However, the next thing Jim said tore my hopes to pieces.

"Quit dreaming. I didn't come for you. I was getting Lucia's gown, and then I ran into you, acting all crazy! Listen, Yoana, stop trying to trick me into feeling sorry for you."

Looking at his angry face, I let out a sad laugh.

I had thought he was really worried about me, and that was why he came after me. However, I was wrong.

I had always known that my brother was head over heels for Lucia. He was like her puppy, always following her around, even though Lucia liked Patrick. He was willing to let her be with someone else. He even ran around doing things for her wedding.

His love knew no bounds.

I did not want to say anything more. I just turned around and walked step by step into the river.

Jim must have thought I was just trying to scare him. He stood on the bank, teasing me, "Hurry up. Why are you so slow? If you're going to die, do it fast and don't keep me from helping Lucia!"

I sped up, letting the river water drench me. Gradually, it went over my head. The freezing water filled my mouth, and I could not breathe.

I was finally leaving.

However, in the next second, someone yanked me up hard.

Jim hit me across the face. "You really dared to do it! Yoana, who do you think you are?"

He spoke as he dragged me back to shore. "Listen to me. Your life was given to you by Mom, and you can't just throw it away."

Mom was the kindest person in the world to me. I did not want to leave her, but I had to go.

After Jim stopped my suicide attempt, I made up an excuse to go home.

He shouted after me, "So what if Patrick got married? You like him, don't you? Then you should let him be with the person he truly loves! That's what real love is!"

However, I did not like him. I just wanted to stay alive and get back home. That was why I got close to him.

…

I bought a rope and went to a deserted park.

I knew I could not do it at home. Mom was still there, and I could not bear the thought of frightening her.

Standing alone beneath the trees, I prepared to end everything. Looking at what lay before me, I let out a quiet, self-mocking laugh. I had lived in this world for a full 25 years.

It was not very long, because it all passed in the blink of an eye. Yet it was not very short either, because I had been through so much.

Back then, Jim did not like having me as a sister. He believed my birth would steal our parents' love from him. That was why winning him over had been especially difficult.

However, I used to believe that if I was truly sincere, he would eventually come to accept me. Back then, I used to skip meals at school and save my lunch money just to buy him a gaming console. When he caused trouble, I was the one who took the fall for him.

When he felt sick in the middle of the night, I was the one who ran through the pouring rain to get his medicine and stayed up caring for him all night. When he had his eyes on a pair of sneakers that cost 450 dollars, I spent two entire months during summer break working to earn enough to buy them for him.

Little by little, I could feel him starting to warm up to me.

Just when I thought I was finally making progress, Lucia showed up, and all my years of effort seemed to vanish.

I guessed it did not matter anymore. I might as well think of those past 20 years as nothing more than a dream.

I stood on a rock and tried to end it all. The choking sensation hit me instantly. I fought back instinctively, but I still tried not to make any noise.

I did not want to draw attention to myself.

Oh, and to avoid frightening anyone, I had also left a note behind.

[Don't worry, I'm now a star shining in the sky.]

Slowly, my mind started to blur. As death loomed close, a rush of memories from this world flew through my mind. No matter how hard I tried, Lucia always seemed to win. Everyone liked her more than me.

Just when I thought it was the end for me, someone suddenly lifted me up.

I was grateful to be taking in fresh air and breathed deeply.

"Yoana, have you lost your mind?"

The man in front of me was Calvin Scott, my former doctor. He was eight years older than me. He was also a man I had once tried to get close to.

Back when I was diagnosed with depression, he was the one who treated me. The system told me that he could be someone I could connect with, so I spent a lot of time trying to be good to him.

We shared meals, painted together, and visited amusement parks. He even introduced me to his beloved grandmother. He told me I was the first woman to ever step into his old house.

His feelings for me grew quickly. I was sure it would work out this time.

However, Lucia showed up again.

Right in front of me, she burst into tears and said to Calvin, "Dr. Scott, Yoana got someone to hurt me. I can't sleep, and all I see in my dreams are those scary moments. I just want to end it all."

Just like that, Calvin hugged her in front of me. "Don't be scared. I'm here for you."

That same day, Calvin, with eyes red from anger, yelled at me to go away. He said I was only pretending to be sad to make him feel sorry for me, and he even called me gross.

Just like that, I failed in my mission once more.

…

I could not help but laugh at the irony of it all. Twice in one day, I tried to end it all, and both times, I bumped into someone I had tried to charm before. Was the world really that small?

"Aren't you supposed to be at Lucia's wedding right now?" I spoke without any feeling, my eyes just staring blankly at him.

He was a good-looking guy with a nice voice, and he was always kind to women. That was how he once helped me come out of my dark place. However, he was also the one who pushed me back into an even darker hole.

"I wasn't feeling well and needed to get some air. Is that a problem?" He frowned, looking totally annoyed.

He was really into Lucia too. He even gave up his chance to study abroad for her. Today was her wedding day, which was probably why he was upset.

"Why are you trying to do something so drastic here? Or did you know I was close by and thought this might make me feel bad for you? Yoana, can you stop acting all sad in front of me? Can't you try something new?"

I heard him, but my expression did not change. I had heard that kind of talk from him more than once.

However, I was not pretending. I really was depressed. Why could he not see that? Did they always have to blame me for everything just because I was not loved?

I kept quiet and got up to leave. As I walked away, I started to think up another way to end it all.

I had never felt so lost before.

It seemed Calvin was scared I might actually do something to hurt myself. He grabbed me and brought me back to his place.

Then, Calvin called Jim to come get me.

When Jim got there, Patrick and Lucia were with him. Lucia looked really scared when she saw me and hid behind Patrick.

Patrick glared at me and said, "Yoana, will you never stop putting on acts just to make us feel bad for you? Today's my wedding day with Lucia. Do you really want to ruin it? Haven't you hurt her enough already?"

They all thought I was up to no good, that I was out to get Lucia.

I slowly looked up at everyone there, seeing nothing but coldness and even some disgust. I let out a laugh and said, "What if I told you Lucia's the one who hurt me? She's the one who had someone attack me."

Lucia went pale the moment I said that. The others looked surprised.

"I didn't do anything, Yoana. Why are you lying about me? You're the one who ruined everything." Lucia started crying, looking all pitiful. She constantly pulled this to trick Jim and the others into feeling sorry for her.

"That's enough, Yoana!" Jim shouted at me. "You did something wrong, and now, you're just telling lies. Say you're sorry to Lucia—now."

Calvin was mad too. He said, "Yoana, you'd better say you're sorry to Lucia."

Patrick did not even look at me. He just focused on making Lucia feel better.

Lucia truly was the female lead here. They believed everything she said. If she said something was true, then it had to be. On the contrary, everything I said was wrong. Even when I tried to explain myself, it was still wrong.

She was always the good one. I was always the bad one.

As they talked bad about me, they looked so disgusted.

I felt like I had been so hard on myself these 25 years, putting myself through so much pain for nothing.

I was so tired. I wondered whether being dead would be better. I thought that if I died, I would be free. I was trying to leave, but they would not let me.

"You'll just find another way to get Lucia in trouble if you leave," Jim said, glaring at me.

"Stay right here," he told me. "Calvin and I will take turns keeping an eye on you. You're not going to trick Lucia."

Hence, they took turns watching me.

Patrick went back to his wedding with Lucia, while I was at Calvin's house all night. They brought me food, but I did not eat. I did not sleep either. I thought maybe I could just starve or wear myself out.

I just sat on the couch and stared out the window. I was not really looking at anything, though.

Calvin finally saw that something was wrong. He grabbed my hand and made me look at him.

"Yoana, look at me. Do you know who I am?" he asked.

I just looked at him quietly and did not say anything.

Jim looked worried too.

"What's wrong with her?" he asked.

"She probably feels like she's trapped in her own world, and that's why she's trying to hurt herself on purpose. "

Calvin's eyebrows knitted together as he talked, and I could see a bit of worry in his eyes. "It looks like Yoana might really be feeling depressed this time."