?]

[Uh… If I'm seeing this right, I'm pretty sure that's just anti–hair-loss shampoo.]

"Sir, you never take time to care for your hair. As your assistant, that breaks my heart. Today, I'm fixing that for you."

I washed the whole clump with shampoo, blow-dried it, styled it nicely, and gently set it back on his head like a fresh hairpiece.

"Sir, you look incredible! You look at least ten years younger."

With every compliment, the GM's danger level kept dropping lower and lower.

In a raspy voice, he finally asked, "Does it…really look better?"

"Absolutely. You're like Prince Charming himself!"

I handed him a scalp-massage brush and guided his hands with mine, showing him how to increase blood flow and help with hair growth.

The GM nodded, looking very pleased. "You're the best employee I've ever had."

Then he pressed a little chainsaw-shaped pendant into my hand and whispered, "Keep this. If anything ever threatens you, this will protect you."

[No way! First time I've ever seen a monster hand a player an item.]

[This is the power of dating-sim brain. She's dangerously thoughtful. That basically gives you an extra life in this dungeon.]

Of course, I wouldn't say no to my boss's kind gesture. I accepted it with a smile.

But on my way home, I suddenly heard a slow, dragging noise right behind me.

It got closer and closer.

Instinctively, I spun around, but nothing was there.

Frowning, I kept walking.

Then everything faded to black, and I collapsed on the spot…