It’s a struggle for me to stop my fight as my panic has taken over. I close my eyes in an effort to concentrate on my breathing. My chest is tight and my breath is coming out short and fast. I fight to get out of his hold as I hear another approach.
“Everything okay dad?”
The voice is much deeper than Alpha Damian’s making me wonder who it is that has approached us.
“I’m going to need a few minutes alone with him. Lucas, I need you to have the rest of the group follow you inside to the third floor. Have Dom bring up the rear. I want silence. Not a word or sound as they pass by or they will all see the consequences of one person’s disrespect.”
“Yes sir.”
My fight eases a little as the alpha’s son steps away and heads back towards the group.
“Cole, I know you just met me so there is no trust but I need you to follow my directions exactly. I’m going to coach you through a breathing technique that will help you to relax. As you relax you will feel me easing up on your arms.”
I nod my head, agreeing to his offer as I’m completely lost and out of control.
“First I want you to take a quick but deep breath in then just as quickly push it out. Just throw it away. I want three of these. Then I’ll move to three much slower ones. Ready.”
I nod to show I understand his instructions.
“All right, in quick, now throw it away.”
I follow his lead and take a quick sharp breath before letting it out almost as quickly. It’s as I’m breathing in on my third one that he speaks again.
“I want you to follow my voice as I’m going to tell you what to do. Well done. Now in...2....3....4... and out 2...3...4... again in 2...3...4... and out 2...3...4... again,”
It’s as I’m going through the third one that I feel Alpha’s grip change on me. Even though it’s still there, it’s much gentler, even soothing as I feel his thumbs gently rubbing the backs of both hands. He lets me take a few more breaths on my own before speaking.
“I can already tell that you’re very submissive so I do understand this is a struggle for you but I need you to look at me. Make eye contact with me before I let your arms go.”
I slowly open my eyes while I’m still looking down. It’s not the first time I’ve been directly told to make eye contact with an alpha. My father does it all the time. The struggle is, my father commands me to do it then turns around and punishes me for the fear he sees in my eyes.
I squeeze my eyes shut again as the memories of my last encounter with my dad creep in and repeat the exercise the alpha just went through with me.
“Cole,”
Alpha Black speaks the quietest that I have ever heard an alpha speak to me.
“I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on. Will you talk with me?”
I shake my head as I fight the flashback away, slowly opening my eyes again. I raise my head making eye contact as he requested but I can’t keep it.
“I’m sorry alpha.”
I whisper as I close my eyes and turn away, waiting for punishment to follow. Every alpha that has ever been this hands on with me has always brought me pain. I know he can feel my tremors as I hear him sigh.
“Okay Cole. Let’s get you inside. Perhaps it will be a little more comfortable to talk if it’s not so direct.”
I barely whisper a thank you as I feel his hands leave my wrists. Opening my eyes, I look around me for a sense of direction. It’s when I briefly meet Alpha Damian’s gaze that I get the information I need. With a slight gesture of his hand he points me towards the trainee housing, following behind me as I head in that direction.
(Demetri’s POV)
I’m deep in thought as my son and I follow this young man to the trainee housing. It’s been fifteen years since I inherited the pack. It’s quite uncommon for the pack to be passed on like that unless the ruling alpha dies in battle while his kids are still kids. Then it becomes the oldest child’s responsibility to assume power over the pack. Neither of those things happened with me and the pack. I know finding out I was an intuitive had something to do with dad’s decision to pass the pack down to me.
I’m the youngest of four. My older brothers and sister somehow didn’t share the same vision for the Crimson Dawn pack as my father. It was finding my abused mate at eighteen that ultimately changed my ideas on maintaining a sanctuary for those in need. I’ve only been the alpha for fifteen years, small change for most alphas. Damian was only three and Lucas just over a year when dad passed in his sleep. It may take a lot to kill a werewolf without a silver bullet to the heart but we’re not invincible and we do age.
Dad had been slowing down for a while and I had taken on more and more of his duties. When the Moon Goddess finally called him home it was supposed to be a seamless transition for the pack. Needless to say, it wasn’t. Mom left to join him just a few years later.
Like most alphas, I try to maintain two separate reputations for my pack. A zero tolerance for unannounced wolves in my territory. Like all alphas, I like to keep that rumor as hard core as possible. You come onto my land unannounced and you will never be seen again type stuff. But those who truly know me understand that I know the difference between a troubled wolf and a troublemaker. Those with this inside knowledge will often recommend my pack as a temporary sanctuary until things get ironed out for a transfer into another pack. Some have even chosen to join my pack as permanent members.
It’s the tug from Damian on my link that bring my thoughts back to the present situation.
‘What’s going on with him? He told me on the bus that he wasn’t new to this and he’s older. Twenty-three I think he said. He started struggling with his anxiety before he got off the bus.’
‘I don’t want to jump to any conclusions as he just got here and it is possible that he just has severe anxiety.’
‘But you suspect something else?’
‘Yes. I suspect abuse may be in his past but the bigger concern is if abuse is in his present.’
‘I thought abuse stopped once the child becomes an adult.’
‘Unfortunately that only happens if the child is able to find a way out of the situation. If this is indeed Alpha Redmen’s son then getting away from Red Fang without going rogue or killing whoever is abusing him, would be extremely difficult. It’s not like here where once you turn twenty-one you can request a transfer or a female that can leave for her mate’s pack.’
‘So he’s using the warrior program as a way out?’
‘Possibly.’
I end the link with my son as we enter the apartment complex. Cole has stopped about five feet inside the door allowing us enough room to enter. He seems confused and highly agitated.
“Cole.”
Even with my voice calm and level just hearing it makes the young man startle badly.
“I failed to ask you if you were against being separated from your pack mates. It’s entirely up to you.”
“I’ve only got one real friend so I’m not that much part of the group.”
“I didn’t think so. Come this way.”
I gesture to my right as we start making our way to the row of doors located on the eastern side of the complex.
(Cole’s POV)
I follow behind Alpha Demetri and his son a short way across the main hall on the first floor. They stop at the first door they come to, the numbers 101A are screwed into the center. I stop a few feet from them as I have a preference for keeping my distance from everyone. I only get close to those I’ve observed for a while and I have a motive for learning from them.
I can hear a short beep briefly before the sound of the door unlocking. Alpha pushes down on the handle and allows the door to swing open before looking back at me and encouraging me to enter.
I move cautiously as I have never been beaten this badly by my dad before going to another pack’s territory. I would think the risk of another alpha discovering my secret relationship with my father would have been too high for him to be so careless. Yet the beatings have only gotten worse with each pack he’s sent me off to. Combine denying me my medication with the hardship of hiding my injuries and he’s making it easier for them to discover the abuse I’m suffering much sooner. I’m certain that this alpha has already figured out that I’m being abused and I’ve barely been here an hour. It’s become clear to me that he’s using the warrior program as a new way to abuse me. I can’t think of how many times he’s told me that I’m too weak for any alpha to accept into a second run and it seems like every time I come back I have to deal with the council poking around. He will refrain from abusing me while they’re there but the moment they leave I’m chained up and beaten three to four times a week until he decides to send me on another run. So it’s not difficult for me to go pack when my dad tells me to, that I'm going to whatever pack he decides is next for me in the line up. I need to get away from him just as badly as he hates seeing my face in his territory.
I step inside the room several feet, completely neglecting to even search for the light. It’s as I place the pack I’m wearing on the bed that I’m startled by the light being flipped on. I turn quickly to see that Alpha and his son have stepped inside the room with me. The alpha gives me a smile but says nothing. It seems he’s started observing again. I turn and start moving slowly around the room taking in everything.
“Would it be okay if I put your wet clothes in the washer?”
Alpha Damian asks, causing me to freeze and look at him. He lets out a nervous chuckle as I study him with my head cocked to one side.
“It seems like you haven’t been met with much kindness.”
I let out a slight hum as I run my hand nervously over the left side of my head.
“Not from alphas.” I speak quietly. “Yes. I would appreciate that. You said you stock soap and other stuff like that?”
“Yes, I’ll show you where it’s at once you’ve explored a bit.”
I nod my head as Alpha Damian makes his way over to a large closet at the back corner of the room. I watch him open it up revealing a full size washer and dryer stacked inside.
“I’m going to run this through a quick rinse cycle before you do a full wash.”
I nod again with a quiet thanks. Exploring the large room has taken my mind off the events that had just happened and it seems like the alpha has picked up on my calmed demeanor.
“Cole, it’s very important that you tell me the truth. I promise you nothing you tell me will result in you being removed from my first run. The only things that I will remove you for is if you steal, fight, rape, take recreational drugs or drink until you're stupid. I don’t tolerate any of those things. So, are you usually on medication for your anxiety?”
I freeze in the doorway of the bathroom.
“Yes sir.”
I speak quietly, ashamed to admit that I have an issue.
“It’s not something to be ashamed of but it’s important that I know what you're on and the dosage.”
I shake my head slowly before I speak again.
“I’ve been on several different combinations of medications over the last several years. Dr. Carter tends to change the combination every time my dad forces me off of them, trying to figure out the combination with the least amount of side effects. The last set of three with either Xanax or Valium to help me at night on the really rough days I did really well on. Minimal side effects compared to other combinations and I wasn’t a zombie or felt like I was drugged. I was actually close to....”
My thoughts wander off track as I walk around the rest of the room.
“You felt close to normal?”
Alpha finishes for me. I nod my head in agreement as we continue to talk.
“How long have you been off of it?”
“Three, almost four months. My dad has been getting more persistent at blocking all my efforts to get to it while I’m home.”
“He doesn’t want you on medication?”
“No. He says taking medication is an admittance to weakness and he refuses to tolerate any shows of weakness from his son.”
“Do you know what you were taking?”
I sigh as I shake my head.
“Are you able to find phone numbers of doctors at different hospitals?”
This time it’s the alpha looking at me with a cocked head. I can’t help but return the curious look while waiting for his response.
“I should have enough connections to dig up a doctor. Do you have a name?”
“Carter. Dr. Alexander Carter at Red General. He’ll likely recommend a different combination as the biggest trouble I seem to have is eating while on them.”
“Thank you.”
He gives me a smile and a nod.
“Will you tell me why you’re on this medication?”
He asks slowly the one question I don’t want to answer. I shake my head slowly
“I’m sorry Alpha, I can’t. I don’t expect you to understand but I can’t. I just can’t.”
“I didn’t think you would. Trust is an easy thing to lose but hard to gain. Hopefully, in time, you’ll be able to see me for who I am and change your mind. My door is always open.”
I nod my head in silent thanks waiting for the next thing to come.
“It’s getting late so how about we get you out here to the table of food. Take all you want as you have a larger apartment sized fridge in here you can store food and drinks in. We have bags of ice in the dining hall by the main pack house. You can grab one at dinner tomorrow and bring it back. We also have disposable cups, plates and plastic utensils you can bring back too. Cleaning supplies are in the walk-in closet next to the stairs. Personal necessities are in the walk-in closet on the opposite side. Don’t hesitate to grab what you need. If there is something specific that you need let me or one of the trainers know and we’ll try to get it for you. Damian and Dominic will be here at seven to lead everyone over to the pack house for breakfast. They will do this everyday this week then you’ll be on your own. Expectation is that you are showered and ready to start training when you get there although when this place gets full I do have some prospects who choose to switch to evening showers over morning. I’ll come get you at breakfast so get your food, take your time eating, when you’re done you’re going to meet with me in my office. I’m going to have my lead doctor in the medical wing join us with the phone call to Dr. Carter. I’m putting you back on your meds while you're here. There’s no reason for you to suffer like this.”
I nod quietly again yet against my better judgment I ask the question I think I know the answer to.
“What happens to prospects that have a major mental health issue, like ptsd?”
“It depends a lot on how stable the individual is and why they have it. A lot of wolves have ptsd from battles where they witnessed pack mates killed or they were severely injured. It can have a lasting effect but with therapy and proper medication the council will allow them to return.”
“Oh.”
“Not the answer you thought?”
I shake my head as I follow them out the door to where the food is set out. No one is down here yet which is a relief for me.
“Are you good on your own now?”
I look at the alpha before nodding my head.
“Thank you Alpha.”
“For what?”
“For your kindness.”
He gives me a smile before placing his hand on my shoulder. For the first time that night I manage to keep myself from pulling away or jumping out of my skin.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you Cole. We will talk more in the morning.”
I quickly finish my third trip out to the table as the rest of the pack has started coming downstairs to eat. I can already hear several of them complaining about the special treatment I seem to be getting over recognizing that they brought this on to themselves.
I was grateful that I had discovered a small table with a chair just inside the door to my room as this is where I ended up putting all the food and drinks that I picked up from the table. I had walked with Alpha and his son down the hall to the closet before heading to the table so I was able to get all the laundry supplies I needed before grabbing dinner.
I feel guilty as I look at the plates of food and a dozen or so drinks sitting on the table. I know I won’t eat all this food tonight. Between my father actively denying me access to food and him keeping me in a constant state of pain and panic I’ve gotten used to eating very little.
I sit at the table and turn on the television, picking lightly at the food in front of me, I surf through the channels. I have always found it interesting to encounter packs that have started to embrace human inventions like the television, internet, and cell phones. I guess with a lot of the larger packs now having major hospitals on their land with wolves that aren’t members working there the use of cell phones became a necessity since not all the wolves have a link with the pack. I set my sights on the human’s strong man contest. I’ve always found it interesting how human men had the desire to prove their strength by donning a harness like a dog and pulling a bus several yards with only the help of a rope to pull on.
I finally give up grazing on the food I brought into my room shortly after I started. My anxiety is still extremely high and I’m finding it difficult to eat. I’m not used to a pack’s alpha getting so invested and hands on with the prospects so early.
I take the cling wrap I found in the closet and carefully dismantle the sandwiches of the lettuce, tomato and onion so the bread doesn’t get soggy before wrapping each one and placing it in the fridge, doing the same for the condiments and drinks. I wipe the table down with the paper towels and multi purpose cleaner that were also in the closet before heading to the washer and placing my clothes in the dryer. I started taking care of my own needs when I was fifteen, so keeping my own space clean is second nature to me now.
I explore the room a little more and discover a walk-in closet with hangers already inside it. I grab a handful of those and place them on the table to use once my clothes are dry. The tv is on top of a long dresser situated against the wall across from the foot of the bed, that’s where I head next.
I open each drawer taking in the approximate size so as to best plan my use of space. I head into the bathroom next. The bathroom floor is a neutral beige colored stone like tile compared to the black carpeting in the rest of the room. There’s a combination tub and shower against the far wall, a large vanity with a larger single sink and a large cabinet with a mirror on the wall. I open the cabinet to find that it’s already stocked with a small amount of personal items. It’s only when I go to throw them away that I discover that every item is unopened. I’m impressed that they thought to stock it like this as I put the items back.
Beside the vanity appears to be a tall slender cabinet only about a foot wide with a long door on bottom and a shorter door on top. When I open the bottom door I find a single shelf stacked with towels while below the shelf, on the floor is a small vacuum, a bucket and a mop. The only thing missing is the soap. Opening the top cabinet reveals washcloths and hand towels. Once again, everything appears to be new. Not liking the idea of my towels being in with cleaning supplies, I rearrange the upper cabinet to accommodate all of the bathroom linens.
Pushing the shower curtain back I find unopened shampoo, conditioner and a bar of soap with an unrolled bath mat sitting in the corner. It seems like they have thought of everything in this pack. I don’t even feel like I have to unpack the stuff I brought with me. I do anyway as I don’t believe in being wasteful.
I unload my two backpacks of my personal items, finding a logical place for each item before folding my packs and putting them in the closet. I sigh heavily with the realization that my bag had been gone through and what little asthma medication I had left was removed before my bags made it to the bus.
As soon as the dryer is done I take my clothes to the table where I fold everything neatly and hang my shirts before putting everything away. I gently take my shirt off and toss it in the washer before climbing into the full size bed. It’s been an exhausting day of traveling and despite my constant pain from the beating I got Saturday night, it doesn’t take long for me to drift to sleep.
