With a sigh, I also say, "Amsterdam." Twenty-two. I went bar hopping with a group of strangers I'd just met, and after a few beers, someone was dosed. I don't think David was even there. After drinking heavily with the people I had just proclaimed to be my new closest friends, I don't recall much of anything. I came to as David was keeping my hair away from my face as I threw up on the bathroom floor. It was the only time he remained to do more than simply see me off to an aircraft home. He was quite kind to me.

For a very long time, he has provided for me, but not in the traditional sense of a guardian.

I make myself look at him. I was a train disaster for far too long, but I'm over it now. Since I was 22, I've come a long way, but I still have a lifetime of work ahead of me. I'm putting in my time at the therapist, trying to sort out the issues I've been avoiding for far too long.

Then why are we here tonight?

My therapist-sounding small voice is ignored. The last ###Chapter closes tonight. I'm closing the ###Chapter on this ###Chapter of my life and starting a new one in the future. And.maybe. Perhaps I still have an adventurous side, since I desire this. Knowing that I shouldn't have it makes me desire it even more. That's not the canal district in Amsterdam. What a miserable birthday.

David approaches up close, his black eyes penetrating my. "How about some recent birthdays, Anna?

I give a little flinch. In all honesty, you have a valid concern. Instinctively, I want to avoid the situation, but that would be unfair to both of us. On the contrary, I slowly exhale and straighten up. If not, I'm crossing my fingers that this is the one.

David looks at me intently while sipping his scotch. He starts to jolt slightly. For a split second, he stops seeming a walking storm cloud and more like a real person. Caol Ila, as seen here.

The heaviness in my chest and throat has returned. Even though it hurts, it feels fantastic, and that paradoxical quality improves the situation. A person who has never experienced the pain of loss cannot fully appreciate happiness. I'll never understand. No one ever gave me the chance to find out. "Mmhmm." My mouth quivers slightly when I grin. To be "Pop's pick."

"Yeah." Even a little grin plays on his lips. "Yeah, it was the case." Once again I find myself puzzling about how this guy got to be my protector. I realize that they bonded through their time in the military, but should it really be the deciding factor in who gets custody of a kid if anything happens to both parents? What about my peacenik mom? I find it hard to believe that Mom approved of this, particularly because David was never there, but she must have since we're here now.

We both savor the last sips of our drinks in quiet, and then he clinks his glass on the table. Okay, let's get going.

"Pass." To signal the bartender, I raise my hand, but David immediately seizes it in a grasp from which I can't free myself. And it's not like I'm planning an exit strategy. Likewise, though, giving up too readily is not an option. I look at the spot he's holding me in. It's time to ask, "David, what time is it?"

He keeps checking his watch and won't let go of me. "Twelve-fifteen."

To put it simply, I am happy. This time around, it really does. Absolutely genuine. As a result, you are no longer in charge of my trust money. To myself: "Happy Birthday!" Now is the moment to be brave and lay it all on the line. Whatever the outcome, I won't be looking back with regret. I hush and lean in closer to the person. To paraphrase, "Do you know what I want for my birthday?"

"What?" Worried, he asks the question.

"You."

David releases me swiftly. Inquisitively, I examine my wrist. I don't think he was holding me very tightly, but I'm quite sure I can feel his five fingers and palm imprinted on my flesh. He gives my empty glass the evil eye. We need to know, "How much have you been drinking?"

This was a question I was expecting, so even though I was nervous, I handled myself with grace. That's the only one," they said. Sincerity dictates that I may have benefited from a larger dose of this bravery enhancer. And I'm not even buzzed!"

Was that scumbag trying to drug you? When he tries to turn toward the three guys huddled in the corner, I put my hand on his forearm to stop him. The man is as hefty here as he is everywhere else on his physique. David is a large man, and a sneaky part of my brain can't help but wonder whether he's just as thick over there.

I feel dizzy from the excitement of touching him. My hand resting on his forearm is just a token gesture, yet it heralds the beginning of something wonderful. Instead, I hope against hope that this is just the beginning of something wonderful. Do you really think it's impossible for me to be sober and still desire you?

"Yes," he replies after a brief pause.

"David" It's my time to sound a note of condemnation now. Seriously, who could look at this dude and not desire him? While it's true that he isn't quite ripped and exudes a sour disposition, one must remember that there is more to this world than just a beach body and a good mood. He commands attention everywhere he goes. And yet, even if none of it were to matter, he still wouldn't be able to deny the fact that I desire him. Even though I was smashed last year, I recall every detail.

His jaw tightens and his cheeks become a pale pink. It was the slightest of responses, but it was as clear as glitter that I had an effect on him as well. I really should have intervened.

Even though remembering it causes me as much shame as it does want, I'm so relieved he didn't. However, you failed to. I try to speak gently. "I can't possibly have imagined the intensity of your surveillance. You can't claim that your motive was only precautionary.

A refrain of "I should have stopped you" emerges from his mouth.

"I'm pleased you didn't." Absolutely, definitely, positively, absolutely, the truth. My feelings for David are difficult to put into words. It's complicated, I don't always understand what's going on, and there have been moments when I really disliked him. The need I have, though, goes well beyond mere desire.

Just plain desire.

I finally acted on that desire last year. It doesn't take much mental effort to be transported back to the time when we were sitting in the back of that town vehicle together. Referring to the noise he made as my skirt slipped up and exposed my underwear. If I were on better terms with authority, it would have ended there. To test if he would intervene and maybe even take control of the situation myself. So, I reached down into my underwear and had a messy orgasm as he sat there, still as a statue. My experience with him that evening was completely touch-free. God, nevertheless, he was watching.

More times than I want to admit, I've masturbated while thinking about the sound he made and the fire in his eyes.

"Anna, I can't stand the way you're staring at me like that. No is the correct response.

"But-"

"No."

Feelings of disappointment are slapping me. Of course I anticipated that this may happen. Every year for the last six years, I've made this man's life a living hell for him. Even though he seems superhuman, I know he's only a regular guy. Last year, I may have made a big deal out of nothing when he responded in that way. God, that's annoying. I breathe and relax back. Why should I have thought he would say anything else? Even though he has always done his job, he has never desired me. I can't be so self-centered as to expect more of him after everything he's been through.

I couldn't have progressed without taking a go at it, and although it stinks that it wasn't well accepted, at least I won't have to spend the rest of my life wondering if I should have. In the past, disappointment has never been enough to keep me from going on with my life tonight, and it won't be this time. "Okay."

His irises narrow. The word "okay" is repeated by him. "Glad we got it sorted up."

"Same." Before he can stop me, I turn and flash the bartender's attention. I refuse to be packed into a taxi and driven home early on my birthday since it is the first night of my freedom. The moment has come to switch to "Plan B."

The opposite is true; his eyes get much more narrow. Plans B aren't something I'm going to like.

"Probably not, but since I'm twenty-five and you've washed your hands of me, you don't really have a say." As the bartender brings me a second drink, I give him a friendly nod and a grin. "Thanks, sweetie. There's nothing for the miserable guy sitting next to me.

"Anna." That wonderful thread of caution in my name. "Explain."

To which the speaker responds, "Oh, right." I don't take a sip, but I do pick up the glass. Seeing as how today is the actual day I turn 25, I've decided to throw myself a real party to mark the occasion. I can't do it alone. I have a ride home for someone tonight. I'm not at home, but I have a hotel reservation. First and foremost, we must prioritize safety.

It causes David to flinch. He resembles a cat that has been smacked in the face with a newspaper. Someone else will have to do it if not me. It was that simple.

Was your ego hurt by that? Despite the lingering pain in my chest from being rejected, I offer him a slow grin. If you're not interested in my plan to take you upstairs and rock your world till dawn, I'm sure someone else in this pub is.

I've always been intrigued; I never claimed otherwise. He pauses awkwardly but then lets out a swear. To which the speaker said, "That's not right."

It's my time to close my eyes now. "Appropriate." I need to let this go. I may act like a spoilt wealthy girl most of the time, but I can accept "no" when I hear it. It's a done deal; David has emphatically disapproved. The more you pursue this, the worse it will become.

Aside from that... he just opened the door he slammed in my face two minutes ago.

So that I may concentrate, I shake my head. I told myself I would let it go, that I would keep things respectable, but how can I not reply to something like, "David?" Appropriate? It's ludicrous to even consider. In a vehicle last year, you saw me masturbating in the rear. Exactly why do you think it's a good time to debate propriety?

For an instant, his eyes become molten, and then he shuts it off, but it's already too late. I've witnessed it. Wow, I really misjudged his attitude that evening. So, David McGuire is interested in me. If that expression was any indication, a whole lot.

He looks aside for a moment. Again, I'll say it: "That shouldn't have occurred."

For some reason, I feel the need to debate. I had to stifle an outburst of argumentation by clamping my lips together. To put it bluntly, I refuse to beg. In no uncertain terms will I do so. It's his call if he doesn't want to take things further with me. "Okay."

Now that it's out of the way..."

I can only shake my head in disbelief. "No. Restate your attempt. As I mentioned before, I understand if you're not interested. Your role as my protector has ended. You are relieved of any responsibility to find me or to fret about my whereabouts. But if you are not my guardian and you don't want to fuck me, then you have no right to dictate how the remainder of my night is spent.

"Anna."

It seems weird, yet I stroke his shoulder. Enjoy yourself. My apologies for my lack of tact on occasion; please accept my sincere gratitude. With my voice cracking, I halt. No. No, nothing like that. This is a joyous occasion, and although I will remember the past, I look forward to a promising future. We'll be putting the ###Chapter to rest tonight. Even if it was just once a year, I appreciate you being there.

"Fuck." David snatches my glass and gulps it down. "Fuck."

Even if I did figure out what it meant, it wouldn't change anything. This time it's up to me to make a decision after he's already made his. Ultimately, one must release their grip. I interrupt the brief embrace by turning around and looking around the room.

Many people are looking in our direction. It's obvious that not all of them are directed at me personally. David has a rugged, powerful good looks. It's not just his good looks; it's also the way he carries himself, as if he were the master of every space he enters. At first I believed I was the only one who felt that way, but his past few birthdays have shown me I was mistaken. A lot of eyes are drawn to David as soon as he walks through the door.

That includes everyone here today.

A stunning middle-aged lady is sitting at a table in the nook, sipping a glass of white wine. Her dark, wavy hair complements the sophistication of her clothing and jewels. Moreover, she is looking at David with an intensity that causes me to flush.

Perhaps none of us will go home tonight, I mutter to myself. There's none justification to have any envy. Despite what my imagination may conjure, I have no more right to this guy than he has to me. We're just two individuals going at high speed through life who were unexpectedly thrust into a collision path.

"Anna." His hand tightens around my thigh, and he spins me around so that my knees are against his. The man examines my countenance. "You want me to respond, and you know it."

And I do mean "just a bit," when I say that. Even though I am far from flawless, I do my best to always tell the truth. Commonly or frequently. Despite what most people think, I am able to accept "no" as an answer. Your lack of interest means we can go on. The End.

His eyes wander down to my lips. It was "so easy"

True, it's as simple as that. David" His very name makes me feel guilty. You keep insisting that you aren't curious. So far, I've been making an effort to uphold that. I don't see why we're still debating.

You have no idea the consequences of your actions.

Unnatural excitement surges through me. "Don't I?" When I get a whiff of the beard oil he uses, I lean in close and almost whimper. Truly, those are cloves you smell. The cold makes me shudder. There's no way I could be considered innocent.

It's not news to me. In an effort to lower his voice, he. To touch you would make me the lowest kind of a bastard.

I won't even try to pretend that I came here tonight with the noblest of motives, to make a big deal out of celebrating my birthday at the stroke of midnight. Like usual, I anticipated David's arrival to save me. In my heart, I felt we were meant for one other. The feeling right now is that we are on the verge of something very significant. A one strong prod is all it takes to push us over the edge. It would mean a lot to me if you touched me with more than your hands.

He curses. The words "You don't know what you're asking for" are repeated by David.

Raise my glass high, and I savor every last drop. To those who aren't curious: "That's okay. There was no foul play, thus there was no damage done. There's no way I'm going to lose sleep over this. Liar. However, you must not pretend that you are acting in my best interest. I'm a grown up now; I can choose for myself.

"Anna." He lets out a long breath and turns his gaze away. "Look, I dunno if you've got some white knight fantasy or anything going on in your brain, but that's not me. You won't find me tucking you into a rose-filled bed and giving you a passionate kiss.

It's a godsend, for sure. For my part, I'd be at a loss as to what to do with anything like that. I don't need a rescuer, no matter what he believes. I snort. "Adorable wording."

I mean what I say.

"So am I." A glass was put down by me. "David, we may not know each other well when it comes to all the dull small facts you pick up on the first three dates, but we know each other." I lean forward till we're kissably near. "If you give it some thought, you'll see that I'd eat a white knight for breakfast." My breath becomes caught in my throat when I meet his eyes. "Just as I am confident in your ability to deal with every challenge I provide you with."

"Anna."

Please wait for me to finish. I take a deep, quaking breath in. But that's irrelevant," he said.

As I talked, David seemed to hold his breath the whole time. He takes the slightest step forward, bringing us closer together. For example: "What's the big deal, Anna?"

Saying my name is like having his fingers go down my spine. I make an effort to grin but it just doesn't come out right. The fact that I trust you is all that really counts. And I feel secure under your care.

He lets out a low, angry slur. Saying, "That's not right."

"I know." I had no intention of being honest. Not with David or the plans I have for tonight. Even more so now that I know he wants me and is only restrained by a moral system I abhor. I look him in the eye and lean back slightly to issue a subtle challenge.

I can't go too far before he moves. David puts his hands behind my neck and holds me still. It's not a harsh hold, but it gives me the creeps just the same. As his eyes heat up, he slides his thumb gently down the side of my neck. If I may ask, "Are you sure this is what you want?"