"I'm pleased you didn't." Absolutely, definitely, positively, absolutely, the truth. My feelings for David are difficult to put into words. It's complicated, I don't always understand what's going on, and there have been moments when I really disliked him. The need I have, though, goes well beyond mere desire.

Just plain desire.

I finally acted on that desire last year. It doesn't take much mental effort to be transported back to the time when we were sitting in the back of that town vehicle together. Referring to the noise he made as my skirt slipped up and exposed my underwear. If I were on better terms with authority, it would have ended there. To test if he would intervene and maybe even take control of the situation myself. So, I reached down into my underwear and had a messy orgasm as he sat there, still as a statue. My experience with him that evening was completely touch-free. God, nevertheless, he was watching.

More times than I want to admit, I've masturbated while thinking about the sound he made and the fire in his eyes.

"Anna, I can't stand the way you're staring at me like that. No is the correct response.

"But-"

"No."

Feelings of disappointment are slapping me. Of course I anticipated that this may happen. Every year for the last six years, I've made this man's life a living hell for him. Even though he seems superhuman, I know he's only a regular guy. Last year, I may have made a big deal out of nothing when he responded in that way. God, that's annoying. I breathe and relax back. Why should I have thought he would say anything else? Even though he has always done his job, he has never desired me. I can't be so self-centered as to expect more of him after everything he's been through.

I couldn't have progressed without taking a go at it, and although it stinks that it wasn't well accepted, at least I won't have to spend the rest of my life wondering if I should have. In the past, disappointment has never been enough to keep me from going on with my life tonight, and it won't be this time. "Okay."

His irises narrow. The word "okay" is repeated by him. "Glad we got it sorted up."

"Same." Before he can stop me, I turn and flash the bartender's attention. I refuse to be packed into a taxi and driven home early on my birthday since it is the first night of my freedom. The moment has come to switch to "Plan B."

The opposite is true; his eyes get much more narrow. Plans B aren't something I'm going to like.

"Probably not, but since I'm twenty-five and you've washed your hands of me, you don't really have a say." As the bartender brings me a second drink, I give him a friendly nod and a grin. "Thanks, sweetie. There's nothing for the miserable guy sitting next to me.

"Anna." That wonderful thread of caution in my name. "Explain."

To which the speaker responds, "Oh, right." I don't take a sip, but I do pick up the glass. Seeing as how today is the actual day I turn 25, I've decided to throw myself a real party to mark the occasion. I can't do it alone. I have a ride home for someone tonight. I'm not at home, but I have a hotel reservation. First and foremost, we must prioritize safety.

It causes David to flinch. He resembles a cat that has been smacked in the face with a newspaper. Someone else will have to do it if not me. It was that simple.

Was your ego hurt by that? Despite the lingering pain in my chest from being rejected, I offer him a slow grin. If you're not interested in my plan to take you upstairs and rock your world till dawn, I'm sure someone else in this pub is.

I've always been intrigued; I never claimed otherwise. He pauses awkwardly but then lets out a swear. To which the speaker said, "That's not right."

It's my time to close my eyes now. "Appropriate." I need to let this go. I may act like a spoilt wealthy girl most of the time, but I can accept "no" when I hear it. It's a done deal; David has emphatically disapproved. The more you pursue this, the worse it will become.

Aside from that... he just opened the door he slammed in my face two minutes ago.

So that I may concentrate, I shake my head. I told myself I would let it go, that I would keep things respectable, but how can I not reply to something like, "David?" Appropriate? It's ludicrous to even consider. In a vehicle last year, you saw me masturbating in the rear. Exactly why do you think it's a good time to debate propriety?

For an instant, his eyes become molten, and then he shuts it off, but it's already too late. I've witnessed it. Wow, I really misjudged his attitude that evening. So, David McGuire is interested in me. If that expression was any indication, a whole lot.

He looks aside for a moment. Again, I'll say it: "That shouldn't have occurred."

For some reason, I feel the need to debate. I had to stifle an outburst of argumentation by clamping my lips together. To put it bluntly, I refuse to beg. In no uncertain terms will I do so. It's his call if he doesn't want to take things further with me. "Okay."

Now that it's out of the way..."

I can only shake my head in disbelief. "No. Restate your attempt. As I mentioned before, I understand if you're not interested. Your role as my protector has ended. You are relieved of any responsibility to find me or to fret about my whereabouts. But if you are not my guardian and you don't want to fuck me, then you have no right to dictate how the remainder of my night is spent.

"Anna."

It seems weird, yet I stroke his shoulder. Enjoy yourself. My apologies for my lack of tact on occasion; please accept my sincere gratitude. With my voice cracking, I halt. No. No, nothing like that. This is a joyous occasion, and although I will remember the past, I look forward to a promising future. We'll be putting the ###Chapter to rest tonight. Even if it was just once a year, I appreciate you being there.

"Fuck." David snatches my glass and gulps it down. "Fuck."

Even if I did figure out what it meant, it wouldn't change anything. This time it's up to me to make a decision after he's already made his. Ultimately, one must release their grip. I interrupt the brief embrace by turning around and looking around the room.

Many people are looking in our direction. It's obvious that not all of them are directed at me personally. David has a rugged, powerful good looks. It's not just his good looks; it's also the way he carries himself, as if he were the master of every space he enters. At first I believed I was the only one who felt that way, but his past few birthdays have shown me I was mistaken. A lot of eyes are drawn to David as soon as he walks through the door.

That includes everyone here today.

A stunning middle-aged lady is sitting at a table in the nook, sipping a glass of white wine. Her dark, wavy hair complements the sophistication of her clothing and jewels. Moreover, she is looking at David with an intensity that causes me to flush.

Perhaps none of us will go home tonight, I mutter to myself. There's none justification to have any envy. Despite what my imagination may conjure, I have no more right to this guy than he has to me. We're just two individuals going at high speed through life who were unexpectedly thrust into a collision path.

"Anna." His hand tightens around my thigh, and he spins me around so that my knees are against his. The man examines my countenance. "You want me to respond, and you know it."

And I do mean "just a bit," when I say that. Even though I am far from flawless, I do my best to always tell the truth. Commonly or frequently. Despite what most people think, I am able to accept "no" as an answer. Your lack of interest means we can go on. The End.

His eyes wander down to my lips. It was "so easy"

True, it's as simple as that. David" His very name makes me feel guilty. You keep insisting that you aren't curious. So far, I've been making an effort to uphold that. I don't see why we're still debating.

You have no idea the consequences of your actions.

Unnatural excitement surges through me. "Don't I?" When I get a whiff of the beard oil he uses, I lean in close and almost whimper. Truly, those are cloves you smell. The cold makes me shudder. There's no way I could be considered innocent.

It's not news to me. In an effort to lower his voice, he. To touch you would make me the lowest kind of a bastard.

I won't even try to pretend that I came here tonight with the noblest of motives, to make a big deal out of celebrating my birthday at the stroke of midnight. Like usual, I anticipated David's arrival to save me. In my heart, I felt we were meant for one other. The feeling right now is that we are on the verge of something very significant. A one strong prod is all it takes to push us over the edge. It would mean a lot to me if you touched me with more than your hands.

He curses. The words "You don't know what you're asking for" are repeated by David.

Raise my glass high, and I savor every last drop. To those who aren't curious: "That's okay. There was no foul play, thus there was no damage done. There's no way I'm going to lose sleep over this. Liar. However, you must not pretend that you are acting in my best interest. I'm a grown up now; I can choose for myself.

"Anna." He lets out a long breath and turns his gaze away. "Look, I dunno if you've got some white knight fantasy or anything going on in your brain, but that's not me. You won't find me tucking you into a rose-filled bed and giving you a passionate kiss.

It's a godsend, for sure. For my part, I'd be at a loss as to what to do with anything like that. I don't need a rescuer, no matter what he believes. I snort. "Adorable wording."

I mean what I say.

"So am I." A glass was put down by me. "David, we may not know each other well when it comes to all the dull small facts you pick up on the first three dates, but we know each other." I lean forward till we're kissably near. "If you give it some thought, you'll see that I'd eat a white knight for breakfast." My breath becomes caught in my throat when I meet his eyes. "Just as I am confident in your ability to deal with every challenge I provide you with."

"Anna."

Please wait for me to finish. I take a deep, quaking breath in. But that's irrelevant," he said.

As I talked, David seemed to hold his breath the whole time. He takes the slightest step forward, bringing us closer together. For example: "What's the big deal, Anna?"

Saying my name is like having his fingers go down my spine. I make an effort to grin but it just doesn't come out right. The fact that I trust you is all that really counts. And I feel secure under your care.

He lets out a low, angry slur. Saying, "That's not right."

"I know." I had no intention of being honest. Not with David or the plans I have for tonight. Even more so now that I know he wants me and is only restrained by a moral system I abhor. I look him in the eye and lean back slightly to issue a subtle challenge.

I can't go too far before he moves. David puts his hands behind my neck and holds me still. It's not a harsh hold, but it gives me the creeps just the same. As his eyes heat up, he slides his thumb gently down the side of my neck. If I may ask, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes." There is no doubt. That's why I won't waste time with doubt. This evening seems like the culmination of six years of planning. All signs point to this happening eventually.

To ask, "What is your room number?"

Having to deal with such a realistic and useful inquiry throws me for a loop. Eyes flicker. The question "Right now?"

David looks me over while running his hand down my neck. Allow me to explain how things will unfold. If it's ok to you, then we'll proceed. If not, I'll get you in a taxi and make sure you get home okay.

I can hardly take a breath at this point. "Okay."

"No bluffing, Anna. You can't fuck other people or back out if you decide this isn't for you. Say you will"

I get a kick out of teasing him, but I want this more than I want to seem like a spoiled brat. As a result, I can only choose one path forward. As I nod, the tips of his fingers gently graze against my flesh, and the sensation is excruciating. "Okay. Certainly, that's my word."

I feel the tingle of expectation as his lips curl. David draws in closer and softens his tone. If you have a spare key, you're going to hand it to me and enter that room. Put away that red dress, shut your eyes, and wait for me by bending over the bed.

There's a lick of my lips there. It seems like the temperature in here has increased by twenty degrees in the last few seconds. Is it true that this is happening? One could ask, "And then?"

As soon as we're alone, I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want to your tight little body. His grip on my neck tightens ever so little. Tell me "yellow" if I should ease up on the gas, and "red" if I should come to a complete halt.

The space around me appears to shrink. As the heat rises, I feel a tightness throughout my body. "It's a safe term." Yes, of course I am acquainted with them. I've participated in my fair share of risky sex games, but I learned pretty early that kink requires more exposure than I'm comfortable with and is best saved for exceptional partners or rare occasions.

These descriptions apply to tonight.

You confided in me that you felt comfortable here. That won't alter no matter what the future holds. To this day, he still has my attention. The extent to which this goes depends entirely on you.

I feel like laughing till I cry from the sheer joy of it. He won't be grateful, and he may even take my response the wrong way. How far does this go, exactly? As far as it goes, I want it to be successful. What I really want is for that dashing mind of his to be a virtual dream factory. Everything vile, every sleazy particular. "Give me anything," There's a lick of my lips there. "Even I have my own wild imagination."

His eyes wander to my grin. You promised, "Tell them to me tonight."

The demand sends a chill down my spine, and the intensity of his stare just makes things worse. When I say "I will," I scarcely sound like myself. Certainly, that's my word."

That's the number of the room you're staying in.

I just recite it off the top of my head. I reach into my purse and, hands trembling, deliver him the extra hotel key. He gently squeezes my neck and lets go. "Go."

I go.

Keeping my gait slow and steady as I leave the hotel bar requires more work than I could have imagined. David's eyes are always onto me; they are dark and full of hope.

That is indeed what is occurring.

In fact, that is currently occurring at this time.

I hold it together until the elevator doors close behind me. When this happens, I lean against the wall and let out a deep, ragged breath. For emphasis: "Holy crap. Wow, that's incredible. I thought there was a good chance David would reject me. Since the night we met, he has maintained such a cautious distance from us...

Striking me with pain that is both numbing and all too familiar. Thirty percent of my life has passed since my parents passed away. Even more so. Even now, it aches. The anguish isn't as intense as it once was, and it no longer sends me into a panic attack whenever I have a fleeting memory of them.

Depression seems to have no upper bounds.

At least now I can safely reach back and touch the happy moments. There was a time when even thinking about them brought me nothing but pain. I was wondering whether David ever remembers my dad. We haven't really discussed this before, and he's gone through a similar tragedy. No one can compare a friend to a parent, but that doesn't mean his feelings of loss are any less real than mine.

I push off the wall and allow my momentum take me out into the corridor as the elevator doors silently glide open. The past is irrelevant at this time. In a few days, I'll be able to resume the never-ending process of dealing with my loss and improving my psychological and emotional well-being. The focus for tonight is on letting go. Putting all of your worries aside and relaxing.

As I make my way to the penthouse room across the corner, the outfit I'm wearing feels appallingly constrictive. A little grin forms on my face. On this night, with this guy, I need more than just a standard hotel room. I couldn't possibly be me if I didn't make a big deal out of this. I even made sure we'd have everything we needed to live out the dreams that have been bothering me for far too long by equipping the room with everything we'd need to do so.

I pause to take a glance around the motel room. I left my stuff up here earlier, but I didn't leave any lights on save for the one on the desk. The darkness casts a palpable sense of foreboding across the whole room.

Remove your dress.

Wait for me as I bend over the bed.