Toronto, Canada

March 28, 2025

Catholic Church

"Father, bless me. These are the sins that I have committed and am very sorry for. In my youth I hurt many people because of my actions. I took what should not have been mine. Many women had their souls hurt and children had to witness how their parents separated, all because of my fault. Do I still deserve forgiveness?"

"Declare now your repentance before God and in the name of Christ, the savior of the world, I will grant forgiveness."

***

I walked towards the churchyard, the sunlight seeming brighter than before I arrived. I wondered if my past sins had been forgiven? Could I possibly live a guilt-free life again?

I saw my husband standing in the churchyard with some women who were chatting with him. His smile was bright, making anyone who looked at him light up.

"Simon...!" I called out to him. The women who had been chatting with him immediately left when I arrived, as if embarrassed to have the wives of the men they were chatting with join them.

"It seems you're confessing to many sins, making me wait so long," Simon said, taking his hands out of his pockets. I didn't know why he was so reluctant to wait for me.

"I already asked you to go home early. Besides, I'm going to the clinic today. I was asked to cover Laura's shift because she couldn't work today."

"It's the weekend, and you promised to take the day off work!" Simon looked annoyed, and I was confused by his attitude. A few days ago, he told me he had to meet a client on Sunday, but the meeting was suddenly canceled.

"Mrs. Erika Gonzalez, she called you this morning."

"Really?"

"Yes, while you were still sleeping. She asked you to come to her apartment this afternoon." I said, reluctant to tell her about her beautiful client, Erika Gonzales, the young widow of a famous billionaire who had died two years ago.

"Why are you telling me about that important call now?"

"I'm just confused, why did you have to go to her apartment? Shouldn't you meet at the office or a restaurant if you were discussing work?"

"Come on, Nina! You're starting to suspect me again, aren't you? You know how hard I've worked to get to where I am now, right?"

"I know, but ever since Erika Gonzales hired you, you've been so busy you haven't had time for me. Next week is our wedding anniversary, Simon. I want you to remember it like you forgot my birthday this time," I said, holding back the tightness in my chest.

We lost our baby last year, when I was five weeks pregnant. The loss devastated me mentally, and the sadness strained our relationship.

Seeing me on the verge of tears made Simon feel guilty, and he touched my face with both hands.

"We're still in church, you just finished confessing, right? I don't want you to sin again by suspecting your husband, who has worked so hard for you."

"Simon, I didn't mean to-"

"I know, Nina, I know what you're thinking! You've been so possessive since the baby in your womb died. You've been busy blaming yourself for everything that happened!"

"I don't blame you! I just need you, I just need your time!"

"I need time too, Nina! I also need time to accept the fact that you might not be able to give me a child!"

Simon snapped at me, saying something he knew would hurt me. I froze, the trauma starting to hit my soul. The child we'd waited six years for had died in my womb before it could grow and be born.

Tears welled up in my eyes, but Simon didn't seem to care, his expression was one of annoyance, and it made my soul even more fragile.

"I'll take you home! After that I have to go see Mrs. Erika, I don't want to keep her waiting because this is going to be a big project. We can buy a mansion in Alberta."

During the journey, I was reluctant to speak, and I didn't even look at him. He was once the man I loved so much, the man who made me believe I could settle down, that I could have a home to call home. But I wondered, when will karma catch up with me?

"I don't want you to be this gloomy all the time. Go to a beauty clinic and change your hairstyle. I remember you used to have long, beautiful dark hair. Your makeup used to be so pretty, and your clothes were fashionable and sexy. Now you look like an unattractive middle-aged woman, even though you're only 32."

"Does that still matter to me? Weren't you the one who asked me to focus on getting pregnant instead of dressing up?"

"But the truth is, you failed to take care of your pregnancy, didn't you? Now I don't want you to fail to take care of yourself either. You used to be the most beautiful and sexiest woman I've ever seen. Now you look so gloomy, don't waste your beautiful face on crying and grieving. If you can't make your husband happy by giving him a child, at least make him happy with your body!"

"The doctor said I can still get pregnant if-"

"If your mental state is stable and your body is healthy? Then what about me? Why is your condition the only thing you care about? I work so hard, is my physical and mental health not important?"

"Simon, that's because I'm the one carrying our child. If my condition is bad, I won't be able to take care of our baby anymore!"

"Damn, you're so spoiled even though you haven't even given birth to a child. My mother gave birth to me while taking care of my older siblings, but she's fine. If you find it hard, you should just quit working at that clinic!"

I was at a loss for words. In the end, I would still be the one in the wrong. Simon was so strict that I couldn't fight him. But maybe he was right; I was the one being too spoiled. After all, returning to nursing was my decision to forget the grief of my unborn child.

"I'm sorry!"

"It's no use apologizing because you'll end up doing it again. My mother wants a luxury home in Alberta and I promised her that I would make her dream home come true."

"But last year you just built a house for your father and older sister, and last month you just paid for your little brother's wedding."

"He got his girlfriend pregnant before he even got a good job."

"But he's worked at your company and he's done his job well. Paying for his wedding isn't your responsibility!"

"You don't need to interfere so much in my family's affairs. I'm the most successful child in the family, it's only natural I help my siblings."

"You've helped them so much over the years, yet they've become so spoiled that they rely solely on you-"

Slap...

A slap flew right across my cheek. I was caught off guard when Simon stopped his car just to cover my mouth with a slap.

I was speechless, too shocked to process what I'd just experienced. In almost seven years of our marriage, this was the first time he'd slapped me.

I touched my cheek, the pain of which couldn't even compare to the pain in my heart. Am I no longer worthy of being treated well in his eyes?

"My family is more important than anything, even more important than you, remember that!"

***

I sat sipping my favorite coffee after working seven hours without a break. Today, I assisted Doctor Martin in the operating room, which took over six hours. I didn't expect to still be able to do this job so well after having been on hiatus for over six years after marrying my husband, Simon Meiyer.

"You did a great job, Nurse Nina!" Doctor Martin praised my prompt assistance during the operation.

"Thank you, Doctor! It's my job!"

"Did you know a new doctor will be replacing me tomorrow?"

"Are you really moving to Vancouver?"

"I got a great offer at one of the biggest hospitals there. Plus, my wife really wants us to move there, as Vancouver is her hometown."

"Is that so? That's a shame, because I've really enjoyed working with you, Doctor!"

"Haha...this is a very good neurology and neurosurgery clinic. It's a pleasure to be part of this team."

"Is the doctor who will be coming tomorrow as experienced as you?"

"I don't know whether he's as experienced as you, considering he's only 27 years old."

"Still 27? A neurosurgeon?"

"Yes, he graduated from Harvard and was one of the top medical students, even at such a young age. He was a genius in his school."

"It seems you know him very well, huh?"

"Hahaha...his father and I became friends while we were studying together in Germany. His father and mother come from a family of doctors and scientists who are very wealthy and influential in the medical field. I hope you and the other medical staff can work together with him."

"Of course, Doctor Martin. You don't need to worry!"

"Okay, then excuse me, and have a good rest!" Doctor Martin said as he left, leaving me alone with the cup of coffee I still held in my hand.

"A young, genius doctor who comes from a very wealthy and influential family of doctors and scientists, huh? His life is truly privileged, very lucky."

"Nurse Nina, why are you daydreaming here alone?" Veronica blurted out, standing beside me without me realizing.

"Can't you see I'm taking a break?"

"It was a very long brain tumor removal operation, huh?"

"Yes, it seems like it's been a while since I last assisted in an operating room performing such a major surgery."

"Isn't your husband a very successful architect now? I've been checking his social media accounts, he lives a very luxurious life with his parents and siblings. But why haven't you been in his vacation photos lately?"

"I'm not coming!"

"Why?"

"I'm not in the mood for a vacation. Besides, it seems like my presence would only ruin the fun."

"Don't talk like that! I think you should learn to give in and get closer to your husband, Nina. After all, you are the wife and daughter-in-law of that family."

"You're right, but Simon and I have been married for almost seven years and next week is our anniversary. But until now his family still can't accept me. I don't know where else I went wrong, I really don't understand."

"I think that's too naive, Nina! You just don't want to open up and mingle with your husband's family. If you'd tried harder, you would have been accepted."

"Should I try harder? I'm not sure."

"That's where you're wrong. You give up too easily and are so pessimistic. But it's up to you. Your husband is very handsome and rich, and there are so many women after him. I think his social media is full of flirtatious messages from women. You need to be more careful if you don't want to lose your husband."

Veronica walked away after giving me an ultimatum that hit me hard in the heart. Losing Simon? I never imagined the day I would lose my husband, the man who once adored me body and soul, who treated me like a goddess on earth.

The day we got to know each other and grew as one soul, loving each other. The sweet smile I saw that day brought me to a turning point that made me believe I could stay.

The days I lived before he came into my life felt so crazy and wild. I always thought that was the life I was meant to live, free, wild, and so alive.

But now I feel shackled and unwanted, as if the days when men adored me never existed.

***

Toronto, Canada

June 25, 2017

Doctor John Evans Neurology Clinic

"Thanks for last night, Nina!" Doctor John whispered in my ear. I tried to remain calm even as I saw the money being deposited into my personal account.

Doctor John smiled, trying to tease me once more. But this afternoon he had to see a patient.

"You're welcome, Doctor! But this is too much, what if your wife finds out?"

"She won't know, you don't have to worry! Besides-" He said, pulling my hand closer to him.

"Besides that?" I asked seductively. His hands began to roam my body.

"You're so beautiful, Nina! Your body is so beautiful too. Your big boobs and butt are my favorite!" He said as he unbuttoned two buttons on my uniform.

He began to squeeze my breasts, which were still covered by my black bra. His hands pulled them out of the bra, exposing my nipples.

"Uh..." I moaned softly as his mouth began to suck on my nipples, while his other hand tried to get into my underwear.

"You drive men crazy with your body, Nina!"

"Including you, Doctor John?"

"Yes, of course! The other day you had a threesome with Doctor Chris and Mr. Edward, right?"

"How do you know?"

"I'm the owner of this clinic, I have access that others don't. How does it feel to be fucked by two big cocks, Nina? Does it feel that good?"

"Yes, it feels very good!"

"How about we do it with Doctor Chris tonight?"

"Where?"

"In my lounge on the fourth floor. Did you forget I have a room there?"

"Is Doctor Chris willing? He looks remorseful and guilty about cheating on his wife!"

"Men need entertainment, Nina! A woman as beautiful and sexy as you is the entertainment every man needs. I'll talk to him, I'm sure he won't refuse. We're going to have some wild, hot sex tonight. I'm sure he won't regret it."

***

"Putting on makeup and wearing sexy clothes again? Do I really have to do that again to make Simon happy?" I thought to myself as I looked at my face in the mirror. It seemed like I hadn't changed much since I decided to draw closer to God and distance myself from the glitz and glamour of the world that had once blinded me.

Money and sex-those two things had always been my beliefs, and they had kept me happy throughout my youth. After I got married, I regularly went to church, prayed, and tried to be a good wife. But apparently, that wasn't enough. Just being a good and faithful wife wasn't enough to make my husband want to spend more time with me.

I opened my closet, which held my old clothes-the ones I wore when I was younger and during the first two years of my marriage to Simon. I even found my old nurse's uniform, so tight that it hugged my curves.

I tried it on again, and it still fit me. I realized that my body shape hadn't changed at all, it was the same as before. When I looked in the mirror, I was amazed at myself.

"Is this really me? Did I look like this before?" I thought to myself. It was strange, I felt uncomfortable wearing it. It had been five years since I last wore revealing, sexy clothes, and somehow it felt uncomfortable.

"What are you doing?" Asked Simon, completely unaware of him entering the room filled with wardrobes.

"Honey? When did you get home?" I asked, surprised, and immediately covered myself with a towel.

Simon frowned, staring at me with a curious expression because I suddenly covered myself as if he were a stranger.

"I called you several times, but you didn't answer. What are you doing? Trying on your old work uniform, hmm?" He asked, stepping toward me.

Simon stood right in front of me, smiling mischievously as he urged me to show him my new look.

"Honey, I-"

"Wow...you're so sexy! How long has it been since you've worn clothes like this?"

"Maybe it's been five years or-"

"Yes, five years. Imagine five years of dressing like a pious middle-aged woman without makeup. You're still young and beautiful, my dear! Dress up and wear your sexy clothes again like when we first started dating!"

"What kind of flashy makeup? Look at you now, you're completely bare!"

"But you said I'm beautiful even without makeup, right?"

"You're very beautiful, Nina! But at least dress up a little and wear more colorful and revealing clothes! What's wrong with doing that to please your husband!"

I was speechless, not knowing what to say to him. I repented and left my past self behind so that karma wouldn't come to me. I believed that if I tried to improve myself, I wouldn't receive bad karma for my mistakes.

"Simon, I-"

"Tch, I know what you're going to say, Nina! Go ahead and pray at church as much as you want! You've even decorated our house with crucifixes and statues of the Virgin Mary. Do whatever you want, but don't blame me if one day I'm tempted by another woman and leave you!"

Simon gave me an ultimatum that felt like a slap in the face. I couldn't understand how he could say such cruel things. I try to be a good wife, is that still not enough?

"Honey, I-"

"Come on, make me coffee! You annoy me every day!"

Simon left in annoyance. I'd been making him mad since morning. I truly was a useless wife. I couldn't even give him a child, and I couldn't even make him smile. Am I receiving karma? Will I still get it even if I've repented and become a better person?

I changed my clothes and headed to the kitchen to make Simon a cup of coffee. I saw Simon's phone on the dining table while he was taking a shower.

I'm not the type of wife who checks my husband's phone, and I almost never check it. My faith in him is still as strong as it was when we first fell in love. But his words bothered me. Could my husband be tempted by another woman? Could I be experiencing what those women experienced when their husbands and their lovers had sex with me?

I reached for Simon's phone, which was lying on the table. It rang. It was an incoming call from Erika Gonzales, my husband's client, whom he called his "most generous."

I decided to answer the incoming call with a strange feeling and a question in my head: What business would he have calling my husband so late at night? It was almost 10 PM, and I didn't think any professional job would warrant contacting a client so late at night.

"Simon, could you come back to my apartment? My anus is sore from using it without lubrication, so-"

"I'm Simon's wife," I said, my breath coming out of my chest. My world was about to collapse, and I was sure I hadn't heard correctly, he'd said something appropriate.

"What's wrong? Who's calling?" Simon asked. He looked at me with a strange reaction because I was talking to someone on his phone.

I was speechless, tears welling up in my eyes. God, please, tell me what I just heard wasn't karma.

***