Chapter 3

Thalia's POV

Varian took the news of me leaving much better than I had expected.

... almost a little too well.

But I was glad that he was finally seeing things from my perspective.

Along with Varian other Park members had complex feelings about me living at Crescent uni but at the end of the day they were all super supportive.

As proof of that varian even arranged is send off party with me and all of our close friends came bearing gifts smiles congratulations and encouragement.

"We're going to be texting everyday, you hear me? Should we get matching tattoos or something? That way the other girls will know that you have an amazing, irreplaceable bestie!" Shelly, my best friend and the gamma's daughter said as she embraced me.

"Maybe tattoos might be a little too much Shelly...but I will call them text as much as I can,"

We had been friends ever since we were in diapers.

It was actually a trio with varian, our parents' relationships with each other making ours inevitable.

But after Varian and I naturally blossomed into a couple, I had noticed a distance between us. It was a sudden gap that had not appeared overnight but gradually.

She had confessed not so long ago that she felt like a third wheel with us and I couldn't fault her for that, but I wish we had spent more time together.

Honestly, I wished I didn't have to go.

But as hard as it was right now I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't snatch up this opportunity.

"Can I steal her away from a moment?" Varian said to Shelly after an entire evening of her keeping me attached to the hip.

"No way dummy" Shelly snapped back in a heartbeat, "can't you see what having fun by ourselves?"

"Can't you see that you have been hugging her all to yourself, skunk breath?"

Shelly tugged on my arm that she was holding on to.

"Make a choice, Thalia, your spectacular, amazing best friend or skunk breath?"

Varian scoffed, hands crossed"Like she would pick you–"

"Guys, come on, can you get along tonight, just for my sake? This might be the last time we'll be able to get together like this. Let's make these last moments all fun memories to remember,"

Both of them backpedaled, the air became a bit melancholic as a side effect.

Shelly released me and Varian took me upstairs, stopping at the top of the stairs to put a blindfold on me.

"Ohh, Varian what's all this?" I asked with teasing expectancy.

I could feel his smile against the side of my cheek, "A surprise, don't worry you'll see this in a moment,"

I followed him, heart pounding with each step, mind swirling as my imagination went wild.

"Are you ready?" He asked and I nodded enthusiastically, he pulled off the blindfold.

The velvet fabric fluttered to the ground touching it in time to match my gasp of surprise.

"What is all this?"

The room in front of me looked like a honeymooner's getaway.

Fresh sheets littered with rose petals, scented candles on hold stands and even wine too set out for the two of us, I was still trapped in awe when Varian came from behind.

"Do ..do you like it?"

"Like it?" I spluttered out, in my eighteen years of life I had never seen anything half as romantic and touching, "By goddess! I love it Varian ...thank you," my chest was hit with a pang of guilt, "you didn't have to do this,"

"Why?"

"Well because..."

We had never explicitly said we wouldn't try long distance relationship, but we both knew that wouldn't work out.

Varian was big on physical touch, it was his main love language.

I couldn't bear to imagine him physically craving for me till it hurt, and I would miss him terribly too. Perhaps it worked out for others, but definitely not us.

"It's nothing, thank you..."

He pressed a kiss of the back of my head; "You're welcome,"

And for the next few minutes, we came to an unspoken agreement not to talk about Crescent uni or the fact that I would be gone in the blink of an eye.

We spoke like we had all the time in the world, laughing and all that.

The in a moment the fantasy was shattered.

"Isn't it crazy that I already miss you so much even while you're still here?" he began and I heard the first crack on his voice,

Suddenly I was wrenched with unspeakable volumes of guilt.

"Me too," i admitted.

He shifted closer to me on the bed, putting the wine glass aside, "Then prove it, stay here...for me-no for us. Prove that I mean something to you Thalia, show me that this pack means something to you,"

His eyes bore into mine; "Tell me the truth, did you love me??"

His words pushed me into a corner.

I sighed

My decision had been made.

"I love you, and I always will –"

His face was brightening up but I continued, chest clenched; "...but I love you enough to know that if I forfeit my lifelong dream, I'll become resentful towards you and maybe even our pups too and while it devastates me that we'll never truly be mates," I cupped his cheek, "... There is always going to be a spot in my heart for you and you alone which No other man can take,"

The silence that followed was so loud, then his eyes roamed from mine over to lips.

And in a split second we kissed.

He came first, bearing all his frustration and melting them in the embrace of our kiss. He kept going until he was groping my chest and I was about to stop him when he said; "If we're not going to be together at least let me have this, after all these years this is the least I deserve.

I didn't quite like the way he phrased it, but I thought if anyone had earned my first time it was him.

Three days later my period was late and I was hit with dizzy spell after dizzy spell.

I dialed Shelly, my heart shaking. How would I tell her that days away from my planned departure that I might be pregnant?

Chapter 4

Thalia's pov

"Are you sure you used protection?" Shelly asked for about the millionth time as we stopped at a red light, my fingers were tapping rapidly at the dashboard.

"We did, Shelly I'm not stupid of course we did...and I haven't been with anyone else before you ask you know he was my first and only,"

"Yessh, calm down, I already knew that you're not a slut like the rest of us," she said with a sarcastic hiss.

My chest fell.

"Shelly, you know I don't mean it like that.." I tried to touch her shoulder and then she hit the gas, forcing the car into motion.

We were swallowed by this awkward silence for a while then she finally spoke up.

"Are you going to tell him?" She said her voice almost escaping as a whisper.

I folded my hands on my lap, "I don't know,"

"Which means you won't," she said her tone accusatory, "Talia that baby is his as much as it is yours as well you can't just make such a big decision without consulting him he needs to know his options too,"

My fingers clenched into a tight fist.

"What about Crescent University?"

She gave me a side eye look.

"Are you being for real right now? We're talking about a baby growing inside of you and you can't shut up for one second about Crescent University!"

"Shelly I–"

"No, I've been holding back all this time but you're so incredibly selfish!" She came at me speeding up, "all you ever think about is yourself and what you want, first when you started dating Varian and you didn't have a second in the world left for me anymore,"

"But I invited you several times to hang out with us! You are the one always turning us down!" I said I was offending myself with the truth.

"Get real Talia that's why I say you're so self-centered how could I be hanging out with a couple watching you guys being all mushy and gross, I'll just end up third wheeling no matter what,"

I sighed.

"But you never even checked it out yourself, you didn't even try–"

"And now Crescent University, you have a guy who will move mountains for you who loves you more than life itself but you roll your eyes at that and think it's not good enough. This pack is nothing more to you than a backwater place holding you from where you truly deserve to be. You call me your best friend but I knew I'm just a placeholder for the people you think are worth being by your side,"

We fell into another awkward silence, it was like the more I tried to convince Shelly otherwise the more she believed everything I did was selfish and inconsiderate.

Perhaps I was selfish.

But the plans had already been made and I had already said my goodbyes.

This child...it would only complicate things.

"I need a little more time to process this myself, I'm going to tell him in 3 days,"

That was a lie.

I was going to take care of this in 3 days, and whatever mental scars behind it I would bear it.

"Fine, if you don't tell him by that time then I'll do it by myself,"

The way she said it almost sounded like a threat, but I knew Shelly wouldn't do that to me even if she was this angry.

From that today I started taking herbal concoctions that would naturally flush the pregnancy out with little to no effect.

During that time, I avoided Varian like a plague.

A small portion of me felt angry at him, he promised me he had used protection in each entanglement, but he must have made a mistake at some point for the pregnancy to happen.

It was one thing to study through text books and another thing to experience it, honestly it felt so painful.

"Don't worry, it's because it's your first time...you'll ease into it," Varian wasn't clumsy like me, he seemed confident and nothing about the night surprised him.

I guess he was a natural while I wasn't.

Shelly came to see me regularly, each visit she nudged me towards telling him while my insides churned.

3 days passed and the home kit was still telling me that I was pregnant, that was insane. But I consider does it make sense since I was of beta blood and ovarian was an alpha blood naturally any child heard between the two of us would be exceptionally stronger than others.

That was when I did something stupid.

In a fit of desperation I upped my dosage.

Before I knew it I passed out and when I woke up I was in the pack hospital, my mom pacing around in the room and Varian next to me squeezing my hand.

I blinked until I was fully conscious and then my mom fussed over me until she had to leave because of an important meeting given only to me and Varian.

"Talia what happened? How did you end up like this?"

I sighed.

"I think I have been stressing myself lately and–"

"Stress doesn't make blood roll down your thighs,"

My lips stuck together for a second before I found my voice.

"Did that happen?" I said I was determined to feign ignorance.

"Tell me the truth, Talia, are you pregnant?"

I sat up on the bed in a split second.

"Did Shelly tell you?"

His eyes widened.

"So you've already told Shelly? No wonder she wasn't shocked when I told her I suspected it,"

I bit down on my tongue, then released it.

"How did you know?"

He looked away, his eyes unable to meet mine.

Now I was getting aggravated.

"Varian, say something, how did you know I was pregnant?"

"I just guessed," he said, giving a flimsy response.

This was the same guy who couldn't be in the same room as my tampons or hear the word 'period' without physically cringing. There was no way his natural leap of thought would have been pregnancy from what happened to me.

I badgered him before he finally told the truth and his head turned to the ground.

"That night, I think one of the c*ndoms broke,"

Chapter 5

Thalia's pov

"Get out," I said, my voice sharp as a dagger, "did you not hear me just now? I said, "Get out!"

He stood up still not meeting my eyes as his gaze remained on the floor, "I'll come and see you later," he said.

Instead of; "I'm sorry for jeopardizing your future," or "I should have told you earlier,"

Nothing.

He wasn't even planning to explain himself, I should have known.

Varian was the type to shut down at every argument where he was clearly at fault, if he wasn't framing himself as a victim then he wasn't even engaging at all.

"Don't ever show your face in front of me again, you're a despicable Varian. And guess what? I'm still going to Crescent University,"

He slowly raised his eyes, not exactly looking at me but not completely planted on the floor either.

"Are you going to kill our baby?"

His words came like a stab to my heart.

"Just get out! This isn't your body! This isn't your life at risk! Don't stand there and say 'our' when I'm the only one at risk!"

His eyes fell again, this time he didn't say anything and just left.

When he was gone I was ready to tear out every single piece of hair from my head, tears welled in my eyes. I'm sure that the test for my pregnancy will soon be out and my mom came to me.

Her eyes were also filled with tears too.

"Mom, I still want to go to Crescent University I–" My voice broke off as I burst into tears, she held me until the tears subsided.

When I came back home after 2 days at the hospital, it was an unexpected and unpleasant interversion.

Eugene and Alana Bloodmoon were in my living room, their son Varian was also there.

Something twisted inside of me when I saw how disheveled he looked, his skin was pasty, eyes rimmed red and he even looked like he'd lost weight. When I saw how miserable he looked I wanted that if I had gone too far.

But I quickly steeled myself.

"Good morning, Alpha Eugene and Luna Alana," I greeted them and completely ignored Varian. I saw a flash of heart pass his eyes but he said nothing.

Hmpf he seems to be good at that.

"Thalia we are not here today as the Alpha and Luna of blood moon pack, but as the grandparents of your first child,"

A lump formed in my throat.

My mom guided me to a seat as alpha Eugene continued to hit the nail on how reckless I had been.

"Thalia, this baby is more than you, it signifies the future of the pack. It is a firstborn that holds both the alpha and beta blood of bloodmoon. Do you know that?"

I nodded.

I knew that but I had not allowed myself to think of the gravity of my actions, I knew that if I paused for a second too long and ruminated on it I would end up backing away from what had to be done.

"Thalia we are like your uncle and Aunt we're not here to blame you, we understand why you did what you did. But we think we have come to a better compromise...have the pup,"

My heart shifted in my chest and I looked at my mom, she cleared her throat and spoke.

"What about her education? She still wants to become a healer."

The couple looked between themselves and then back to me.

"The pup doesn't have to stop that, have it. We will sponsor your education at any University and take care of the child here in the bloodmoon, that's fair enough right?"

Varian was just sitting like a piece of ornamental vase when he finally spoke up.

"Thalia please don't say no to this, I promise you that I'll be the best father possible to this child,"

The weight of everyone's eyes on me was intense, but eventually I came to a decision nodding in agreement to the new plot of my life.

Varian and I became official mates, at least it was necessary for the time of the pregnancy before it was done so that the child would be recognized as legitimate. I decided that when I went to uni we would try the long distance thing.

But we never had to.

Because I never got to step foot in Crescent University.

My pregnancy was difficult, each day a fresh batch of torture. Luna Alana told me that it was normal for Alpha pregnancies to be like that, Varian tried to keep to his word but because his father was passing over the responsibilities of Alpha to him and in the upcoming months also the title he was not able to be there as often as he wished.

So it was mostly my mother and Shelly I saw supporting me during those months, but whenever Varian had time he came with me for my post natal and such.

In a few months I found out I was having twins, a boy and a girl. Varian nearly went mad with joy while I was anxious at how motherhood would look like for me.

Finally the day came when my water broke, I called the Varian several times but all my calls went straight to voicemail. By the time he finally checked on his phone and rushed over to get me I was already 5 cm dilated. There was no other choice. The midwife had to be called over to my house and 12 hours of screams, tears and sweat broke with the cry of too beautiful babies.

They looked so precious.

The first time I held both of them I knew my dreams of becoming a healer would remain just that.

I couldn't leave my babies without a mother, I knew just how damaging it was to grow up without a parental figure and I never wanted them to experience that trauma.

I thought this would be the beginning of something beautiful, a family I had not expected but now planned to cherish.

That was until five years later, when I was looking through Varian's phone to find pictures of our babies when a text popped up that made my whole world collapse at its foundation.

"Varian, it's been eight years, if you won't tell her about us, then I will."