Filming Log: June 2, 2024

"Julian, are you working yourself to death to pay for your mother's medical bills?"

I had a popsicle stuck in my mouth, my face full of displeasure. "You've been investigating me behind my back?"

Tara answered patiently. "You're our documentary subject. We obviously need to understand your basic situation beforehand.

"But are you sure you don't want to tell your parents about your illness?"

I shook my head firmly. "No."

"Why not?"

Tara's gaze flickered with hesitation. I opened the notes app on my phone and held it in front of her.

"4:00-7:30 am: Breakfast diner helper

"8:00-5:00 pm: Sales company

"5:30-8:00 pm: Tutoring center instructor

"8:20-9:30 pm: Private tutor

"10:00 pm-2:00 am: Delivery driver"

I swallowed the bitter feeling rising in my chest. "This is my father's schedule. He has five jobs a day, all to earn money for my mother's treatment. If he found out I was sick too, what would he do?"

Tara's eyes reddened slightly.

My voice trembled. "Those two hours of sleep he gets each day would disappear completely. If things keep going like this, he'll die."

When I mentioned Dad, I gripped the phone tighter. "My father should have been a doctor saving lives, but he gave up his dreams to support our entire family.

"Mom was diagnosed with leukemia during my senior year of high school. She didn't want to drag Dad and me down, so she snuck out in the middle of the night to drown herself in the river. Dad and I begged her through our tears until she finally gave up."

Tara's eyes glistened. "Julian..."

I waved her off and continued. "So tell me, if Mom found out I was sick too, what choice do you think she'd make?

"One cancer patient in the family is already too many. We can't have a second."

Tara patted my shoulder, trying to comfort me. I shook my head.

"The day the compatibility results came back, I was at another hospital getting diagnosed with leukemia. I was terrified Mom would find out about it, so I just ran.

"Mom thought I didn't want to save her. Not only did she not blame me, but she cried and begged me to stay. She said it was okay, that as long as I was happy, she'd be satisfied.

"All my previous checkups came back clean, but that one day changed everything. I was so close to being able to save her."

A trace of self-mockery flashed in my eyes, and my head dropped helplessly.

…

Filming Log: June 10, 2024

I rode my electric scooter frantically making deliveries, the camera following behind me the whole time. After finishing my last order, I sighed at the camera.

"I already told you I don't have time for filming."

"Julian, wait."

Tara blocked my scooter and opened her phone screen, holding it in front of me. "Look, we contacted a charitable organization. They've already raised the medical fees and donated them to your mother.

"Julian, please trust us. We genuinely want to help you. So don't give up on yourself. Come with us to the hospital for treatment, okay?"

The scene fell into silence. When I looked up again, my voice carried a mix of bitterness and gratitude.

"I'll agree to the filming. Call it payback for saving my mom."

…

Filming Log: June 11, 2024

Looking at the words "Body Donation" on the contract, I suddenly turned to the camera.

"Where will these videos be shown? I don't want my parents to see them. They can never find out, not for their entire lives."

Tara immediately cut me off. "Julian, you're not going to die. The videos will only be used as internal materials. Don't worry. They won't know."

For the first time on camera, I showed a relaxed smile. "Thank you, Tara."

…

Filming Log: July 1, 2024

I looked gaunt, my cheeks hollow, the hospital gown hanging off my frame. Looking at the camera, I struggled to sit up.

"Can I stop doing chemotherapy?"

Tara gripped my hand and shook her head firmly. "Julian, I know the chemo process is painful, but you have to believe you can beat this disease. Let's try a little harder, okay?"

The repeated high fevers and vomiting pushed me to my breaking point. That night, I lost control of my emotions, threw my food on the floor, and drove everyone away with harsh words.

Afterward, I lay in bed, my voice hoarse with guilt. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

Tara sat beside me, comforting me gently. "It's okay, Julian."

My eyes dimmed, filled with pain. "I never realized how agonizing chemotherapy was. But Mom endured all of this for us the whole time.

"Tara, I don't know if the choice I'm making right now is right or wrong."

Filming Log: September 1, 2024

"Julian, today's your birthday. Do you have any birthday wishes?"

The camera focused on the hospital room door.

The next moment, I pulled it open and walked out. I wore a gray tracksuit and a black baseball cap. "Tara, let's go to the arcade today."

Before leaving, I secretly took painkillers. Tara saw but didn't stop me. She just turned away and quietly wiped her tears.

I sat on the racing motorcycle simulator, smiling at the camera. Tara held up her phone to take pictures of me.

"Julian, look here. Smile."

When I got off the simulator, my legs suddenly gave out, and I dropped to my knees. The painkillers had worn off.

After returning to the hospital, the doctor immediately gave me an injection. That evening, I posted the photos Tara took to social media.

The camera focused on my phone screen. A minute later, Mom liked it and commented.

"Happy birthday, son. You look thinner. Make sure you eat well."

Two minutes later, Dad transferred 3,000 dollars to my account. It was twice as much as last month.

A lump formed in my throat. After a long while, I blew out the candles on my cake and made a wish.

"May Mom and Dad always be healthy and happy."

…

Filming Log: October 6, 2024

"Julian!"

Tara rushed into the hospital room, her voice urgent. I sat frozen on the bed, face pale, eyelids drooping, completely silent.

Tara crouched in front of me and spoke gently. "Julian, are you okay?"

After a long moment, I slowly lifted my head to look at her, my eyes bloodshot. "Tara, my mom passed away."

Tara looked at me with concern. "Julian..."

My hands trembled as I pushed myself up and climbed down from the bed with difficulty. "Tara, I want to see Mom one last time."

The scene shifted to the funeral home. Tara had someone help distract Dad while I carried a bouquet of white roses to Mom's memorial hall.

I placed the bouquet on the casket and stood there for a long moment. Up to that point, no one had noticed me. But as I walked out of the hall and was about to get in the car, Dad suddenly called out my name.

"Julian?"

I didn't dare turn around. I told the driver to go, and we sped away.

I looked at the right side mirror. Dad jogged after the car for a few steps, then froze in place. His eyes filled with disappointment as he watched me leave.

Then my phone rang with a call from Dad. My hand trembled as I pressed the decline button.

Guilt and reluctance filled my eyes as I murmured, "Dad, I'm sorry."

…

Filming Log: December 10, 2024

After the third round of chemotherapy ended, my condition worsened. Tara sat beside me, reading through the hospital's list of leukemia survivors.

I interrupted her. "Tara, take my photo."

Tara froze. "What?"

"While I still look somewhat human, let's get my funeral photo done."

Tara's voice caught. "Don't talk like that."

I smiled faintly. "Just make sure I look handsome."

I got up, put on a wig, and changed into fresh clothes. Something so simple took me a full hour.

Sitting in front of a white wall, I forced myself to smile at the camera. Tara's eyes reddened, her hand shaking as she held the camera. Ten photos in a row came out blurry.

I shook my head in mock disapproval. "Tara, you're making me look terrible."

Tara sniffled. "Promise me you'll fight to stay alive, or I'll use these ugly photos for real."

I laughed. "Fine. Just promise you'll make me look handsome."

Just then, a flock of birds flew past the window, chirping noisily. Tara raised the camera toward my face.

There was a click, and my smile was frozen forever in the camera.

"Doctor!

"Someone help!"

Panicked shouts erupted around me. Tara dropped the camera and rushed toward me.

The ceiling spun above me, and I slowly closed my eyes.

"Dad, I'm sorry.

"Mom, I'm coming to find you."